


Zero

by elarielf



Series: Hunger Geass Trilogy [3]
Category: Code Geass, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Anime/Book-verse, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, I /know/ 18 isn't underage, M/M, Multi, Open-to-interpretation infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-02-24
Packaged: 2018-01-13 11:57:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 96,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1225456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elarielf/pseuds/elarielf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Hunger Games are over and the rebellion is under way. Suzaku is stuck in the role Lelouch was born to play, while Lelouch is stuck in Pendragon, unable and unwilling to help.</p><p>As tensions mount, they are tested to see just how broken they can get, by enemies and allies alike. They no longer have each other as supports, and find that as  string as they were together, they have significant weaknesses when on their own. Trust isn't as cheep as it used to be and betrayal is inevitable in a civil war, and political jostling for power leaves behind ruin, but neither Lelouch nor Suzaku are content with merely being anyone else's tools.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For Your Own Good

_There was nothing worse than betrayal._

Suzaku hadn't slept well in days. Weeks, really. He was tired and heartsick and full of anger and guilt.

_Nothing hurt more than being betrayed._

He hadn't spoken to anyone since he'd been told that Lelouch had been left on the island, abandoned to the mercy of Pendragon and the Emperor.

_Unless it was betraying someone you loved._

No amount of reassurance could convince Suzaku that Lelouch wasn't being tortured or tormented or even dead.

_By accident._

Hurting and abandoned and hopeless.

_Through foolishness and naïveté._

Never to see Suzaku again, never to see Nunnally or Marianne or Milly again.

_Through stubbornness and misplaced faith._

Suffering.

_Through sheer wrongheaded stupidity._

Alone.

 _He_ _ **told**_ _you not to go, not to leave him; it's_ _ **your**_ _fault he's not here, you damned_ _ **idiot**_...

Suzaku slammed his fist against the wall, the sharp pain of his broken bones grinding against each other as he lashed out again and again and again in guilt and anger and self-recrimination. At first, people had tried to stop him, tried to prevent him from hurting himself, tried to keep him safe.

So he broke _their_ bones instead. They were the ones who hadn't rescued Lelouch. There was blame enough to go around.

And now he was left alone, free to use his time any way he wanted to. He paced and lashed out and, occasionally, slept. His dreams were filled with his last moments on the island; Cornelia's orders that they deal quickly with the perceived threats so they could return to the group 'in time', Gino pushing Suzaku back to the spot where they'd left Lelouch before they'd caught the two Victors they were chasing, Jeremiah's weapons beside a spray of blood, Kirihara's beside a pool of blood, the lack of tracks leading away from either site. Given time, Suzaku might have been able to pick out a trail, but time was the one thing he didn't have.

Because Cornelia and Guilford and Gino had been hurrying him for a reason. That reason being the hovercraft that appeared moments after the earthquake ended and the hour-long electrical charge from the next section started.

Suzaku had overheard the others talking about how the electricity shorted out the transmissions from the island to the mainland, masking the rescue and justifying the hovercraft's presence under the guise of attempting to fix the error. It was a good plan. Lelouch would have approved of it.

Suzaku grabbed his hair and backed into a corner, dropping to his knees and moaning as he rocked back and forth. They hadn't come for him or Jeremiah or Gino. They had come for Lelouch and Cornelia. And yet _still_ , he'd been abandoned.

Schneizel had come to talk to him. Everyone, at one point, had come to talk to him. But Schneizel was the only one who'd made an impression. He'd told Suzaku that they hadn't come for him at all, that they would have left him there in a heartbeat and taken Lelouch instead, given the choice. He'd told Suzaku that the only thing he'd cared about was his family; his siblings. The rest of the Victors, in Schneizel's opinion, could rot.

It endeared Schneizel to him in a way that no one else had managed to. Even Nunnally had wept over how grateful she was that Suzaku at least had returned, and Marianne refused to face the truth that her son was doomed, trapped in the horrors of a Number in Pendragon. Schneizel knew that, acknowledged it, and resented the hell out of it.

Of course, he knew better than almost anyone else what those horrors entailed. He'd once been in charge of initiating those horrors for Lelouch himself.

Suzaku could still remember the video Schneizel had shown him, in real time, of Lelouch surrounded by beautiful naked young men, panting and desperate for all the demeaning and humiliating things they were doing to him. He could still feel the caress of Schneizel's cool fingers over his neck as Schneizel leaned in to tell him that Lelouch was doing this to protect _him_ , that this was all Suzaku's fault. And then, when Lelouch's cries of pleasure turned pained and scared, Suzaku remembered Schneizel's other hand gripping Suzaku's cock through his pants, his voice hissing in Suzaku's ear that he was disgusting for being aroused by this, monstrous for taking pleasure from his lover's agony.

It soured, somewhat, Suzaku's present impression of Schneizel as the only person who understood how totally fucked up it was that Suzaku had escaped and Lelouch hadn't.

 _Rebellion, revolution_. It was all anyone cared about. It was why Schneizel had left Pendragon, infuriated at the mindless decadence and pointlessness of existence and the exploitation of his distant siblings (or so he claimed). It was why Cornelia, brave and beloved in both Pendragon and the Areas, had been chosen to stand by him, and it was why Lelouch, the trigger for the unrest and violence in the Areas, had set off the rebellion. The three siblings, from three different worlds, standing beside each other, on the side of everything good and right.

But that was impossible now. And while Cornelia and Schneizel were impressive enough on their own, the rebellion needed something else, something more personal, more recent.

And everyone wanted Suzaku to be that something.

Suzaku wasn't interested.

He'd collapsed a few times, drained from lack of food and water and rest, only to revive with his wounds tended, an IV in his arm pushing nutrients into his body, and a concerned stranger asking if he felt better.

No. He did not feel better. Nothing would ever make him feel better.

Kallen had visited as well, pleading with him to get up and _do something_ , stop wasting his life like this. She'd said that Lelouch would have been happy that Suzaku had survived, that Suzaku had the obligation and duty to Lelouch to live that life. She was right. Lelouch _would_ have been pleased, to the point of smugness and self-satisfaction. He'd won, and Suzaku had lost, and Suzaku was being a sore loser about it, but none of that mattered because Lelouch _wasn't here_.

When Suzaku finally lifted his head, unashamed of the tear streaks that ran through the dirt of his cheeks, Schneizel was standing there again. He knew better than to approach, a docile Suzaku wasn't necessarily a safe Suzaku, and it was nearly impossible to foresee what would set him off. He had other people he could risk instead of himself. Rich, powerful bastard. Literally. Suzaku barred his teeth at him in something like a smile.

"I'm glad to see I've found you in a receptive mood," Schneizel said, casually in control. "It's been decided that the kid gloves come off now." Suzaku had no idea what he was talking about. Gloves for children? Made out of children? Pendragon slang was so counterintuitive. "If you don't cooperate, we'll medicate you until you do."

It sounded like a threat. Like being treated was some kind of punishment. Suzaku shrugged to himself; in a way, it was. He wallowed in his guilt and rage, wrapping it around himself until it was his entire world. He didn't want to give it up.

"No."

Schneizel laughed. "No? I'm not sure you understand, Suzaku. It's an either-or proposition, not a yes-no." He smiled, mirroring Suzaku's feral grin. "Either you cooperate of your own free will, contribute to the society that has so kindly and patiently waited for you to stop being such a selfish git, or we wait for you to collapse again and drug you up until you feel more compliant." He voice dropped suggestively. "You know we can."

They had. To Lelouch. Still, Suzaku wasn't going to go down without a fight. His mind raced with plans for escape, despite the fact that he wasn't technically being held prisoner. Schneizel, seemingly reading his mind, looked pleased. "It's good to see you being proactive for once, Suzaku, but you'll never get out of here, not in your current state of mind." He had a point. Suzaku wasn't even sure where the 'outside' was from his room. Still, there was no reason not to try.

He'd twisted his ankle the day before, but he was used to the pain by now and the swelling made a decent splint. Schneizel stood aside as Suzaku stormed past, following behind at a reasonable distance as Suzaku lurched through the hallways, gathering a train of perturbed gawkers as he went. Suzaku ignored them all, concentrating on putting one foot ahead of the other, focusing on the hallway that blurred and doubled as his head pounded, with every pain-filled step he took.

The first time he stumbled, no one said anything. The second time, he needed to take a moment to brace himself against the wall before he refound his feet.

"I chose to give you this ultimatum now for a reason, Suzaku," Schneizel said. "Even if you knew how to get out, or even how to get off this floor, you won't last long enough to put that into action. You haven't eaten in days, you've had nothing to drink for hours, you're battling your injuries, and I already drugged you through the ventilation shafts in your room. You can run, but you can't escape."

Suzaku's eyes narrowed. He'd beaten two Hunger Games, been worthy to stand at Lelouch's side for a time, fought worse odds than this. He'd show Schneizel. He'd show them all! All of… of them… he'd… show…

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

The first thing Suzaku saw when he opened his eyes was the clean white ceiling of the recovery room. His hand ached, but it was a dull sensation, and his ankle felt perfectly fine. They'd taken care of him again. Suzaku felt like he should have resented that, but he didn't. Instead, he felt okay with it, if not precisely grateful. That should have worried him but, oddly enough, he felt okay with that too.

"Suzaku?"

Suzaku turned his head and smiled. "Nunnally." His smile faltered. "I'm so sorry about Lelouch." He'd never said that to her. He'd been too angry. He felt bad about that now, about forgetting that she would be morning as well, but not with the blinding guilt he'd been feeling since leaving Lelouch behind.

"Oh, Suzaku…" Nunnally's voice filled with unshed tears and she reached out and clutched at his undamaged hand. "I am too. But I'm so glad you're properly back now. It's what he would have wanted."

"Yeah." Suzaku huffed a laugh. "I guess he wins this round." A joke, to lighten the mood.

A tear escaped down Nunnally's cheek and Suzaku reached out with his healing hand to catch it. She managed a wavery smile in return.

"Your vitals are stable, your injuries are healing well, and your mood seems less… erratic." one of the medical staff said, breaking through the maudlin atmosphere. "All in all, well on the way to full recovery. Are you feeling up to moving around, Suzaku?"

Suzaku nodded. "I feel fine. Thank you all."

"Excellent," Schneizel said from the doorway. "Once we get your medications stabilized, we'll get started."

Suzaku nodded again. "I think I'd like that."

The next few days were filled with physical recovery and mood stabilization. Suzaku excelled at the former and was deemed 'good enough' at the latter to be freed from his confining medical cell less than a week after being admitted. His lows weren't as low, and there were none of the terrifying grandiose highs where Suzaku felt like he was better than everyone else and could do anything, and anything he felt like doing seemed like a marvellous idea. He never wanted to feel that way again. It was more than just out of control, it was out of his mind.

Instead, Suzaku felt like his brain was wrapped inside a warm cocoon of insulating fuzz. He wasn't as quick, and his memory wasn't as clear, but he didn't feel emotions as strongly or as painfully as he had before. Even pain felt dulled. Still, he was stable by any definition of the word, and free to tour the facility, his new home. Schneizel was busy and offered the services of Kanon or Kallen. Suzaku chose Kallen.

It felt nice being back at her side. He'd always trusted her and liked her in ways he hadn't even felt towards Lelouch. Suzaku hadn't had anything like a family since his father died, and Kallen had taken that spot in his heart. She was like a sister and a mother and a best friend, everything Suzaku had needed and more. Even when she'd sided with Lelouch against him, Suzaku hadn't resented _her_ , but rather Lelouch's ability to talk anyone into doing what he wanted. And, in the end, they'd been right, and the evacuation had been the right thing to do.

Maybe Suzaku should apologize for that too. Maybe that would take away the odd awkwardness between Kallen and himself.

"And this is the dining area," Kallen explained as they entered a room that was quite obviously a dining area. There were long tables with chairs neatly tucked in, and a metallic counter against a wall with slits for meal trays to come out of. It looked cold and institutional after the warm home-cooked meals Suzaku had become used to after winning the Hunger Games with Lelouch, even compared to the messy public eating rooms in Area 11. "You'll be designated a set time for meals with a ten minute window. Miss it and you miss eating."

"I'm sorry I wasn't more on board with your and Lelouch's plans," Suzaku said, rather than respond to any of Kallen's inane self-evident lecturing. "You guys were right and I was wrong, and I should have just followed your lead. I always trusted you, Kallen."

Kallen looked at him, her expressive blue eyes pained and a little angry. "God, Suzaku, you just…" She took a deep sigh. "It's fine. You have nothing to apologize for. Let's just get this over with."

Well. That hadn't worked. Suzaku trailed behind Kallen as she toured him through the rest of the compound. "And this is the only way out. You'll need a chit to operate the elevator, and you can only get a chit after applying through the appropriate channels or asking someone like your new buddy Schneizel."

Suzaku frowned. "You don't like Schneizel?"

"What's weird is that you _do_ ," Kallen retorted. "After everything that he did to you – to _Lelouch_. How can you just forgive all that?"

"All what?" Suzaku asked. "Schneizel only did what he had to do, to keep his position, to be able to break as many of the Victors from the games as possible. He didn't _want_ to. It cost him as much as it cost anyone to do what he did."

"Oh, I think it cost Lelouch a whole lot more," Kallen shot back. "And to show _you_ what was happening…"

"At least he was being honest. He didn't keep things from me, like Lelouch did. As much as I love Lelouch, I think working with Schneizel will be easier."

"Oh for fu–" Kallen bit off her exasperated exclamation. "They've turned you into a zombie, a mindless automaton. This is no better than when you were a prickly pile of self-hatred and guilt. You're useless like this, a puppet waiting for a puppet master and I don't even know you."

She turned away, her hands balled into fists, her shoulders hunched in an angry line, and Suzaku couldn't help but smile. She was so full of life…

"Then fix it."

Kallen turned to him, her anger melting away, predictably, under her confusion. "What?"

"Fit it," Suzaku said, as if it was that simple. It would have been if Lelouch had been here. "If you think I'm broken, fix it. I'm not sure what you want exactly, but you know me better than anyone else. If I'm just a puppet, why don't you become my puppet master?"

The sigh that Kallen made at that was more tired than anything else. "It's like they took everything away from you but your utter cluelessness. Do you know what they want from you? Do you even know where you are?"

"Area 0," Suzaku said. He remembered that, from the way everyone kept repeating it like it should have made him feel safe or less angry. It hadn't helped. "In… some kind of building?"

Kallen looked at him with something like pity. "Suzaku, this _is_ Area 0. This building. We're underground. There are thousands, maybe _millions_ of floors and rooms here, all organized and regimented and powered with _sakuradite_. There's nothing alive above the ground, _nothing_. This is a dead land, Suzaku. We're living inside a corpse."

That was unnecessarily vivid. "O…kay. That explains the exit elevator."

"It explains a lot more," Kallen said. "Haven't you even noticed that there are no windows? That every wall and corridor looks like every other wall and corridor except for the alpha-numeric codes? Haven't you ever wondered about _anything_?"

No, Suzaku hadn't. At first, he hadn't cared, and then he just couldn't access the part of his mind that wondered about things. That was probably part of what Kallen didn't like about him now. "No. It… didn't matter? It's not like knowing I was underground would have made anything better or worse. I don't think anything could have made things worse."

"Oh, Suzaku…" The last of the tension left Kallen's shoulders as she reached out and cupped his face in an uncharacteristically gentle gesture. "I'm sorry. It's kind of hard to remember how angry and hurt you were before you turned into…" She released Suzaku to wave vaguely at him. "…this. I'll try to be more patient."

"Not one of your strengths," Suzaku said, half kidding. Kallen cracked a smile, so that was good.

"No. Not really." Kallen took a deep breath. "So, Area 0. It's really, _really_ organized. You have to be on time for everything, and all of your time is budgeted for you. When you sleep, when you eat, when you 'recreate'. You'll get duties as well, and if you miss those you lose privileges – outside time, recreation time, meals, if you skip out too often." She looked hard at Suzaku. "Do you have any ideas what duties they'd want from you?"

Suzaku shook his head. "No. Not really." He smiled. Kallen didn't smile back.

"They want you to become Zero."

Suzaku laughed. "They what? What's Zero? I mean, I guessed that Schneizel wanted a mouthpiece, but to make something up like that…"

"He didn't," Kallen said. "Lelouch did. With those stupid speeches when he first volunteered, with that grandiose 'fuck you' to all of Pendragon at your last interview. You said it yourselves. You are Zero. And it's not like that didn't resonate like hell with the rebels. Area 0 was the first Area, the proto-area. It's been a myth to a lot of Areas with more imagination than Area 11 since the last war. I'm not sure if Lelouch knew what he was tapping into when he made that speech, but he lit some kind of flame. And now Schneizel wants you to take up that mantle."

"Oh." Suzaku took a moment to figure out if he wanted that. He wasn't sure. "Should I?"

Kallen frowned. "I don't know. Maybe. I don't know what Lelouch was thinking." She looked at Suzaku, with a hope that was fully prepared to be disappointed. "Do you?"

Suzaku fought to give her the answer she wanted. But the more he thought about it, the more foggy it seemed. "I… don't know. I mean, he was so good, focused on the future, on keeping Nunnally and his mother, and the rest of you safe… And then he was hyperfocused in the games. All about the moment and keeping everyone safe and whole until the next threat. He found us water and figured the island's pattern, but he never seemed to be thinking ahead."

"You think he had a plan that kind of just… fell to the wayside?" Kallen asked.

"There's only one way to find out," Suzaku said. "I'm going to have to watch whatever footage we have of the Hunger Games, to try to see if I can get any hints from Lelouch."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Kallen said no. Suzaku asked Schneizel, and Schneizel said no. It took Suzaku the rest of the day to find a way to go over even Schneizel's head.

Area 0 had existed even before Pendragon had been established. Pendragon was an absolute monarchy, under the heel of a dictatorial leader. Area 0 had been ruled in a completely different manner, with elections every five years for every important government position. Re-elections were, however, possible, and Genbu had been Prime Minister for just under a decade.

While Charles was an absolute ruler, Genbu answered to a council and his people. It was a better way of ruling, but it certainly didn't make the Prime Minister any humbler or moderate, and certainly no more likely to allow the unwashed masses to have direct contact with him.

But Suzaku wasn't one of the unwashed masses. He was the hope of Area 0 and the rest of the Numbers. He was Truth and Justice and Whatever Lelouch Had Said. He was important enough to get a face-to-face meeting with Genbu within days of requesting it.

During those days, he familiarized himself with the layout of Area 0, where his new quarters were (in the Area 11 section, but close to the center, where it was easy to get to the other Areas' sections), where Kallen and Nunnally's quarters were, where Cornelia and Gino had ended up (in central command and on the periphery of Area 4's section, respectively), where the exits were, where the military training rooms were, where the technical development rooms were (or, in other words, where Lloyd was), and where he fit in all of that.

He didn't fit. Suzaku's place had been in the wilderness, with dirt under his feet and nothing but the sky above his head. Suzaku didn't fit in here at all. Zero, however…

Suzaku didn't want to think about that. Not until he figured out what Lelouch wanted.

If he'd had any expectations of Genbu, they were quickly overwhelmed by the man's actual presence. He was tall, not quite as tall as the Emperor, and very imposing. He wasn't smiling, but he had a face that looked like it never smiled, and Suzaku found himself relieved to not be the exception.

He got the feeling that anything exceptional, anything that surprised Genbu, even in a good way, was something that would be picked apart, examined for any kind of threat, and likely neutralized just to be on the safe side. Genbu did not look like someone who took risks, at least not ones that didn't pay off in a huge way.

Lelouch would have… not liked him, exactly, but been entertained and challenged by him. Suzaku was just intimidated.

"Prime Minister."

Genbu didn't smile, but Suzaku thought his expression softened slightly as Suzaku made his deference known. "Suzaku. I'm glad to finally have the chance to meet you. Schneizel says you're ready and willing to work with us, now that your grieving period is over."

He made it sound like some kind of inconvenience. Suzaku bit his lip, finding enough control with the medications he was on to refrain from snapping at that. "I'm sorry for any troubles I caused you."

Genbu waved that off. "It's expected of veterans of the Hunger Games. Gino is still recovering, despite the fact that his reactions were less… violent than yours. Still, I won't deny that we've been waiting a long time for you to come to your senses, and now that you have, the real work can begin."

"About that," Suzaku said, quickly enough to almost be interrupting. "I was wondering if I could see the footage of the last Hunger Games before I made any decisions."

"Why would you need to see that?" Genbu asked, not at all surprised. Clearly someone, likely Schneizel, had forewarned him. "We just pulled you out of a self-destructive, violent spiral. Why would you want to throw yourself back into one?"

Suzaku shook his head. "I don't! I never want to feel that way again." Out of control, so angry he couldn't think, so guilty that he couldn't breathe. "But I need to know what Lelouch was thinking, and there are huge blanks in my mind when I think back to the games and the times before them. I need to fill in as many of those blanks as possible, so that I can figure out what Lelouch wanted, what's the right thing to do."

"Suzaku…" Genbu sighed, softening just a bit more. "Just because Lelouch wanted something, that doesn't make it right. I know you miss him, you still mourn him, but he wasn't perfect."

"He got everyone out of Area 11," Suzaku said. "Well, not everyone, but a huge chunk of people. He always tries to do the right thing, and he knows enough about the real world that he can take that into consideration. As hard as I tried, I never really got a handle on how… cruel people can really be. He knew that, knew how to use that. He'd have some idea what to do, I just have to figure out what."

Genbu didn't look pleased. "If I let you see the footage, will you give us our word that you'll be our Zero?"

"I can't promise that."

"Then why should I let you have what you want?"

Suzaku shrugged. "Because if you don't, I'll never cooperate. You can make do with Schneizel and Cornelia, with Gino and Kallen and even Nunnally if you can talk her into it. You don't _need_ me, no one needs me. You just want me to make your lives easier, and I _want_ to help, but I won't help anyone who isn't even willing to bend a little for me."

Genbu snorted. "Perhaps you're less naïve than you think you are, Suzaku." He thought it over for a long moment, a moment in which Suzaku held his breath in anticipation. "Very well. Tomorrow after breakfast, but you must have at least one psychiatrist and either Schneizel or Cornelia with you at all times. I won't risk you losing your mind again."

That was close to the last thing Suzaku wanted as well. "Thank you." He found that, despite working his hardest to get the opportunity to review the Hunger Games, he wasn't really looking forward to it.

What he was looking forward to, morbidly enough, was seeing Lelouch again.


	2. The Hunger Games

The small room set aside for Suzaku's viewing was bare and cold, with only seats and a screen for the show. There were no comforts, no amenities, and no chance of privacy, with nothing to hide behind. Suzaku felt exposed, and that was even without the video starting.

Schneizel wasn't present, but Cornelia was. Suzaku still had trouble meeting her eyes. Even with the dulling of emotions from the drugs, Suzaku couldn't find it in himself to forgive her choices in the games, leaving Lelouch alone to protect the landing site from other Victors who were just as much victims as they were. There was no reason why they couldn't have just waited them out, defended the small landing point until the electrical current shorted out Pendragon's cameras and Schneizel came to pick them up. But it wasn't like Cornelia to go on the defensive when she had the option to make the first move.

There wasn't the blinding anger from before all the drugs and therapy, but there was certainly still enough resentment and blame that Suzaku couldn't face her head on without wanting to get into some kind of a fight.

Cornelia, apparently, felt something similar for him. She had taken a seat as far away from the screen and as far away from where Suzaku was likely to sit as possible. Guilford, sitting beside her, kept a decorous distance between them, but his glowery expression was all protectiveness. In a better mood, Suzaku might have found that amusing, but all he could think about was that Lelouch wasn't here, to hold his hand, to make this viewing tolerable the way he had during their first Hunger Games.

He took a deep breath. At least he'd see him again, even if it was only on a two-dimensional screen.

A gentle hand steadied his shoulder, and Suzaku managed a smile. "Sorry, am I blocking your way?"

"Take your time," Kallen said. "I'm really just here for you. And Nunnally."

Kallen had unofficially been assigned as Suzaku's minder. It worked well enough for both of them – Suzaku liked her company, and Kallen took every opportunity to try to prod him into being what he had been before the drugs and the Hunger Games and… everything. Still, Kallen had been in Area 0 for weeks before Suzaku had arrived, and the better part of a month before he'd been 'cured', and she'd undoubtedly had other duties, other responsibilities that he was taking her away from. Then again, if she didn't mind, Suzaku certainly didn't.

It did mean that, through Suzaku, Nunnally and Kallen had spent more time together than they had in Area 11. Suzaku had been a little worried – for all her strength, Nunnally was a very feminine girl, and Kallen was… not. But they hit it off brilliantly, and even spent time together without Suzaku, no doubt sharing secrets they didn't want him privy to.

It warmed Suzaku's heart, even as a small part of him, almost completely suppressed, hated the idea of Lelouch being replaced, even a little, and was oversensitive to it and saw it everywhere.

Cornelia and Schneizel were also unnerving in that way. Warm and kind, they stepped up as Nunnally's elder siblings (and Cornelia even got a little gushy around Marianne), offering whatever they could. Nunnally took their offers with grace, clearly wanting to form ties with them, but never as loving or clingy as she had been with Lelouch.

Suzaku tried not to worry. A person like Lelouch was impossible to replace, even if he was gone forever.

The last person in the room was Suzaku's shrink, Sayoko. He wasn't sure what he'd have thought of her before he'd stabilized, but as it was he really liked her. She was calm, kind, and endlessly patient.

She was also from Pendragon, as were several of the medical staff. She had applied for a visitor's pass to Area 2, under the guise of studying the unregulated, unacknowledged programs that trained and prepared children for the Hunger Games. She'd gone missing three years ago, when Schneizel and Genbu had arranged for her and several of her trainees to be taken to Area 0, where they were put to good use dealing with the slow stream of refugees who managed to escape the Areas to Area 0.

Since the rebellion, the number and rate of refugees had exploded, and Sayoko had found herself busier than ever, both in helping and in training more psychologists. Suzaku wondered if she was bored taking him on as a regular patient when it meant she would have to take days out of her schedule to deal with him, or if he was that much of a challenge.

Either way, it wasn't very flattering to him, but he couldn't help but like and appreciate her.

She was sitting beside the screen, clearly more interested in watching Suzaku (and, likely, the others) than the show, and she had a remote control in her hand. When Suzaku and Kallen finally found their seats, she smiled.

"Everyone ready?"

Suzaku nodded and the lights dimmed and the show started.

As always, the first scenes were of the Reaping. Watching Kirihara volunteer and knowing how that had turned out, made Suzaku wince. It was hard already, seeing so many broken and confused people standing to be Reaped, along with sociopathic killers and cool and calm strategists. Suzaku wasn't sure why this was harder than it had been with the children – perhaps because there had been the illusion of equality, with none of the children broken before the entered the arena. Perhaps it was the fact that these people were returning to the same place that had broken them the first time.

Either way, if the Reaping was this hard to watch, Suzaku was starting to have second thoughts about his ability to sit through the rest of the Hunger Games.

The parade of Tributes came next, and the embarrassment was almost enough to distract Suzaku from his maudlin thoughts. Almost.

The designers worked all year on the Hunger Games costumes, and their refusal to adapt the planned outfits to their older and… saggier Tributes showed. Again, Suzaku was amazed at how ill-prepared and broken so many of the Victors seemed. Pendragon had made it look like winning the Hunger Games was something that set you up for life – a yearly stipend that was more than anyone in any Area could spend, a life of luxury, a nice house…

It was, in reality, a nightmare-filled horror-fest, unless you were one of the few who were truly made for the arena. Suzaku's eyes narrowed at the few Victors – Cornelia and Guilford, those from Areas 2 whose names Suzaku hadn't bothered to remember, Xingke, Gino – who were able to stand tall and true, waving for the crowd. He and Lelouch had only managed because they were still in the mindset of the previous games. Their nightmare hadn't ever ended. If Lelouch had been forced back into the arena after a few years of deceptive peace, he surely wouldn't have been so blasé about it.

Surely.

The interviews were just as painful for Suzaku as they had been the first time. Every Tribute, even those from Area 2, showed themselves as an individual, as a person. These weren't the carefully constructed masks Tributes were usually careful to put on for their public presentation, but their open and vulnerable, almost _raw_ true selves. Cornelia spoke of Euphy, Gino teared up, Marika and Kewell stood hand-in-hand, nearly trembling as the begged the people of Pendragon not to send them against each other.

It was a good thing Lelouch had taken charge. Suzaku hadn't had a single idea what to do or say. But Lelouch… Lelouch always knew.

The dual outfits, Lelouch just a smitch taller and Suzaku just a hair broader, matched perfectly. They could almost have been one person, reflected in the other. When Lelouch spoke, his voice resonated with certainty and confidence.

" _We're not alone. People stand with us or fear us as they see fit. We are opposed to everything sick and wrong with the way this nation is run, to the odds that are in no one's favour, the weapon in hands otherwise devoid of weapons to wield, in Pendragon or in the Areas. We are the shields against the one-sided 'battles' fought only to increase the established power imbalance, against thoughtless cruelty and incidental destruction and murder. We represent those who would fight and die to protect the weak, and who would risk their lives for something greater. We strike out against those who sit comfortably at home while others fight their battles and reap the rewards without paying any of the cost. Death is a two-sided sword, and the only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed_."

 _We are the fairness in the system. We are the chance most of the_ children _who come to the Hunger Games have. We are the hope that the Numbers have in this world. And, frankly, we are the fucks all of you collectively give_."

 _We. Are. Zero_."

It could have been either of them speaking. Lelouch had never been so publicly eloquent (nor so publicly _masculine_ ), favouring a simpering, girlish persona whenever on camera. In fact, it was easier to believe those words were coming from Suzaku if you didn't know Lelouch and Suzaku past what they'd shown during the Hunger Games.

Kallen's hand covered Suzaku's, and Suzaku realized he was digging his nails into his palms, his hands were fisted so tightly.

"You okay?"

Suzaku nodded. "It… it's doable, Kallen. I can't believe I'm actually considering this, but it _could_ work. Lelouch set it up, with C.C.'s help, so that it could work."

"You couldn't improvise a speech like that," Kallen said, blunt but honest. "You may not be an illiterate stooge, but you're no Lelouch."

"No one is," Suzaku said. That worried him, a lot. They could dress him up and give him words, but they could never give him the kind of words that would ignite a rebellion the way Lelouch's had.

Suzaku thought about Schneizel and frowned. It was possible… if anyone had the same screwed up, manipulative mind Lelouch did, it was his older brother. And Schneizel was doubtless trained at least somewhat in politics if he'd held a high rank in the government and had been entrusted to take over the Hunger Games. Maybe it wasn't as impossible as it seemed.

"Suzaku?" Sayoko asked diffidently. "Are you ready to return?"

They'd paused the reel while Suzaku and Kallen had held their whispered conversation. Suzaku flushed, embarrassed at having been caught. "Yes, thank you."

Sayoko just smiled and turned the screen back on.

The opening shot of the games took in a panoramic view of the island, and then each Tribute as they waited. Suzaku frowned. Lelouch was crying, or at least tears were falling from his eyes, but he didn't look sad. He looked horrified and shocked and shaken. In his hand was the Suzaku pin, which hadn't made a single appearance in the games. Lelouch shoved it into one of the smaller pockets and the camera panned away from him to the Tribute beside him.

Schneizel's voice rang out, heralding the beginning of the games, and immediately the cameras focused on the action on the island itself.

Suzaku had been one of the first Tributes there, swimming less efficiently than Gino or even Kirihara, but powering through the water on pure strength alone. He'd made it to the cornucopia and immediately searched for food or water or anything that wasn't a weapon.

There hadn't been anything there. All that lay around the cornucopia were shiny swords and spears and arrows and hatchets and daggers and nets and all manner of tools to kill other people. Suzaku watched as he grabbed Lelouch's set of daggers and then two swords for himself.

The fighting had started immediately after that.

There was a mentality that allowed one to kill without thought or hesitation. A kind of inner peace that came with giving into the inevitability and letting oneself become a weapon rather than a person. Suzaku hadn't yet entered that mental place, and he fought only to defend himself, trying to avoid inflicting anything but the most superficial of injuries.

The camera cut to the side, to where Guilford was dispatching the woman from Area 2 and Cornelia was dealing with two others Suzaku didn't recognize. They both looked like they were in their element; confident, competent, clearly guarding each other's backs. It was nothing like Luciano's chaotic tearing through the Tributes last year, they were both simply systemically doing what needed to be done.

In the background, Suzaku could see Jeremiah and Marika fighting to get to Villetta who was standing further to the side and, probably, Kewell, off-screen somewhere.

Then the camera pulled back, showing the whole island including the few Tributes who hadn't yet arrived. Lelouch was sitting and watching the island, his shoulders slumped in the very picture of defeat, while Kirihara swam towards him. Suzaku smiled, still grateful for everything that Kirihara had done.

It wasn't until he blinked that he realized his eyes were full of tears.

He nearly missed watching Gino cut down one of the other Tributes, and watching his own hand come up to grab him and pull him down before Cornelia and Guilford could attack. The camera focused on Cornelia who looked like a goddess of war, all fiery eyes and blood-stained weapons, glaring around the battlefield, frustrated.

" _Where are they_?"

It was the first dialogue other than screams heard since the games had started.

Guilford shook his head. " _We'll find them later. For now, we need to focus on our own safety over the next few days_." Cornelia didn't look happy, but she allowed herself to be led off.

The camera didn't show Lelouch's arrival to the island, wet and panting and panicked, but Suzaku remembered it. It had been strange, how very out of control Lelouch had seemed, but it did make some sense now that Suzaku could see that something had shaken him before the games even started.

"What did they do to you?" Suzaku murmured.

The cameras focused mostly on the groups who had gathered together. Cornelia and Guilford, Xingke watching over Ougi and Rakshata, Gino and Suzaku after they met up with Lelouch and Kirihara, Jeremiah and Villetta in their short-lived alliance with Marika and Kewell, as well as other groups that were either killed by other Tributes or by the island itself.

Mostly, though, there were alliances. No one went off alone, or at least those who would have had been killed at the Cornucopia. It was very different from the typical Hunger Games.

The rest of the day was mostly dull, with every group searching desperately for shelter, food, water. Many of them were able to find the first two, but only Rakshata and Lelouch figured out the trees were the only nearby source of fresh water. Some of the Tributes tried drinking sea water, and ended up vomiting far more than they'd consumed.

Suzaku tuned out a little as the screen showed him and Kirihara hunting and gathering. For an old man, Kirihara moved smoothly and quietly, and Suzaku had found him easy to work with and around. He perked up when the cameras switched to Gino and Lelouch, standing just a little too close together for Suzaku's comfort, standing on the beach, looking towards the forest.

There was a soft sound, one that spoke straight to the reptile part of Suzaku's brain, making his muscles tense. It was distant, but it was unmistakably the sound of a woman, a young woman, in pain or afraid.

" _Anya_!" Gino rushed towards the sound, with Lelouch only a few beats behind him. Again, something that wasn't really like Lelouch, to rush into unknown danger. Unless it was for someone he cared about. They had been standing _awfully_ close together…

Gino crashed through the bush, careless and blinded, navigating by sound alone. The scream (and it was undeniably a scream) was much closer this time, and Gino lashed out towards it, seemingly at anything that moved.

He was good, Suzaku had to admit. Fast and accurate, he was a good fighter, and he hit his target. The screaming stopped and a small bird lay dead at his feet.

There was silence for a short time, long enough for Lelouch to catch up and for them to have a quick conversation before Marianne's voice tore through the forest, just as agonized. Lelouch, naturally, ran after that, this time with Gino on his heels, and Suzaku was beginning to realize how very off-balance and unsettled Lelouch had been after all this. He remembered the look in both Lelouch and Gino's eyes when they spoke of the birds, and he could see why this had haunted them.

Lelouch seemed nearly inconsolable. Never one to trust at the best of times, he refused to listen to Gino's words of comfort, even as he stood helpless in the middle of a cacophony of screaming voices. Suzaku ached for him, longing to reach out and take Lelouch in his arms and kiss his fears away…

…just like Gino was doing. And Lelouch was letting him. No, Lelouch was _eager_ for him, all gentle pliancy and practiced skill. They both were, fitting together quickly, adapting to each other's bodies as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It was nothing like watching Lelouch with the people Schneizel had set him up with – that Lelouch had been mindless and… not Lelouch. The Lelouch with Gino was very much the Lelouch Suzaku recognized. He was in pain and confused and vulnerable, but he was still undeniably Lelouch.

This hurt more than watching Lelouch being passed about like a toy. It probably shouldn't have, but it did.

Sayoko, likely seeing the effect this was having on Suzaku, sped up the feed. Now it was a parody of gentle lust; the subtle, small movements lost, the patient slow grind turned into frantic writhing. Suzaku felt sick.

It was almost a relief to see Lelouch push Gino off and run away, but when Sayoko moved to resume the regular speed, Suzaku stopped her. "Wait."

The screen froze and Sayoko turned to him. "Yes?"

"Lelouch said… I don't want anyone to be surprised, but Lelouch said that he heard Nunnally. I think she… her voice was one of the ones they used."

Cornelia tensed at that. They hadn't been in Area 0 long, but it seemed like it had been long enough for Cornelia to connect with Nunnally.

"I can move to the next scene with Lelouch, if you like," Sayoko offered.

Suzaku nodded. He didn't want to hear Nunnally's screams more than anyone else. "Sure." He remembered the next bit well, in any case. Lelouch's panicky orders to kill Gino, then seeing Kirihara take Lelouch hostage to get them to calm down. It was just another thing that Lelouch had done that seemed out of character, but Suzaku hadn't questioned it at the time. Knowing that he'd just heard Nunnally screaming, presumably dying, made his irrationality make more sense. But it didn't explain everything that had come before, and only partially explained everything that had come after.

Lelouch had been unsettled during the games. It was obvious now, in retrospect, watching him from an outsider's view.

After the fight, they got to sit through a sped-up re-enactment of Xingke approaching Kewell and Marika, doubtless offering them the alliance they ended up accepting. Then night, which focused on the few Tributes who were still active – most had gone to ground, but a few were beset by the island's surprises and had to make a quick retreat. No one died, which was either a miracle, or a testament to the resilience of the Victors.

Sayoko stopped the recording again. "Suzaku, there isn't anything dealing with you and Lelouch until after Villetta's death. Would you like me to move to that point?"

Suzaku nodded and the recoding sped up even further, past the sun rising over the team from Area 8 and the male Tribute from 10, past Cornelia and Guilford escaping from a flash flood, past Kewell and Marika taking Villetta by surprise and nearly getting Jeremiah as well. Sayoko continued through the pan following Jeremiah as he made his escape past the point that Suzaku caught up to him, and it resumed normal speed once Suzaku returned with Jeremiah to their camp.

Lelouch had been exasperated with Suzaku for taking prisoners in a last-one-standing competition, but he had eventually let Jeremiah join them. Suzaku hadn't been sure what had changed Lelouch's mind, whether he had believed Jeremiah's words, found an ounce of faith in his heart, or just been sickened by violence and killing.

Watching it again, it became obvious to Suzaku what had changed Lelouch's mind.

He had. Lelouch had backed down because of him.

He'd been oddly affectionate after that, very tactile until the fog pushed them out of their camp. Suzaku bit his lip – Lelouch had been, possibly, so unsure, so off-kilter, that he had been trying to take his cues from Suzaku. Suzaku had been the one leading, and he hadn't even noticed.

This did not bode well. Suzaku had wanted to watch the recording of the games to understand what Lelouch had been thinking, what he'd been plotting. If all Lelouch had managed to do was latch on to Suzaku, this was pointless.

After they ran from the fog, the scene changed to Kewell and Marika joining up with Xingke and Rakshata and Ougi. Sayoko started fast forwarding again, and Suzaku let his mind wander. Lelouch had figured out the clockwork island, had directed them to search through the rest of the island. He'd seemed to brighten after solving the riddle, as if remembering how clever and resourceful he was. But it hadn't ever been like the first games, where he had planned everything out, every step, and Suzaku had followed his orders.

Maybe it was Gino and Kirihara and Jeremiah's faults. Maybe if it'd only been the two of them, alone together, the real Lelouch would have come out more.

It was even worse when Cornelia joined, which was shown briefly before returning to Xingke's group. Suzaku realized that all of the living Tributes had, by this point, split up into two large groups, both of which had significant tension and concerns about betrayal. Sayoko zipped through anything that didn't involve Lelouch, which meant missing the evening show until Lelouch got up in the middle of the night to confront Cornelia.

Suzaku had been aware that Lelouch had gotten up and moved, and he'd figured out that he'd visited his sister, but he hadn't had any idea what he'd talked to her about.

Turns out, Lelouch was talking about him. And Euphy. And Nunnally and Marianne and everything important to him. To them. It was almost painful to hear, both of them so unwilling to trust, both so firm in their beliefs, both so very certain that they were right. The family resemblance was remarkable, in their attitudes, if not in their features.

"He wanted to protect you," Kallen said. "Is that enough proof for you, Suzaku?"

"He took on the burden of blame for Euphy's death, trying to absolve you," Cornelia added. "That couldn't have been easy for him."

"He was good at doing things that weren't easy," Suzaku said. "As long as he thought they were good and right, even if they seemed horrible and cruel, if he thought he was justified, he was capable of almost anything."

Sayoko paused the video as the sun rose. "Have you seen enough?"

Suzaku shook his head. "Please, to the end."

Initially, the cameras followed Xingke and his group, as they prepared traps. Suzaku remembered exactly what they had been doing at this time – arguing, and he and Lelouch had been plotting to leave the group entirely. Xingke, on the other hand, managed to keep everything running smoothly with the efficiency of a total dictator. It was impressive, even if it hadn't ultimately been successful.

Ougi had set up the trap that Rakshata had designed – numerous tiny explosives that did nothing more than rustle the underbrush, sounding like a misplaced footstep or something unnatural moving in the bushes. Suzaku had been taken in by them, frustrated at his inability to track whatever had been making those noises, and seeing that they were small, almost toy-like machines almost made the embarrassment worse.

Still, what else could you expect from Tributes from Area 3?

The camera followed Suzaku and Cornelia and Gino and Guilford as they chased after those sounds, but it soon cut back to Lelouch and Jeremiah and Kirihara, just in time to see Jeremiah die and Kirihara cover Lelouch's escape. Lelouch was ignored in favour of watching Xingke cut Kirihara down and set up the scene with blood and weapons to make it clear who had fallen. It was so coldly professional that Suzaku shivered.

Infuriatingly, the cameras cut back to Ougi and Rakshata, watching Suzaku and the others as Cornelia gave the order to return. There was a brief flash to Lelouch, caught by Marika and Kewell, being tied to a leaning tree, and then more footage of Cornelia leading her group back to the meeting site. They came across the remains of Kirihara's last stand first, and Suzaku remembered his heart beating in his ears, the overwhelming sensation of nausea.

Gino had wondered aloud if Lelouch and Jeremiah bad betrayed them and run off. Cornelia had just snapped that it was far too soon to make any assumptions, and led them towards the meeting area, following the clearest tracks from where Kirihara had fallen.

They'd found Jeremiah's sword and blood soon after, but the camera wasn't following them anymore. It was back on Lelouch, waking up from where he was bound, still clearly groggy and concussed.

"I never should have left him," Suzaku whispered, unintentionally aloud.

"We never should have split up," Cornelia agreed. "It was a foolish choice, one that left us all vulnerable. I didn't want to get Lelouch or Kirihara involved in any fighting, especially not so close to Schneizel's rescue, but we should have stayed together at the landing site, defending it as needed."

Kallen shook her head. "You couldn't have known. They knew exactly what would draw you out, and it worked. It means something that you only meant to protect Lelouch."

"Not enough," Cornelia said. "It doesn't mean enough."

"No, it doesn't," Suzaku said. For the first time, he was able to meet Cornelia's eyes. "But he asked _me_ not to leave him alone. I made the call to follow you. I'm every bit as at fault as you are."

"How much more is left?" Guilford asked Sayoko.

"The feed cuts out with the electrical interference, as Schneizel planned. Unfortunately, that means we have no idea what happened to Lelouch past this point," Sayoko answered. "There's a little more – Xingke blaming Lelouch for the deaths that happened during the riots in his Area, Lelouch defending himself and extolling your virtues. But nothing useful, I think. He seemed to have given up hope for himself at this point, although he was more resigned that despairing."

Suzaku huffed a small laugh. "Of course. After all, it was never about getting out himself. It was all about me."

Kallen reached out towards him. "Suzaku, it's okay…"

"No, it's… he had hope at the end, that I'd make it out. And I did. And now I have to carry his burden, fulfill his promises, because he can't." Suzaku took a deep breath. "Lelouch started out as Zero."

He stood and everyone stood with him. "I'll finish as Zero."


	3. A Hero Is Born! (Well, Fabricated)

"People of Britannia! Seekers of freedom, truth and… and ju-justice!"

"Cut!" Suzaku flinched at the harsh order. "Suzaku, do you need us to hold a giant card with your lines up for you to read?"

One of the cameramen, Tamaki, if Suzaku remembered him correctly, snorted with barely suppressed laughter. Suzaku sighed.

"I'm sorry, Toudou-sensei, it's just… awkward."

Toudou didn't look compassionate. He just didn't have the right kind of face. But he glowered a little less darkly. "It's no more hyperbolic than your lover's lines."

That was true. That was also part of the problem.

Suzaku just simply wasn't Lelouch. He could be Zero – he could mimic Lelouch's grand gestures, he could wear the outfit (an exact replica, as far as Suzaku could tell, of C.C.'s original designs), he could even go further and act the part of the action hero. But he couldn't spout the over-the-top lines with anything resembling credibility.

Every time he tried, he heard Lelouch. Suzaku closed his eyes and just breathed for a long moment. He missed Lelouch so much…

"We could increase his antidepressants," Kanon suggested. "Or possibly add another medication to… lower his inhibitions."

Toudou's glower returned full force. "He's already drugged to the gills. Anny more and we might as well dub Schneizel's voice over his."

"Another viable option," Kanon allowed.

"No, I can do this," Suzaku said. This was what Lelouch had started, what he'd wanted. He'd organized the retreat in Area 11 because that had been the only option. Now, with something resembling a proper military and actual leaders, there was the potential to meet Pendragon head on and even possibly win. Suzaku had to do his part, now that Lelouch no longer could. "Just let me try again."

"But you suck," Kallen said. Everyone turned to look at her, and Suzaku realized he wasn't the only one who hadn't noticed her coming in. She was still a freaking ninja when she wanted to be. "I mean, you look _great_ and everything, but the moment you open your mouth I want to punch you in your smug, self-satisfied face."

Suzaku grinned. "Didn't you want to punch Lelouch in his smug, self-satisfied face whenever he _orated_?"

"Damn straight," Kallen agreed. "And a lot of the fighters would feel the same." She came over to Suzaku. "You're better than this. Or at least different. You get your hands dirty, you get into the middle of the action. You're not a posable plastic figurine that spouts slogans."

"Neither was Lelouch," Tamaki objected. "He had spirit and fire and… stuff. When he talked, you got the feeling he really believed in it, and he made you believe too. He was more sure of himself than any other person I've ever heard, and he made sure you knew it."

Suzaku nodded. "Yeah, but I'm not as sure. This isn't my fight, even if I think it's the right one. Not like it was his. I can't fake the kind of passion he had."

"Then don't," Toudou said. "Then _make_ this your fight."

"…how?"

Toudou grinned, and it looked hungrier than happy. "Can you fire a gun?"

Between the three of them, Kallen and Suzaku and Toudou outlined a clear plan, defending their position to get Suzaku out into the fighting itself, where he could prove himself a warrior as well as a leader. As Kanon had been hovering around most of the time during the planning process, it didn't surprise them that nothing came as a surprise to Schneizel.

Surprised or no, he certainly wasn't enthusiastic. "You want me to take my rallying point and place him in direct harm's way?"

Toudou met him head-on. "He's not much of a rallying point as he is now. A wet noodle would be better equipped to raise morale and support."

Schneizel turned on Suzaku. "I'm going to be honest with you, Suzaku. I'm more than a little disappointed."

"I am too," Suzaku admitted. "I thought I could handle this, but apparently I'm more of a strong, silent type than whatever you and Lelouch are."

"Charismatic manipulators," Schneizel answered helpfully. "And if that was the only thing holding you back, we could work with that, give you different lines, change your persona. But that's not the only issue is it?"

Suzaku squirmed.

"The truth is, Suzaku Kururugi, you really want to get out there and fight. You think that one more person, specifically you, on the battlefield is going to make some kind of a difference."

Suzaku bit his lip. Phrased like that, it did sound like the epitome of arrogance. He'd participated in two Hunger Games, but that hardly made him any kind of a soldier, or even a true fighter. He'd never battled on his own, in anything like a fair fight, with anything but his own two hands and the most primitive of weapons. The Pendragon audience frowned upon guns or any kind of self-propelled projectile weapons. Until Toudou had asked him, Suzaku hadn't ever even thought of using a firearm of any kind.

"You're not that special," Schneizel told him softly, gently. "You don't have magical powers. You're just the only person we have that can fit a very specific, very _useful_ role, and your reluctance in accepting it is far more infuriating than your previous outright refusal." He smiled. "Get with the program, Suzaku, or get out of our way. You're wanted, don't get me wrong, but you're not needed."

Suzaku stared at his shoes and wished for the ground to open up and swallow him.

"So you'll allow it?" Toudou asked, as if it was a done deal. Suzaku's head shot up and he started at Toudou in stunned shock. "Excellent. We'll need at least a few weeks for training, but he'll be battle-ready in no time."

Schneizel looked genteelly offended. "I beg your pardon."

"If he's such a burden, then risking his life isn't risking that much at all," Toudou pointed out. "And he's all but useless here. Get him out in the field and either he'll give us some useable footage, or he'll die in a glorious blaze of awesome heroism and we can use that. Either way, solves your problems."

Suzaku held his breath as Schneizel considered that. In the end, he gave a reluctant sigh and, looking very put-upon, nodded. "You've made your point, I suppose. I'm not going to say I'm happy about this, but if you're that bound and determined, I'm not going to be the one standing in your way." He looked sternly at Suzaku. "Just give me that useable footage."

"Yes, sir!" Suzaku said, nearly saluting in his happiness. He'd finally get out there, in Lelouch's rebellion, helping in any way he could.

Schneizel just sighed again and turned to Toudou, who nodded in understanding. He would owe Schneizel some sore of favour for this.

It didn't occur to Suzaku until later, long after he was out of Schneizel's presence, but… "Do you think we were played?"

"Do you mean, do I think Schneizel wanted you out in the field in any case and now we owe him a favour for doing what he would have wanted in the first place?" Toudou sighed. "Yes."

"Charismatic manipulators, huh?" Suzaku said, unable to suppress a grin. "Can't live with 'em, somehow can't help but dance to their tunes."

"It doesn't really matter," Toudou said. "You're where you need to be, that's the important thing."

Suzaku nodded. "Thanks, Toudou-sensei. For everything. It really means something that you're willing to go to bat for me."

Toudou turned to face Suzaku, as serious as he ever was. "We got the Hunger Games feed in Area 0. It's not mandatory, and most people don't like to watch, since we never did anything about it, but I wanted to know our enemy if we ever had a chance to face them. I saw you in the first games, taking that girl under your wing, guarding Lelouch even after you'd thought yourself betrayed. But the most remarkable thing I saw was near the end of the games, when you were reluctant to kill an opponent who couldn't fight back. Even at that point, after everything you'd been though, you still had that humanity, that part of yourself that knew right from wrong. Lelouch didn't, but you did."

"It wasn't a strength," Suzaku pointed out. "All it meant was that I made Lelouch do what I wouldn't."

"It means you don't get caught up with winning, when winning means losing something of yourself," Toudou said. "You've fought in the games, fought well and smart, but you've never been to war. The ability to hold back from committing atrocities is every bit as important as good aim and clean socks."

"…clean socks?"

Toudou's face made something like a smile. "Clean socks. Trust me."

Suzaku laughed. "I do. I really do. It feels… good, to just trust someone."

Toudou's eyes softened and his smile looked more genuine and actually kind of nice. "Then I'll ask you to trust me one last time and meet me in the armoury tomorrow for a surprise."

"A surprise? What is it?" Suzaku asked without thinking. Toudou just shook his head. "Ah, of course. If you tell me, it won't be a surprise. A hint, then?"

"Just one – we have more than guns and cameras fighting this war, and if you're lucky, and very skilled, you might get something even more impressive than that caped suit."

Already Suzaku couldn't wait to see what Toudou could possibly have in mind.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

When Suzaku arrived at the armoury, he was, indeed, pleasantly surprised. "Lloyd!"

Lloyd, standing beside Kallen and a taller woman, looked at Suzaku, solemn for a moment before breaking out into a grin. "Suzaku! It's about time." A tall, vaguely familiar woman elbowed Lloyd in the side and he coughed. "I mean… good news! We've made you a toy."

"A toy?" Suzaku peered around the room. The usual weapons and armour were there, some shiny and unused, many dulled and dinged with practice use, and some with the blood and dust of actual combat colouring their finish. Suzaku knew blades, could managed arrows and throwing daggers, and understood the principle behind a gun, and any 'toy' in this room would be worthwhile. But he still felt that becoming Zero, wearing the mask and cape and learning to fake it would be more useful.

Toudou clasped his hand on Suzaku's shoulder. "Not those. This." He handed Suzaku a small book. "This is your key to a new weapon system, a new way to protect the Numbers and overthrow Pendragon's cruel rule."

Suzaku looked at it curiously. It could have been a booklet of speeches, a series of battle plans and strategies, even just small motivational posters. But what it was was a manual. For something Suzaku had never even heard of before, but which sounded intimidating and ominous.

"What's a Knightmare?"

Lloyd clapped his hands, cackling like a madman. "What's a Knightmare, the boy asks." The tall woman who had elbowed him before stepped up, stepping on Lloyd's foot with a not-incidental feel as if by not-accident.

"Read the manual, Suzaku. If you have any questions, we'll be more than happy to answer them, but I think you'll understand it better once we get you into the simulator."

"Simulator?" Lloyd demanded, sounding almost insulted. "He'll be a natural, Rakshata. We need to get him into a cockpit ASAP."

Toudou shook his head. "One thing at a time. It was hard enough selling Suzaku as a devicer. We have to do this by the book." He tapped the manual in Suzaku's hands. "This book. Have it done by lunch, and we'll get you into the simulator by this afternoon. Depending on how you do, you might get the chance to pilot one of the actual Knightmares by the end of the week."

Suzaku flipped the booklet open, his eyes widening at the diagram of the Knightmare on the first page. It looked humanoid, with wheels under its feet and more weapons than Suzaku had ever seen in one place. There were also grappling hooks that could easily do enough damage on their own, and enough armour to come out the better in an encounter with most buildings.

They were destruction on wheels. And Suzaku was going to earn one.

"Why doesn't Pendragon have these?" Kallen asked, looking at the schematics over Suzaku's shoulder. Now that she mentioned it, Suzaku wondered that as well. The machines were beautiful, sleek and elegant, but they couldn't have been beyond Pendragon's engineers.

Lloyd looked put-upon. "They do. We made changes from the basic plans Schneizel stole from the Pendragon army for us. They have a few months of a head start, but they seem to be reluctant to unleash them."

"They don't know we have them as well. I think – and Schneizel agrees – that they're holding them back, waiting for a true need, like defending Pendragon itself," Toudou said. "But if we use them first, they'll bring them out, and they have far more than we do, and far more pilots. We only get one free go with these."

Suzaku nodded, looking back at the manual. "Then we'll want to save that too. And until then, I have to do something to become Zero." He looked up. "I'll do it. I'll study and learn and practice, and I'll pilot one of those Knightmares for you, and I'll do my best. But until then, I need something else. I need to be Zero first."

Kallen's arm snaked around Suzaku's side and he leaned against her, just a little. Her support and confidence meant a lot, especially now. She'd been on Lelouch's side, but she was always his friend, and it felt good to have her by his side.

Toudou nodded. "I agree. There are several options, and we can work out the details later. There's an excursion planned for Area 8 – mostly recon, transport of the wounded back here if possible. We think you'll look good out there, like even the heroes and icons of this rebellion are willing to do the heavy lifting. Your orations were, frankly, horrible, but there's some useable footage from your interviews, and we'll pin a mike on you just in case something good falls out of your mouth."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence," Suzaku said, smiling wryly. Toudou rolled his eyes, and Suzaku's smile widened to a full out grin. "No, really, thanks. This means a lot, that you're trusting me with this."

"Kallen should go too," Kanon's voice came from the doorway. He smiled in a sort of greeting as everyone turned to him. "They've been seen together, and we want to spin it as a platonic shield-mates kind of relationship. It hasn't been that long, Suzaku should still be pining over Lelouch. Well, publically, at least. Privately, go nuts, kids."

Suzaku's smile fell from his face. "We _are_ just friends, you know."

"And he'd be pining over Lelouch still, if you hadn't drugged him to his gills," Kallen added.

Kanon shrugged. "Tractable was what we were going for. Happy is a bit of an overshoot and, honestly, not as attractive on Suzaku as angst." He smirked a little in Suzaku's direction. "You might not have played up the one-true-love thing as much as Lelouch did, but at least try to get the grieving lover correct." His smirk widened. "If nothing else, think about how much you miss that mouth of his."

There was something in his tone, something knowing and snide, that made the hackles on the back of Suzaku's neck rise. His tension was transmitted to Kallen, who gave him a lightly comforting squeeze before releasing him to step forward and confront Kanon.

"You don't get to talk about Lelouch like that. Suzaku's doing all this _for_ Lelouch. He was _our_ friend, Suzaku's lover, and you didn't even know him."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Kanon held up his hands in surrender as that made Kallen take a threatening step towards him. "But I defer my opinion in favour of yours, my dear." He gave a little bow. "In any case, you should both be prepared for your excursion tomorrow, as well as doing your morning readings, Suzaku."

Suzaku nodded, his face as blank as he could make it. "Thank you for reminding us of our duties."

"Always a pleasure," Kanon replied easily as he left.

"Ass," Kallen said as soon as she was sure he was out of hearing range. Suzaku huffed a laugh, but something Kanon had said was really bothering him.

"He's right."

Kallen rolled her eyes. "No, I'm pretty sure he's really not."

"You were right, too," Suzaku assured her. "I haven't dealt with Lelouch's… being gone the way I should have. I was too angry, and now I'm not feeling things properly. And both those things seem selfish. Everything I feel is about _me_ , which is why I want to do this so badly. Lelouch wanted this rebellion, I'm sure of it, and so I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen."

"We both will," Kallen assured him.

Suzaku smiled. "Thanks. But I think there are other things I could be doing to. I need to start those as well."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"Suzaku!"

Suzaku smiled. He'd finished his reading and there were still a few minutes before lunch. "Marianne. Can I come in?"

"Of course." Marianne moved aside, indicating that Suzaku should make himself comfortable. Her quarters were larger than Suzaku, likely because she shared with Nunnally, and it was far homier, with trinkets and mementos from Area 11. Suzaku had nothing from his home, no reminders of the life he and Lelouch had started to live, not even that pin of the Suzaku-phoenix.

Suzaku had to admit, he wasn't sure he even wanted that pin. Now that it had been co-opted as a symbol for the rebellion, it didn't mean as much to him as it had when it had just been his and Lelouch's.

"How have you been?" Marianne asked, breaking though Suzaku's musings.

Suzaku smiled, reflexively. "Much better, thanks to Sayoko and everyone. My mood's a lot more stable, but I'm able to think relatively clearly." He swallowed. "Uh, I know that Nunnally was there when I first… while they were trying to get the dosing right. I think I might have said some things…"

Marianne laughed, the sound more relieved than amused. "Is that why… Oh, my dear Suzaku." She drew Suzaku into a sudden hug. "She's been worried sick about you, you know. Schneizel told her not to bother you while you healed, but I think he was just being overprotective. But if you're willing to, she'd love to see you again."

Suzaku finally let himself melt in Marianne's arms, just as relieved as she was. "Really? I mean, I'd love that. She's got enough siblings here, I know, but I've always felt like she was a little sister to me."

"And we felt the same, dear," Marianne assured Suzaku as she released him from her embrace. "As many siblings as may come out of the woodwork during this revolution, you will always have a special place in Nunnally's heart and in mine. Because you have a special place in Lelouch's."

"That means a lot, Marianne, I… 'have'?" Suzaku caught onto the verb tense Marianne had chosen. "I 'have' a special place in Lelouch's heart?"

"Of course, dear."

Suzaku frowned. He hadn't managed to completely come to terms with the idea that Lelouch was… well, gone. Dead. He'd been left behind on that island and there was no way he could have made it out alive. Even for Lelouch there were things that were simply impossible. "You're sure you don't mean I _had_ a special place in his heart?"

Marianne smiled, a little pityingly. "Is that why you were so high-maintenance when you got back?" She shook her head. "I could have told you as soon as you returned without my son." Suzaku winced. "There is no way Charles would have let any harm come to him."

"He _already_ harmed him!" Suzaku protested. "He forced him into the Hunger Games, and before that he abandoned you in Area 11."

"He never abandoned us," Marianne said. "He merely had no contact with us. It was for the best. Charles loves his children, as I do."

Ignoring the fact that Marianne hadn't addressed the whole Hunger Games issue, which was actually an ever sorer point since it had been little _Nunnally_ who had been Reaped, Suzaku couldn't believe what she was saying. Lelouch hadn't spoken often of his father, and usually then only to remind Suzaku to be careful of him, but Suzaku knew full well how hard Lelouch had worked to keep his family afloat so they wouldn't need to rely on his charity. True, that charity could be seen as evidence that Charles really hadn't abandoned them, but it was so snide and condescending, Suzaku couldn't see how Marianne could see such insulting and degrading messages as the sort of thing a father should direct towards his family.

That wasn't love. Suzaku had seen love – parents going hungry for their children, siblings standing up to bullies, children scrounging what they could to make gifts of gratitude for their parents, elders who were no longer productive being cared for and provided for by their friends and family. Not monthly supplies sent so that Charles's investments would remain intact.

"You don't have to understand it, Suzaku," Marianne said gently. "But it's the simple truth. Not everything is as simple as you and Lelouch made it out to be, and I may have let him believe what he wanted about his father to give him the chance to grow stronger. But you don't have that excuse. You have no prejudices of your own, only what Lelouch has given you. And you should be able to – if you try – see through them to the truth."

The truth was that Nunnally might have been cured by the miracles of Pendragon medicine. The truth was that Lelouch hadn't been born a bitter, suspicious boy; he'd grown into one. The truth was that at no time when Charles was with Lelouch had Suzaku seen any sign of fatherly love or care. All he'd seen was a man pleased with the tool he'd made.

If that was what Charles considered love, and what Marianne was willing to accept as love from him, then it still wasn't good enough for Suzaku.

"Ah, but you're not here to listen to me ramble on about truth, are you?" Marianne said, smiling. "You wanted to talk to Nunnally. She should be here soon. Feel free to make yourself at home while you wait."

Easier said than done. Suzaku wasn't sure if he should confront Marianne on her wishful thinking that Lelouch wasn't (almost certainly) dead, or about her misapprehensions about Charles, or if he should just take the seat offered to him and politely wait.

In the end, he chickened out and took the seat. Normally, in Area 11, Marianne would offer tea or coffee – even at their poorest, they'd had watery tea for hospitality's sake. In Area 0, however, nothing was to be consumed outside of regular meal times, and only in designated meal areas. Exceptions could be made for those whose skills were needed and who worked through meals, but mostly you ate what you were given, when you were given it, at the place you were given it, and nothing else.

It made waiting for Nunnally an exercise in awkwardness, especially as both Marianne and Suzaku were choosing discretion as the better part of valour, and every minute spent unchaperoned was a moment of temptation to argue over improvable ideals.

When the door finally opened, Suzaku leapt to his feet. "Nunnally…"

Fortunately, it was her, and not some other visitor. "Suzaku!" She looked openly and unashamedly pleased to see him. "What a lovely surprise."

She looked good. No longer under her brother's protective arm, and encouraged to spread her wings by Marianne, Nunnally had volunteered to help with the displaced children – those who had lost their families in the rebellion, those who had been orphans before, and those who simply needed more care than even their overworked, overwrought parents could give them. If her cheery smile and relaxed posture were any indication, childcare suited her well.

"You're looking wonderful," Suzaku said, honestly and not a little reverently. "Lelouch would be so proud of you."

"You think so?" Nunnally asked, her smile less bright, more thoughtful but still pleased. "I hope so. He was always so anxious when I was around other people without him. I hope that when I see him again, he'll be pleased with my growth."

Apparently, Marianne had convinced Nunnally that Lelouch was still alive. Without proof to the contrary, Suzaku couldn't argue the point, but it hurt him to see Nunnally fooling herself.

And there was the small chance they could be right…

…no. Suzaku wasn't going to buy into that lie, no matter how seductive it might be.

"You're certainly growing well," Suzaku said, avoiding the topic of Lelouch altogether. "How is everything going? With the children, I mean."

The bright smile was back. "Wonderful. Liam looked like he might join in with the other children for a moment. He didn't but he was watching them and moved towards them at one point. I think he may even begin to speak again soon."

"How old is he?" Suzaku asked, feeling a little sick.

"Eleven, I think. Records are spotty, and the only person he knows is a girl who went to school with him and is a few years younger. She thinks he's eleven." Nunnally's smile softened. "Clarice. She's wonderful. Eight years old, and already bouncing back like a champ, making friends and taking a leadership role with the other children."

Suzaku swallowed. "None of their other friends…"

The smile fell off Nunnally's face completely. "Their school was one of the first targeted attacks by Pendragon. They were in class. Clarice hid in the bathroom, under the toilet and was found that day, but Liam was trapped inside his classroom with his teacher and classmates for three days. He was so lucky – he just happened to be standing in the right place at the exact right time…"

_Lucky_. That was one word for it, Suzaku supposed. "What Area?"

"Area 10," Nunnally said. "None of them were tagged for the Hunger Games, although those children who were made it out in one piece. Unfortunately, most of them were orphaned or abandoned by their parents before the rebellion, and many of them had social and mental issues, but we're working through them as well."

An entire school of children, gone. Area 10 was one of the more populous Areas, which was probably why they could afford to send sacrificial children to the games. They would have more children, more schools, but such a huge loss of life, such an enormous loss of potential…

"This has to stop," Suzaku said.

Nunnally nodded. "And soon."

Suzaku knelt before her, taking her hand in both of his. "I promise, Nunnally, I won't do any more selfish wallowing. From now on, everything I do will be to stop this war, one way or another."

"The rebellion needs to meet its goals," Nunnally said seriously. "Even if we don't 'win', we need to be in a position to negotiate compromises." She brought her free hand to rest on Suzaku's. "To make a kinder, gentler world, Suzaku. That's all we really need."

"A kinder, gentler world," Suzaku repeated, smiling. "Yes, Nunnally. I think you're exactly right."


	4. Zero's Debut

The planes that darted and hovered like hummingbirds were called hovercrafts, logically enough. Technically, Suzaku had already been in several – they'd taken the Tributes to the Hunger Games' locations, they'd taken him and Lelouch back to Pendragon after their first games together, and Schneizel had used one to rescue Cornelia and the others from the island – but he'd never really been in a state of mind to appreciate the ride before.

Now, despite the fact that he and Kallen were entering an active warzone, Suzaku couldn't help but be a little distracted by the way they were moving, the different, odd pull of gravity when they rose or fell or accelerated or turned. It was like being in the ocean, letting the water just _be_ around you as you moved, graceful and light. Only the hovercraft was somewhat less wet.

Suzaku grinned at his own thoughts. They were far too stupid and insipid to share with his audience.

"Suzaku, are you finding this amusing?" Toudou demanded.

"No, sir!" Suzaku's attention snapped back to the debriefing. "It's just… we're flying right now."

Toudou looked understanding for a moment, before his expression hardened. "Yes you are. And it's other people's jobs to keep you flying. And it's _your_ job to learn about the situation on the ground in Area 8."

"Right." Suzaku had to prove himself a good soldier, or they'd never let him pilot one of those Knightmares.

At least he wasn't the only one who needed to prove himself, although Kallen seemed to be doing a better job of focusing than he was. Or, at least, she was doing a better job of faking it.

She had been given Knightmare training as well, only she hadn't known what it was at the time. There were simulation machines, where you could sit and it felt almost exactly like being in the cockpit of a Knightmare. She'd thought it a game, honing reflexes and working on multitasking. It had actually been very specific, very directed training.

She'd done well. She was practically guaranteed a spot and a machine. Suzaku had yet to prove himself capable, never mind exemplary.

He should start now. He focused intently on what Toudou was saying.

"We'll do a walk-through with Suzaku in the costume and Kallen in her uniform, looking protective." Area 0 had issued impressive black uniforms that were just tight enough to emphasize attractive figures, but forgiving enough on less-attractive physiques to look uniformly good on everyone. They were works of art, and from the grumbling of some of the Area 0 natives, Suzaku had gotten the impression that they had natives of Pendragon, specifically Hunger Games stylists, to thank for that. Kallen looked sleek and deadly in hers. Suzaku shifted in his cape, clutched his ridiculous mask, and tried not to be jealous.

Toudou turned to Suzaku. "Feel free to stop and chat. We'll be filming throughout, so just act naturally. It may take a while to get over your camera shyness, but do your best to forget we're following you and you should be fine."

Suzaku nodded. "Is there anything I should say?"

"Just keep it optimistic. You'll have the mask on, so try to smile with your voice, like we practised. I'd say don't give up any secrets, but you don't know any, so we should be fine."

"Alright. Optimistic, smile with my voice." Suzaku nodded again. "Got it."

"Also, try to touch people," Kallen added. "A comforting arm on a shoulder, patting hands, even hugs if there are kids willing to let you hug them. It'll look good."

That sounded a little creepy to Suzaku, but Toudou and his crew were already nodding appreciatively over the suggestion. "Good idea, Kallen," Toudou said. "But, again, try to keep it as natural as possible."

"Natural," Suzaku repeated. "Okay."

"You'll be fine," Toudou's lead sound technician, Chiba, said. "You're a good kid. Just be a good kid with the mask on and the cameras pointed at you. Just be yourself."

Easier said than done. Between the pretense and the anger and the drugs, Suzaku hadn't been 'himself' since before the first Hunger Games with Lelouch. To be honest, he wasn't sure what his real self was anymore.

When they touched down, just outside Area 8, the hovercraft dumped them out as quickly as possible before taking off again. Area 8 was still an active warzone, and staying in one place for too long was just asking for trouble.

The makeshift battlefield hospital was as hidden as it could be, a short and dull building amidst taller, more impressive, more _targetable_ buildings. One of those larger buildings (Suzaku learned as Tamaki shouted at him as they darted from cover to cover, focusing on remaining as hidden as possible) was where they put the dead bodies, because if that building was blown up, not much would be lost.

Hard choices, leaving your dead out as fodder to keep your wounded alive as long as possible. Suzaku hated that those were the choices Area 8 had been forced to make.

Suzaku wasn't new to injured or even dead bodies. Area 11 had been a mining Area, and there hadn't been much interest in maintaining proper worker safety conditions for the Numbers who were pressed into working the mines. Accidents and fights weren't uncommon, and it took far too much effort to shield the children of Area 11 from their own curiosity when all energy needed to be directed towards saving lives.

By the time Suzaku's father had died, Suzaku had already seen dead bodies, and injuries so severe that death seemed like it would be a gift, a relief. But he'd never worked as a healer, and had never seen so many in one place suffering, especially not so many young and otherwise well adults and children.

 _Such a waste._ The bile rose in the back of Suzaku's throat, choking off any words of comfort he might have offered the injured and their caretakers.

Kallen was a steady warmth at his side, even through the layers of his ridiculous outfit. Suzaku might have swayed towards her, or she might have leaned into him, but either way they'd gone from standing beside each other to the lines of their body touching.

"Good grief, Suzaku," Kallen breathed. "Get this over with as soon as possible."

This wasn't just hard on him. Kallen and even Toudou and the others were just as surrounded by the pain and suffering as he was.

"Right." Suzaku took a deep breath and walked in.

The hushed whisper that ran through the room was initially covered by the groaning of the injured. But as more people joined in, there was a definite air of expectation, the hushed susurrations of _Zero's here_ , and _Is that Zero?_ , and just simply _Zero_.

"What did you guys tell them before we came?" Suzaku asked, unnerved by the reverence.

Kallen shook her head. "Nothing."

"Area 8 has always been rather quick to catch onto fads," Toudou said sourly. "It shouldn't be that surprising that they've latched on to the _idea_ of Zero."

Which left Suzaku with only two options – live up to the hype or disappoint his most ardent supporters. Great. No pressure.

He'd never managed to sound anything but ridiculous when trying to mimic Lelouch's oratory style, and his own way of speaking was so basic and uninspired that he decided the best thing to do was keep quiet. He moved through the throng of people, letting them see him, neither speaking nor touching, just being.

From the way even the burn victims stopped moaning, it was working. It might not be enough, but it was something. He was someone – as Zero, not as Suzaku – who _meant_ something.

"Zero, please." The broken voice came from just to Suzaku's right, weak and reedy. The young man who spoke had been given first aid already. He was bandaged all over his body, white and beige wrappings turning red with fresh blood and dark brown with old. He wasn't, however, bandaged from head to foot, as he was missing most of his left leg and all of his right, as well as everything below his right elbow. He reached out with his left hand, trembling and weak, and Suzaku couldn't help but reach back, clasping the man's hand with his own.

Beside him, Kallen tensed. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku couldn't pay attention to her. All of his energy was focused on this man in front of him, with almost more missing than there, physically at least. Mentally, he seemed completely aware, his eyes meeting Suzaku's without any clouding or vagueness.

"Thank you."

There was something in the injured man's eyes. Grateful and pleading and pained, and it all eased away as his eyes fluttered shut and his hand fell limp in Suzaku's.

Suzaku swallowed hard and placed the hand back on the man's… on the corpse's chest.

"I'm sorry."

At some point, Kallen had clutched at his cape, trying to pull him away. Suzaku looked up at the nearest healer, and she came over, her eyes wide. "He's gone." Suzaku hated how firm and certain the mask made him sound when he nearly wanted to burst into tears.

She checked the man quickly, for breath and for pulse, before nodding. "He's at peace, Zero."

"I hope…" Suzaku swallowed again, his mouth incredibly dry. "I hope we can all be at peace soon. But until then, as long as Pendragon reigns over us, we're going to have to continue fighting and suffering." His voice almost broke, but he managed to catch himself before it did. "I'm sorry."

The healer shook her head. "Don't be. Better to struggle and fight as freemen than toil under hopelessness." She smiled and gave him a shallow bow. "We're with you, Zero. And we'll remain with you until the end."

That was when the chanting started. Just a few voices at first, scattered and soft. " _Zero, Zero, Zero_ …" Then more people picking it up, male and female voices, older voices, children's voices. " _Zero, Zero, Zero_ …"

Growing stronger and more certain, more passionate.

More fervent. Like worshippers to a messiah or prophet. Suzaku was torn between telling them they were wrong, and telling them they were right, they were just looking for _Lelouch_ , not him.

But he didn't have the chance to say anything. Just as the chanting was reaching a fevered pitch, nearly hysterical, a loud siren pierced through the air, silencing everyone.

"We're under attack," Toudou said suddenly, no-nonsense as usual. "Our ride can't land. We've got to get under cover."

After all the chanting, that sounded unconscionably cowardly. Suzaku couldn't _hide_ , he was the leader of this rebellion, its mascot, its guiding light. He was Lelouch's proxy and Lelouch, while he might have been useless and scared, wouldn't have hidden. He would have stood up, even at the risk of his own life, to ensure the continuation and strengthening of his legacy.

Suzaku couldn't do any less.

The soft sound of a woman clearing her throat somehow broke through Suzaku's racing thoughts, even under the air-raid siren. The healer was holding out a pulse rifle towards him almost reverently.

"There are more guns than people who can use them here," she said, her eyes dark and serious. "I know this isn't what you came here for, Zero, but…"

Suzaku reached out and took the gun, silently answering her unasked request. Chiba was the first to react. "Suzaku, don't be stupid."

"Do you have another one?" Kallen asked right on the heels of Chiba's warning. Someone else handed her another rifle and she turned to Suzaku with a grin. "I don't know about you, but I'm done with running."

She was crazy. Suzaku adored her.

They raced out of the hospital, healers and the walking injured scattering out of their way as they went. Toudou's only reaction was to order the crew to follow them, and then they were outside, out of the dimly lit building filled with the stench of blood and death, and into the natural light and the chaos of battle, fires raging, smoke billowing and obstructing their view, the shriek of aircraft and missiles overhead, the deafening sounds of blasts that shook the very earth they stood on.

Kallen turned to Suzaku. "I can't see a damned thing!"

Suzaku couldn't either. "We need to get higher."

The pulse rifles were heavy, but well-balanced as long as they were carried properly. As Suzaku raced up the external stairs on the side of the make-shift hospital, he ran through everything he knew about them.

They were powerful, enough to take out a small aircraft or severely damage a larger one if aimed perfectly. Because of that, they needed their user to brace themselves against something, or the recoil could do them significant damage or, even worse, foul up the shot. They had five charges, and could be recharged for five more in less than a minute, for a maximum of seven rounds. Miss with one, and the collateral damage was just as bad at the intended damage.

The hospital was only a few storeys tall, and they were at the roof before Suzaku could even plan a strategy. But he didn't have to. There were five bombers flying in formation, each moving heavily with their payload. Suzaku couldn't have asked for a more perfect target.

He and Kallen braced themselves against a brick ventilation shaft. It was just wide enough for the two of them to stand, half-crouched to take the recoil from the guns, side-by-side.

Suzaku grinned as he stared through the sight of the rifle. They had real-time speed estimation and arc calculation. Projectile weapons weren't his forte like blades were, but even he couldn't miss with this.

"I'll take lead."

"Got it," Kallen snapped back, tense and eager.

Suzaku aimed for the first plane, holding his breath and letting it out as he squeezed the trigger.

He nearly screamed as agonizing pain shot through his bracing shoulder. He'd been warned about the recoil, and he thought he'd braced himself properly, but he'd never really handled anything like a pulse rifle, and the reality of its power far exceeded Suzaku's anticipation.

Beside him, oblivious to his agony, Kallen crowed out in triumph. "You got 'im, Suzaku!" She took aim while Suzaku breathed deeply, exhaling away his pain, and hit one of the remaining planes, lucking out as the shrapnel from the hit plane took out the one following it. She turned, grinning, to Suzaku before her face fell. "What's wrong?"

Suzaku shook his head. "I'm fine, but I don't think I can get off any more shots."

Kallen nodded, and passed Suzaku a much smaller, mechanical gun. "Cover me, then."

After she took two more shots, Suzaku got his opportunity. He'd seen the bombers and the damage they could do, and he'd assumed that they were Pendragon's only method of attack. But Pendragon had spent the last seventy-five years militarily doing nothing but reviewing past successes and failures in the last war and putting down any whiff of rebellion in the Areas. Meanwhile, apart from Area 0, it had been three generations since any Number had had any military experience or formal training. Pendragon may have _mainly_ been relying on air power, but that didn't mean they didn't have ground forces as well.

The first Pendragon soldier didn't come from the stairs. Instead, a grappling hook latched onto the roof, just at the corner of Suzaku's eye. For a moment, he wasn't sure what, exactly, he was seeing, having not expected ground forces in the same area they were bombing. Then the first soldier, using the momentum from the winding cable, launched himself over the edge of the roof, drawing his gun as he landed.

Suzaku aimed and fired before the soldier's gun fully left the holster, hitting the man's faceplate and unbalancing him so that he fell back, still attached to his grappling wire. There was far too much noise, and Suzaku was too far away to hear the snap of the soldier's neck, but he imagined it clearly enough.

He was the first, but he was far from the last. Kallen took out the rest of the bombers and grabbed Suzaku's pulse rifle as hers charged. She caught a glimpse of the incoming Pendragon soldiers and grinned.

"Go for it, Zero."

Suzaku took a deep breath and started firing. He had a limited number of bullets and every one needed to count. There were two and only two obviously vulnerable spots on the soldiers' armour – their throats just under the faceplate and a small opening in the armpit when they raised their arms. The armpit spot was larger, but often guarded by the soldiers' arms, while the throat spot was small but almost always open. Suzaku took the few armpit shots that he could, and spent most of his bullets aiming for the narrow slit between the chest armour and the faceplate. He hit more often than he missed, and as he became used to the gun his accuracy only improved, as did his speed.

It still looked impossible. It was just him and Kallen, in a position only as defensible as one could be on a rooftop, against what seemed like an unending flood of opposing soldiers. Suzaku's gun clicked empty twice and he swore under his breath, out of options.

Well, never let it be said that Suzaku did things halfway. "If we get out of this, you're taking me on a date to the range," Suzaku said, determined to never again be crippled by his own weapon.

Before Kallen could answer, Suzaku dashed off, taking out he first three soldiers hand-to-hand, tossing them back over the roof before they knew what was happening. Clearly, despite military training, they didn't expect a flurry of cape and a masked figure coming at them armed with nothing but a body already wounded. Suzaku was taking them on with one hand dangling uselessly from his injured shoulder, which was harder than he'd expected, but more useful. If he didn't mind the expected searing pain, he could use the arm to brace himself or to block as needed, leaving his other arm free to lash out at, grab, and generally pummel the soldiers he was fighting.

For all Suzaku's exposure to the Hunger Games and life-and-death situations, he'd never really been in a full-out combat scenario. He was surprised to find how easy it was, how quickly and smoothly his training came out, and how logical and predictable everything was. It was like dancing, like playing, second-nature enough to be like breathing.

For the first time, Suzaku felt like he was in his element.

He kept Kallen in the back of his mind, targeting those soldiers who targeted her, even leaving mid-fight to take them down. Kallen never looked over, never even flinched, taking out Pendragon's planes one or two (if she got a particularly lucky hit) at a time, switching between pulse rifles. Suzaku felt a burst of pride for her sake, knowing that she was really making a difference, saving lives. The least he could do was protect her while she protected all of Area 8.

He was doing something. The _right_ something. That certainty settled on him and Suzaku found himself slipping away, almost into a kind of trance. Everything slowed down, just a little, and everything became even easier, just a little, and Suzaku found himself in a quiet, certain place within himself, at peace.

Surrounded by enemies, injured and killing, and completely at peace. He felt light, as if he could continue forever.

It was almost dream-like, surreal. And it wasn't until the last of the soldiers were either over the roof or at his feet that Suzaku eased out of it, and the noises and smells of Area 8 returned.

And the first thing he really saw and heard was Kallen, launching herself at him and laughing like a carefree lunatic.

"We did it, Suzaku! We turned them back!"

Suzaku caught Kallen, ignoring the renewed (and newly renoticed) pain in his shoulder as they embraced, joining in with her laughter and spinning her around. Kallen squeezed him tighter and then tore off his mask, tossing it aside in favour of running her fingers through his hair and staring into his eyes, her own blue eyes crinkled with her exuberance, sparkling with life and laughter.

Whatever she saw there made her cup Suzaku's face and lean in, pressing a kiss on him. Suzaku felt his own eyes flutter shut as he returned the kiss, his hands moving down Kallen's body to her hips, pulling her closer. She tasted like absolutely nothing, no girly false sweetness and no bitter tang of fear. She was his fearless girl, and Suzaku couldn't get over how wonderful she was. How wonderful _everything_ was. Suzaku pulled away, just a little, and breathed against Kallen's mouth. "We did it."

Kallen grinned and kissed him again, hot and insistent, and far more demanding this time. Their bodies were flush, as close as they could get with the layers of clothing between them, and Kallen's mouth opened hungrily, eagerly under Suzaku's, and everything was perfect.

The sound of someone clearing their throat, loudly and quite close, snapped Suzaku out of his celebratory daze. "A- _hem_."

Both he and Kallen nearly jumped away from each other, looking sheepishly at Toudou, biting their reddened lips in embarrassment.

Tamaki laughed. "Better get you out of here before you jizz in your pants, _Zero_."

Suzaku felt his face flame, but he managed to raise his head to meet Tamaki's eyes. "I have more control than that."

Tamaki just grinned and shrugged. "Then let's get out of here before I jizz in _my_ pants from watching you two. It was like porn." Chiba smacked the back of his head.

Toudou shook his head at his team's antics. "It wasn't for public consumption, that's certain enough." The disappointed censor in his voice was enough to have Suzaku lowering his head again. "But we certainly have enough useful footage that it won't be missed." He frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps the kiss…"

"Oh, no. No," Kallen said firmly. "You are _not_ showing that. That was… personal."

Toudou just shrugged. "We'll discuss it with Schneizel and possibly Genbu when we get back."

"Discuss it all you want," Kallen snapped, her embarrassment leaving her the moment there was something to fight over. "You're not showing that."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"We'll start with the hospital, move onto the fight, and end with the kiss," Schneizel said, looking over the footage with a satisfied expression. "Good work, Toudou."

"You can't be serious!" Kallen protested. "What about… what about Lelouch?"

Schneizel's pleased expression sobered. "Lelouch isn't here, Kallen. Zero needs to be a leader, needs to be seen looking to the future. A new life, a new love, a hero taking his reward amidst the ruins of battle… it plays well."

"Reward?" Suzaku asked incredulously. Kallen had kissed _him_. It was obvious from the film. If anyone was taking any reward, it was her. Although it hadn't been like that.

"It's not like that," Kallen said, as if reading Suzaku's mind. "It was battle-rush, we were just reacting. There's nothing between me and Suzaku."

Schneizel raised an eyebrow. "I can assure you, had I been in your position, I would not have 'just reacted' by attempting to count Suzaku's teeth with my tongue."

Kanon coughed, and even Toudou looked amused. Suzaku had the feeling they weren't taking this seriously.

"Lelouch is gone," Schneizel said softly, gentle now. "His roles need to be filled. Suzaku is stepping up and being the best Zero he can be. I know it doesn't do credit to your impressive skills, but you make a tantalizing love interest, Kallen. You fight together, live together, train together, and all of Britannia will be as enamoured of imagining you _together_ as they were imagining Suzaku and Lelouch."

Kallen still looked mutinous, but didn't disagree. Schneizel turned back to Suzaku. "I think we'll focus on your physical fighting rather than your marksmanship for now. The latter could use some work."

Suzaku nodded. "Kallen's going to train with me, sir."

Schneizel nodded his approval. "If you want shared quarters, just let us know."

"Are you listening at _all_?" Kallen demanded. "We're not like that!"

Schneizel didn't say anything, just scanned forward until the part of the video that showed the second kiss, Suzaku's hands on Kallen's hips, Kallen's legs slightly spread for him, the way they fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces, the way they moved, all sinew and muscle and heat. Suzaku, despite having never actually watched pornography (Lelouch's gang-rape notwithstanding), could see what Tamaki meant. He hadn't felt anything but joy and happiness in the moment, but now, watching himself, he could feel the blood pooling in his groin, every instinct on edge, craving what he'd almost had…

He needed to get laid. Regular sex with Lelouch had become a habit, an addiction, and he was going through withdrawal. Lelouch wasn't here, though. But Kallen was, and Schneizel was right. Zero had to look towards the future, not linger in the impossible (perfect) past.

"We're not," Kallen said, sounding less sure of herself. "It was just adrenaline."

Suzaku took her hand. He didn't know what to do. He knew what he wanted (or, rather, what his stupid body wanted) but he didn't know what would actually be for the best.

He loved Kallen. He'd loved her since she'd taken him in, taught him to hunt, to evade the Peacekeepers, to take care of himself. She was the closest thing he'd had to a home, until Lelouch. Even, in a way, since Lelouch. He thought she was beautiful and desirable, and he really wanted to have sex again.

But there was still a part of him that couldn't give up on Lelouch. The part that Marianne had revived, rekindled, with her endless hope. And Suzaku knew that as long as his heart clung to Lelouch, he couldn't give himself fully to anyone else.

If it had just been a matter of scratching an itch, fulfilling an urge, Suzaku would have taken Kallen to bed in a heartbeat. But it wasn't just that, not for him. And not, he thought, for her either. If they went down this route, if they were willing to try being together, they'd want something real, something that could last. It wouldn't have to be successful, necessarily, but it couldn't be doomed from the start. And it couldn't be just sex either, not with everything that lay between them.

So Suzaku took Kallen's hand, smiled at her, and turned to everyone in the room. "We're going to the range now, unless anyone needs us for anything."

There was a long moment of silence. Then Schneizel shrugged. "We'll have everything ready for broadcast tomorrow morning. Please join us in the briefing room after breakfast, both of you."

"Sure thing," Suzaku said, pulling Kallen with him as he left. "See you all there."

He didn't know what to do about this. About everything. So he would just take it one day at a time, one incident at a time, and wait until he stopped dreaming about Lelouch, nightmares and more pleasant dreams both, wait until he could give whatever was between him and Kallen a fair try, and then he'd make his choice.

Hopefully, Kallen would still be by his side. She had been, for years, and there was no reason to fear she'd leave now, but still…

"I'm so lucky to have you, Kallen."

Kallen looked at him, giving him far too much attention considering they were walking through a somewhat busy hallway. Then she laced her fingers with his. "I'm lucky too, Suzaku. And I know when not to press my luck."

Suzaku doubted that. But that was one of the reasons he loved her so much.


	5. Lelouch Revealed

The next morning, Suzaku found himself staring at his breakfast, amazed at how unappetizing the food looked. Even during training for the Hunger Games, he'd never been turned off anything as vital as food before.

"Nervous?" Kallen asked, a small smirk gracing her lips. Suzaku glared.

"I'm really not," he insisted. "I don't feel worried at all. I just… don't want to eat."

Kallen shrugged and shovelled another forkful into her mouth. "Eat anyway." She swallowed. "You're being constantly watched, scrutinized. If you don't eat, there'll be consequences."

Suzaku tried to care, but couldn't quite manage it. "I'll just say I was nervous."

Kallen shoved Suzaku's tray at him. "Eat." Her frown was implacable.

Suzaku remembered how she'd been as a child, bossy and pushy, forcing the biggest and fattiest portions down Suzaku's throat even before he learned how to hunt and contribute. She'd never claimed it was generosity or care, just a solid investment in a promising partner. Suzaku had believed her – Kallen didn't indulge in charity for other struggling children or their families, and it never occurred to him that he might be special in any way, other than possibly becoming a help to her in the future.

Now, though, he was less sure. Kallen had taken far more care of him than he could ever reciprocate, always irascible and controlling, but never asking anything in return.

She kicked him under the table, her frown turning into a full-out glare. "Suzaku…"

"Alright, alright." Suzaku sighed, giving in to the inevitable. "I'll eat." He dutifully picked up a fork and forced himself to take a mouthful of food. It was hard to swallow past the lump in his throat, but one look at Kallen and her irritated expression was all he needed to force it down.

After he finally finished, they returned to the briefing room, the food settling into a heavy lump in Suzaku's stomach.

Schneizel and Toudou were deep in discussion, and it was Kanon who slipped away from the small group to greet them. "Suzaku, Kallen. Please take a seat."

His words and tone were completely neutral, no thanks for coming, but no censure for being later than expected. It didn't ease Suzaku's anxiety, and for a moment he was worried his breakfast might come back up. Kallen's hand on his, under the table they sat at, was a great comfort.

"I think that's it," Schneizel said. "Now all we need to do is wait for Diethard to override Pendragon's network and we're ready to go."

Toudou nodded, looking pleased, before turning to see Suzaku and Kallen. "Ah, you made it. Good. Just in time for the broadcast."

Kallen's hand tightening on Suzaku's, exposing her own anxiety, and Suzaku raised his free hand. "Ah… you're broadcasting? Already?"

"Why wait?" Schneizel asked.

"I just thought that maybe we could see it first," Suzaku said.

Toudou shook his head. "We just finished putting it together. We haven't seen it all the way through either, Suzaku."

Suzaku wanted to ask what the rush was, but the rebellion had been going for weeks without him and the last thing that he wanted to hear was that it was all his fault. He turned his hand upsidedown so that he and Kallen were palm-to-palm, holding each other's hands when the broadcast started.

For some reason, Suzaku had expected Diethard's voice-over to start the broadcast like he had the Hunger Games interviews. But, of course, he would be working undercover, secretly.

What was just as surprising was that the voice-over was Schneizel's, over images of Pendragon's waste, the neediness of the Areas, starving children juxtaposed with laughing, gaudy partygoers.

" _People of Pendragon, your time of reckoning has come. Too long have you wallowed in the indolence of your position, exploiting others to your benefit. Too long have you been allowed to lord over your brothers and sisters in the Areas. Too long have we waited for a time, an opportunity, and a hero to guide us."_

" _Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero_." The chanting from the hospital started quiet and low under Schneizel's introduction, swelling into the fanatical mantra that kept its terrifying almost hysterical edge that had so intimidated Suzaku when it had first happened.

And then the warning siren rang out as the image froze over the tear-streaked face of a young girl.

" _The face of justice looks impartially upon us all. It has abundant mercy, longstanding patience, but when it comes to its level of tolerance for the selfish and cruel actions of Pendragon and her Emperor, there is only one word that describes that_."

The video switched to Lelouch and Suzaku, in matching outfits for their second interviews, standing tall and powerful in the capes and masks that Suzaku was only now beginning to suspect had been part of a larger scheme all along.

" _We. Are. Zero._ "

What followed was a rapid-fire montage of the battles fought in the Areas since the rebellion started, cut together with brilliantly shot footage of Kallen and Suzaku alone on their roof, fighting off dozens of Pendragon aircraft and soldiers. Kallen looked like a grim Valkyrie, a harbinger of certain death to her foes, while Suzaku fought unarmed and wounded against a seemingly endless wave of soldiers. Despite the impossible odds, the smoke cleared to show them both victorious, caught in a passionate embrace.

" _Death is a two-sided sword, and the only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed._ " Lelouch's voice, even though the modifications of the mask, made something in Suzaku's chest lurch, especially after watching just how easily he fell into Kallen's arms. " _Have you heard any of the legends of the red string of destiny? It may stretch or tangle, but it never breaks_." Suzaku remembered Lelouch saying that, tying their wrists together, preparing to risk both their lives on an astronomical gamble.

" _I have to carry his burden, fulfill his promises, because he can't_." Suzaku's own voice sounded from the video, as footage of the survivors from the Area 8 attack crept out of hiding. Suzaku was surprised at how firm but gentle he sounded. " _Lelouch started out as Zero._ " His voice hardened on the recording, sounding completely certain of himself. _"I'll finish as Zero_."

The final shot was of Suzaku, standing amidst his fallen foes, the wind billowing his cape and sending artistically positioned plumes of smoke past his strong, steady form.

He looked like a hero.

He felt sick.

The silence that followed the short video was as loud as any heckling or applause could have been. It was a good tape, well-put together, emotional and action-packed, and more than enough to keep anyone's attention. But it was all lies – Suzaku wasn't this great hero as Schneizel made him out to be, Lelouch wasn't purely, self-sacrificingly stepping aside for Kallen as the video implied, and just fighting off ten or twenty (or thirty) soldiers wasn't enough to make a difference.

"Masterfully done, Toudou," Schneizel said as Toudou turned down the sound when the feed returned to Pendragon's regularly scheduled program. "You have others?"

Toudou nodded. "This was mostly directed at Area 2 and Pendragon itself – the remaining bastions of power. For the other Areas, we've emphasized the images of Kallen shooting the last of the planes from the sky, Suzaku's combat, and the footage from the hospital. Diethard has set up a schedule to interrupt Pendragon's usual programming during popular shows three or four times a day."

Schneizel looked pleased. "Hopeful, our first significant victory, along with reminders of what Pendragon is costing us. Excellent." He turned to Suzaku and Kallen. "I've spoken with Genbu. He's agreed that both of you have shown admirable initiative and he's willing to put you both in the field if you can pass the qualifying tests."

Kallen leaned forward. "Knightmares?"

"You qualify for one," Schneizel said. "Suzaku still needs further training. But I'm certain enough that you'll succeed, Suzaku, that I've had Lloyd design a special Knightmare just for you."

Such a strong vote of confidence was more intimidating than reassuring. Suzaku was about to thank Schneizel when Toudou's voice interrupted them.

"Schneizel, I think you need to take a look at this."

He turned the volume up, and Suzaku looked up only to have his heart stop.

It was Lelouch.

He wasn't speaking. He was sitting at a table, in what looked like a classroom, listening with that expression he put on when he wanted to look like he was paying attention, but he was really mostly laughing at whoever was speaking.

"– _bout the ongoing rebellion in the Areas_?"

Lelouch shrugged on screen, careless and easy in front of the camera. " _Mostly it's foolishness. The Numbers have already lost one war, and this war is no different. They're still outnumbered, still outgunned, still outmatched. The one thing they have going for them, this time, is Prince Schneizel's defection. An inside man who knows Pendragon's weaknesses and strengths, with a brilliant mind and sharp ambition. But the only thing he can guarantee is more casualties on both sides, before the inevitable loss. And the idea that someone like him, in a position of power and luxury is truly working for the good of the Numbers is painfully naïve. It's clearly a power play on his part, and he'll use them to get what he wants, whether it's what they want or not._ "

" _So that's what you think is driving Prince Schneizel. What do you think drives the rebellion as a whole_?"

Lelouch made a sour face. " _What drives any impossible dream? Ignorance, hope, stubbornness, pain. The price of war seems less than the cost of doing nothing. But they're not just fighting against Pendragon and all her might, they're fighting against fate itself. All men are not created equal. We have our place, our position, our skills, our duties. To abandon our roles is to struggle against destiny. And that's a fight that will take more than will and clever strategy and determination to win._ "

" _And you're saying that the Numbers don't have what it takes_?"

Lelouch shrugged. " _I'm saying they're going to need more than they have._ " He looked directly into the camera. " _I'm saying, they're doomed_."

There was no grand ending to the video, it simply froze on Lelouch's uncaring face and faded to black.

There was a long moment of silence, this time heavy and uncomfortable.

The emotions churning in Suzaku's stomach were contradictory and painful. Lelouch's words were like daggers – sharp, hurtful, and damaging. He'd always been good at getting his ideas across, and the disdain and derision he felt for the rebels came through clearly. But even as Suzaku flinched and winced at Lelouch's attacks, he could feel the numbing effects of the medications he was on melting away, leaving behind and almost excruciating joy.

Lelouch was alive.

It was more than Suzaku had allowed himself to hope for, Marianne and Nunnally's persistent optimism aside. Suzaku hadn't allowed himself to hope, and in doing so he'd started to move on, letting a part of him die along with his faith.

That part of him felt alive again, another part of his soul lighting up, like it had during battle, and when he and Kallen had kissed.

He and Kallen. Suzaku felt a third wave of emotion, a sharp pang of confused guilt, wavering between Lelouch (for getting closer to Kallen in his absence) and Kallen (for wanting Lelouch back so very desperately when he had her), but definitely guilt. It was enough to take off the edge of his joy as he pulled his hand out from under Kallen's.

"Interesting," Schneizel said, breaking the silence. He sounded cool, clinical, and as uncaring as Lelouch had sounded. "They've clearly prerecorded this."

"How do you know?" Suzaku demanded, feeling the certainty that Lelouch was alive under attack.

"They didn't mention you, at all. The worst of the attacks are against me, and against the idea of rebellion itself. They'll likely try to prepare something in the future targeted against Zero specifically, but until then, we need to saturate the airways, making it clear that _you_ are the heart and soul of the rebellion."

"And making him a target," Kallen pointed out. "Isn't this just about deflecting attention from you?"

Schneizel looked almost hurt. "Not at all. This is about using Zero as much as we can before we have to fight for it."

Suzaku stood up. " _Shouldn't_ this be about rescuing Lelouch?" Everyone's attention turned to him, and Suzaku realized he sounded a little panicked. "I mean, he's alive. And he's the one you wanted in the first place, right?"

"Yes…" Schneizel's expression softened, gentled. "But the potential cost of a rescue mission…"

"It's worth a try!" Suzaku insisted. "At least talk about it. Don't just assume that Lelouch is lost to us because Pendragon has him."

"Suzaku," Kallen said, reaching for him. "We can't just launch an invasion into Pendragon itself! It would be a suicide mission."

"But you're not even going to _try_?" Suzaku felt his throat close, fear and loss and anger warring inside him, overcoming the mood stabilizers. "He would come for any of us, you know he would."

Kallen had both hands out now, making calming gestures. Suzaku suddenly realized how he was standing, as if he was going to attack at any second. And anyone who'd seen the video of him taking on dozens of Pendragon soldiers knew to be wary of him.

And part of him _did_ want to lash out, to nestle in that quiet, violent place inside him and make everyone pay for abandoning Lelouch _again_ , when they had the option to fix what they'd done.

But he couldn't. It wouldn't help and Lelouch would still be out of his reach.

But alive.

"Suzaku…"

Suzaku couldn't take it any more. No more excuses, no more cowardice, no more of Area 0 only moving when things were to their advantage.

"If you won't go, then I will," Suzaku said. "You can find yourself another Zero."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

In hindsight, perhaps a more subtle approach would have been more effective.

Suzaku had stormed out of the briefing room, determined to find a way to sneak into Pendragon and rescue Lelouch. He wasn't sure how, or even how he'd get to Pendragon in the first place, but he was sure he would think of… something.

Lelouch would have plans galore by now, and plans for contingencies, and plans for when those contingencies failed. Suzaku had nothing but determination and his own native skill set.

Which mostly boiled down to punching people hard in the face.

Even that was useless, however, as he wasn't permitted to leave, not only Area 0, but the floor he was on. His access card was refused at every elevator and staircase he tried, and security refused to take his calls. Also, everyone in Area 0 had apparently seen his video (if not Lelouch's) and stopped to congratulate him, those few people he knew casually taking the opportunity to introduce him to their friends, and share a little in his fame.

Everyone was so happy, so hopeful, and Suzaku felt like the fates were taunting him.

Kallen caught up to him in a storage room, where Suzaku claimed to have been looking for a ventilation shaft and not at all sulking and hiding away.

She didn't say anything at first, just stood by the door and waited as Suzaku watched her warily. "Not going to tell me again how stupid I am for wanting to rescue my… Lelouch?"

Kallen sighed and shook her head. "You're not stupid. Well, you are, but not about that." She tried a smile. Suzaku didn't return it. "You can't go, Suzaku. It's too dangerous."

"Then film it, and at least you'll have a worthwhile propaganda video," Suzaku snapped. "I abandoned Lelouch before, and then I thought he was dead when he wasn't. I'm not giving up hope on him again."

"That's just it," Kallen said. " _Why_ is Lelouch still alive? Why did Pendragon keep him and not Xingke or one of the others?"

" _There is no way Charles would have let any harm come to him._ "

The memory of Marianne's certainty made Suzaku wince. Maybe he'd been wrong the whole time. Maybe Charles _had_ cared about his children, and was keeping Lelouch safe the only way he knew how.

"He's being used," Kallen continued. "Against the rebellion, against _you_. Pendragon'll keep him safe because he's their only useful weapon, but if you go in, guns blazing, searching for him, he'll have graduated from 'weapon' to 'bait'. There's only one thing you can do about him, Suzaku."

"And what's that?" Suzaku asked.

"Ignore him. Keep talking about the greater good, about freedom and justice, like he would have. And meanwhile, ignore him."

Suzaku shook his head. "I'm in love with him." Kallen winced a little and Suzaku softened his tone, not wanting to hurt her. "I tried to move past it, Kallen, but I am. As long as he's alive, and even if he isn't, there will always be a part of me that yearns towards him. I can't ignore him, any more than I could ignore the air I need to breathe. If he's out there, if I _can_ have him, I have to do everything I can to get him back."

"You sound obsessed."

Suzaku shrugged. "That's probably fair." He moved towards Kallen for the first time. "What's not fair is asking you to stay here, by my side, as I self-destruct for my obsession. You have so much potential, you're really what they want, and what they need. I can't keep dragging you down."

Kallen didn't look happy, but she didn't look exactly upset, either. "You know, that's kind of what Lelouch said. While we were working on the evacuation, he kept talking about how he was ruining your life, taking away your future, your choice to have a family, your own autonomy. He talked about it _a lot_ , and you know what?" Kallen looked Suzaku straight in the eye. "He was as full of bullshit as you are. Make your choices, Suzaku, whatever they are, but don't lie to yourself that you're doing _anything_ 'for my own good'. If Lelouch is what you want, then fine. If I am, then fine. But make your own choices and let me make mine, asshole."

The last word was so full of affection, that Suzaku couldn't help but smile. "Alright. So. What now?"

"We wait," Kallen said. "You're right, Lelouch would have come for us in our place, so we have to go for him. But we can't just rush off on a whim."

"They don't want him," Suzaku said, guilt eating away at his stomach. "If I had refused, if I'd forced their hand…"

"…we'd never have known that Lelouch was still alive. And as long as he's alive, there's hope," Kallen said firmly. "Schneizel's smart, Suzaku, Lelouch-like smart. He'll figure out a way, and we'll get him back."

It warmed Suzaku's heart to hear Kallen talking like that, as if she would always be on his side, no matter what.

And she seemed to want Lelouch back too.

As if reading Suzaku's mind, Kallen sighed. "We _all_ want him back, Suzaku. Schneizel included. If there's a way, we'll find it, but until then we have to keep our eyes on the prize. This rebellion is more important than any one person, even Lelouch."

Suzaku personally disagreed, but she was right that the more people they had working on this, the more likely they were to succeed. "Does Schneizel have any idea why Lelouch is acting the way he is?"

Kallen shook her head. "Sayoko's evaluating the video now, and we're basically going with either he's being threatened or brainwashed, but there are some who think he's simply defected to Pendragon, for a life of comfort."

"What?" Suzaku said, incredulous. "They think he's doing this, saying those things, _freely_? He's the one who started the rebellion!"

"Accidentally, and for his own reasons. Suzaku, you have to admit he looked good, and there was no sign of torture or coercion or even hesitation."

"He's not a traitor."

"Of course not, but…" Kallen sighed. "Just keep your mind open, and remember that one way or another, we all want him back here."

Some of them for a trial, apparently. Suzaku was willing to keep his mind open, but he preferred to keep his options open. He'd still be able to go off on his own to rescue Lelouch if he needed to, even if he hung around for a few days, acting like the good little puppet he was supposed to be. Kallen was right – Lelouch needed as much help as he could get, and it was up to Suzaku to get that help for him.

"There's actually a meeting scheduled after lunch," Kallen said. "Cornelia and Guilford will be joining us, as well as Marianne, of course. Schneizel's trying to talk Lloyd into coming, and Genbu's sending a representative. It'd probably be good if you came too."

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. "I'm invited?"

"You're really important," Kallen assured him. "Even if you don't see it, you are. And you have power of your own, Suzaku. Don't underestimate it." She was right, Suzaku knew, but he didn't know how to use that power, and he was unused to, and uncomfortable with, using his position to manipulate things to his favour. But he could try to, for Lelouch.

"Until then, though, Lloyd wants you running the Knightmare simulator. I think it's a good idea – it'll give you a chance to cool off."

"Thanks," Suzaku said. "I'll do that, after I stop off and check in with Sayoko." He needed to make sure that his new emotional lability wasn't a warning sign of an impending breakdown. He wouldn't be much use to anyone as the snarling wreck he was before.

Sayoko agreed. "It's alright to feel angry or betrayed, Suzaku. The important thing is to remain in control, and to let yourself feel the emotions, rather than letting the emotions take over."

"I thought he was dead and… and I felt awful, but at least then I had the certainty. It was over. Now, as long as Pendragon has him, everything I do that's not rescuing him or planning to rescue him or convincing other people to help me rescue him seems like a waste of time."

"That's alright too. Grief is a strange thing, and no two people go through it the same way. But having your grief taken away from you can be disturbing in itself. I think you're doing well, and I wouldn't adjust the doses of your medications just yet, but check in with me daily, just in case."

Suzaku nodded. "Okay. I'm supposed to train with the Knightmare simulations. Do you think that's a good idea?"

"What do you think?"

"I want to," Suzaku said, thoughtfully. "I want to do everything I can, because sitting around doing nothing makes everything worse. But I don't know if it's safe."

"That's what the simulation is for," Sayoko assured him. "You can't hurt anyone, or destroy anything in there. In fact, it might be a useful way to work through your emotions."

Suzaku gave her a half-smile. "Blowing things up?"

"Exactly."

"…you're kind of weird for a therapist."

"I've been told," Sayoko said serenely. "Now go blow things up, Suzaku. See if I'm wrong."

She wasn't wrong. Just as the sword had felt natural the first time Suzaku had picked it up, like an extension of his arm, the Knightmare controls, even in the simulator, were so intuitive and natural that it was almost as simple as moving his own body.

And if there was one thing Suzaku was adept at, it was moving his body.

He stayed in the simulator until lunch, trying out as many scenarios as he could and scoring in the high nineties for most of them. The 'rescue missions', particularly, Suzaku did well on, even if the mission entailed protecting footsoldiers as they performed the rescue itself. He didn't succumb to the urge to be the hero, to rescue the target himself, and he succeeded every time, saving the imaginary person on the computer screen.

It felt satisfying, success always did, but there was something bitter about flying fake rescue missions while Lelouch was being held and threatened or tortured or whatever they were doing to make him say those things about the rebellion.

Suzaku's scores, on average, were slightly higher than Kallen's. She had done better on the solo missions, as well as back-up and defence, but Suzaku had scored higher on the rescue missions and the more regimented team-work missions. He smirked at the results – it was just like Kallen to chafe under orders, having trouble trusting in imaginary allies. She would do better with people she knew at her back, Suzaku was sure.

Lunch was easier than breakfast, now that Suzaku had an idea and a plan. The anger and impotent sense of betrayal were almost completely gone, replaced by determination and hope. Schneizel wasn't unreasonable, and even Genbu had bent when Suzaku asked. Surely they would see Lelouch as the important asset he was, and grant Suzaku his very reasonable request.

And if they didn't, Suzaku would take Kallen and maybe a few others and get Lelouch out himself. There was no stopping him, not when he was this determined, and after flying those simulations, Suzaku had more hope than before that he could actually succeed in rescuing Lelouch on his own if it came to that.

But he'd rather not. He'd rather have something for him and Lelouch to return to once Lelouch was rescued. And, despite its significant flaws and issues, Area 0 wasn't a bad candidate for that something to return to. It was less free and more controlled than Area 11, but it was also fairer, and Lelouch valued fairness.

The meeting was taking place in the briefing room again, and Suzaku was just happy he knew where to go. His access card once again granted him access to most of the public rooms and the elevators and stairs, even though he still couldn't go outside Area 0 without permission, and no one had officially reprimanded him for his actions. They hadn't apologized either, for their lack of faith, but Suzaku didn't really expect that in the first place.

What he did expect from this meeting was for everyone to accept that Lelouch in Pendragon hands was worse than Lelouch on their side – worse enough to risk a rescue attempt. And he was prepared to keep them in that room until they realized it, using every threat at his disposal. He expected Marianne and Kallen to back him up, and Schneizel and Cornelia to be resistant, at first. But he also expected them to act reasonably and rationally. They were brilliant, strategists and politicians, and they had to know a good idea when they saw it.

They would rescue their baby brother, Suzaku was sure of it. They just had to be sold on the idea. And with them on his side, there was no way Suzaku could fail.

He smiled grimly as he pushed open the door to the briefing room.

_Wait for me, Lelouch. I'm coming._


	6. Home is Where the Heart Is. Was.

The briefing room was becoming like a second home to Suzaku. He even had his own seat, something he only now realized as he felt a sharp jab of irritation that Guilford was sitting in it, beside Cornelia.

He took another seat and waited for everyone else to show up. Marianne showed up with Kallen, who had fetched her specifically for the meeting, and Schneizel and Kanon followed close on their heels. Lloyd had been inspired by Suzaku's performance on the simulator, and had decided to fool around with the specialized Knightmare he was building for Zero, the one Suzaku wasn't supposed to know anything about, rather than attend the meeting.

Last to arrive was Genbu's representative, Kusakabe. He was a heavy-set man, most of it clearly muscle, and by far the oldest person in the room. He looked unimpressed with the gathering and took a seat at the back.

Schneizel nodded to him and got the meeting started. "First of all, we need to ask if it's even worthwhile to launch a rescue attempt."

"Of course it is!" Kallen insisted, before Suzaku could. "Lelouch needs us, and we need him."

Marianne smiled beatifically. "Lelouch doesn't necessarily need rescuing, Kallen dear. He's not in any danger, after all. The question is only if we'd be better off with him here, than in Pendragon."

"He's speaking out vocally against the rebellion," Guilford pointed out. "It's sending a mixed and confused message to the people."

"They're pre-recorded," Kanon said. "Even if we take Lelouch back, they'll still have the footage."

"But we'll have _him_ , in real time," Schneizel said. "It should be more than enough to get control of the message back." He frowned. "But the question remains – is Lelouch in Pendragon of his own free will?"

"He seems happy enough," Kusakabe said. "And why wouldn't he be – living in the lap of luxury, eating the food grown in Area 10, playing with the devices built in Area 3…"

Cornelia shook her head. "No. He's not there willingly, I can guarantee it."

"And how's that, dear?" Marianne asked gently.

Cornelia flushed a little, but met Marianne's eyes. "Because of Nunnally. Because even if he had the chance to live a charmed life in Pendragon, he never would have wilfully left her behind." Kusakabe scoffed, and Cornelia turned on him. "You don't know! Lelouch and I have had our differences, but we understand the drive and need to care for a younger sister. I never would have left Euphy behind, and he would never leave Nunnally if there was any choice. He's being coerced somehow, and even if he truly feels the rebellion is foolish, he's not in Pendragon willingly, I promise you."

Schneizel nodded. "I agree. Sayoko wasn't able to find any trace of forced responses or coercion on the recording, but we didn't have much time to work with. She did say that the cadence and rhythm is more relaxed than Lelouch had been during the Hunger Games, but he was lying through his teeth then, so there's really nothing to compare it too."

"Charles wouldn't hurt him, Schneizel, you know that," Marianne said. "If Lelouch feels like the revolution is pointless, then let him. He isn't always right, and he's free to think and say what he likes. He's certainly not being tortured."

"But brainwashing?" Schneizel asked. "You know that's a possibility, Marianne. You, of all people."

Marianne's eyes flashed. "You think Lelouch's will is so weak?"

"It's not about strength," Kanon said. "We know exactly how strong and, more importantly, how flexible Lelouch is. He'll bend far past when most people would break. But this isn't something that can be fought against."

"Fairy tales and theories," Marianne said, waving her hand in dismissal. "Lelouch is just finding his place. You should leave him to it, and focus on your own goals."

"Our goal is to win Britannia for all her citizens, not just those in Pendragon," Schneizel said. "Lelouch has always had an important role in that, if possible, and we'd do better with him here."

"Can I come?" Suzaku asked.

There was an awkward silence, before Kanon pasted on his professional-assistant-to-the-Prime-Minister smile. "We're still working through the details, Suzaku."

"But I–"

"We haven't even decided to go after the boy yet," Kusakabe said. "Risking our soldiers' lives for a boy who might not even be of use isn't a plan I can bring to Genbu with my support."

Schneizel sighed. "If I could discuss this further with you, then. I was hoping that hearing from so many people who knew and cared for Lelouch would be helpful, particularly as one of those people is currently keeping the rebellion's morale up on his own. But if it's logistics that will convince you, Kanon and I are more than willing to talk details."

The dismissal was clear. Suzaku stood up feeling vaguely unsatisfied, but still hopeful. He might not have had the chance to argue his case, but Schneizel was willing to do it for him, which could very easily end up better than if Suzaku tried to do so on his own.

He wasn't the only one feeling uneasy. The moment the door closed behind them, Cornelia turned to Marianne. "I'm sorry for speaking out of turn. I'm sure you know your son best–"

"I'm also sure I do," Marianne agreed.

"–but you can't believe he'd abandon Nunnally for anything."

Marianne shrugged. "If he thought her safe and happy, and himself free to explore his own happiness? Of course. There is a limit to selflessness, and Lelouch has cared for Nunnally's well-being since he was old enough to realize that she needed more care than most girls. If he could be guaranteed that she was alive and in my care, in a place where she can be of use and also have all her needs answered, why wouldn't he start looking out for himself?"

"Because he loves her," Suzaku said. "And he'd want to be here, to watch her grow and change and blossom. He loves her, and he loves you, and he'd never be separated from either of you given any choice in the matter." The more he thought about it, the more obvious Cornelia's assessment was.

"Love or not, every boy needs to grow up, to start turning into the man he will become. And there's no better place for Lelouch to grow than Pendragon. I'm glad that he's there. And you should all be glad too. This nonsense about _rescuing_ him is pure silliness, and Kusakabe is right – it's hardly worth the risk if Lelouch doesn't want to come home."

Kallen frowned. "You just called it 'home', though. And it is. Not Area 0, but you and Nunnally and Suzaku. You _are_ Lelouch's home."

"I'm his mother. Nunnally is his sister. He's supposed to leave us, eventually. He just has the chance to advance at the same time." Marianne smiled. "I know my son. He's where he needs to be."

Suzaku couldn't argue with that. He'd only really known Lelouch well for about a year, and much of that time they had been at odds, or Lelouch had been outright manipulating him. But what Suzaku did know about Lelouch didn't jive at all with Marianne's take on him. Growth and opportunities aside, this Lelouch was so different from the one who had stood beside Suzaku, who had cared for the people of Area 11 to the point of organizing a grand exodus, who would give anything to make Nunnally smile. She was right – it wasn't torture or even coercion. Nothing could make Lelouch change so sharply, so completely.

Therefore, that boy wasn't Lelouch. Suzaku understood the idea behind brainwashing only vaguely, but he had the feeling that it was the only explanation. Someone had taken Lelouch and given him a different personality, different motivations, and even different memories probably. He wasn't Lelouch, but that was okay.

Because Suzaku knew that he could get Lelouch back. One way or another. The alternative was just too sad to even consider.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"Back to Area 11?" Suzaku frowned. "What about Lelouch?"

"This is because of Lelouch," Toudou explained. "If he's appeared to have gone over to Pendragon's side, we need to remind everyone of his, and your, roots. That's why Nunnally's coming too."

Nunnally smiled and Suzaku reflexively smiled back, unable to help himself.

Still, he worried. "Won't she be a target?"

"No one knows of our plan to tape you two revisiting Area 11, apart from Schneizel and the governing council of Area 0. We won't be there long enough for there to be any risk. Besides, you're asking for permission to launch a rescue attempt into the heart of Pendragon. Risk assessment is clearly not your forté."

"I want to go," Nunnally said. "I heard what Lelouch said, and I'm not sure if mother is right. Even if he found his place in Pendragon, he wouldn't go out of his way to hurt us like this. If going to Area 11 can help, I want to do it. I still have faith in him."

And Suzaku could hardly argue with that.

They took enough guards that he felt secure, if not precisely safe. Kallen wasn't coming, which was irritating, but she had a point about stealing Nunnally's attention, and also that their perceived relationship was more confusing than helpful, now that Lelouch was shown to be alive.

Suzaku didn't know any of the guards, but he knew Toudou and the crew, and it didn't take long for Nunnally to charm them as well.

They landed in Area 11, which looked disturbingly normal. None of the houses had changed in the months since the exodus, apart from being empty and abandoned. The market square looked different, deserted and dusty, but there was still the feeling of potential, as if they could return at any moment and pick up the pieces of their lives.

Off the beaten path, however, was an ominous monument to why they'd left in the first place. A pile of dirt and rocks, untended and messy in an almost natural way, unmarked by anything Suzaku could see until he drew close enough to see the small wooden marker, with only the number '4' etched into it.

"These are the mounds," Suzaku said.

"Yes," Nunnally answered from the road, her wheelchair unable to get any closer to the 'mass grave'. "As soon as you and Lelouch left, Kallen started moving people, spreading the rumour about a plague moving through the communities. Most of these mounds contain nothing but branches and junk, wrapped in linens to look like corpses."

It was unnerving to hear Nunnally speak so calmly about such things.

"We got most of the mining families out, but the townspeople were nervous about the spread of the 'disease', and it was hard to speak with them. Milly was a great help for that, but Kallen insisted she leave around the time your group joined up with Cornelia." Nunnally looked sad for a moment. "We couldn't figure out how to warn the Peacekeepers or their families without risking everyone's safety, so when Pendragon came…"

It had been a good plan, well thought-out and well-implemented. Nothing terrified on a visceral level like a contagious fatal disease, so few questions would be asked. But it hadn't been perfect, and Lelouch had known, even as he planned it, that the last stragglers would likely get caught or killed by Pendragon for their neighbours' deception.

He had hoped they would be captured and interrogated, released when it became clear that they knew nothing. They hadn't been.

Pendragon soldiers had entered the Area, corralling all the stationed Peacekeepers under the guise of a debriefing while slaughtering the civilian population. Then, according to what information Suzaku had managed to hear through Kallen and Schneizel, they'd tortured the Peacekeepers themselves, most of them to death. Lelouch's caution and Kallen's had ensured that none of the Peacekeepers had known what was going on, but it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out that they'd fled to another Area, and then to reason that they'd made it to Area 0 when no other Areas were suddenly inundated with refugees.

If they'd known, maybe some of them could have been spared, in return for reporting it.

But it was too late for regrets now. Overall, the evacuation of Area 11 was considered a great success, the first major victory on the rebellion's side, even without attacking Pendragon itself. It put a halt to the _sakuradite_ production, and the population of Area 0 swelled along with its willing fighters.

More Elevens had died fighting in other Areas than had died in Area 11. That was an accomplishment, Suzaku supposed.

Suzaku turned away from the mound, uncomfortable with the idea that Pendragon might have buried some of the dead bodies of those Peacekeepers or civilians who were unlucky enough to get caught in the conveniently prepared fake graves.

"Let's visit your old house," Suzaku suggested, forcing a smile.

The Lamperouges had moved out at the end of Lelouch's Hunger Games, into the Victor's Village. But their old house wasn't a particularly nice or convenient one, and with all the deaths from starvation and accidents and illnesses, there was often more housing available than people who needed it. It had stayed empty, with only a yearly assessment to see if it needed to be demolished, as better houses were available for new families or newly-weds.

Still, as flimsy and unimpressive as it was, it held important memories for Suzaku. This was the first place Suzaku had found warmth and care after the death of his father. Nunnally and Marianne had been so welcoming, despite just barely eking out a living themselves. Suzaku lingered by the doorway as one of the guards wheeled Nunnally in. It felt wrong to go in before her.

The kitchen was bare, but all the old furniture was still there – the tables and the uncomfortable wooden chairs. They hadn't had running water, but a sink had been cut into the counter, draining into the backyard through a hole in the wall blocked by a wooden plug. Suzaku remembered carrying water in from the nearby wells or cisterns, doing what he could to earn his place. He smiled as he ran his hand over the kitchen counter, letting the memories of a simpler, if just as hard, period in his life send him back in time.

"Suzaku!" Nunnally's voice called out from another room, and Suzaku was moving towards her before he even realized she sounded excited and not scared. "Look what I found."

Paper.

It didn't surprise Suzaku that Lelouch would have hoarded this luxury, above other gaudy things.

They'd had paper to waste when they moved into their larger homes, but these yellowed sheets would have been Lelouch's treasures. Suzaku trailed a finger over the papers, smiling wistfully.

"Let's make cranes," Nunnally suggested all of a sudden.

Suzaku grinned. "Cranes?"

"Sayoko taught the children, and I got to help. It's simple."

They brought the paper to the table, and Nunnally guided him through the first crane, and he managed the second one on his own. They were half-done the pile of papers, when Nunnally suggested they switch to fogs, because they could actually hop. Suzaku's first one didn't quite work, but his second one did – popping off the table when Suzaku lifted his finger off its butt.

"Ribbit, ribbit," Nunnally chirped in celebration.

"Hmm?" Suzaku looked up, smiling warmly. "I was always told frogs went 'kero, kero'…"

Nunnally pursed her lips in a pantomime of thought. "They do!"

"I know, right?"

Somewhere off to the side, Tamaki snickered and Suzaku remembered this, along with anything else, was being recorded. He felt his shoulders tighten, and an awkwardness settled over him. Nunnally reached out and placed her small hand over his, covering one of the cranes, cradling it gently. "We should make one for Lelouch. One each. To let him know when he gets back that he was missed, and loved."

"That's a great idea," Suzaku said, reaching for one of the last sheets. "When he gets back, I think he'll want anything he can get."

Nunnally looked a little worried, but reached for her own paper, her eyes cast down to her work.

After finishing the cranes, they rummaged through the rest of the house, but Suzaku was constantly aware of the cameras. After a short time, Toudou called an end to it.

"We're not getting anything useful here. If you two are done, could we move on?"

Suzaku had nothing else he wanted from visiting this house, and Nunnally agreed that she was finished. They went through the marketplace again, this time with Nunnally and Suzaku telling stories about their time in Area 11, the friends they had made, the adventures they'd had. They made their way to the Victor's Village, and Suzaku got his first real shock.

It was burnt down, completely razed to the ground. The area around it was untouched, still green and cheersome, and even the gate was only charred on the Victor's side. It was an exact job, done with laser-like precision and, despite being months old, something had been done to the ground to stop anything from growing where the houses had been.

"Good thing we didn't own any pets," Suzaku managed.

"Oh, Suzaku…" Nunnally took his hand, the gentle press of her warm skin comforting and calming. "They're just buildings."

Yes, but that had been where Suzaku had lived while being with Lelouch. He'd never really had a _place_ that he could call home, but that year was the closest Suzaku had come. Especially when Kallen and Lloyd had joined them in their pre-Hunger Games plotting.

Suzaku took a deep breath. Nunnally was right. They were just buildings.

Toudou left them alone for a few moments, either getting more footage or waiting for one of them to do something. But neither Suzaku nor Nunnally seemed to feel any urge to do or say anything new.

Eventually, Suzaku was pulled out of his reverie by Tamaki's surprisingly gentle hand on his shoulder. "We should get going. Pendragon apparently knows we're here."

"Right." Suzaku wheeled Nunnally away from the Victor's Village, keeping pace with the slightly quicker step of the guards and camera crew.

The trip back to Area 0 was quiet. Both Nunnally and Suzaku cradled their cranes in their laps, lost in their thoughts. Toudou spoke in a low voice with his team, going over the footage they'd gotten and putting together a few possible clips.

Suzaku was expecting Schneizel and Kanon to be waiting for them when they arrived, possibly Kallen if he was lucky. What he got, however, was a surprise.

"Gino!"

"Hey, Suzaku." Gino looked good, if a little pale. "Welcome back. Who's this lovely lady?"

Nunnally giggled at Suzaku's side, and Suzaku instinctively moved between her and the notorious playboy. "This is Lelouch's sister, Nunnally. Nunnally, this is Gino, one of the Victors from Area 4."

"It's nice to meet you, Gino," Nunnally said pleasantly.

"Likewise." Gino gave a little bow, his eyes twinkling.

Suzaku bit back a growl. "She's off limits."

Gino straightened up, with a wry smile. "Noted. Ah–" He opened his arms as a girl approached them. "This is the lovely Anya, also a Victor from 4." She came up beside him, and allowed Gino to wrap an arm around her shoulder as she stood stiffly by his side. Gino turned a mock glare onto Suzaku. "Also off limits."

Suzaku could feel his jaw drop. This was his first time seeing Anya close up since she had won her Hunger Games by being the last person to drown in a flood. She had looked young and vulnerable then, never more so than after being revived and throwing up all that water, but years had passed since then, and she should have changed at least a little.

She hadn't. She was older than Suzaku, but looked closer to Nunnally's age, with her wide eyes and blank expression, as well as her small body. And standing next to Gino, the genial giant, made her seem even smaller and more delicate.

"It's nice to meet you, Anya. I'm Nunnally," Nunnally said before Suzaku recovered.

Anya looked at Nunnally, her eyes focusing even as her expression remained blank. "Nunnally." She took something out of her pocket, and Suzaku heard the snap of a camera going off. He turned to Gino, an unspoken question written all over his face.

Gino shrugged. "Memory issues. She keeps everything recorded just in case." Anya looked up at him, and he smiled reassuringly. "The boy next to Nunnally is Suzaku. He won last year."

Anya nodded. "I remember." She took a picture of Suzaku as well. "It's nice to see that I remembered properly."

A thought occurred to Suzaku. "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in Area 4?"

Anya shrugged, and Gino answered. "They're gathering as many Victors as they can from every Area except 2." He made a sour face. "Area 2 is, of course, still being utter bastards and acting like the guardians of Pendragon, as if they weren't as much slaves as we were."

"Favoured slaves," Anya pointed out. Gino nodded.

"Anyway, your show is such a hit that they wanted to try other things. Footage of former rivals working side-by-side, previous Victors arming themselves juxtaposed with their more vicious and stunning acts in the Hunger Games, interviews with some of the more eloquent ones… Propaganda is the new battlefield, Suzaku, even as the old battlefield continues to bleed."

Suzaku snorted. "Poetic. They interviewed you?"

"Of course." Gino puffed up. "I'm the beautiful and talented Gino Weinberg. Who wouldn't _kill_ for an exclusive with me?"

Nunnally giggled, and Suzaku felt oddly jealous. It was like Gino was so naturally charming that he just couldn't help it. Suzaku himself felt more cheered than he had since his trip back to Area 11, and Gino wasn't even trying to charm him.

Probably. Maybe.

Okay, it was Gino. It was entirely possibly that he was turning his charm on Suzaku and Suzaku just hadn't consciously noticed.

That made Suzaku feel irritated as well. "That's great. Maybe if you guys get enough attention, I can stop being Zero."

Gino shook his head. "Not a chance. The only thing that might be able to replace you as Zero, is Lelouch as Zero. We've got our followings, don't get me wrong, but we've been seen as Pendragon's puppets for so long – escorting children year after year to their death, living the high life at the whim of Pendragon's elite. We've even been living separately from the rest of our Area, and they remember things like that."

"But you were just waiting…"

"For _you_ ," Gino said. "Well, for Lelouch and you, really. For the opportunity. But we didn't make that opportunity, you guys did. And we followed. And there's only so much appeal that followers can bring."

Suzaku bit his lip. "Cornelia must hate that."

"A lot of them do," Gino said, excluding himself, thankfully. "You don't get to be a Victor without having a strong competitive drive. But Anya and I are just happy to be back together, and to be of some use."

Suzaku remembered how Gino had reacted when he heard Anya's screams in the last games. She seemed so young and innocent, but she was around Gino's age and they would have grown up together. Gino, if Suzaku recalled correctly, had even been one of the mentors in the year Anya had been Reaped for her Hunger Games. They seemed closer than just friends, but Gino was an incorrigible flirt, even when his charms weren't wanted. He'd pushed Lelouch to the point that he'd nearly forced himself on him, even while trying to seduce Suzaku behind his back.

He just couldn't read their relationship. Gino's arm around Anya's shoulders, Anya's stiff posture; Gino seeming whole now that she was with him, Anya still seeming broken. Were they together or just two people clinging to each other because no one else knew what they'd been through? Or were they something else altogether. Suzaku had no idea, and it made him… uncomfortable.

"Gino, Suzaku," Kanon called from just outside the room. "We're gathering all the Tributes from the last Hunger Games together to plan something."

"Lelouch's rescue?" Suzaku asked, perking up.

Kanon looked surprised and then disappointed. "No, Suzaku. We're leaving that up to the experts. We're planning something more immediate."

Another video, then. Suzaku bit back a groan. He'd just finished whatever they'd done in Area 11.

"I can take Nunnally back," Anya offered.

Gino looked at her, pleased. "That's a great idea!"

Nunnally seemed to accept the idea as well, and Suzaku had to admit he felt better leaving her with someone than just walking away, even if it was someone they'd just met. "Alright." He knelt at Nunnally's side. "I'll see you later, okay? Give my love to Marianne."

"Of course. Good luck, Suzaku."

The meeting took place with Cornelia and Guilford, as well as Rakshata and Ougi, the two Victors from Area 3 that Suzaku had almost forgotten about. Rakshata had been working on the Knightmares with Lloyd, and Suzaku just couldn't remember that she had been on the island as well. She seemed to have recovered handily from her ordeal.

Better than him and Gino, at least.

"Hey, hey, the gang's all here," Gino said, only a little sarcastic. Suzaku knew exactly how he felt – they were all on the same side now, fighting against Pendragon, but the animosity of the Hunger Games lay between them still.

Ougi stood as they entered, looking uncomfortably. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened. If we'd known about your plans, we would never have allied with Xingke…"

"He means if you'd bothered to trust us with your plans," Rakshata added casually. She didn't seem to have any guilt or hurt feelings over the matter, but Suzaku wasn't sure if she felt things like normal people at all. Usually one would be at least a little traumatized from being in the Hunger Games, wouldn't they? And especially a second time…

"Enough," Cornelia said, decisive and curt. "What's happened is done. What we have to do now is move on, one way or another." She turned to Schneizel. "What did you want us for?"

Schneizel, now that he had everyone's attention, smiled genially. "You are the last survivors, apart from Lelouch, of the last Hunger Games. You're the faces most familiar to the viewers, as the most current Tributes. We were thinking of doing a special, clips of you all working together, helping one another, as companionable as you can make it. I know _most_ of you," his eyes narrowed slightly as they lit on Suzaku for a brief moment before moving away, "are reasonably good actors. We don't need anything over the top, no true friendships for life or anything similar, just cooperation and trust."

"What if we don't trust them?" Guilford asked, pretty reasonably as far as Suzaku was concerned.

"Fake it," Schneizel said. "This is going to be a two-day project, no more. We're running out of time."

For what? Suzaku frowned. "What about Lelouch?"

Kanon rolled his eyes. "You're becoming rather one-note, Suzaku."

"He has a point," Gino said. "What about Lelouch? Do you have a plan to get him out?"

"Not yet," Schneizel said. "We have a few people undercover, some who can get close to him. It might take some time to set up enough conditions to make a rescue attempt feasible. But we're working on it. Until then, the best thing we can do is moderate the harm he's doing to our cause."

"I'm in," Ougi said immediately. "I've been on the ground in Area 6, and it's messy there. Anything that can help rally the troops, improve morale, is worth it." Cornelia nodded in impatient agreement, and Guilford's involvement was implied in that.

Rakshata shrugged. "I personally think I'm doing more good reining in that professor of pudding. If this doesn't take time away from our work on the Knightmares, I'll pitch in."

Gino and Suzaku shared a look, and Gino shrugged. "As long as you're still working on getting Lelouch back, I'll do what I can. But we'd be better of with him."

"We've had that discussion already," Schneizel said calmly. "And you, Suzaku?"

He had to be patient. Pendragon had had Lelouch for weeks, months now. He wasn't obviously being mistreated, and a few more days weren't going to hurt, especially since they could use Lelouch against the rebellion. "Alright. But I want time to train with the Knightmares too. I don't want to fall behind."

"I hear you're doing well on them," Schneizel said, approvingly. "And I would never take you away from your training. In fact, as long as we can keep the Knightmares secret, footage of all of you, except Rakshata of course, training together would be brilliant."

More ideas were thrown around, from combat readiness scenarios to more domestic scenes like preparing food or playing with the refugee children. Suzaku stayed out of it, willing to go where they told him, but unable to focus on anything while worrying over Lelouch.

He wanted him back. And his patience was running thin.


	7. Area 2, Attack on Narita

The next two days, Suzaku followed orders. He trained when he could and otherwise worked alongside the other Victors, making video after video with them – standing side-by-side with Cornelia and Guilford at the shooting range, covered with flour as he and Rakshata and Gino prepared dumplings for supper, playing with the children who seem oddly attracted to (jumping on) Ougi. Suzaku only got to see a few of the videos, but they were powerful in their own way, showing slices of normal life along with careful and professional preparation for war.

It showed that Area 0 was alive and well, and willing to fight. It showed that they were normal people, with children who played and bellies that needed to be filled, but also that they were warriors, willing to give all that up in order to achieve victory against their oppressors.

It was a heartening, strong message. Even Suzaku could see that it was doing some good, as messages of victory from Area 8 and 6 came one after another, and the tide turned in Area 3, finally favouring the Numbers and bringing in a wealth of technological resources to bear.

But even if Schneizel had been right and this needed to be done, and needed to be done immediately, it was over now. It was time to focus on Lelouch.

Except that it wasn't.

They needed more time, more information, more plans. Suzaku offered to help, and even Schneizel's politeness strained at that. Suzaku knew he wasn't brilliant like Lelouch or Schneizel were, he didn't come up with plans and plots and contingencies like they did, but he also knew that sometimes the best route was the most direct one, and sometimes 'brilliant' minds overlooked that.

Besides, Cornelia was in on the planning sessions, and she was more of a tactician than a strategist as well.

It was frustrating, waiting and playing along with Schneizel's plans and never getting a say in anything. But Suzaku grit his teeth and bore it, knowing that his currency in this matter was entirely related to his usefulness, and he needed to prove that, with Lelouch in Pendragon's hands and the other Victors sharing the spotlight, Suzaku was still important and necessary.

The days that followed were far from empty – Suzaku and Kallen were finally allowed to practice inside actual Knightmares, in actual Knightmare squads, and while the simulations had been realistic, nothing really had prepared them for the reality of piloting one of the massive humanoid armours. On top of that, Nunnally and Anya had somehow become close, and Suzaku had to work hard to match his schedule to theirs in order to spend time with Nunnally as he'd promised himself he would. She was taking the news of Lelouch's delayed rescue well, far more patient than Suzaku was, and more trusting and hopeful as well. Marianne was as calm and in-control as ever, and Suzaku continued to admire her, even as she accepted his apology for not sharing her faith with grace and perfect poise.

Gino; whose recovery was a mystery to Suzaku, the one thing Gino wouldn't talk about; started training as well, and also excelled in the Knightmare simulators. Anya tried, and showed promise, but after three panic attacks in the simulators, it was decided that trialling her in an actual Knightmare was too much of a risk. In the end, the squad that formed around Suzaku was comprised of Kallen and Gino, with three men from Area 0 – Senba, an older man who had clearly been chomping at the bit for battle and worked hard to earn his place beside the younger, fitter candidates; Urabe, only slightly older than Gino himself and so naïvely trusting that even Suzaku had to stop himself from taking advantage of him; and Asahina, who more than made up for Urabe's naïvité with a deep suspicion of everyone and everything he couldn't control himself.

They worked well together, despite the clashing personalities, with Gino's endless cheer and Kallen's constant determination working well as the glue that held them all together. Kallen took every failure as a personal affront, and pushed them past what they thought their limitations were, and Gino soothed her sharp comments with gentle gibes and self-deprecation mixed with over-the-top arrogance. They made a great team, and gradually became the heart and soul of the small unit.

Suzaku was more than happy to let them, happily relegating himself to a position on the side, working as just another member of the group, occasionally leaving formation to deal with something the others missed, returning before his absence was a problem.

His occasional asides were noted by everyone, making Asahina watch him out of the corner of his eyes, and earning a pleased nod from Senba and a grateful grin from Urabe. Kallen scolded him for it, and Gino worried that he was showing signs of putting himself in danger, but no one could deny his effectiveness. Suzaku didn't want the responsibility of being a leader, but he'd be dammed if he let anyone in his care come to harm if he could help it.

They scored well, impressively well, as a team and individually. And as they improved, getting closer and closer to field-ready, one by one, most of the Areas fought their way free of Pendragon, stationing anti-aircraft weaponry and training enough fighters to make it far too expensive to try to retake any individual Area.

This left Pendragon weak and starving. Or at least it would have, had it not been for the continued loyalty of Area 2, who filtered supplies and food into Pendragon, raiding the other Areas on an irregular but continuous basis. Suzaku couldn't figure out why Area 2 continued such loyalty when they stood to gain as much from getting out from under Pendragon's heel as any other Area.

"They've always been the most favoured, Area," Kallen said as they sat down for lunch. "If Pendragon falls, they'll be at the same level as the rest of us."

"Over half the Peacekeepers are from Area 2," Anya said, fiddling with her camera.

"What?" Suzaku and Kallen demanded at the same time. It felt a little good for Suzaku to know that he wasn't the last to know everything.

Gino snickered at their harmony before answering. "Did you seriously think all the Peacekeepers were Pendragon citizens, willingly dragged from their comfortable lives of excess and ease to watch over the barbaric Numbers?" He snorted. "Oh, _please_. Most of the Peacekeepers are from Area 2, trained to watch over us lesser creatures and maintain Pendragon's rule of law. The rest are ether criminals or really sick people from Pendragon who are either forced into it or choose it for some perverted reason of their own."

"Not a fan of Peacekeepers, Gino?" Kallen asked, half-teasingly.

"Hardly. They're mostly who we're been fighting, and they're mostly who we've been killing. There are some who are uncomfortable with killing fellow Numbers."

That thought hadn't even occurred to Suzaku. He'd been fighting (only in Area 8, but still) and hadn't even considered who, exactly, he was killing. How many of the people he'd thrown off the roof had been from Area 2; how many planes had Kallen shot down that had been piloted by a Number?

Who were they fighting?

"Not you, though," Anya said, referring to Gino's comment about people uncomfortable fighting Numbers. "You know."

"Know what?" Kallen asked.

Suzaku looked down as his food, answering for Gino and Anya. "That it doesn't matter. That even if it's Pendragon pitting us against each other, we'll do what we need to do to win."

It was the Hunger Games all over again, only there were fewer rules, fewer restrictions, and Area 2 had allied itself with Pendragon rather than with any of the other Areas. Even the pomp of Zero and Lelouch's little video essays fit in with the Hunger Games' motif. It was depressing.

Their lunch conversation was interrupted by Kanon. "Suzaku, Kallen, Gino. Schneizel wants to see you."

Everyone turned to Anya, who just shrugged. "I'll spend some time with Nunnally."

Gino kissed the top of her head. "Be well. And give our love to Nunnally."

Suzaku and Kallen exchanged looks, neither of them certain, even after over a week of working together, about Gino and Anya's relationship.

Cornelia was waiting with Schneizel for them, and Suzaku wasn't honestly surprised to her there, although Guilford's absence was unusual.

"We have something of a situation," Schneizel said, holding up a hand to forestall any questions. "Before you all ask, yes, it's about Lelouch."

Were they _that_ repetitive?

Schneizel turned on the screen and Suzaku watched Lelouch answer question after question about the rebellion, Zero, Pendragon's position, the rebels' position. The only time Suzaku saw Lelouch flinch was when he was asked if Lelouch had any personal stake in the rebellion. Lelouch had looked down to the side, and then back up to the camera, shrugging his shoulders and casually answering that all his stuff was in Pendragon.

Suzaku wanted to know what he'd glanced at. The propaganda had likely been in Pendragon for at least a week, and maybe…

…maybe Lelouch had been looking at a picture of him. Or of Zero, at least.

Suzaku refused to let that hope distract him from what Schneizel was saying.

"He's getting more eloquent, more comfortable in front of the camera. We're going to have to start fighting back with everything we have."

"Or we could just nab him," Kallen suggested.

Schneizel's mild look of disappointed irritation was enough to stop any murmuring at that. "We're still waiting on confirmations. I'm not risking good people unless there's a reasonable chance of success. For now, we're going to have to go back to the original plan, with some tweaks."

"Tweaks?" Suzaku couldn't honestly remember what the 'original plan' was.

Schneizel nodded. "We're going to have Suzaku make prewritten speeches, as Zero, in front of a dramatic backdrop in the safety of Area 0."

Oh. _That_ original plan. "But I suck."

"Well, do better," Schneizel said. "This is a battle for not only ground and resources, but also hearts and minds. You mean the words I'm having you say, you just have to show that."

"You're writing the speeches?" Suzaku asked.

"In Lelouch's oratory style, mostly," Schneizel answered. "You'll do fine. Just try to channel him, his spirit, his conviction. And we'll autotune what we have to after the fact."

Meaning they'd have to add emotion to his voice after. Suzaku felt like a complete failure, and he hadn't even started. "Alright. When?"

"We'll try to get the first three done by supper, and another three before lights out. There are ten in total, and we want you done by mid-day tomorrow because we're shipping you out."

"What?"

Schneizel smiled. "Oh, I forgot to mention. We're sending you and Cornelia and Gino out to Area 2 as a special unit. We're deploying the Knightmares."

Suzaku couldn't hold back his excitement. "Are you sure? I mean, showing off the Knightmares this soon?"

"The time and the conditions are right," Schneizel said. "We're never going to get as much of an impact as we will now. And, as an added bonus, if you're finished early Lloyd and Rakshata have designed a Knightmare specifically for you, Suzaku. Well, for Zero."

His own special Knightmare. In an actual combat situation. This was even better than Area 2, where he'd had to force his way into the fight, doing less damage than Kallen…

Kallen.

"What about the rest of my unit, sir?" Suzaku asked.

Schneizel looked regretfully at Kallen. "They'll remain here. This is a Victor-only unit. But don't worry, the Knightmares will likely be needed when we push into Pendragon."

For the first time, Suzaku actually thought they might win. That, coupled with the rush of excitement over finally being useful, made it difficult to commiserate with Kallen.

Fortunately, she seemed to take it impressively well. "They have an image they want to maintain. If I have to keep out of the spotlight for that image, then so be it. I'll just do what I can."

"You're so great, Kallen," Suzaku said, impressed. "I don't know if I'd be able to be so reasonable and understanding about this."

"Oh, you'll get your chance," Kallen assured him. "Just remember this moment when your turn comes."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Area 2 was half-desert, half-mountain. The desert part was under rebel control, and completely and utterly useless, both in terms of resources and strategic importance.

The important part of Area 2 was the mountains, one in particular. Narita was a peaked mountain amidst several peaked mountains. It was completely unremarkable except for one significant thing – it was the hideaway for the Pendragon forces, as well as the bulk of the citizens of Area 2.

A small contingent of Area 2 had defected to the rebels, with about half the previous Victors and a surprising number of high-ranked Peacekeepers. Apparently, while the rank-and-file of Area 2 were content to continue following Pendragon's lead, as were the true elite, much of the middle management saw the opportunity for advancement with the rebel forces.

Enlightened self interest. The great motivator of the masses.

Narita seemed impenetrable. Cornelia had spent the entire first two days reviewing and outlining possible first strikes, none of which theoretically lasted past the third defensive wave. The mountain had two and only two decently-sized entry/exit points; one on the north face, which was so heavily guarded that even a missile couldn't get through, and a smaller one on the eastern side defended in part by geography, where the trains ran though, closed off by steep cliffs on both sides of a narrow valley. The east entrance point wasn't merely hard to target, it was next to impossible to get to except from the air, and even from there the angle was too steep to be able to make a significant impact on the entrance.

And then, of course, there were the anti-aircraft guns that shot down any rebel plane that tried.

Even with the Knightmares, Narita looked impossible to take with the forces they had.

"We have to focus on the north side," one of the Peacekeeper captains from Area 2 insisted. "If we split the Knightmares up into three groups and flank them with the conventional tanks, we can provide enough cover for the specialists to get inside. Isn't that why you're here?"

Cornelia looked peeved. "We're not unveiling the Knightmares just to see over half of them destroyed on their first assault. As long as the entrance is as heavily guarded by gun turrets and sentries, not enough of us will make it through to do any damage, tanks or no." She seemed more upset at having to argue against a frontal assault than at hearing someone basically taunting her to risk her life on even odds.

"We still have some people inside," someone else said, and Suzaku wasn't sure if he was one of the many tactical advisors from Area 0, or one of the higher-ranking Twos. "Maybe they can arrange something."

"Lines of communication are down," Chiba reminded them. "We're working on it, but no messages can go in or out for at least two more days."

Suzaku smiled gratefully at her. Toudou and his team had come to tape _Zero And His Magnificent Victors_ (or whatever) _In Action_ , and had ended up watching strategic meeting after dull meal after dominance spat. Tamaki hadn't even turned on his camera, and the rest of them had more or less scattered, finding ways to help out.

Toudou, as it turned out, wasn't a bad strategist in his own right. He'd choreographed numerous battle scenes, and knew the theory behind troop movements and tactics as well as any commander. He'd won himself a place at Cornelia's side, which was better than Suzaku had managed.

What Suzaku had won was a specialized Knightmare – his reward for speechifying for a total of twenty hours in two days until Schneizel had been pleased with the results. Even though Suzaku had nearly lost his voice by the end of it, he had to admit it had been worth it.

The Lancelot was an amazing machine. It was more responsive, more durable, and better armed than most of the other Knightmares. It was the responsiveness that Suzaku really loved, and that same responsiveness that he was looking forward to trying out. The only flaw in the design was that it didn't have a few minor safety features.

Like an ejection seat. But Suzaku would only need that if he was defeated, and when Suzaku sat in the Lancelot's cockpit, he felt close to invincible.

"There's an underground tunnel."

Suzaku returned to the conversation as one of the former Twos blurted something that silenced the rest of the room.

She flushed as everyone's attention turned to her. "I mean… it's not really a tunnel. It's more of a sewer, really. But it's too narrow for a tank and too short for a plane. But it's the perfect height for a Knightmare. They could take out the defences before a frontal assault."

Cornelia and Toudou, along with most of the others, flocked to her side, looking over her plans. "Why is this the first we're hearing of it?" Cornelia demanded.

"Because we ruled it out before you people from Area 0 even arrived," the former Peacekeeper captain snapped. "We had no idea you'd have _Knightmares_."

"Knight _mare_ ," Gino corrected. "Only one'll fit down there at a time. Sending in more than one will make any needed retreat impossible."

"I'll go," Cornelia said. Gino frowned up at her.

"No offence, but I've got better ops scores than you. And you're needed here. And if you get killed, your brother will eviscerate us all."

"Three good reasons," Suzaku interjected before Cornelia could retort. "But I've got the best scores out of everyone here, and the best machine. I should go."

Cornelia was already shaking her head. "No. We're not risking Zero for this."

Suzaku looked at her. "Can I talk to you? In private?"

Cornelia hesitated before nodding, leaving Toudou and Guilford in charge and following Suzaku to a secluded corner. "What?"

"I just want to get this out plainly. You and your brother don't give a shit about me." Cornelia's eyes widened at Suzaku's vulgarity, and Suzaku smiled. Clearly the plain approach was working. "And that's fair. I wouldn't shed any tears over either of you, so we're even. But I'm pretty sure your brother actually wants me dead and out of the way now that Lelouch is a possibility again, and I'm pretty sure you want me away from him as well, although I'm not as sure you want me dead."

"I don't," Cornelia said, too stunned for that to be anything but the truth. "And I don't believe Schneizel does either."

Suzaku felt his face's expression harden into a sneer. "Schneizel had his brother gang raped to keep his image safe. He's capable of anything."

Cornelia was beginning to recover. "Capable, yes, probably. But he doesn't do anything without reason. There's no reason for wanting you dead."

"If Lelouch had to choose between me and you or Schneizel, he'd choose me. That's a good enough reason right there."

For the first time, if seemed as if Cornelia was considering this. "You're telling me I should let you go because you might die and that would please Schneizel?"

"I'm telling you that there's no downside. If I make it, then Zero's this awesome hero. If I don't, then Suzaku Kururugi died trying the impossible. Either way, good outcome."

Cornelia frowned. "I don't like it."

"You don't have to," Suzaku said, firmly. "All you have to do is okay it and step back."

"I'll need to discuss this with Schneizel."

Suzaku was content to wait, spending the next hour prepping the Lancelot for when Cornelia finished her discussion with Schneizel and then finished convincing the others.

"You're greenlit."

She looked displeased. Suzaku felt a small stab of guilt – she knew he was being sent to his death, and she wasn't happy about it, but she wasn't unhappy enough to disobey orders. It was a lousy position to be in.

"Excellent!" Lloyd crowed. "We're just putting on the last finishing touches, and Toudou is insisting on mounting a camera and recording all transmissions."

"No rush, Cornelia said. "You're leaving an hour before dawn. Best get some sleep."

Suzaku slept well that night, no longer kept awake by worrying about the next day. If there was one thing the Hunger Games had taught him, it was that sleepless, anxious nights didn't change the next day, or make it come any later.

He woke a few hours before noon, shivering in the skintight version of the Zero costume that doubled as a flight suit, welcoming the warmth of the cape. "Ready?"

"Last checks, and then you're good to go," Rakshata said. "Lloyd? You done?"

"Almooooooooost… done!" Lloyd twirled from the Lancelot, clearly satisfied with whatever engineering thing he'd just wrapped up. "Prepped and ready when you are!"

Suzaku hopped into the cockpit and set everything up, warming the engines in preparation and then waiting for that final order.

There wasn't long to wait. "Lancelot, you're cleared to launch."

"Thank you, Cornelia," Suzaku said, and he was off.

It was like flying, only better. In flight, you could forget how fast you were going, whereas the Knightmare zipped past trees and rocks, reminding you constantly of the incredible speed. The Lancelot had several lights attached to it, but they were all off to maintain invisibility, and Suzaku was steering by radar alone. He nearly crashed into several trees and larger rocks, saved only by his fast reflexes and the Lancelot's incredible responsiveness. It was like the first time Suzaku had picked up a sword, and it had become an extension of his arm. The Lancelot was an extension of his very self.

Suzaku wanted to crow with how free and wonderful he felt, zipping towards the river that flowed out from the center of the mountain, the one attached to the underground tunnel, and then plunging into it and just above the Lancelot's knee level. It made steering more difficult, and slowed him considerably, but Suzaku pushed his way through the rushing water and into the mountain.

As soon as he was far enough away from the mouth of the tunnel, Suzaku turned on his lights, blinking away the sudden brightness as his eyes adjusted. The water rushing past him was filthy, with enough human waste that Suzaku couldn't even imagine how many people were holed away in this mountain. He pushed through, until he was finally on dry land again, deep enough to do some damage.

"Now what?" Suzaku wondered aloud. He didn't have any specific orders, other than disabling Narita's defences, and he'd seemed to have arrived in a garbage dump. He moved forward, more carefully, looking for some kind of useful target.

A sudden spotlight lit him up like a trussed up target, and a deep, amused voice boomed out at him.

"What the heck took you so long, traitor?"

Before Suzaku could even think of responding three large tanks moved out from the piles of garbage, blocking his retreat, and another moved to block the only other corridor Suzaku could see.

"Well. At least now I know what to do," Suzaku muttered to himself as he raised both the Lancelot's arms and launched the slash harkens at the ceiling.

Not a moment too soon, as two of the tanks launched attacks at where he had been, while the other two tracked him from the floor up as he retracted the wires, launching himself up. Using his momentum, Suzaku shot down from the ceiling towards the single tank blocking the corridor, unsheathing his Maser vibration swords as he fell, cutting the tank's cannon to pieces as he landed.

"Right. That takes care of that." Suzaku's swords tore through the tank's treads, crippling it as he zipped around it, moving deeper into the mountain.

The left knee joint of the Lancelot was slightly less responsive and steady, possibly damaged from Suzaku's fall. Suzaku grit his teeth and compensated, desperately trying to get a fix on where he was relative to the entrance points. He had a feeling the east entrance was this way, but the north entrance should have been closer…

The high-pitched whir of a linear laser cannon powering up was the only warning Suzaku got before something shot at him, a spread-out beam of energy that was nearly impossible to dodge, even if the Lancelot had been in perfect repair. Suzaku took a hit on his right hip and shoulder, not enough to stop him, but enough to slow him down, and destroying the unactivated grenades hidden in the Lancelot's shoulder.

Suzaku took the five seconds the laser would need to recharge and charged it, disabling it as he had the tank. He hesitated, seeing an opportunity to take out the gunmen, but… he couldn't. It might have been selfish, but he couldn't kill people who were no longer trying to kill him.

Instead, Suzaku took off down another corridor, one that angled up, moving slower and less agilely. He needed to get to a target, and soon, or else this would all be pointless. The Lancelot had some sonar and radar capabilities, enough to at least hazard a guess of where the mountain slope was, and Suzaku just turned towards the nearest point that would lead to the outside. If he couldn't get to an exit, he could at least get the footage of what he'd seen out to people who could analyze it.

As he rose, the floor smoothed out from the rough-hewed stone to more sanded and gravelled flooring. It also grew less damp, but still warm, despite the fact that the sun still had the better part of an hour to rise. Despite the gloom, Suzaku could see why living inside a mountain might have some value – he'd almost frozen to death the first year after his father died, and he knew warmth was as important as food or water for survival.

He rounded a corner and screeched to a halt. Five armed soldiers were waiting for him, blocking, not the passageway, but one of the doors along the corridor. Suzaku immediately recognized this as a viable target, and turned his attention towards the gunmen, picking them off one by one without damaging the surrounding infrastructure, even as he was able to shield the few vulnerable bits of the Lancelot with the slash harkens.

As agile as the Lancelot was, opening doors properly was a bit too much for its fine motor skills. Suzaku was able to tear it off its hinges, though, and the hydraulics in the Lancelot's knees and hips were still good enough for it to kneel and get a clear view of what those gunmen had been protecting.

"Oh."

Children. From the ages, it seemed of two to twelve. The very young babies must have been in a nursery somewhere, and the older children had likely been conscripted to fight.

It all made sense. Why he hadn't been pursued when a fire-fight could accidentally take out this room. Why those soldiers had been guarding this door while leaving Suzaku an escape route. Suzaku had always taken the path of least resistance, after all, why wouldn't he this time?

They'd left him an escape route. He hadn't had to kill those soldiers who were only protecting their children.

Suzaku felt sick. He turned on his outer speakers. "How do I get out of here?"

One of the older children pointed left. Suzaku swallowed hard. Her hand was shaking so badly she could barely keep it up. "Thank you."

His new goal was no longer finding targets, it was getting out without accidentally killing any innocents. Of course the people of Area 2, even those who had allied themselves with Pendragon, would have had children, and of course they would have put them in the safest, most defensible place possible. Suzaku raced towards the exit, not even caring if he was shot down in his attempt to leave.

As far as Suzaku was concerned, his mission had been an unqualified disaster.


	8. Hijacked

Cornelia, to her credit, never even looked like she wanted to say that she'd told him so.

Eminently practical, she immediately turned to other solutions. Suzaku stayed quiet – they had the footage, they saw what the Lancelot had seen, what it had been capable of, and what had stopped Suzaku. They wouldn't get another chance; the Pendragon loyalists had been prepared for the attempt, but now they would have doubly fortified that entrance, filling it with traps and soldiers. Suzaku had wasted their only opportunity.

Also, Pendragon now knew that they had at least one Knightmare. Overall, the logistical information gathered by the video, as well as the footage of Suzaku's battles, were far outweighed by the lack of concrete benefits and the loss of the element of surprise. Schneizel was Not Pleased.

"We've more or less run out of options," Cornelia said. "We have no remaining plans to take Narita without huge casualties, casualties that we can't afford."

"Do we have to take it?" Toudou asked. "What if we just made it uninhabitable?"

Gino frowned. "For the record, if we're talking chemical warfare, I'm out."

"No, nothing like that," Toudou said. "Suzaku found children there. We don't want them harmed. But what if we trap them inside? Block the entrance."

Suzaku had never suffered from claustrophobia. He found himself considering it as a wave of nausea flowed over him at that idea.

"Impossible," Cornelia said, and Suzaku could breathe again. "The entrances are too deep. At best, we could create an hour's worth of work by bombing them, for those bastards to clear away the debris and get everything back to normal."

And just like that, Suzaku suddenly saw the solution. "An avalanche."

"What was that?" Cornelia demanded sourly, still holding something of a grudge over Suzaku's failure, despite any lack of overt censure. Suzaku clammed up, looking away. He wished he hadn't said anything.

Guilford, however, took up the thread. "An avalanche, over the east entrance. It would seal off their supply routes, and then we'd just have to wait. Narita is impeccably defended, but once they leave, they're nothing more than moving targets."

"There are children in there," Gino said, but he sounded less firm, more convincible.

"We won't hurt anyone inside," Toudou said, his gaze turned to the external diagram of Narita, tracing with his eyes over the possible avalanche paths. "We should get Lloyd and Rakshata on this – they're the ones with the best chance of calculating the most effective avalanche patterns."

And the discussion veered away from whether or not they _should_ do this, to how it could be done. Rakshata found the problem compelling, but Lloyd couldn't help but get distracted by more power, more force, driving deeper and doing more damage. He kept working on ways to blow up the entire mountain. He found three by the end of the day.

Rakshata, at least, managed the slightly more elegant avalanche plan. "The problem is that avalanches are impossible to control once they're triggered. We'll need to trigger the one over the east entrance at the same time we take out the underground tunnel. Given the water pressure, the tunnel will have to be resealed every second day, then every day after about a week. That should buy us enough time for at least the first evacuation." She made a face. "Unless we accidentally plug up their ventilation system, in which case the first wave will probably be within the day."

"We'll promise amnesty and food and water for any children under ten," Cornelia said. "For everyone else, we've set aside a penning area where they can have water while we screen them for hidden weapons. Anyone who comes out armed will be cut down. Got it?"

Suzaku nodded. As the most recognizable icon, he would be the one to present the terms once the avalanche was over. He still wasn't comfortable with the plan itself, but if it was going forward, he'd do the best he could. Especially since he'd been the one to start the ball rolling.

The way the avalanche was set off was simple. High-flying hovercraft rained down fire at the southeast portion of the peak, far enough away from any inhabited area to be generally ignored, but at the angle calculated by Rakshata to most likely cover the east entrance while sparing the north. The avalanche itself started slowly, with a boulder dislodged, then a rock slide, then it picked up momentum. By the time it reached the base, it seemed like a good fifth of the mountaintop had slid down the east face, with some falling down the north face as well, knocking out one of the gun turrets, but otherwise leaving the north face clear.

At the entrance to the underground tunnel, Gino and Cornelia came out from hiding with their Knightmares and blasted away at the entrance, sealing it under a fairly weak barrier of rocks, damming up the river apart from small trickles that seeped out between the rocks. They were replaced by four tanks whose jobs were to guard each other and renew the dam once the water pressure increased to the point of nearly breaking through. Rakshata came with them to judge when they should fire.

After the dust settled and Cornelia and Gino returned to the group, Suzaku suited up in his partially-repaired Lancelot and drove into the center of the neutral zone, just out of range of the Narita cannons, to deliver his speech.

"Allies of Pendragon, Numbers and citizens alike. This is Zero." Suzaku took a deep breath. At least the practice with Schneizel before coming out here gave him a bit more of a handle on how to make his speeches count, and he'd had Cornelia and Gino's help in making the words sound good. "We have sealed off all entry and exit points save for one. You will run out of food. You will run out of water. But first, you will run out of hope."

The mountain didn't move. The dust had caused a kind of haze, and everything looked blurred and dream-like. "We know you have children in there, the children of Area 2. We have never had any quarrel with Area 2 and our brothers and sisters in servitude. We deeply regret that it has come to this. But we seek to mend what we can, with your help."

This was it. This was the one thing that could stop Suzaku and the others from becoming monsters. "Send out your children. Any child under ten years of age will be given sanctuary, food, water, shelter, care, without question. Should any adult or child over the age of ten leave Narita unarmed, they will also receive water, and will be evaluated for sanctuary. Anyone leaving Narita armed, with guns or bombs or any recognizable weapon will be shot on sight. These are the only conditions we place upon you."

He hoped they took him up on it, at least for the children's sake. His voice gentled. "You are cut off from supplies, cut off from Pendragon, cut off from any routes of escape. Please, do not let Narita become your grave."

It was weaker than any speech Lelouch might have given, more pleading, less threatening.

Suzaku was okay with that.

The first wave out of the mountain was armed soldiers, easily cut down as they tried to storm the Knightmare hanger. The second wave was the children. The third, unarmed adults and older children, with a few desperate fighters concealing guns or strapping bombs to their chests. None of the children were bobby-trapped, thank goodness, and Cornelia's pen idea worked brilliantly, keeping the dangerous fighters isolated until they could be tested and searched and brought back to the houses that had been boarded up and locked as comfortable, if crowded, temporary prisons.

"We're not winning any hearts or minds," Gino said wryly, watching a group of children being escorted for meal time. They still hadn't allowed families to stay together, which Suzaku found cruel, but he was overruled in the name of expediency.

"I don't think we're supposed to," Suzaku answered. "That's the politicians' job." Gino laughed.

Their job was to take, secure, and make Area 2 safe. They had done their job. And when Suzaku was called back to Area 0, along with Gino and Lloyd and Rakshata, leaving Cornelia and Guilford to watch over Area 2, he only had one question in mind.

"Is it time to rescue Lelouch?"

Kanon smiled. "You'll have your answer by the time you return."

Suzaku did. The first thing he saw upon debarking was Kallen, looking almost guilty. The second was Schneizel, who noticed Suzaku right back, smiling cheerfully.

"Ah, Suzaku. You're just in time."

Kallen was in her flight suit. Either she had just finished Knightmare training or… no, there were other Knightmares, with people still inside them, escorting a small transport. Suzaku frowned. "What's going on?"

"Suzaku, I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you…" Kallen started, but just then the transport opened and all of Suzaku's attention was taken by what he was seeing.

C.C. and Cecile, both looking tired and worried, followed by a gaggle of people about his age that Suzaku didn't recognize, flanking…

"Lelouch!"

Kallen was still apologizing for something, but Suzaku couldn't hear anything but the thudding of his heart, his grin so wide it nearly closed off his ears and eyes. He was so glad he was in his flight suit and not the Zero outfit. That would have been so embarrassing, although his hair had grown shaggy and maybe Lelouch wouldn't like it and, to be honest, Suzaku wasn't sure if he'd washed his face properly this morning, but none of that mattered because _Lelouch was back_!

Suzaku pushed past Kallen and Schneizel, ignoring Cecile's alarmed expression as he grabbed Lelouch around the waist and spun around in a circle. Lelouch's arms landed on his shoulders, warm and real, and Suzaku laughed. "You're here! You're really here!" He moved in for a kiss, but Lelouch twisted in his arms, squirming and making a face like he'd just eaten a bug.

"Cecile, who the hell is this?"

Suzaku froze. It didn't help that one of the gaggle, the redheaded girl, had broken off and was pulling at him, yelling at him to let Lulu go. Cecile was trying to moderate the situation, trying to calm everyone down, but Suzaku wasn't budging, not even when the redhead was joined by the boy who wasn't Lelouch, who hit slightly harder. Suzaku couldn't look away from Lelouch's face, from Lelouch's look of utter disgust and revulsion.

"It's me," Suzaku said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's Suzaku."

C.C. moved up behind Lelouch, her yellow eyes cold but understanding. "He doesn't know you, Suzaku. And you don't know this him." She placed a hand over his. "Let him go."

Suzaku released Lelouch, and Lelouch stumbled back, still glaring. "If you put your hands on me again, you brute…"

"Shh, Lelouch," Cecile said. "No threats. We're guests here."

To Suzaku's surprised, Lelouch calmed, lowering his hackles and turning away, allowing himself to be led off again. The others, the redhead and the boy with the blue hair, glared at Suzaku over their shoulders, but moved quickly to catch up. The remaining girl, with her simple brown hair and frightened eyes, gave Suzaku a wide birth as she ran after them.

Kallen's hand landed on Suzaku's shoulder. "I tried to warn you. He's not… he's lost his memory, Suzaku. They took it from him."

Suzaku turned into her and buried his head against her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close.

"He doesn't remember any of us. But we'll get him back."

Suzaku thought that's what they'd already done.

Apparently not.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

The next few hours were filled with explanations and apologies. The latter mostly from Kallen.

"I told you you'd have the chance to be all forgiving and reasonable," Kallen said, with uncharacteristic nervousness. "And isn't that the important part that we got Lelouch back?"

Suzaku stared ahead, unable to respond to her in any meaningful way.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you. But we thought–"

"You mean Schneizel thought," Gino corrected, his voice mild.

Kallen glared at him. "Sure, okay. _Schneizel_ thought that you wouldn't be able to focus in Area 2 if we told you, and we needed the assault on Area 2 to cover up the rescue attempt in Pendragon. As it was, even with the element of surprise, it nearly didn't work."

Suzaku could have lost both of them. That, more than any apology or explanation got Suzaku moving again, turning on Kallen and wrapping his arms around her in a desperate hug.

"Thank you for bringing him back."

Kallen hesitated, then awkwardly patted Suzaku's shoulder. "Schneizel didn't think you would act rationally, and he didn't want to risk you. Area 2 was important, but he sent his next best people after Lelouch. He wanted Lelouch back as badly as you did."

But not for the same reasons. Which was probably for the best – this way at least Schneizel might be able to get what _he_ wanted out of this, even if there was no hope for Suzaku.

"Who were the kids with him?" Gino asked.

Kallen pulled out of Suzaku's embrace. "Lelouch was being kept in a high school, he lived on campus, had access to food and company and challenges and kept busy enough that he didn't want to leave. From what Cecile said, they filled the school with some kids whose parents didn't believe in the Hunger Games, who weren't aware of Lelouch and Suzaku's victory, and who treated him like another kid."

"How did you find Cecile?" Suzaku asked. He hadn't really thought of her since coming to Area 0, but he was a little surprised she hadn't been killed after what happened in the last Hunger Games. "And C.C."

"She was, as always, Pendragon's eyes and ears," Kallen said sourly. "She was told to watch over Lelouch, but to have minimal contact. C.C. was working at the school too, but she seemed to be much closer to Lelouch. I don't know why they were trusted. _They_ claim they don't know why they were trusted, but Lelouch came to the school with his altered memories. Even if they'd wanted to, there was nothing they could have done to bring him back."

That was hard to believe, but it was equally hard to imagine Cecile deliberately working against Lelouch, keeping him prisoner and keeping his true self suppressed. She had truly seemed to care for him, had genuinely watched out for him and Suzaku, at least to the extent of her abilities.

Now C.C., it was easier to believe she had just taken the path of least resistance and submitted to Pendragon's demands. Suzaku held nothing against her, but there was nothing he'd seen that indicated she cared for him or Lelouch as anything more than a way of displaying her talents. Maybe she had been closer with Lelouch, but either way she hadn't defied Pendragon for him.

If that would have even helped.

"Can I see him?" Suzaku's voice sounded small and uncertain. Kallen looked torn.

"I don't know if that's a great idea, Suzaku." Something in his face must have affected her because she sighed in defeat. "Let's ask Schneizel."

Schneizel was equivocal. "If you hadn't attacked him like that, I might agree to it. But he's been through a lot. He thinks he was just kidnapped by rebels, for no reason he can think of, and molested by someone he doesn't recognize. I'm sure you can understand that just seeing you again would make him more tense and less responsive." Suzaku wished that wasn't so reasonable. "However," Schneizel continued, "I can let _you_ see _him_. As long as you're quiet."

Suzaku expected a video, like Schneizel had shown Suzaku during their victory tour in Pendragon. Instead, he was allowed to watch through a one-way mirror as Sayoko was mid-interrogation with Lelouch about his memories.

"My family doesn't exist," Lelouch insisted. "I don't know why you keep asking these questions, unless you're looking to get some sort of ransom. My parents are both dead, and I'm a ward of the state. You've done nothing by taking me other than decreasing Pendragon's financial burden."

Sayoko smiled, gently, non-confrontationally. "That's not why we're asking. We're not planning on ransoming you or harming you in any way, Lelouch. What is the first thing you remember?"

Lelouch frowned. "Um… a birthday. Not mine. My little…" His frown deepened. "My little brother's." He looked up and glared at Sayoko. "He's dead too, by the way. So you can't use him against me either."

"Alright," Sayoko said. "What do you remember about this birthday?"

"Cake?" Lelouch said, uncertainly. "And, um, candles? No, fire. A small fire and burning birthday wishes." He looked like he was in actual pain. "No, opening presents. No, wait, uh…"

Sayoko reached out, just touching the back of Lelouch's hand. "Don't force it, Lelouch."

"You're messing with my head!" Lelouch yelled. "Get out!"

Sayoko didn't argue with him. "I'll be back later. You should rest." She backed out, facing Lelouch the whole time, and sighed once she left the room.

"Well?" Schneizel asked.

"He's very certain about recent memories, and about vague details. But when asked to clarify, he has trouble with the minutiae. The birthday memory was the most disjointed. I'll need to ask Nunnally what her early birthdays were like. I suspect the burning of birthday wishes was a true memory."

"Why does he remember a brother?" Suzaku asked.

Sayoko shrugged. "From the details he gave, the 'brother' he described seemed to be an amalgamation of Nunnally and Rolo, that boy from the first Hunger Games he was in. Perhaps, to help Lelouch come to terms with his older-brother instincts, and yet with the idea of his younger sibling being dead." She sighed. "Whoever did this to him was a master. This is more than I can manage, and I'm very worried about breaking him."

"Breaking him?" Schneizel demanded. "How?"

"A psychotic episode, reality not melding with his own version. Without his past, he may not have the resilience he had before. I'm not sure." She looked disgruntled. "I'm not sure about too many things to take this fast. It will be slow recovery, _if_ I can get him to recover at all."

That clearly didn't please Schneizel any more than it pleased Suzaku. "Very well. Thank you for everything you're doing, Sayoko," Schneizel said, turning away. Suzaku followed him.

"Where are you going?"

"To interrogate the school children with Lelouch. They might have some answers."

Lelouch's interrogation room had held several chairs, a bed, and an adjoining toilet. Suzaku had balked at calling it a cell, and seeing where his classmates had been put made that much clearer.

 _They_ were in cells.

The two girls were huddled together, the redhead cuddling the brunette and trying to soothe her, while the boy stood at the edge of the room, clear glass separating him from the corridor Suzaku and Schneizel stood in. Their room also contained a toilet, although not hidden from view, and a sink, as well as three uncomfortable-looking cots.

Still, none of them seemed injured, although the brunette looked frankly terrified.

Of what, Suzaku had no idea.

She looked up and met Suzaku's eyes and he tried to smile reassuringly. She shuddered and buried her face against the redhead's shoulder. "Eleven…"

Ah. She was one of those. In every cheering crowd, there were always a few who looked at the Tributes with hatred and even fear. Like they were dangerous beasts. It made a weird sort of sense, if she had been raised to fear and hate Numbers, she would have watched as little of the Hunger Games as possible, and would have been a perfect choice for Lelouch's school.

The boy, standing close to the glass, stood his ground. "Where's Lelouch?"

"He's safe," Schneizel said vaguely. "He's certainly in a better position than you three. I have something I want from him. You, however, have next to nothing to offer."

The brown-haired girl fainted. The redhead looked up sharply. "Rivalz!"

The boy, Rivalz, moved towards the girls, helping the redhead place their friend on a bed. Suzaku and Schneizel watched, Suzaku with growing worry and Schneizel with impatience.

"Is she alright?" Suzaku asked. The girl looked at him with a small grateful smile, but turned immediately to Schneizel.

"Prince Schneizel, I don't know what you're doing with these rebels, but I beg for clemency…"

Schneizel snorted. "Do you not? You're a classmate of Lelouch's. Surely he's shared some of his theories."

The girl hesitated. "He… he said that you were a second son, smarter and better suited to rule than your elder, but not as…" she searched for the appropriate word "…legitimate."

"So he thinks I'm using the Numbers."

"He said you'd never be made Emperor on your own, unless Prince Odysseus died, and he thinks you're trying to avoid that."

Schneizel shrugged. "That almost makes me sound magnanimous, that I'd try to _avoid_ murdering my elder brother. Perhaps I'm a better person than I thought."

"…doubt it," Suzaku muttered under his breath. The girl looked at him again, and Suzaku put on his most charming smile. "Hi. I'm Suzaku. What's your name?"

"Shirley." She smiled back, a social smile, but it was good to see. "And this is Rivalz and Nina's on the bed."

Suzaku winced. "Sorry for scaring her. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay," Shirley assured him, moving closer to the glass. "Where are we?"

Suzaku almost looked towards Schneizel for permission to answer before remembering that these kids had done nothing but befriend Lelouch to deserve getting stuck in a cage. "Area 0. It's an underground bunker, but it's just a temporary measure. Area 2 just fell and the war's winding down. We should be out of here soon enough."

Both Shirley and Rivalz looked horrified. "Area 2 fell?"

Oh. Right. They would see that as a _bad_ thing. "Look, the first thing you asked when you saw us was about Lelouch. You're clearly his friends and he's… someone I care very deeply about. That means I'll do everything I can to protect you, I promise."

"You mean he's someone the rebellion cares about," Rivalz said. "You just want to use him for something."

"No, I… I'm in love with him," Suzaku confessed.

Shirley and Rivalz stared at him. "… _how_?" Their voices sounded odd in unison.

"Look, I get that you don't watch the Hunger Games, but they were kind of a big thing. Everyone here, and almost everyone in Pendragon, knows that Lelouch and I were lovers. That's how we survived our first games."

Rivalz frowned. "Games? I thought you could only be in one."

Before Suzaku could answer that, Shirley scrunched up her nose. "Ew, you would have been _thirteen_. That's just…"

"What?"

"Oh, gross, you're right," Rivalz said. "If Lelouch was in the Hunger Games before he came to school, he would have been twelve or thirteen."

"We were sixteen!"

"No," Shirley said slowly. "When Lelouch was sixteen, he was in Pendragon. With us. He was in the chess club."

That made no sense unless…

The doors slid open and Lelouch came through, escorted by Cornelia and Guildford. Cornelia met Schneizel's questioning gaze with a shrug. "He refused to eat or sleep until he'd seen his… friends."

Lelouch was allowed to break away from them, moving past Suzaku without a single glance, pressing his hands against the glass. "Are you guys okay?" His eyes widened. "Nina!"

"She's fine!" Shirley assured him quickly, mirroring him on the other side of the glass, palm-to-palm. "She's just overwhelmed. Are you okay, Lelouch?"

"Yes. I'm not sure what they're after, but don't tell them anything. They mess with your head."

"We know." Rivalz glared at Suzaku and Schneizel. "They tried to convince us you were in the Hunger Games two years ago."

Lelouch flinched. "I don't… I was at school then."

"Yes. You were," Shirley said firmly. "Don't let go of who you are, Lelouch no matter what they do. You're stronger than that."

"You too," Lelouch whispered, before Guilford pulled him away from the glass.

"You've seen them," Schneizel said apathetically. "Now behave yourself."

Suzaku couldn't help it. He couldn't let Lelouch go without at least trying… He grabbed Lelouch's arm, as gently as he could. "Lelouch?"

"Who are… oh, it's you." Lelouch scowled. "Quit touching me."

"I just… wanted to introduce myself," Suzaku said, trying for a smile. "I'm Suzaku."

Not even a flicker of recognition. "Nice to meet you, formally. Please stop touching me."

Suzaku dropped his arm. "Alright. Sorry. I… I'll be seeing you."

Lelouch muttered something under he breath as he was carted away, and Suzaku felt his heart breaking.

"True love?" Rivalz asked, a little snidely.

"Lelouch's memories have been wiped," Schneizel said. "At first that was all we'd suspected had happened, but it seems to be rather more widespread than that." He smiled. "It turns out you have something I want after all. Information. Be glad! You will remain our guests, alive and well, for as long as it takes us to pry every piece of Lelouch's 'past' from you. If we can break you three free, we can manage with Lelouch. And I'm far less concerned about possible side effects with you."

Schneizel strolled out to the two prisoners (call them what they were) calling out that he couldn't do this, they had rights, blithely ignoring them both. It didn't sit well with Suzaku, who caught up to him in the hallways leading to the elevators. "You can't be serious."

"About what?"

"About… experimenting on those kids!" Suzaku exclaimed. "They're innocent! They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, making friends with the wrong guy. None of this is their fault."

Schneizel shrugged. "Which makes this unfortunate, but hardly impossible."

"You can't just–"

Schneizel stopped the elevator. "Suzaku. Think for a moment. Sayoko is the best we have, and she's afraid to move on Lelouch with any kind of speed, for fear that it will ruin him. I don't want him ruined, but I also don't want that useless broken half-thing he's become. So we really have two options. The first is to shake our heads and talk about what a shame it is that Lelouch is gone to waste, alas, we knew him well. Or we can take the lovely gift of three people _no one_ cares about who have also been mindfucked by Pendragon and try to unravel their memories for them, thus learning how to fix Lelouch quickly and safely."

Schneizel looked deadly serious. "You claim to love Lelouch, yet you won't even sacrifice… no, you won't even _risk_ three strangers for him. Cornelia had her concerns, but I thought them unfounded. I thought you willing to meet Lelouch's level of commitment after what you witnessed in Pendragon. I thought you'd become worthy of him. I am disappointed, mostly in myself, for being so wrong."

"You're doing this out of love for Lelouch?" Suzaku asked incredulously.

"No," Schneizel said, starting the elevator again. "That's why _you_ should be doing this. That's why you should stand back and allow it. Because you love Lelouch and because it's the only way."

It sat poorly with Suzaku, but he didn't have any more arguments to make. Lelouch did need help, and Sayoko wasn't sure it was help she could give. This did seem to be the only way, but Lelouch would have hated it, risking his friends for his sake.

Only they weren't really his friends, were they? They were friends of this not-Lelouch who had taken Lelouch's place. And Suzaku wanted that not-Lelouch gone.


	9. Making and Rebuilding Friendships

Suzaku stayed away. He heard things, though: that Nina would (or could) only speak to Pendragon natives, that Rivalz had resorted to telling raunchy stories when pushed too far, that Shirley had had a mild break down, convinced first that Zero had killed her father, then that Lelouch had, then just getting over it as if nothing had happened.

Nunnally spent some time with them and, after introducing herself as Lelouch's sister, had managed to worm her way into their hearts. Milly, too, spent a lot of time doing what she could to help, her blonde hair and fine features apparently enough to convince Nina that she was safe with her. In fact, from what Nunnally said, the two girls had bonded quite closely, and Milly was petitioning for their release.

Suzaku agreed with her. "They're not dangerous, and it's torture to lock people up and only talk to them to get information or to try to break them."

"We're not _trying_ to break them," Sayoko explained. "We're trying to fix them, return them to their original state. What happened with Shirley is regrettable, but at least it will help with future attempts." She looked over at Schneizel. "Still, their psyche is certainly being damaged by their captivity, and it's making things more difficult."

Schneizel shrugged. "It's not my call. I can get you in to see the Prime Minister, and you can make your case directly to him."

Suzaku wasn't happy about leaving those kids in their cell another day or three while they waited for an audience, but he had no idea what to do or say to convince Schneizel to let them go.

Milly, the daughter of a mayor, and a charmer in her own right, wasn't willing to let it sit there.

"You're telling me you can't make this one little call?" She somehow sounded cheerfully incredulous. "They're harmless, and a show of kindness would do them a world of good. I'll take personal responsibility for their good behaviour, and you can take credit for their marvellous improvements."

Schneizel raised an eyebrow, reflecting incredulity right back, over Milly's efforts to manipulate him, most likely. Then he smiled. "Agreed."

"Wh-what?"

"I'll take this to Genbu myself. But as long as both Sayoko and Ms. Ashford are willing to accept responsibility for them, including finding a place for them to stay, meals, all the necessary requirements for living in Area 0, I will be your champion." He bowed genteelly, and Suzaku could practically feel Milly swoon.

He, however, had built up something of an immunity to Schneizel's charms and something about this was feeling a little off. Schneizel didn't change his mind unless he'd planed to have it changed from the outset. He was just shrugging off the busywork of settling in Lelouch's classmates to Milly.

That was kind of unfair. However, it also looked like the quickest and easiest way to get them out. But if this happened again… "I want access to Prime Minister Genbu."

Schneizel looked at Suzaku curiously. "Why?"

"I don't like having to go through you to him. I've spoken to him before, and he's always handled things efficiently and fairly." Mainly because Suzaku had blackmailed him, probably, but that wasn't the point. "I'm sure you're used to being everyone's puppet master, Schneizel, but I want to cut my strings."

Schneizel frowned. "That's something that genuinely _isn't_ my call. I don't have a problem with it, running interference with you is one aspect of my job, but it's hardly what I'd call a 'perk'. You're certainly important enough to push your way into the Prime Minister's inner circle, but don't expect him to listen or agree with you. He has his own agenda, and his own ideas, and is as unmovable as a mountain."

Suzaku snorted. "Unlike the illustrious Prince Schneizel, patient and unmovable as an ocean." Always changing, always constant, always enigmatic.

"I'll ask, Suzaku. It's all I can do. As for the children, as soon as you can arrange things for them, they're free to go."

"Just like that?" Milly asked.

"As long as they behave, yes. One too many steps out of line, and even I won't be able to protect them."

Whether that was true or not, Milly took it completely seriously. She and Sayoko spent the better part of the day hunting down arm bracers and setting up schedules so that Milly could spend as much time as possible watching over them. She'd already basically done that job during the exodus from Area 11, keeping people calm, helping them adjust to the overly ordered life in Area 0. She and her father had worked tirelessly to ensure that the transition was as painless as possible.

And she'd made connections that made setting things up for three children more than simple.

Suzaku, on the other hand, returned to training. His experience with hand-held projectile weapons was still spotty at best, and outside of a Knightmare, bladework was next to useless. His thoughts kept returning to Lelouch and his three classmates, mostly worrying about them, occasionally going off on irrelevant tangents, like how it was weird that he thought of them as kids when they were pretty much exactly his age. It was probably because they were so helpless, so defenceless. It made Suzaku's protective instincts go off.

Kallen eventually noticed his distraction, and pulled him aside to talk about it during a break. "What's up?"

Suzaku didn't even pretend to misunderstand. "Milly's trying to get the kids who came with Lelouch out of their cell. She needs to make up schedules for them and find them a place to stay and everything."

"Huh." Kallen shrugged. "They can stay in my room, if they like."

"Really?"

"Sure. I'll just move in with you."

Suzaku grinned. "Thanks, Kallen!" As one of the leaders of the exodus, Kallen had been given a slightly larger living space and two beds as her room had often been used as a meeting/crashing place during the transition. Three people would be cramped, but they could live there quite comfortably.

"I'll let Milly know, and move everything out by supper," Kallen said. "Anything else?"

She knew him too well. "Have you seen Lelouch?"

Kallen nodded. "They're trying immersion on him now, introducing people with ties to him. When I was sent in, he didn't recognize me at all, but he was polite enough." She looked away. "It was weird. He never checked me over for weapons, he let me block the only exit, he turned his back on me several times… It's like he's not the paranoid little shit we all know and loved."

That surprised a laugh from Suzaku. "Schneizel and Sayoko say that he's really not. But they're hoping they can get him back. What did you talk about?"

"Home," Kallen said. "Area 11. I get the feeling I wasn't the first person from our Area they sent to him, though, so I changed the subject." She grinned. "I told him about the time he suggested a threesome between us."

"He… what?"

Kallen looked surprised, and not even a little ashamed. "I never told you about that? It was before your Victory tour, when you were being all standoffish. Lelouch said that he had nothing to do with you suddenly deciding I was social poison, and suggested that maybe he'd be willing to _share_."

Suzaku winced. "How hard did you hit him?"

"Not that hard. Open-palm slap. He deserved it!" Kallen protested at Suzaku's chiding expression. "He accused me of being in love with you."

"And?" Suzaku asked, as a lot of the humour dried out of the situation.

"And… and so I hit him," Kallen answered, a little awkwardly. "But the point is that when I told Lelouch that story, he didn't believe me, but he clammed up completely. Apparently, anything about your relationship with him makes him get all quiet and withdrawn."

Huh. Well… that hurt.

Kallen sighed and reached over to him. "It's a thing, Suzaku. Nothing else we've seen makes him react quite so regularly, or with such strength. He'll occasionally fly off the handle if he's pressed about his family, or he'll get frustrated when he's tested on trivia he _should_ have learned at a school in Pendragon, but he can also take it calmly. He _never_ takes you calmly."

Suzaku tried not to remember Lelouch 'taking him', and how not-calm he'd been. Just because he'd been celibate for months, that didn't mean he needed to fantasize at every possible opportunity. It was counterproductive and a little painful, actually. Kallen, seemingly sensing what he was thinking, slapped him upside his head.

"Ow." Suzaku idly rubbed the back of his head as he contemplated what Kallen had said. "I think he really doesn't like me."

"Well, you didn't make the best first impression," Kallen said. "But at least you made an impression."

Suzaku laughed "And he didn't exactly like me when we went to the Hunger Games together, either. But now… I can't imagine life without him."

Kallen threw and arm around him in a half-hug, half-wrestling grip. "We'll get him back."

Suzaku had repeated that so many times to himself, and had so many people echo it back to him, that he was starting to have trouble believing it.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Milly and Kallen rushed to have everything prepared by the end of the day, so the three kids wouldn't have to sleep another night in their cell. Their reactions were surprisingly muted and, Suzaku thought, a little ungrateful.

"Only two beds?"

"And one bathroom."

Nina basically cowered behind Milly, watching both Suzaku and Kallen with huge eyes framed by her glasses. Suzaku was beginning to get exasperated, and Kallen was _way_ ahead of him.

"It's better than what you had."

Shirley and Rivalz turned to Kallen, still upset.

"What we _had_ was a cell," Rivalz pointed out. "We didn't like it, but we understood that it wasn't something we were supposed to like. But this is supposed to be an _improvement_? We still don't have any privacy, Nina and Shirley'll have to share a bed, and the rest of the time this is really cramped."

"Also, these bracelets make it seem we're just as jailed as we were before," Shirley added.

Kallen sighed. "Everyone has those bracelets, this room held up to fourteen people for various meetings, and if you want, we can put you right back where we–"

Milly placed a hand on Kallen's arm. "Enough." She turned to the other two. "I know this isn't up to Pendragon standards, but it's what we have to offer. No one will watch you in here, you can choose to share or divide up the space however you like, and you'll have freedom of movement. Kallen gave up her room for you, remember."

Shirley looked to Kallen. "Where are you living now?"

"With Suzaku, but that's not the point," Kallen said. "The point is that you're going to have to make some sacrifices, but in return you can have a lot of your freedom back. And that's thanks to all the work Milly has done on your behalf."

"Freedom?" Rivalz echoed. "How can you live like this?"

Suzaku and Kallen exchanged looks. They didn't talk about it much, but they actually agreed with Rivalz. The strong restrictions, the multitude of pointless rules, the strict punishments for infractions… it was nothing like the easy spontaneity of Area 11. On the other hand…

"Because if we didn't," Milly said simply, "we'd be dead."

The implications were clear. If Area 0 was willing to let their allies perish if they didn't follow the rules, what could possibly stop them from doing the same for their Pendragon 'guests'. It sounded like Area 0 was the only thing that had saved the people of Area 11, which was true, but the lack of choice was the true message, and for Rivalz and Shirley and Nina, their choices were even more restricted.

"Thank you, Kallen," Rivalz managed, sounding only slightly grudging. "We appreciate what you've done for us."

Shirley smiled. "Yes, thank you. It's really nice of you."

Nina whispered something in Milly's ear, and Milly hesitated before nodding. "Besides, I think I can offer another solution. Nina can stay with me. My father spends most of his time in the central area in any case, working with the governing bodies of Area 0. If he can get permanent residency there, Nina and I can stay together. Then just this apartment can be for just you two."

Shirley and Rivalz exchanged looks. "What about Lelouch?" Rivalz asked.

"He'll decide what he wants to do, eventually," Kallen said. "You can't let him dictate what you're going to do now."

Shirley shrugged, clearly trying to do her best in trying circumstances. "We'll take it."

Milly took Nina to her apartment, while Kallen helped Shirley settle in. Rivalz didn't seem as interested in homemaking, and sidled up next to Suzaku. "Hey."

"Hey."

They stood for some time, mostly comfortable, with a little bit of awkwardness. Which Rivalz decided to address. "So… you guys really think Lelouch is your Lelouch?"

Suzaku nodded. "Didn't they show you the Hunger Games footage?"

"I saw some. I didn't want Shirley or Nina to have to watch anything like that." Rivalz looked disgusted, and Suzaku found himself warming to him, despite his early ingratitude. "And, yeah, that guy looks the same, but he doesn't act like our Lelouch at all. He's all seductive and smarmy and… oily. Lelouch is cool, almost frigid, and it takes him forever to warm up to anyone. And what your Lelouch did, pretending to be your enemy to protect you and then turning on his supposed allies… our Lelouch could never do that. He's got a _code_ , or something. He's honest to a fault."

The more Rivalz talked, the more Suzaku's heart ached. Not because it seemed as though Pendragon had taken Lelouch and perverted him into someone completely different, but because it seemed as though they'd taken him and eased his hard edges, taken away the poisonous parts of him. Suzaku had thought that the barriers Lelouch had put into place had come from the trauma of the games, of doing what had to be done, to keep the most private parts of himself protected. Suzaku had planned to work through those barriers with time and care.

But, from what Rivalz was saying, it sounded like the barriers were just part of who Lelouch was, even without the trauma. What the trauma had changed was Lelouch's outward personality, the clever liar, the warm lover, the amoral manipulator. The things that Suzaku loved and hated about Lelouch weren't purely him at all, they were what he'd turned into when pressured.

And if this Lelouch really was 'honest to a fault', then being told he was mistaken about everything, that his entire life was a lie, would hurt him far more deeply than Suzaku would have expected.

"Was he happy?" Suzaku asked softly.

Rivalz shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe? Mostly, at least. He's not the kinda guy who really does 'happy'. He was content, and he fit in okay, and we had fun together."

That sounded… nice. Suzaku knew that there were things in Lelouch's life that stopped him from being truly happy. He couldn't trust easily, he had memories that were difficult if not impossible to get over, and his sense of responsibility made him take on burdens that weighed heavily on him. There hadn't been any need for him to organize the evacuation of Area 11 with Kallen, or to do anything, really, other than ensure the safety of his family and friends. But he had, and it preyed on him.

On the other hand, Suzaku had seen (or at least thought he had seen) Lelouch truly happy. Playing with Nunnally, cooking or sewing with his mother, resting in Suzaku's arms before they went to sleep…

Pendragon had taken all that away from him. But was it worth it, if it took away his nightmares, his darker side?

"Happy or not, he's our friend," Rivalz added. "And we're not just going to let you take him away from us."

"Let us?" Suzaku asked softly. "Rivalz, there's nothing you can do. It's out of your hands, and mine, Lelouch's fate. The only thing either of us can do, is everything we can to ensure he isn't broken."

Rivalz looked away, upset, but likely not at Suzaku. "Why can't they just leave him alone?"

"He's not the kind of man you leave alone," Suzaku said. "He's a leader and a visionary, and he's needed. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me. To me, he's just someone I love and miss, and someone I'd give anything to have back. But if he's not… if we're wrong and he _is_ a completely different person who just happens to look the same and have the same name as my Lelouch, then I'll do everything I can to keep him safe, and keep my distance."

"Can we see him?"

Suzaku shrugged. "You're free to go wherever your bracelets will allow you to go. If you can go to Lelouch's room, then yes. If not, then no. It's not up to me."

Rivalz eyed his bracelet, speculatively. Suzaku shook his head. "Don't take it off. You'll need it to get anywhere, even out of your own room. It's apparently for everyone's safety, and getting caught without your bracelet has significant penalties."

"Alright. Thanks." Rivalz grinned at Suzaku, apparently taking him for an ally. "Hey, when you see Lelouch again, can you give him a message?"

Suzaku didn't mention that he might be Lelouch's most hated person right now. "Sure."

"Tell him that we're okay, and we're doing what we can to keep safe. And tell him that Shirley, especially, misses him."

Suzaku felt his smile freeze, but he managed to answer without any bitterness. "Sure, Rivalz. I'll let him know."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

But when Suzaku finally managed to work up the courage to see Lelouch the next day, he was barred from his room, on Sayoko's orders.

"Nunnally's with him now."

"Nunnally?" Suzaku asked, tensing up.

The young girl, one of Sayoko's assistants, Suzaku thought, nodded. "We tried Marianne, and Lelouch just refused to believe her, although we think she was getting through to him. So we asked Nunnally. This is her first time seeing him, but we warned her as best we could about his condition. It's going rather well."

"Can I watch?"

"Sure." The girl led Suzaku into the viewing room, behind the two-way mirror. Schneizel and Marianne were there, both looking pleased.

"…and Milly said that as long as you were out of class, you might as well be productive, so she had you start assessing property."

Lelouch laughed, easy and free. "I'm sure I enjoyed that."

"You complained about all the walking, but I think you liked the responsibility," Nunnally said. "And you said you got to meet some interesting people. Are you sure you don't remember any of the others?"

"Positive, Nunnally."

"He remembered her?" Suzaku asked softly, cognisant of the fact that being hidden from sight didn't mean being soundproofed.

Schneizel shrugged. "He claims to."

"He's acting like he does," Marianne said. "They used to talk and laugh together, just like that. But…"

Suzaku watched the way Lelouch's wide smile didn't quite meet his eyes, his open body language still managing to be just slightly tense. "He's lying."

"Probably," Schneizel said. "But it means something that he'd bother to lie to Nunnally to make her feel better. It's a kind of progress."

Sayoko came into the room, gently touching Nunnally's shoulder and smiling down at her as she spoke to Lelouch. "Would you mind if I cut in here?"

"Not at all," Lelouch said, smiling brightly. "Nunnally, it was lovely to talk with you. I'm sure we'll do this later."

"Damn straight, you will," Schneizel muttered as Nunnally nodded and said something cheerful. He looked determined to use her to get more out of Lelouch. Suzaku filed that away as something to argue against later, when they didn't have to worry about being overheard.

After Nunnally left, Sayoko gave Lelouch a moment to compose himself before she addressed him. "Well?"

Lelouch scowled. "You sent in a child. A crippled _child_. What kinds of monsters are you people?"

"So you didn't actually remember her," Sayoko said, disappointed.

"Of course not! She's not my sister, I don't have a sister. I _had_ a brother, but that's it. What, did you think that just because she's a sweet little girl, and disabled to boot, that I'd give into your little fantasy for her sake?" He snorted. "I'll play nice with her, but you're not getting anything more out of me than that."

Schneizel nudges Suzaku. "Alright, he's already being pissy. There's not much damage you can do here, so go ahead."

"Really?" Suzaku had to admit, he was more happy about the chance to see Lelouch than he was worried about Lelouch's obvious anger. He was used to Lelouch's anger. It used to amuse him.

Lelouch was just getting started when Suzaku came into the room, and immediately changed gears. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"Hey. Um. Rivalz asked me to tell you that he and the others are fine, but they miss you. Especially Shirley." There was a loaded pause. "Want me to take a message back?"

"Tell them the breakout's at dawn."

Suzaku frowned. "How can you tell when dawn is in here? We're underground, remember."

Lelouch rolled his eyes and slumped down in his chair. "Humourless monsters. Great." Sayoko sent Suzaku a sympathetic smile, which raised Lelouch's hackles once again. "Fine, continue your little conspiracy about me. I know what this is about."

"What is it about, Lelouch?" Sayoko asked gently.

"You want to kill me."

Suzaku sighed. "No one wants to kill you, Lelouch. We risked a lot of good people to get you out of Pendragon."

"Yeah. To kill me." Lelouch looked up, sharply, and Suzaku's breath caught as he saw an echo of his old lover at his canniest. "You want me dead and your Lelouch, the murdering slut, in my place. I have a home, friends, a place, and you want to take that all away and replace it with…" he waved a vague hand, " _him_."

Suzaku couldn't look Lelouch in the eyes. It was true. "That's not… it isn't the same…"

"Do you want me to tell you you're not real?" Sayoko said, still gentle. "That you don't matter? That nothing you are and nothing you feel is real?" Lelouch's sour expression hardened. "Because I won't," Sayoko continued. "Your memories are false, it's true, but that doesn't make you any less real or important. But you're living another man's life. And that other man has just enough right to live as you do."

The door opened before Lelouch or Suzaku could respond to that, and C.C. walked in. "She's right, you know."

"C.C.? What do you know about this, you witch?" Lelouch snarled.

"More than I ever let on after you and I made our contract," C.C. answered peaceably. "I told you that I would never lie to you, but that I would withhold things that I felt were necessary to withhold." She shrugged. "Or funny. This is one of those things."

Lelouch stared at her. "You're telling me all those years you spent with me, you never thought it would be important to mention that my memories had been rewritten?"

"It was only a few months," C.C. corrected. "And, yes, it was very important not to tell you then. Just as it was important to see if anything – Suzaku, your mother Nunnally – could trigger your natural memories. But I think our system worked _too_ well, and you're just not reversible through normal means."

"Our system?" Lelouch asked. " _Normal_ means? That means there are abnormal means?"

C.C. shrugged. "Before rewriting a memory, it's best if a subject is off-guard. Confusion, pain, guilt, grief, anger… all the negative and chaotic emotions that can be felt can lower your defences and make the process easier and more effective. Before we rewrote your memories, you had watched someone you cared about being murdered before your eyes, suffered through a second Hunger Games, with more interpersonal manoeuvring than your first games, captured by your father after he executed every other Tribute around you, and kept in some very trying conditions. You were the ideal candidate."

"My father?"

"The Emperor."

Lelouch started laughing. "Oh, c'mon, C.C. There's suspension of disbelief, and then there's just outright nonsense. How can I be from Area 11 _and_ the Emperor's son? And why would the Emperor torture his own son like that? Nothing you're saying even makes any sense. I trusted you, I really did, but this seems to be a game to you, nothing more. This wouldn't even count as a lie. It's more of a prank, a really unfunny prank. So… it's over now. You got me for a minute, I actually believed you for a split second, but it's over."

"The trauma started when you saw me brutally and senselessly murdered in front of you. Before that, you were more or less fooling around with Suzaku. I arranged for my apparent 'murder' to shock you before the games, just in case you were taken by the Emperor. Which you were." C.C. grabbed Lelouch by the front of his shirt, an unusually violent move for her, and Lelouch stood easily, still apparently humouring her. "I knew that if your memories were erased, there would be one sure way of getting them back." She threw herself at Lelouch, winding her arms around her neck and kissing him deeply. Lelouch's eyes widened and he stood awkwardly still, making some very odd noises as C.C. seemed to be trying to count his tonsils. Suzaku opened his mouth to protest, when C.C. drew back, roughly, breathing hard.

Lelouch stared at her, wide-eyed and panting, and brought a hand up to his mouth, reaching past his lips to bring out…

…Suzaku's phoenix pin.

"Where…" Suzaku couldn't help but start to ask before realizing how ridiculous it was that he focused on that.

"Lelouch had it on him when he was taken. I've been holding onto it ever since, just in case," C.C. said.

Lelouch laughed, softly, and looked up at Suzaku. "Suzaku, come here."

Suzaku moved forward, suddenly hopeful. He couldn't see what C.C. had done to get him back, but if this was his Lelouch…

Lelouch attached the pin to Suzaku's shirt. "There. You're Zero now, from what they've told me. You should have this."

"Lelouch…" Suzaku moved in closer, part of him waiting for Lelouch to draw away again.

He didn't, but he did hold up a hand between them, high enough to forestall any attempts on Suzaku's part to kiss him. "I wanted you. When you were Zero, when I was in Pendragon, I still wanted you. I don't know what you'd call that…"

"Fate?" Suzaku ventured.

Lelouch's lips quirked into an almost-smile. "Or your fantastic legs. Either way, I wanted you from the moment I saw you, as Zero, and also as Suzaku, here, despite my loss of memory. And I remember, Suzaku, I remember what it's like to want and to refuse to give in, because it's for the best. I'd forgotten how _not_ to give in to you."

"What are you…"

"I'm back, mostly. I still have my false memories, but I have my real ones back too, and they're growing stronger. I can be whatever Schneizel wants me to be, and I'll excel at it. But I won't be your lover, Suzaku. Find someone else to warm your bed. I have the tools I needed to say no, the ones I gave up when I fell in love with you. If nothing else, I have my father to thank for that. For my freedom from you."

"I don't…"

"I'm Lelouch again. But I'm not _your_ Lelouch. I'm _my_ Lelouch. And I'm breaking up with you."


	10. Moving On

The next two days, for Suzaku, were spent in something of a daze.

Milly organized the three from Pendragon (quickly dubbed "The Ashford Kids") into a rule-following, unobtrusive, band of insignificants. With Lelouch's memories restored, there was no reason for Sayoko and Schneizel to continue working with them, and they were ignored for the most part.

Kallen and Gino were tasked with familiarizing Lelouch with the Knightmares. As it turned out, C.C. had slipped some piloting information into the reprogramming of Lelouch's memories, and he caught on impossibly quickly, technically surpassing Suzaku and Kallen's training times, but never quite reaching their level. By the second day, Lloyd and Rakshata both agreed that he'd peaked, at just under Cornelia's skill level.

Lelouch moved in with Nunnally and Marianne, avoiding Suzaku at all costs. Suzaku, for his part, avoided everyone, wrapping himself up in his numb sense of loss to insulate himself against the joy everyone else felt at Lelouch's proper return.

It was the morning of day three, as Kallen got dressed while Suzaku lay in their bed, useless and passive, when Kallen lost all patience.

"Get up! You are not spending another day moping about. We are dealing with this right away."

She dragged Suzaku to breakfast and left him sulking over his porridge while she went off to speak with someone else. Suzaku wasn't really paying attention, instead going through his schedule and finding another day of nothing. He considered just sneaking out and going back to bed.

Then Kallen grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. "Get going, Suzaku. Time's a-wastin'."

The dream of going back to bed looked like it still might come true, as Kallen dragged Suzaku back to his room. Their room. "We just left…"

"You needed to eat." Kallen pushed Suzaku through the doors and onto the bed. "Sit."

Suzaku sat. Then he noticed the other person in the room.

"…Lelouch?"

Lelouch was sitting in one of the two chairs, his legs crossed comfortably, his face patiently attentive. "Suzaku. Kallen feels we should speak."

Suzaku considered that for a moment. Then he flopped back on the bed, turning to face the wall away from Lelouch. "Don' wanna."

He could practically feel Lelouch shrugging behind him. "As he says, Kallen."

"Sit down and shut your smarmy face up," Kallen ordered. "And you, Suzaku, get the hell up. You're a total disgrace."

Suzaku curled into a tighter ball.

"Oh, for goodness sakes…" Kallen kicked him, not gently, and sat on the bed by his feet. "Alright, I'll get this started. Lelouch, what the hell are you doing?"

"Sitting in your room, wasting precious time that could be better spent on practically anything else."

"I meant about Suzaku."

Lelouch laughed. "Oh. Suzaku. My dear, he's not my problem anymore. Haven't you heard? He's yours." The last word was nearly hissed and, while not precisely angry, certainly not happy.

"What the hell do you mean?"

"They showed me everything, while I was in Pendragon. Every propaganda film, every print article that somehow managed to find its way into an occupied Area or Pendragon itself. I've seen more footage of Zero than most Numbers, I'll bet. And I saw everything that happened between you two."

Suzaku sat up like a shot. "Nothing happened!"

"Schneizel showed me what was cut, to preserve the image of Suzaku as a loyal hero who was finding another love. It certainly looked like 'love' had already been found."

Kallen leaned forward. "We thought you were dead…" Her voice was gentle, unsure. Lelouch snorted.

"And, I'm sure, since then you haven't done anything."

"We haven't," Kallen insisted.

"Just like you never did anything in Area 11 after Suzaku and I were engaged?"

The silence that followed was long and awkward. Suzaku and Kallen's kiss, after Lelouch and Suzaku had returned, alive, from their first Hunger Games, was an open secret between the three of them. They all knew about it, they all knew they knew about it, and they never addressed it directly.

"Lelouch," Kallen said. "Suzaku is still in love with you."

"I know," Lelouch said. "He'll get over it. He almost did already."

Suzaku couldn't do this. Words were Lelouch's thing, and he would twist and turn them until you found yourself arguing against your own points. He couldn't win, and he needed to win. Or, at least, to not lose.

"Please don't leave me."

Lelouch and Kallen both turned to Suzaku at his simple words.

"Don't leave me, Lelouch. I want you and you want me, you said you did. There's no reason why you can't…"

Lelouch smiled at him, pityingly. "Poor Suzaku. Does Kallen not put out? That's what you get from switching from a whore to a virgin." Kallen squeaked indignantly, and Lelouch's smile sharpened, taking her in as well. "I'll tell you what…" He stood from his chair and sauntered over, leaning on the bed, looming over Suzaku. "I'll help make the transition… smoother." He reached out and threaded his fingers through Suzaku's hair, pressing Suzaku's face to his stomach. Suzaku breathed in his scent and wanted. "I'll take you to bed, Suzaku, any way you want me." His voice warmed with false humour. "As long as Kallen joins us."

"What?" Kallen shouted. "No way!"

"Lelouch, please…"

Lelouch released Suzaku's head to straddle his lap. "Try it and then we'll talk. But if you – or Kallen – says no, then I walk out of here and we'll never be together again."

It was too much for Suzaku to ask. Still, he turned to Kallen, the obvious plea written all over her face. And she, at least, didn't look repulsed by the idea. If anything, she looked torn, likely between what she thought she should do and what she wanted.

With any luck, what she wanted was to say 'yes'. She chaffed against the restrictions of 'should' as much as Suzaku. "Kallen, please. We'll never speak of this again, it'll be our secret."

"Oh, will it?" Lelouch asked. Suzaku squeezed his hips just hard enough to hurt. "Ah! Alright, fine. Everything that happens here will remain a complete and utter secret." He rolled his hips and Suzaku felt desire overcome his previous apathy. "I will speak of this to no one."

Kallen wavered, and Suzaku brought out his big guns.

"Kallen." He let the desperation he felt into his voice. "Please?"

She sighed. "Alright. But no one hears of this, understood?"

Lelouch smiled. "On my honour." And, his gaze never leaving Kallen's, he bent down and kissed Suzaku like he'd been dying to do it since he got his memory back.

For a moment, Suzaku forgot about Kallen, about the Ashford Kids, about the memory loss, about anything other than the man in his arms, and his wicked, wicked tongue.

When Lelouch pulled back, Suzaku knew he looked wrecked. Lelouch, on the other hand, looked only slightly flushed. "Join us, Kallen."

Suzaku's breath caught in his throat as she did. He'd never seen her looking so uncertain, her eyes darting back and forth between him and Lelouch, as if trying to figure out the best way to approach this, already protecting herself from harm. It made him want to be gentle, comforting, and took a lot of the desperate edge off. He reached out a hand to her and she took it, allowing him to draw her to the bed beside him and Lelouch.

Lelouch smiled and leaned towards her, brushing his lips against the soft skin of her jaw and throat, never quite kissing from what Suzaku, avidly watching, could see. Kallen squirmed a little and flushed, but didn't pull away, even when Lelouch tilted his head up to lick lightly at her earlobe and whisper something soft and, if Kallen's deepening flush was anything to go by, suggestive into her ear.

She moved closer, bracing herself against the bed as she licked her lips and leaned in towards Suzaku. Suzaku panicked, unsure if he should keep the kiss gentle or chaste, or to go with the flow and kiss her like a lover. Before he could make up his mind, Lelouch ground against him and he groaned, and Kallen's lips were there, soft and sweet and Suzaku kissed her with all the want he had, eager and needy.

Her hand, as it cupped his face, was smaller and rougher than Lelouch's, and she was far more hesitant, less sure. But as the secure weight of Lelouch slid off of Suzaku's lap, Suzaku couldn't help but moan and shift, something she took as encouragement to deepen the kiss further.

She wasn't half bad, and when Suzaku pulled away it was reluctantly. But he needed to see where Lelouch had gone.

Right behind Kallen, smoothing his hands up her sides. "My, my, Kallen. You're almost as muscled as Suzaku is." He grabbed her shirt and, with a firm yank, untucked it from her pants.

Even if she hadn't made a soft, protesting yip, Suzaku would have seen the flash of terror in her eyes. "Kallen, if you want to slow down or stop, just say something."

"She's no coward," Lelouch murmured, smirking as he kissed her neck. "This isn't enough to scare her."

It was hard, but Suzaku ignored him, no matter how sexy he was being. "Kallen…"

"I'm fine, Suzaku. Just… focus on your own self."

"That's the little firecat I remember." Lelouch laughed against Kallen's neck as he slipped his hands under her shirt. "Oh, Suzaku, you should feel her. She's amazing." He grasped her shirt. "Lift your arms for me, Kallen."

Kallen did, keeping her gaze steady on Suzaku as Lelouch pulled her shirt over her head. Suzaku watched as Lelouch tossed it away, only to return to see Lelouch's hands working over Kallen's chest and abdomen, touching everything but her breasts, and somehow thereby accenting them.

Lelouch murmured something into Kallen's ear and she laughed softly. "You're right." She smiled at Suzaku. "Your turn."

"My…"

"Take your shirt off, Suzaku," Lelouch said, exasperated. "And turn to face us. This is mostly for your benefit, you should at least join in." He did something with his lips and fingers, and Kallen gasped and arched, her chest heaving with every breath she took.

Suzaku tossed his shirt off and crawled onto the bed, until his knees touched Kallen's. He wanted to reach out and touch them, to run his fingers over Lelouch's long, clever fingers and Kallen's smooth silky skin. But before he could move, Lelouch was whispering into Kallen's ear again, and she was leaning forward with one hand on Suzaku's thigh to brace herself as she bent down to kiss his chest, just over his heart.

Lelouch laughed. "You look stunned, Suzaku." He draped himself over Kallen's back, his face a breath away from Suzaku's. "You're not the only one here whose needs have been sadly unfulfilled."

Suzaku moved forward through the small space that separated them, stopping Lelouch's teasing words with a kiss. Kallen's lips pressed lightly against his skin, tickling and stimulating, and Lelouch seemed to be in no mood for teasing with anything except words, opening completely under Suzaku's mouth, kissing back fiercely and passionately.

"Mmph!" Kallen's fingers dug hard into Suzaku's leg and she jerked back, taking Lelouch with her.

But not her bra. That was in Lelouch's hands, at least until he tossed it aside as well.

"Lelouch!" Kallen's hands flew to her chest and Lelouch laughed, pulling ineffectively at her arms.

"Don't," Lelouch chided, pressing his smile into her shoulder. "Look up."

Kallen's eyes met Suzaku's, and Suzaku realized he was staring. And not at Kallen's face. They'd known each other for the better part of a decade and had grown close enough to end up sharing a room, but he'd never seen her like this.

She was gorgeous, a million miles away from the girl Suzaku remembered running through the forest with, dirty and rough and wild. She was soft and delicate and unsure, tamed by being pushed out of her element by Lelouch's constant pressure, and Suzaku wanted to take care of her for once.

Lelouch laughed again, darker this time. "I'll bet she tastes as sweet as she looks."

"Geez, Lelouch!" Suzaku protested, sure his face was flaming. "Watch your tongue!" And then Suzaku had to watch Lelouch's tongue lathe over Kallen's neck.

Kallen herself rolled her eyes, giving up covering her breasts as a pointless exercise. "I don't need you white-knighting for me, Suzaku." She grinned. "Besides, you should have heard some of the filthy things Lelouch said about you."

"Tattletale," Lelouch said, running a finger just under Kallen's clavicle. "Hmm… Suzaku, if you don't even try, I might have to take the initiative myself."

Suzaku glared at him over Kallen's shoulder before looking to Kallen herself. "Is this okay?"

"I'll let you know if I have any problems," Kallen said. Then she breathed in deeply. Suzaku gave up.

Lelouch pulled on Kallen's shoulders, laying her back on the bed. Suzaku followed, moving to allow Kallen to straighten out her legs beside his. He reached out for the first time and touched Kallen's skin, moving up from just below her rib cage to cupping her breast. Lelouch was right – under her soft skin were hard muscles, but her breasts were simple, pure softness.

Kallen sighed and her breast settled more firmly in Suzaku's hand. He stared at her as she smiled and licked her lips, and Suzaku felt himself mirroring her. Was Lelouch right? Did she taste as good as she looked?

"Only one way to find out," Lelouch whispered behind Suzaku's ear. Suzaku wasn't sure when he'd moved, but he liked it. Seeing Lelouch with Kallen had been… weird. Having him pressed against Suzaku's side was much better.

Having him pressing Suzaku down, towards Kallen's chest, was both better _and_ weird. But in a good way.

So was the way Lelouch cleverly undid his pants and slipped his hand in, wrapping his hand around Suzaku's cock just the way he liked it. Suzaku moaned against Kallen's skin and she echoed him, moving restlessly against the sheets. Lelouch chuckled at them both.

"He's hard, Kallen. Want to see?"

Kallen's eyes tracked down Suzaku's body as Lelouch pulled his pants down the rest of the way. Suzaku knew how Kallen could have looked so vulnerable, exposed. He felt that way now, wishing that she would look up, look at him.

She did and Suzaku couldn't help it. He leaned down and kissed her, his fingers playing over her skin, the dip of her navel, the soft mounts and firm nipples of her breasts. Lelouch nudged him over and Suzaku pressed against the wall as he continued to kiss Kallen, while Lelouch settled between Kallen's legs.

Suzaku looked over and his mind stopped momentarily, supplying him with an image of Lelouch making love to Kallen while Suzaku took him from behind.

"This was a marvellous idea," Suzaku managed to say, breathlessly.

"And what do you think, Kallen?" Lelouch asked, undoing her pants.

"I think the last thing you need is a bigger head," Kallen snapped, shifting her leg so that if brushed against Lelouch's cock. "Of course, I wouldn't mind seeing _this_ head get bigger."

Lelouch laughed. "You're making puns. Clearly, I need to do a better job of making you mindlessly grateful, like Suzaku."

"Hey, I'm not–" Kallen cut Suzaku off with a kiss, and he had to admit he was definitely grateful, mindless or not.

After a few moments, Kallen broke the kiss, gasping helplessly for air as she clung to Suzaku's shoulders. Suzaku took her in with his eyes, drinking up the image of her desperate, uncoordinated writhing, the way the light and shadows played over her skin. His eyes widened, however when he noticed her pants were gone and her legs were spread up and wide, and Lelouch's head was buried between them.

"Ah, hah…" Kallen arched from the bed, pressing into Lelouch's mouth. Suzaku pulled back to get a clearer view, trying to see what was happening between Lelouch's head and Kallen's body. He caught glimpses of Lelouch's pink tongue, Kallen's damp thighs, but mostly he could hear the sound of wet suckling and soft humming, the same obscene sounds Lelouch made when he was sucking Suzaku off.

One of Kallen's hands flew to Lelouch's head, holding him in place as she bucked up against him, panting desperately as she approached orgasm. Suzaku couldn't help himself – his hand wrapped around his cock, fisting himself off hard and fast, almost painfully aroused by what he was watching. As Kallen got closer so did he, until he could feel his entire body tensing, holding himself off until she and Lelouch finished and he could join them.

And then Lelouch pulled off (out?) of her with a wet smack, leaving her keening in angry impatience. "Suzaku, get over here."

Suzaku moved, clumsy but used to following Lelouch's orders. Lelouch slid out from between Kallen's legs and guided Suzaku in his place, pressing Suzaku's cock against the wet fluttering muscles between Kallen's legs. "Get in her."

"K-Kallen?" Suzaku managed, shaky with want, but unwilling to take this final step without permission.

"You heard him, get in me!" Kallen demanded, digging her heels into the bed and pressing down on Suzaku's erection. Permission given.

Suzaku pushed in, marvelling at the ease with which Kallen's body welcomed him. She was so silky smooth, until her muscles clamped around him like an undulating wave of pressure. It felt amazing, and the only thing that could have forced him to pull out was the promise of pushing back in, of hearing the soft pleading sounds that Kallen made as he thrust into her, the cries of pleasure as he managed to angle his thrusts properly.

Lelouch was still there, smoothing his hands over Suzaku's back, murmuring suggestions that Suzaku responded to without thought, pressing against Kallen where Suzaku thrust into her, teasing the sensitive flesh there until she cried out and clenched around Suzaku's cock, arching and taking him in as he thrust harder and faster, tasting the metallic edge of desperation as he raced to meet her, spilling inside her as she spasmed around him.

It had been rushed and inelegant, and yet so satisfying. Suzaku collapsed against Kallen's chest as he tried to catch his breath, one hand falling naturally against her breast, feeling it rise and fall with her own gradually slowing pants.

"Hmm… that was…" Suzaku looked up. "Lelouch?"

Kallen made a small querulous sound and then looked around. "Oh. Shit."

Suzaku sat up. "Lelouch? Where are you hiding?"

"He's gone," Kallen said, irritably. "That little coward…"

Suzaku couldn't blame her. Lelouch had promised him, had promised them both, that they would be in this together, hadn't he? Suzaku would never have pressured Kallen into this otherwise, and Kallen probably wouldn't have agreed. This was trickery, base manipulation, and Suzaku was going to find Lelouch and give him a piece of his mind…

"Wait." Kallen grabbed Suzaku's arm before he could storm out of the room. "You shouldn't do this."

"Shouldn't do what?"

Kallen sighed. "He's done this so many times to you, Suzaku, and you always run after him. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe he wants to get away, and you don't let him. And maybe he just likes watching you chase after him. He makes you look the fool, and you never win. Just… let him go this time. If he changes his mind, he'll come back. He knows you want him, that you love him. Make _him_ fix this mess for once."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then we'll beat the shit out of him. Shouldn't be too hard," Kallen said simply. "But he's been playing this game for too long. You can't win, you can only not-quite lose."

Suzaku didn't want to. Every last one of his instincts were screaming at him to go run after _his_ Lelouch. But maybe Kallen was right. Maybe this was just Lelouch making sure not that Suzaku loved him, but that Suzaku was willing to embarrass himself for him. Which Suzaku was, but he already had. Kallen _was_ right. Lelouch had been playing hot-and-cold with him even before his memories had been taken.

And maybe, some part of Suzaku admitted to himself, maybe Lelouch really didn't want to be with Suzaku. And if Suzaku truly loved him, shouldn't he accept that?

"I'll talk with him tomorrow morning," Kallen promised. "But for tonight, just get some sleep."

Suzaku nodded and turned back towards the bed. "Want to get dressed?"

Kallen shrugged as she slipped under the sheets. "I'm too warm right now. Maybe later."

Suzaku shrugged and kicked off his pants and joined her. "Night."

"Night, Suzaku."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Suzaku tried to take Kallen's advice. He stayed with her rather than running off after Lelouch, and was determined not to let this change anything.

And then the morning came and he got out of bed and started dressing and Kallen sat up.

Naked. With just a sheet covering her breasts.

It couldn't be helped. Everything had changed.

"What are you staring at?" Kallen asked, meeting Suzaku's gaze defiantly. "Is something wrong?"

Suzaku had frozen with his pants half done up, no shirt, messy hair, and morning mouth. But he couldn't move to fix any of those, because he remembered Kallen under him, how good she'd felt, how she'd sounded and tasted and looked, and all he could do was stare and try to stop himself from doing anything stupid that he'd inevitably regret.

The sheet slipped as Kallen shifted, revealing a soft mound of breast and a small mark left behind by Suzaku's mouth. "Remember, you promised me you'd let me talk to Lelouch before you chased him down."

Suzaku knelt by her side, his knees sinking into the mattress. She was right. Lelouch was right. He tugged down the sheet, uncovering Kallen's breasts and immediately she seemed more vulnerable, softer. He bent down and kissed the marks he'd left behind in his passion, and she sighed and threaded her fingers through his hair. She smelled wonderful; like a softer version of the aftersex scents that Suzaku was used to. He looked up at her. "This changes things."

"Yeah." Kallen tugged his head up, her eyes darting over his face as if looking for some kind of sign. "Is that a problem?"

He kissed her. She kissed back. It felt wonderful and warm and comforting and everything Suzaku needed at that moment, and he realized that he could live with this, like this, in Kallen's arms.

But it just wasn't the same as being with Lelouch. It hurt less than Lelouch could make it hurt, but it also burned less brightly. Suzaku had often felt as though his love for Lelouch could consume him from the inside out, leave him nothing but an empty husk. He didn't feel that with Kallen. And maybe that was better. Maybe it was safer and healthier and what he should choose. But the more Kallen's gentle love flowed over him, the more his own feelings of gratitude and affection poured into his kiss, the more Suzaku missed the fiery passion that lit his every nerve, filled every atom of his being.

Kallen shoved him away. "If you're going to do this, Suzaku, I won't have you thinking of him when you're kissing me."

She knew him so well. "Sorry." He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek, her neck, the top on her breast. "This isn't fair to you. I hate that this is ruining our friendship."

"Let me decide that," Kallen said, grabbing his hand and placing it more firmly on her breast. "Personally, I don't think this ruined anything. In fact, think we should have done this ages ago. You were forced into celibacy and it's been adding to your issues. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not even asking you to be with me. I'm just saying that until you figure things out, I want you to come to me for this."

"That's just…"

Kallen reached into Suzaku's pants and grabbed his dick. "I don't want you making decisions based on this." She squeezed lightly and Suzaku gasped. This was not what he'd been expecting. "Follow your heart, sure, I'll support you every step of the way. But don't let this be your guiding star."

Suzaku couldn't think of an opposing argument. Not when Kallen was looking at him like that, touching him like this, and his libido had recently been awakened. Still… "Aren't you sore? Lelouch said… I mean, wasn't that your first time?"

Kallen shrugged and Suzaku felt it in his cock. "Sure. But it's not that big a deal, and it's not like we have time for the whole shebang." She snorted at her own joke. "I'm just reminding you of what you can have, no strings attached."

She was so amazing. Suzaku couldn't figure out how he kept lucking into having people like her and Lelouch in his life. "Kallen…" He leaned in and kissed her, not looking for anything this time, just for the sake of kissing her. Kallen kissed back, the rhythm of her hand stuttering, and Suzaku grinned. Being with Lelouch had made him something of an aficionado of the way semen could mark a body, and Kallen's breasts had been tempting him all morning.

Kallen gave a small, laughing shriek as Suzaku pushed her down, her red hair fanning out on the pillow beneath her, her breasts bouncing gently before settling on her chest. Suzaku yanked down his pants and straddled her waist, pinning her with the sheet around her hips while leaving everything above that exposed as he worked his cock hard and fast, rushing towards an orgasm that wasn't the point.

The point was the way Kallen looked when he came over her stomach and breasts, the way her mouth and eyes widened in surprise, the way the white streaks shone in the dim light, the way they slid over her skin, like a million gentle caresses.

Suzaku took the sight in, admiring and impressed, and then bent down to clean up after himself, tracing every inch of marked skin with his tongue and lips, sucking at the dips and curves where pools had formed. One of Kallen's hands fisted in his hair as she squirmed and bucked beneath him, while the other slid under the covers and between her legs. Suzaku suckled on her nipple as she moaned and writhed under him, turning it deliciously pink and peaked, before pulling off to ask her, for the first time…

"Kallen. What do you want?"

Kallen moaned and used the hand that was sticky and slick from being between her legs to position his fingers where she wanted them. "Here. Touch me here."

Suzaku played with the skin folds there, unsure of what exactly she wanted. But Kallen was more than clear on what pleased her, moaning as he rolled the hard nub at the top of her opening between his thumb and index, clenching down hard with every finger he slid inside her, pressing into his hand every time he touched her right where she wanted. He experimented gently, but freely, while his mouth and tongue returned to her skin, tasting himself on her and breathing her in.

By the time he'd worked his way to her other breast, she was gasping and begging, and Suzaku let his touches turn rougher, determined to get her off even if he wasn't sure exactly how. He thrust his fingers and pinched and used his nails on the tender skin between Kallen's legs, sucked and nipped and kneaded at the flesh of her breasts, and pinned her down hard with the strength of his hips so that for all her struggling, she could do nothing but take what he gave her.

Somehow, between all those things, it was enough. Kallen threw back her head and cried out as her body convulsed under and around Suzaku's, wave after wave of muscle spasms heralding her orgasm.

It was everything Suzaku could have wanted. He moved up Kallen's body, keeping his hand in place, his fingers inside him, until she was finished, and kissed her, swallowing her cries. She clutched at him, digging her fingers into his skin as she held him tightly, overcome with sensation.

When it was finally over, he slipped his fingers out, idly sucking them clean as he rested his head on Kallen's shoulder. "Good?"

"Mmm…" Kallen smiled dreamily. "I was not expecting that."

Suzaku laughed. She'd taken the words right out of his mouth. "You're incredible, Kallen. Really."

"You too," Kallen assured him, before sighing. "We really didn't have time for that."

Suzaku shrugged. "We'll have a fast breakfast. Just don't make me move just yet."

Kallen turned her head just enough to kiss him. "We have to."

"Don' wanna."

Kallen shoved Suzaku off and sat up, this time not bothering to cover up. "Get up, lazy ass. You've been moping about for the past few days, and everyone's been enabling you, but that ends now. You're going to have to go back to earning your keep."

"Yes'm," Suzaku said, pretending resentment to hide how incredibly grateful he felt to her. "I'll make you proud."

"You can start by getting up," Kallen snapped playfully, tossing a pillow onto Suzaku's face.

Maybe she was right. Maybe this hadn't ruined anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the infidelity here isn't true infidelity as no one is cheating on anyone. But, despite Kallen and Lelouch's okay, it still feels like cheating to Suzaku, and that's enough (IMO) to warrant an infidelity warning.
> 
> Basically, everyone's relationship status would be 'it's complicated'. :/


	11. Security Issues

Breakfast was rushed, especially for Kallen who had training duties right after. Suzaku had nothing scheduled, and hunted down Schneizel to see if any progress had been made on allowing Suzaku access to Genbu.

Schneizel didn't laugh, but there was something in his face that made Suzaku think he wanted to. "I haven't brought it up. Your attitude and bearing over the past few days have done nothing to recommend you. But if you think you've managed to overcome your latest emotional anguish, I can ask now."

"Yeah. That'd be great, thanks." Suzaku couldn't really blame Schneizel for being reluctant to speak on his behalf when Suzaku wouldn't have been able to put forth the necessary effort to speak for himself. But he was better now, so things could move forward.

Schneizel sighed. "This is one of the reasons I'm so grateful to have Lelouch back. His impressive consistency. He's been tortured, brainwashed, interrogated, and replaced, and through it all he's been remarkably stable. It's admirable, really."

"He's really something," Suzaku agreed, deliberately not taking the bait. "He's okay with working with you, then? After everything you did in Pendragon?"

"Lelouch sees the bigger picture," Schneizel said. "He doesn't get caught up in pettiness and inconsequentialities. You could learn a lot from him."

It occurred to Suzaku that perhaps making an enemy of Schneizel while asking for a favour wasn't the best idea. So he bit back his retort. "I'm sure I could. Thanks again for talking to Genbu for me."

Schneizel inclined his head. "My pleasure, Suzaku. And you needn't worry. You're still young, and you seem rather educable."

Suzaku mulled over the conversation as he meandered towards the Knightmare hanger, and decided that, while he hadn't won, he hadn't really lost either. With that comforting him, he entered the hanger and looked around for the Lancelot or Lloyd, to restart his training schedule.

What he saw was Kallen, pinning Lelouch to a wall and saying something far too quiet for Suzaku to hear, while Lelouch glared at her defiantly.

Before Suzaku could break them up, someone's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Gino!"

"Stay out of that for now," Gino insisted. "Kallen's run out of patience, and Lelouch is moments away from just running out."

Suzaku side-eyed Gino. "You know she could break him like a twig."

Gino sighed. "I'd pay good money to see that." He shook himself. "But no. She's not going to do anything to him. This is just how they communicate." He grinned at Suzaku. "Is there anything between them? I mean, besides you."

Suzaku wasn't about to touch that last comment. "They worked together for the evacuation of Area 11, and I think Kallen's one of the few people Lelouch would have trusted with Nunnally's safety. But nothing that should have made them hate each other." Except for him.

"Huh." Gino laughed a little. "Yeah, I got the impression that they kinda resented each other, but they had each other's backs. Neither of them would let me go too far in teasing them, and they both worked really well together when they had to. But when they didn't, they'd squabble and spat like children."

"What's this about?" Suzaku asked.

Gino shrugged. "I have no idea. Usually, Lelouch needles Kallen until she reacts and they fight, or Kallen pushes Lelouch until he snaps, but this time Lelouch was just working over the Shinkiro's Druid System controls when Kallen came in and started a fight. I know she was planning on getting the two of you back together. Did something happen?"

Suzaku had no idea how to begin to answer that. "What's the Shinkiro?"

"Seriously?" Gino goggled at Suzaku. "I know you've had a rough few days, but you should really keep on top of this. The Shinkiro's Lelouch's special Knightmare, designed mostly by Rakshata. It's slow, but it packs a heck of a punch, and it has this amazing defensive system…"

Suzaku tuned Gino out, focusing back on Lelouch and Kallen. Neither of them actually seemed like they were about to get violent, but there was definite anger there. Suzaku wished, more than anything else, that things like this could be simple, rather than a complicated mess of emotions and adolescent hormones.

And then Kallen leaned forward and kissed Lelouch.

"…complex calculations, and… what the hell?" Gino stopped reciting the schematics for the Shinkiro and finally released Suzaku's arm. "What are they doing? And how can I get them to do it more often?"

Suzaku sent a half-hearted glare Gino's way and moved towards Kallen and Lelouch. He didn't care what was happening, but he wanted to be a part of it, somehow.

Lelouch saw Suzaku first and laughed, low and amused, as he approached. "Ah, here comes more trouble."

Kallen whirled around. "Suzaku! I… I can explain…"

"Oh, no explanations needed, I assure you," Lelouch said, still more darkly amused than anything else. "He understands completely, don't you, Suzaku?"

"It's fine," Suzaku said, not really caring one way or the other about the kiss itself. "But Gino said you two just started fighting as soon as you saw each other. Is this about last night?" He leaned in, eagerly looking for a problem he could fix. "Is there something I can do?"

Kallen sighed in exasperation. "Suzaku, we decided you wouldn't do this…"

"But he looks so _good_ on his knees," Lelouch said. "Not that it changes anything."

"We need to talk," Suzaku said firmly. "The three of us. And I'm not letting anything distract us from–"

" _Attention, level 2 emergency outside the hanger bay east entrance. Level 2 emergency outside the east entrance of the hanger bay. Would all nonessential personnel please clear the area as quickly and efficiently as possible. Attention, level 2 emergency…_ "

Lelouch grinned. "Look! A distraction." He slid between Kallen and Suzaku, moving against the flow of engineers and pilots evacuating the hanger, and towards the east exit.

Suzaku and Kallen exchanged looks and went after him. No matter how they felt personally, Lelouch was important enough for them to see him safe.

"Milly!" Lelouch pushed past the guards who clearly had no idea what to do with a 'Zero' and hurried to Milly's side. "What's happening?"

"I don't know!" Milly said. "I was just showing her that we were safe here, protected, and she started playing with one of the computers while I tried to keep Rivalz from climbing on one of the Knightmares, and the next thing I know…"

Suzaku turned to the nearest person in a uniform. "Sitrep."

"Sir. One of the prisoners from Pendragon has somehow managed to acquire a nuclear weapon and is threatening to detonate it inside the complex if we don't comply with her demands."

"Ah." Suzaku was impressed with the calm used to deliver what was basically an ultimatum of death. "Thank you."

"Sir." The man moved away, intent on whatever job he had been given.

Lelouch looked at Milly. "You let Nina near a nuclear weapon, Milly?"

"How was I supposed to know that she'd be able to get one?" Milly wailed.

"She's a friend of _mine_ ," Lelouch snapped. "You should have expected above normal intelligence." He looked over at Suzaku and Kallen. "…with some exceptions."

"Hey, guys, I think Nina might actually get us out of here," Rivalz said, optimistically cheerful.

"Lulu!" Shirley wrapped her arms around Lelouch in a warm hug. "It's so great to finally see you! Milly promised we would, eventually. I can't wait to get home, can you?"

Lelouch sighed and patted Shirley on the back. "Well, Nina's brilliant, in any case." He pulled away. "What are we doing to stop her?"

"Stop her?" Rivalz asked, incredulously. "She's getting us _out_!"

"She's risking the lives of millions of people, she's unstable, and she's frightened," Lelouch corrected. "I can assure you that none of us will return to Pendragon this way." He grabbed Milly's wrist. "Come on. We'll talk her down."

"We will?" Milly asked incredulously, even while allowing Lelouch to pull her along.

Suzaku and Kallen trailed behind, mostly focusing on keeping Shirley and Rivalz back. Lelouch dragged Milly past another blockade of guards, somehow making it through without being challenged, all the way to the room Nina was in.

The guards blocked Suzaku and the rest from following them, but they were allowed to hover by the door, close enough to overhear. Rivalz and Shirley had to be told to be quiet a few times, but once they calmed down, Lelouch's clear voice carried easily and Nina's normally soft voice was bordering on hysteria and loud enough for them to hear.

"…caged like animals and, and…"

Lelouch touched Nina's hand. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry. This is all my fault, Nina. If you guys hadn't befriended me, if you hadn't been with me, then none of this would have happened to you. But this isn't all bad."

"How is it _anything_ but bad?"

"You met Milly," Lelouch said. "You've always had the same problem I did with making friends – people take advantage of you, they don't understand you. You had no family in Pendragon, and no friends aside from those here. But Milly…"

Milly took up the thread. "I don't know about Pendragon, but in the Areas we have families. Some families, like Lelouch and his sister and mother, are bound together by blood. But some, like Suzaku and Kallen are formed by choice. Nina, you're part of a family that I _chose_. And I'll do anything I can to protect you."

"You can't," Nina said, almost in tears. "You can't protect me from them, from all the _Numbers_. I see the way they look at us, like it's _our_ fault, but we didn't do anything." Her voice broke. "I want to go _home_!"

"I know, sweetie," Milly said. "And I'm sorry. But why can't this be your home now?"

Lelouch moved aside as Milly took his place, wrapping her arms around Nina's shoulders in a gentle embrace. "I'll protect you too," he said. "And Suzaku and Kallen. We'll protect you and Shirley and Rivalz, until you grow strong enough to protect others with us. In Pendragon, we were wards of the state, provided for and protected by the law and nothing else. But here, we don't have that, so we have to form families. And you'll always be a part of mine."

Nina sobbed into Milly's shoulder and nodded. Lelouch petted her hair, gentle and kind. "How do I disarm the bomb, Nina?"

Nina mumbled something and Lelouch's fingers flew over the keyboard. There were a few harrowing moments with the technicians, but when the all-clear was given, the hanger burst into cheers.

Rivalz groaned. "That was our best chance of getting back home."

"He's not Lulu," Shirley said, clearly saddened and disappointed. Kallen looked at her.

"No, he's not. But he still cares for you."

Suzaku watched Lelouch helping Milly and two of the security guards lead Nina away. "You'll see. Hey, Lelouch!" Lelouch approached them. "What's happening with Nina?"

Lelouch shrugged. "I don't know. Milly's going to speak on her behalf, but I hope they lock her away for good this time."

"Lelouch!" Rivalz and Shirley's voices sounded oddly harmonic together.

Lelouch snorted. "What? She put the entire complex in danger, including the people I care most about. I sympathize with her but she, _and_ you two, have been treated far better than any Number behind Pendragon's front lines would have any right to expect."

"So you're just abandoning us, then?" Rivalz demanded.

"You reap what you sow here," Lelouch said. "Unlike in Pendragon where you neither reap nor sow, and just consume what others supply." His eyes narrowed. "It's not an easy world, outside of Pendragon, and you have been living life on the backs of those who have nothing. It's about time you realized that, and what it means, and stopped being so demanding and entitled."

"That was never our choice!" Shirley objected. "We just happened to be born in Pendragon, we didn't ask for it."

Kallen stepped up. "But now you have the chance to learn from it, to make up for it. And you can take that chance, or ignore it and pretend that we're just being unfair to you, or lash out against us for showing you the truth."

"Either way," Lelouch said firmly. "You're never leaving. You both are far too much of a liability. Get used to it."

Suzaku gaped as Lelouch turned and walked away on that note. He hadn't expected that, but it seemed to have surprised Rivalz and Shirley much more. "…sorry. He can be a little… indelicate at times."

"He's still right," Kallen said, "indelicate or not. I'd think it over, if I were you." She smiled. "And if you need anything, to talk or anything like that, Suzaku and I would be more than happy to help." Suzaku nodded. The last thing he wanted was for them to go to Lelouch for more verbal abuse.

"And Nunna-chan?" Shirley asked quietly. "She's Lelouch's sister, right? Does she feel the same way?"

"I doubt it," Kallen said. "She's much more forgiving and understanding. In fact, why don't we go visit her now." She looked at Suzaku. "And you should go after Lelouch."

"You just told me not to."

"Things have changed, Suzaku. Keep up." Kallen winked at him and escorted Shirley and Rivalz away while the guards continued to clean up and make sure everyone could return to their stations. It felt oddly anticlimactic; Suzaku hadn't even had the chance to really be afraid over a nuclear weapon within the hanger before Lelouch had taken charge and fixed everything. And no one had been hurt, there hadn't really even been a fight, and Lelouch hadn't even looked at him.

Kallen was right. He needed to go after Lelouch.

Unfortunately, he was accosted just outside the hanger, by Kanon.

"Suzaku! Just who I was looking for. Schneizel spoke with Genbu, and he's willing to hear you out. Additionally, given the latest security scare we just had, he's considering allowing you and Kallen to have access to the locators, just in case our new guests get into any more… trouble."

Suzaku's eyes widened. The bracelets that everyone was obliged to wear in order to move from one room to another or to get food or necessities were, of course, tagged for external tracking. It was how Schneizel was always able to tell where Suzaku and Lelouch were, and how no one had been very worried about the free movements of the Ashford kids.

But the locator system, accessible on every computer terminal in Area 0, was available only to the very top security and administrative personnel. Schneizel had been granted an exception, something Suzaku had thought was rare in Area 0, but he was Schneizel. The thought of being granted a similar exception was incredible to Suzaku, especially since he hadn't even asked for it.

"What does he want in return?"

Kanon laughed. "You're joking, right? This isn't a favour one can just _quid-pro-quo_." Suzaku wasn't sure what that meant. It sounded painful. "This is something that would normally have you prostrating yourself, promising eternal loyalty and service. But it's also a gift, given freely. Only _you_ can decide what its worth is, and what you'd be willing to do to repay this kind of trust."

 _Trust_. Kanon was right – more than power and influence, trust was the true reward, the bait that Suzaku was willing to jump for when dangled in front of him. "I understand."

It wasn't until he was right outside of Genbu's office that he remembered about Lelouch. He groaned softly, banging his head against the wall as he waited. Surely Lelouch could handle himself for the span of time Suzaku spent with Genbu.

"Priorities?" Kallen asked, coming up behind Suzaku with Schneizel. Suzaku shrugged.

"Pretty much. I don't think Lelouch wants to see me in any case."

Schneizel looked approving. "Very mature of you, Suzaku. It speaks well that you're taking this so seriously."

"Thank you."

Kanon opened the door. "Genbu will see you two now."

Schneizel and Kanon came with them as if it was natural, and Genbu didn't blink at their presence and remained seated behind his desk when the four of them walked in. "Kallen, Suzaku. I'm glad to see you both here. I must admit, until Schneizel brought it up, I had overlooked your situation. These privileges and responsibilities should have been given to you weeks ago."

He gestured, and Kanon handed them slightly larger bracelets. "Here. They're pretty user-friendly."

"Code in a six-digit alpha-numeric passkey. You'll need the bracelets and the passkey to get into the locator system. Should you lose the bracelet, report it immediately." Genbu stood and held out his hand. "Otherwise, congratulations to you both." Suzaku took his hand, then Kallen. "Don't make me regret this."

"Yessir," Kallen and Suzaku said together.

They outlined protocol for arranging a meeting with Genbu, as well as additional duties like sitting in on Area meetings and planning sessions. It wasn't until they were almost done the list of new responsibilities, that Suzaku realized that he and Kallen had essentially turned into militaristic public servants. He wasn't sure he liked the change, considering before he'd been an abandoned orphan and a rebellious poacher. Even being a Hunger Games Victor hadn't been as much of a fundamental shift.

Before, he'd had privacy, if nothing else. Now his every movement was scrutinized, his words weighed and judged. The more power he acquired, it seemed, the more freedoms he had to give up.

Kallen, nodding seriously to one of the instructions, seemed oblivious to that. But she'd always had a strong sense of responsibility, if not a strong respect for rules. She fit in here.

Suzaku didn't.

"What about Lelouch, sir?" Suzaku asked once there was a break in the lecturing.

Genbu frowned. "How do you mean?"

"Will he get the same privileges?"

Genbu shook his head. "Until recently, he was spouting anti-Numbers propaganda and advocating our loss. I know he wasn't in his right mind, but Schneizel has advised me that Lelouch can be quite skilled in deception. I want to observe him for a while before making any irrevocable decisions."

"Like giving him his own Knightmare?" Kallen asked.

"The Shinkiro requires two to pilot it - one to man the weapons and defences, the other to manoeuvre. By himself, Lelouch could only manage the clumsiest of offenses with it, and would be easily and quickly overwhelmed. We've thought this through, Kallen. Lelouch is a very important asset, but he's one we must cultivate carefully."

Suzaku nodded slowly. "I appreciate that, sir. He's not been quite himself since he returned. If I might, I would offer to watch over him on your behalf, as I'll be doing so of my own initiative in any case." He felt pretty pleased at how smooth that sounded, when basically what he meant was that he planned to snap Lelouch straight, even if he had to shake him until his teeth rattled to do so.

"That sounds like an excellent compromise, Suzaku. Thank you." Genbu nodded. "Please report to Schneizel once you have any relevant information and once he's satisfied, we can discuss Lelouch's future. Thank you both."

"Thank you, sir."

Schneizel stayed behind while Kanon escorted them to an external computer terminal. "Key in your password."

Suzaku was tempted to use 'Lel0ch', but he figured that would be overly easy to hack. Instead, he simply memorized a genuinely random series of numbers and letters. Kallen likely did the same. Then they tried using the locator, first to find Nina (locked away again, with Milly and several guards) and then to find Lelouch (off somewhere Suzaku didn't recognize, likely with Nunnally and the kids).

"This works well," Kallen said.

"It also functions as a communicator, in emergencies. If you need to call someone who also has a communicator, you can do so by locating them and pressing this button." Kanon demonstrated on his bracelet. "I would limit this to actual emergencies if you need to talk to Schneizel or myself, and never if you feel like talking directly to Genbu." Kanon paused to make sure that was understood. "Otherwise, you can use this to talk to the heads of security and each other whenever you feel it's appropriate."

"Is that all?" Suzaku asked, feeling a little over-lectured.

Kanon smirked. "Pretty much. You are going to need code names as well. Suzaku, obviously, is Zero. Kallen, yours will be Q1."

"I don't get to choose?"

"No. Schneizel is the White Prince, I am the Right Hand, and you can access a list of various other code names of higher ranking officials."

"Does Lelouch have one of those?"

Kanon smiled. "Black Prince. Browse the others at your leisure, but you'll probably find you use very few of them."

There was some symbolism in Lelouch being assigned a nickname that mirrored Schneizel's rather than sharing one with Suzaku, despite the fact Lelouch had been Zero first. But Suzaku wasn't great at decoding those, and he certainly wasn't going to fight for something he didn't even understand.

"Thanks," Suzaku said instead. "Is _that_ all?"

"That's all," Kanon said. "You may have to undergo further training from security, but as far as I'm concerned, that's everything."

"Thank you," Kallen said, waiting until Kanon was out of earshot before turning to Suzaku. "D'you get the feeling we missed something?"

"Nothing important," Suzaku answered, pretty sure that whatever Kanon had gotten over on them had been petty. "For now, I'm going to hunt Lelouch down. Wanna come?"

Kallen shook her head. "Not right now. He has training with me after lunch, so I'll have to deal with him then."

Suzaku nodded and they parted ways. More to practice with his password than anything else, Suzaku looked up Lelouch's location three more times on the way to him. Lelouch, as it turned out, wasn't with Nunnally at all, but had managed to squirrel away in one of the supply holds with what looked like a small mountain of toilet paper and cleaning fluid. He was reading, in poor light, a book Suzaku didn't recognize. Suzaku stepped into the light.

"How did you find me?" Lelouch asked in place of a greeting, not even bothering to close the book.

Suzaku held up his new bracelet. "Locators."

Lelouch hmphed. "Fair enough. Why have a special pet if you're not wiling to give it a special collar."

"You're collared too," Suzaku pointed out.

"I am indeed," Lelouch agreed. "What's your point?"

Suzaku took a deep breath. "My point is… how are you?"

Lelouch finally closed the book and stood. "Fine, of course."

"Liar." Suzaku tried to see what Lelouch was reading. "Still going over the Knightmare specs?"

Lelouch's arm jerked as he at once tried to hide the booklet and stop himself from doing something so pointless now that Suzaku had already seen. "I figured it would be a useful way to spend my time until lunch. What have you been up to?"

Suzaku shrugged. "Kallen and I got promoted, Nina's still being held and Milly's with her, and Schneizel and Kanon are both still prats."

Lelouch grinned. "No surprises on any fronts, then." He seemed to relax, his shoulders easing from being slightly hunched. "I suppose you'd like me to join you for lunch."

"Yeah, but that's not… Lelouch, I thought you were friends with Nina. How can you just turn your back on her?"

"She would have killed Nunnally, Suzaku. That's all that matters, not how close we were when I was brainwashed." Lelouch snorted. "Incidentally, she would have killed you and Kallen and over half the population in Area 0, which includes almost all the major military force and minds on our side in this intractable war." Suzaku opened his mouth to object and Lelouch held up a hand to forestall him. "We've only recently taken Area 2, which brings the Areas under our control, but Pendragon is heavily defended and heavily defensible. Nina almost _guaranteed_ a Pendragon victory, at the low low cost of the lives of her and her 'friends'. Why she did it, and how she did it, is less important than the fact that she _did it_. She's dangerous to us, she's dangerous to the cause, and you think I should be _supporting_ her?"

Suzaku narrowed his eyes. "I supported _you_ , even when everyone thought you might have defected."

That stopped Lelouch mid-motion. "It… it's not the same."

"It's not that different. Do you really think Nina wanted to hurt all those people? Or was she a frightened, stressed girl who just needs support. What do you honestly think, Lelouch?"

Lelouch sighed. "You said _everyone_ thought I might have defected. Not everyone _but you_."

"It crossed my mind. It probably crossed Kallen's as well. But we had faith in you."

Lelouch reached out, laying a hand on Suzaku's chest, just above his heart as he moved closer. "You're a fool and naïve and it's going to get you killed one day."

Suzaku leaned in and kissed him.

For a glorious moment, Lelouch kissed back, melting against Suzaku and opening up to him. It felt like old times, simpler times, when the rest of the world might have been collapsing around them, but they could still take comfort in each other.

And then Lelouch pulled away, almost violently. "No, no…" He laughed. "We're not starting this again, Suzaku. I've given you up, it's over." He brushed off imaginary dirt from his clothes, as if trying to brush away the feeling of being kissed. "But I appreciate your faith, as widely offered as it may be, and I will advocate on Nina's behalf. I'm not sure I can add anything to Milly's undoubtedly passionate rhetoric, but I'll try."

"For me?" Suzaku asked, feeling a little cocky after that kiss.

Lelouch bit his lip and Suzaku ached with want. "For you."

Suzaku could feel his face stretch into a wide smile. "Really? Lelouch, that's the greatest–"

"In return," Lelouch said, interrupting, "I'd appreciate you giving me at least the appearance of space. I meant it when I said I was giving you up, Suzaku, and you'll thank me for it later."

"I won't," Suzaku said. "I won't, and Kallen won't, and you'll just feel stupid. But that's okay because we're kids and we have time." He grabbed Lelouch's hand and pressed a kiss to it. "We have all the time in the world, once this war's over. And I'll spend all of that time proving to you that you're the one I love, you're the one I choose, and you're the one I want by my side. Forever."

Lelouch smiled gently, taking back his hand. "Forever's a long time, Suzaku. The things you want at eighteen aren't necessarily the ones you want at twenty-eight."

"Like?"

"Children, connections, _lack_ of connections. Schneizel will always be my brother; Cornelia my sister. I have no choice in the matter. You do. And you're amazing with children, you overflow with love and care, and you deserve some of your own. You and Kallen were, seemingly literally, made for each other. You challenge each other, bring out the best in each other." Lelouch looked sad for a moment. "This isn't an impulsive decision, Suzaku. It was always the plan, once the fuss about us died down. I was never meant to keep you."

"That's not–"

"And what about me?" Lelouch asked, gathering up his haughty personality. "I always expected to pass down my genes to a child, to raise and protect them. If I hadn't _met_ Luciano, I'm not sure I would have ever considered bedding down with another boy." He shrugged. "Not that you aren't a generous and caring lover, just that I never expected to end up with you _forever_. You take your Kallen and I'll take my freedom, and we'll call it even."

"I love you."

Lelouch sighed. "And I _loved_ you. But that's not enough, Suzaku. It may never have been. But it's enough that I'll do this thing for you, and it's enough that I hope we can remain friends."

Suzaku couldn't answer that, as Lelouch turned to leave. Mostly because he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes, tightening in his throat, but also because he was afraid that he couldn't promise that.

If he and Lelouch couldn't be together, Suzaku was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to stand being 'friends'.

What Lelouch was doing was even crueller than walking away. He was forcing Suzaku to be the one who'd have to leave, even if it broke his heart.


	12. Attack on Area 0

As is turned out, Lelouch never made the lunch date, and Nina ended up staying with Milly rather than in a cell. Her only restrictions were mobility between the public areas and certain sensitive areas within the compound and, oddly enough, being seconded to Lloyd and Rakshata as an assistant. That seemed more like a reward than a punishment, and Suzaku didn't get it.

"I don't get it."

Kallen rolled her eyes. "This is a stupid conversation to be having first thing in the morning, Suzaku. They're former Victors, she has a permanent guard, and they think they can take care of her. Keeping her locked away would make the other two more antsy, and she needs some kind of outlet and security blanket. Besides, they were both more impressed than anything at her abilities."

"But she tried to blow us all up."

"If she'd really tried that, we'd be blown up. Face it, Suzaku, we got played by a frightened schoolchild. It's embarrassing, but it's also impressive. You've met Lloyd and Rakshata. They're _crazy_ , but they recognize talent."

Suzaku snorted. "And the fact that she's a murderous psychopath doesn't matter. Not to Victors of the Hunger Games."

"Suzaku pick a side already," Kallen snapped. "When she was about to be imprisoned, you did everything you could for her. Now you're acting like she's more dangerous than Pendragon's entire army!"

Suzaku couldn't explain that there was a comfortable middle ground between caging away a vulnerable child and giving a dangerous genius figurative keys to everything that made Area 0 a formidable force. Well, he could, but not without making Kallen exasperated at how he was missing the point that Nina was under constant guard and under the watch of fellow geniuses.

Suzaku felt that she was missing the point that if anything went wrong, it would be his fault for pushing Lelouch to advocating for her. Kallen, of course, would point out that not everything that happened around him was his _fault_ despite his pervasive need to blame himself, and that would open a whole new can of worms that they both wanted to avoid. So he couldn't really explain what he felt was incredibly obvious.

Instead, he gave up. "Do you and Gino have Lelouch this morning?"

"Yup." Kallen rolled over to face Suzaku. "Want to join us?"

Suzaku hesitated. "D'you think he'll want me there?"

Kallen flopped back down on the bed. "Stop being such a teenaged girl."

"You're aware that you _are_ a teenaged girl?"

Kallen hit Suzaku with a pillow. It didn't really hurt or even surprise him, but he grabbed her wrist in any case and pinned her down, mostly instinctively.

She went easily, too easily. Suzaku blinked as he realized he had her pinned down in their shared bed, with nothing more than thin nightclothes and an even thinner sheet between them. "Kallen…"

Kallen arched gracefully against the bed and rose up to kiss Suzaku, gently, patiently. "Suzaku. Do you want to join us for breakfast and training?"

"Yeah." Suzaku smiled. "I would. Thanks."

Kallen smiled back and sat up, taking Suzaku with her. "Kay. Then get up and get dressed. I'm still a little peeved that you directed Lelouch to Nina yesterday so that he skipped his training, but I'll try to tone it down if you're with us."

"Thanks again," Suzaku said, as they rose and dressed. "Hey, d'you think that he's warming back up to me, doing me this favour?"

Kallen shrugged. "Doubt it. He did say that he was doing this so that you would stop pestering him."

"I think he's warming back up to me."

"You think that," Kallen said, shaking her head in amusement.

Suzaku's optimism died a chilly death at the icy look Lelouch shot him as he sat down beside him. Still, he rallied as quickly as he could. "I hear you're taking the Knightmares out today."

Lelouch nodded, but didn't answer. Kallen sighed and answered instead. "We got the okay late last night, despite the fact that Lelouch was truant for his afternoon lessons. It'll be fun."

"You don't sound like you think it'll be fun," Gino said, coming up from behind them to sit beside Kallen. "This is the first time Lelouch gets to step outside since he got here!"

"Albeit in a giant metal machine," Lelouch grumbled into his food.

"Quit griping," Gino said cheerfully. "This is an… _auspicious_ day! A day of freedom and adventure! A day of… hey, who are you going to have copilot the Shinkiro?"

Lelouch looked up. "C.C. has agreed."

"Does she even know how?"

"She was trained in Pendragon."

That made everyone look up and pay attention. "She was _what_?" Kallen demanded.

"I thought you knew," Lelouch said, far too mildly for him to have actually thought that. "C.C. was a plant from the beginning. She was working with something called Project R, dealing with mind manipulation and torture and brainwashing. She'd been priming me since I first arrived in Pendragon. I'd been…" Lelouch made a sour face. " _Chosen_. She's primarily a sort of para-neurologist, but she was military as well, and they trained her in all of the top tier equipment, including Knightmares."

"C.C.?" Suzaku asked, incredulous. "Our _stylist_?"

Lelouch snorted. "She's no more a stylist than I am. She said things, when she visited during my… treatments. That we were allies, that this was a gift, a sign of our contract. And then she helped wipe my memories and replace them with lies until she gave me my memory back." Lelouch looked haunted for a moment, and Gino leaned in.

"Lelouch, did you not _want_ your memories back?"

The haunted look remained. "I don't know whether I should be grateful for that or resentful, but she intended to do good. I'm sure of that. The biggest problem is that I still have all my faked memories as well. I remember a brother, meeting Rivalz three years ago, then Shirley. They _feel_ real, and for Rivalz and Shirley they will always be the memories they have because C.C. didn't set up a trigger for erasure on them like I had."

"How can you fly with someone like that?" Kallen asked.

"Because I trust her, and I trust her in my cockpit," Lelouch answered, shrugging. "She didn't have to help me escape, and she didn't have to come clean about her role in this. She's been the one constant these past few years, and she's risked enough in the past and in the present for me that I think she feels… something."

The memory of Lelouch lamenting his lack of freedom and the fact that he'd never had a choice, and if he had he'd probably not have chosen a boy (or something) burned through Suzaku. Lelouch trusted C.C., despite the fact that she'd lied to him, manipulated him, screwed with his brain. He distanced himself from Suzaku and tied himself to that… that…

"Are you in love with her?"

Lelouch laughed. "Oh, Suzaku." He leaned in and kissed Suzaku on the lips, nothing more than a light peck. "No."

Suzaku brightened. "Oh. Good."

Kallen and Gino exchanged looks of mixed exasperation and commiseration. Suzaku felt a little bad that he was so predictable, but… he wasn't willing to give up his hope. Lelouch just rolled his eyes and picked up his mostly empty tray.

"I'm going to find C.C. If there's anything else, bring it up at the hanger."

Gino whistled at Lelouch's back. " _Damn_. Hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave."

Suzaku wasn't in a position to tell Gino not to ogle Lelouch, what with Lelouch making it clear that his virtue was not Suzaku's to claim or defend, but the temptation was there. Instead, Kallen slapped Gino upside the head and he grinned at her, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

C.C. and Lelouch were waiting for them at the hanger, going over the Shinkiro's operational schematics. C.C. looked competent and bored, which was probably a good sign. Suzaku turned to Gino as they walked towards them. "Hey, what's your code name?"

Gino grinned. "Pretty boy. I asked if I could change it…"

Kallen snorted. "Yeah, Schneizel was an ass about that to us too."

"…and they said sure. It was something boring about fish before."

Kallen looked at Suzaku, and Suzaku shrugged back, more amused than anything by that. He knew he'd never be allowed to chance his code name from Zero, and Kallen hadn't really cared, so it wasn't worth getting into a fight over it. But it _was_ rather irritating that Gino had been given a chance they never had.

"C.C.'s code name will be C.C.," Lelouch said, overhearing their conversation. "We've prepped the Shinkiro, and we're ready to go as soon as you are."

The 'mission' was mostly to acclimatize Lelouch to outdoors manoeuvring in a Knightmare. He'd mastered the virtual simulations, as they'd been identical to the 'video games' he'd been encouraged to play in Pendragon, and hadn't had much trouble with mobilizing and using the physical Knightmare within the confines of Area 0, but there wasn't the distractions that the real world brought into it.

This would be his first time dealing with natural light and reflection and birds and irregular terrain, and all the things that made Knightmares fun. Suzaku was pretty excited for Lelouch.

Gino seemed excited too.

"Whoo! The starting point is at coordinates 42°02′05″N 93°37′12″W. Last one there's a rotting halibut."

"A what?" Suzaku asked, not really caring as he took off after Gino, cutting through lighter areas of foliage and over rougher terrain which the Lancelot, with its improved suspension, could use as short cuts and arriving moments before Gino.

Kallen and Lelouch made it seconds behind them, both of them keeping to the paths and moving at a safe speed. "Do you remember what the point of this was?" Kallen demanded. "We're supposed to be training Lelouch, not screwing around."

"Indeed. Besides, C.C. is currently controlling navigation, so really she's the thing that Gino said," Lelouch said with as much dignity as he could muster. Which was a surprising amount, considering the words he chose.

"Alright, alright," Gino said. "Okay. Code names only from here on out. We'll start, obviously, with exercise one. Black Prince, if you and Q1 could take your positions…"

The rest of the morning was filled with various training manoeuvres for Lelouch, and for the rest of them to brush up on their basics. C.C. proved to be a decent enough pilot, if unimaginative, and Lelouch's ability with the Shinkiro's weapons and defensive systems used them to their best ability, proving Gino entirely correct in his assessment of the Shinkiro as a little clumsy but incredibly powerful.

After a few hours, Suzaku realized he'd been focusing less on evaluating Lelouch and C.C.'s performance, and more on finding vulnerabilities in the Shinkiro itself, particularly its 'Absolute Defensive Array'.

It was impressive. At the cost of draining the Shinkiro's power supply at an accelerated rate, it could generate a field, as large or small as needed, that completely absorbed energy attacks, and partially deflected physical ones. It took instantaneous calculations of size and shape, where to draw the energy from and how much, and for how long. Lelouch had a deft touch, using as small shields as possible, for as little time as possible, often flashing in and out of existence just long enough to shield from the attack.

The weapons were mostly energy-based as well, although there were enough physical weapons that as long as the Shinkiro had the whiff of energy required to launch them, it could still do significant damage. Lelouch was sparing with those as well, although less so, favouring sweeping cuts of energy blasts rather than point-and-shoot. It increased his efficacy, and wasn't overly draining, but it made Suzaku worried for Lelouch's accuracy. The Shinkiro had more than one energy source, with _sakuradite_ liberally scattered throughout its frame, but even short sweeps were more draining than bursts, and if Lelouch was using the power of the Shinkiro as a crutch for his poor aim, he'd never improve.

As a small, unobtrusive alarm started to go off in the Lancelot's cockpit, Suzaku realized it was almost time for lunch. "Hey, guys, we should probably head back."

"Yup. Great job, Lelouch! I think that after a few more of these, and Genbu will totally okay a field assignment for you."

Suzaku's fingered hovered over the 'answer alarm' button as he realized that they were training Lelouch so that he could place himself in danger. Again. Suddenly, this was a whole lot less fun. He pushed the button.

" _There's a squadron of bombers heading towards Area 0 from Pendragon. Attempting to intercept, but all personnel should report to battlestations._ "

That wasn't about lunch. Apparently, Kallen had listened to it as well, and she started barking out orders. "Area 0's under attack! Everyone move!"

Suzaku and Gino instinctively took positions flanking Kallen, making her the nominal leader, as she had spoken first. Lelouch moved in smoothly behind them, remaining silent.

Kallen radioed into Area 0 command center, giving their location and requesting orders. The response, tersely given over an open channel to them all, was that they should return ASAP and stop fooling around. Kallen gave the OK and picked up speed.

"Wait," Lelouch said, speaking up finally. Suzaku noticed he was on their private channel. "Those aren't bombers."

Suzaku looked over his sensor information. "Uh, yes they are."

"No, look _up_ ," Lelouch snapped. "They're drones."

The tree line blocked the other Knightmares, but the Shinkiro was significantly taller. Suzaku sped up and made the Lancelot give a little hop, his sharp eyes scanning the sky for…

"Lelouch is right. They're drones."

"Shit," Gino said, with quite a bit of force. "They're a distraction."

Kallen cursed under her breath, her tone of voice the only hint as to what she'd said. "They can still do some damage, but yeah, that's the only explanation that makes sense."

"Radio it in, Q1," Lelouch said curtly. "Pretty Boy, Zero, take the east side. Q1 and I will continue to the west."

"We have orders to return to base," Gino said reluctantly.

"I'm countermanding them," Lelouch said. "I take all responsibility for any resulting… anything." His voice hardened. "Gino, if people die because you were mindlessly following orders, simply because you _think_ you know better than me, I'll make sure you never forget it."

Gino paused for less than a second. "Understood. Zero?"

"On your eight," Suzaku said, positioning himself behind and to the side of Gino.

Kallen and Lelouch continued onto the entrance to Area 0, relaying Lelouch's information as any further orders. Area 0 command was too distracted to tell them to do anything but return to base. They switched their radios to the more private frequency between the four of them and continued to the stations Lelouch had ordered for them.

"The drones have been shot down by Area 0's defensive forces," Lelouch reported. "Keep an eye out for what the distraction was _for_."

It took a moment, but Suzaku saw a glint of something in the distance, approaching Area 0 and them, quickly.

Too quickly.

"Missiles," Suzaku said, stunned. "Thousands of them. And they're big…"

"What? Where? I don't – oh shit," Gino sounded just as stunned as Suzaku was. "I-incoming, from the south and east; Kallen, Lelouch do you see them?"

"I see them," Kallen said, steady. "I've informed command, and they're readjusting the anti-aircraft–"

"They won't make it," Lelouch said. "Suzaku, Gino; take out as many as you can. Kallen and I are on our way."

"Dammit, Lelouch you can't just…"

Suzaku tuned out the rest of Kallen's diatribe as he focused his energies on stopping the missiles. There was something wrong with them – they weren't all the same size and shape, they took different trajectories, and they weren't coming from a Pendragon stronghold. In addition, he could tell, just by the sheer numbers, that it was an impossible task, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

The odds of success were about zero, something Suzaku found oddly ironic and comforting at the same time, and the odds of death were high, although not as much of a certainty. But to do nothing was unthinkable, and Suzaku had to laugh as he fired every single bullet and grenade and anything he could think of including his Slash Harkens to disrupt the missiles. He was going to die, possibly unnoted if he failed, but he would have given his life trying to protect everyone he cared about. That really was more than he could have hoped for.

At his side, Gino gave it everything he had as well, although without the near-hysterics. The ground shook as one missile, then another broke through, and there was nothing they could do. Suzaku closed his eyes and braced himself.

And then Lelouch was there, spreading his shielding as far as he could, while Kallen provided covering fire outside his range. The occasional missile was still hitting the ground, but Area 0 was deep enough that the death toll and damage would be minimal. Lelouch and the Shinkiro were taking the brunt of it, and it felt wrong to Suzaku to stand by and watch as he was barraged by missiles, the shields around him flickering to life and dying away like twinkling stars as Lelouch used every ounce of power he had left to protect Area 0.

Just when Lelouch seemed to be faltering, just as Kallen's last volley was sent, the defences of Area 0, the ones that had been pointed at the drones, came back to life and shot the remaining missiles out of the sky. All told, the fighting had likely lasted less than a minute, but Suzaku felt exhausted and invigorated and overjoyed to be alive.

" _Q1, return to base, repeat, return to base_ _ **immediately**_."

"Yessir!" Kallen crowed, unable to hold back her own elation. They, the four of them, had single-handedly saved Area 0. Any recriminations for disobeying orders, any punishments for taking matters into their own hands, would be worth it. For the first time since being declared a hero, Suzaku _felt_ it. And, once again, it was due to Lelouch.

They made it back to the base, every one of their frames running on fumes and inertia, the pilots running on adrenaline and relief. The moment they crawled out of their Knightmares, Suzaku launched himself at Lelouch and Lelouch met his embrace with the kind of kiss that promised more celebrations when they were alone. It proved every harsh word and cold action a lie as he melted into Suzaku's arms, pliant and eager at the same time and everything Suzaku remembered about their happiest times together.

"You're amazing," Lelouch whispered against Suzaku's lips. "I couldn't believe it when I saw you and Gino, looking like the last, hopeless stand before utter destruction, and you laughing like a possessed madman. I think my heart stopped I was so afraid for you." Suzaku kissed him. "…and more in love with you than I think I've ever been. But that might just be the adrenaline talking."

"I'd like to think you were just so in love with me before that you _couldn't_ be more in love with me."

Lelouch smiled, and his eyes smouldered. "Perhaps, Suzaku. Perhaps."

Suzaku might have said something then, about Lelouch looking like a righteous avenger, but Gino interrupted them with an expansive hug that encompassed both of them easily in his huge arms.

"We're freaking _heroes_ , guys! Songs will be sung, tales told, maidens will swoon, comrades will flush with envy, kids will aspire to our greatness…"

"You're crushing them, Gino." Kallen came up to them and, as one, the three of them turned on her and surrounded her in a happy hug. She squirmed and struggled and didn't manage to do anything but worm her way closer to all of them. Suzaku breathed in her scent, mingled with Lelouch's and Gino's, and felt safe and at home.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Kanon said, coming from somewhere Suzaku hadn't noticed. "But there needs to be a full and immediate briefing. If you'll follow me…"

He didn't sound pleased. It was possible he was just being an ass – he was, after all, Kanon – but Suzaku would have thought that even his douchery wouldn't have diminished the excitement he must have felt after this victory.

He must have. Right? They'd _won_.

Schneizel and Cornelia, unsurprisingly, were at the briefing, but so were a lot of the upper echelon commanders of Area 0, including Genbu himself.

"Kallen, would you like to start? I assume you took command."

Kallen stood stiffly, her jaw squared as she realized, along with the rest of them, that they weren't going to be praised. At all.

"I was the one who took command," Lelouch said, looking Genbu in the eye. "I had the best vantage point from the Shinkiro, and the ability to act on the information I'd received."

His vantage point hadn't been any better than Area 0 high command had, his information no more detailed, but they had been distracted by the drones, whereas Lelouch had immediately seen through the deception.

A single-layer deception. Not even that complex. Suzaku frowned. Such level of incompetence was not what he'd come to expect from Area 0.

"You were ordered to return to base. You disobeyed."

"I was acting on new and different information. I have no regrets regarding that choice, and I'm willing to accept any consequences." Lelouch made a gesture, encompassing Kallen, Suzaku, Gino, and C.C. "My friends may have chosen to follow me, but it was my decisions and my orders leading us. They simply acted as they'd been trained to, and obeyed."

Gino stepped forward. "Yeah, but… he was right. We saved Area 0… didn't we?"

Genbu looked at him, darkly disappointed. "At a cost. The missiles targeted Area 0, but couldn't get any more specific than that. Most of them would have done next to no damage in themselves, landing over unpopulated or well-protected areas." He switched on a video of Suzaku and Gino firing at the missiles, triggering or intercepting them. "Unfortunately, you acted without full situational awareness." The image changed to Kallen and Lelouch, Kallen firing at the distant missiles and Lelouch blocking or deflecting the nearer ones. "Some of the missiles that would have landed on unimportant targets hit a populated section of Area 0. There was significant damage, and we're pulling out dead bodies now."

"But there were missiles heading everywhere. They would have hit there too, as well as other targets," Kallen argued.

"Perhaps, but this area was special." Genbu pressed a button, and the footage of the rescue attempt played out for them. It took Suzaku a moment to figure out what was wrong with the picture, and then it hit him.

The bodies were small. Too small to be adults.

"The section hit was where several of the child refugees had been secured along with their minders."

Lelouch stared at the screen. "…no…"

He sounded as horrified as Suzaku felt. Knowing that they'd been the cause of children's deaths…

"That's correct, Lelouch," Schneizel said, cold and implacable. "You won't be punished for your actions today, and not because we endorse them in any way. You've already suffered enough, as much as you've caused anyone else to suffer."

C.C. moved up beside Lelouch, despite the fact that she hadn't said or done anything since they'd landed, and steadied him with one hand on his arm. "Lelouch…"

"I don't get it," Gino said. "It's awful, but…"

"Nunnally," Cornelia said, much angrier than Schneizel had been, keeping a thin veneer of composure over her rage. "Nunnally was with them. We're looking through the records, but we can't find Marianne either."

"No," Lelouch said again, soft and uncertain. "No, I was… I did this for _them_ I didn't care about your stupid Area or your pointless war, or even your worthless lives! I did this for Nunnally!"

"Then you failed," Schneizel said.

Lelouch launched himself at Schneizel, held back only by C.C.'s grip and Suzaku's quick reflexes as he wrapped his arms around Lelouch, holding him tightly and restraining him, even as the horror of what had happened, of what _they_ had done, started to sink in.

Lelouch, as usual, was a step ahead of him. " _You_ failed her," Lelouch snarled. "You brought her here, to the heart of the Numbers' resistance, and you put her in danger. I moved _mountains_ to get her out of Area 11 before Pendragon came, and you couldn't even keep her away from the most vulnerable section of an otherwise well-guarded Area!"

"Lelouch," Suzaku started, before Lelouch turned on him.

"And _you_. You feckless moron. You trusted them with _everything_ – my sister, my creation, my dream. You handed the reins over to Schneizel and look what he's wrought! Zero is a swashbuckling ladies man, and Nunnally is _dead_. You can keep your blasted rebellion and take comfort in _that_." Lelouch pulled out of C.C.'s grip. "You should have kept me as I was – naïve and ignorant, living another life. Who would _want_ to be Lelouch Lamperouge, who would _want_ to go through what I've gone through, who _would want_ _ **this**_?"

Lelouch was breathing hard at the end of his tirade, panting with his heart racing in his chest like a trapped bird. Suzaku wanted to cry, even more so when he saw that Lelouch's cheeks and eyes were dry. "I want you. Please, we still have each other…"

"And you think that's enough?" Lelouch asked, tired and incredulous. "You think that you'll make up for Nunnally, for my mother, for the life I could have had, blessedly ignorant of both?" He looked at Suzaku. "You think you'll be able to give me what I need?"

He sounded defeated. Suzaku could tell that Lelouch wasn't attacking him, but rather wallowing in his own hopelessness and failure. But he couldn't help answering. "I can try."

"I tried," Lelouch said. "You tried. Even Schneizel, I believe, tried." He snorted. "We failed. We're destined to fail, Suzaku. That's why we have to keep trying. Because the other option is to roll over and die."

He was calm enough that Suzaku let him go when he pulled away. "And Suzaku? That other option doesn't look so bad right now."

No one stopped him as he left, no doubt returning to his (and Nunnally's and Marianne's) rooms. Suzaku wanted to do after him, but even he could tell that this wasn't the right time. Instead, he turned to Genbu. "Can we join the retrieval efforts?"

"If you like," Genbu said. "What Schneizel said regarding Lelouch applies to the rest of you as well. This is something close to a complete disaster, nothing any of us wanted, and we're keeping your part of it a secret so that you can still operate freely." He sighed. "There has been at least one good thing that has come of this. I was reluctant to mention this in front of Lelouch, for fear that he might have thought I was taking the tragic death of his sister lightly, but I am pleased to say that we have the full agreement of every member of every committee to start an offensive against Pendragon itself."

"Good," Kallen agreed, her hands in fists. "We'll make them pay."

"Genbu's been pushing for this for a while," Schneizel said. "We already have certain plans in the works, but your behaviour today has forced us to consider some alternate ones."

Gino stepped forward. "No! We can follow orders, we can. You can't keep us out of this."

"On the contrary," Genbu assured him. "We are planning on placing you all in a group together, including Lelouch if he stabilizes in time. You work well together. I look forward to seeing what you can do."

He looked pleased for the first time. Kallen and Gino relaxed, but Suzaku couldn't. Something was very, _very_ wrong here. No one was reacting properly. Genbu was almost smug, and Schneizel was less focused on Lelouch than on the rest of them. At Suzaku's side, C.C. frowned, possibly thinking along the same lines as Suzaku. Possibly thinking about tomorrow's breakfast. Suzaku still couldn't read her.

"I'll be commanding the first wave," Cornelia said. "You'll need to get Lelouch back to fighting strength soon, or there won't be much of Pendragon left for him to avenge his sister's death on." She, at least, had the anger and fire that Suzaku expected.

Schneizel looked directly at Suzaku, his eyes flashing in a message Suzaku couldn't interpret. He felt lost and unsure, without Lelouch for guidance, and his instincts screaming that something was very wrong.

And, to top it all off, an invasion of Pendragon to plan for.


	13. Revivial

Lelouch wouldn't see him, and even Suzaku's shiny new bracelet couldn't get past whatever barriers Lelouch (and, looking through the movement records, likely Nina) had placed on his rooms. After the better part of an hour, with no success and being told to give Lelouch time and space whenever he asked for help from anyone, Suzaku gave up and joined the rescue effort.

This, unfortunately, was a job Suzaku was highly effective at. He wasn't sure if the fact that most of the kids were orphans and there weren't crying parents surrounding the site of the tragedy made things better or worse.

One thing was sure, the grim silence that was only broken by curt orders and the sound of rubble clearing was heavy and painful.

He worked the rest of the day, waiting with resigned trepidation for Nunnally's body to be found. Kallen and Gino joined him on and off, the former making sure Suzaku ate, the latter making sure Suzaku knew that Lelouch had allowed C.C. into his room. Suzaku set his jaw and got back to work, until he was forced back to his room by the rescue commanders by the sliver-thin reasoning that he hadn't rested in twenty hours.

He stopped at Lelouch's room before he went to bed, knocking on the door again, wondering if C.C. was in there with him, or if she'd left him alone to stew in his anger and grief.

He wasn't sure which situation he hated more.

Lelouch didn't answer, but Suzaku couldn't just walk away. He pressed the intercom and just spoke without any hope of a response.

"They kicked me off retrieval duty, Lelouch. We haven't found Nunnally's… Nunnally yet. I don't know what you want, but if you'd let me know, I'll try to make it happen."

He waited, more out of habit than out of hope, and when the expected response (none) came, he sighed and turned from Lelouch's room, making his way to his own rooms.

Kallen was waiting for him, ready for bed but not yet under the covers. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

It was unusually sensitive for her. Suzaku could tell she was uncomfortable with the situation, less sure what to do with the loss of Nunnally and Marianne than she had been about Suzaku's loss of his father. Then, she'd had something to offer – a place for Suzaku, the chance for him to earn his livelihood, a purpose. Suzaku had everything he needed without Nunnally. He hadn't really lost anything. And yet, there was a hole in his heart, and not just because Nunnally's death had sent Lelouch to ground. His life was no more and no less important or secure than it had been before her death, but it was somehow just _less_.

In Area 11, a death meant the loss of a miner or a storekeeper; a father or a mother; a daughter or a son. Either the loss of potential or the loss of income. Sometimes, despite the sadness that came with losing a loved one, it was a positive thing – a family that could barely feed itself losing a grandparent or young child and finding each meal spread less thin. In Area 11, Nunnally's death might have been that tragic relief, freeing Lelouch to pursue his own ambitions.

But they weren't in Area 11. In Area 0, everyone had the basic necessities for life, and no one was an undue burden on their family. In Area 0, Nunnally could have been put to use where her skills had value, and accommodated for her disabilities. She hadn't needed to depend on her brother or her mother, had made her own way.

And now she was gone. No one had depended on her, and she hadn't depended on anyone, so there was no one to 'save' after her death. Even Lelouch needed nothing tangible anyone could give him. So both Suzaku and Kallen were out of their element. Simple grief wasn't something they could fix. And they needed something to fix.

Suzaku sighed and gave that to Kallen. "My back's a little stiff."

She patted the bed between her legs and Suzaku settled in front of her, his hands resting lightly on her knees as she smoothed over the muscles of his shoulders. "Shirt off?"

"Sure." Suzaku tossed his shirt aside, and Kallen immediately started digging into his deltoids and trapeziuses with her finger and thumbs, all wrist and deep finger work, releasing knots that Suzaku hadn't even realized were there. He groaned and let his head loll forward as Kallen worked his muscles mercilessly, uncaring if she caused him temporary pain if it led to a more permanent benefit.

There was something to be said for that.

As Suzaku's body's muscles untied themselves under Kallen's ministrations, Suzaku's mind continued to wrap itself up in knots and circles. He fretted over Lelouch, over finding Nunnally, over _not_ finding Nunnally, over the planned attacks on Pendragon, over the safety of Area 0…

Kallen stopped. "Lie down on your stomach," she ordered. "You weren't kidding about your back."

Truthfully, Suzaku hadn't honestly noticed. He'd mostly just put it out there for something for Kallen to focus on. But it did feel good to have those muscles loosened. He lay himself down, obedient and pliant, as Kallen straddled his thighs and got to work on his lower back, kneading and smoothing over the skin and muscles there, every single movement bringing Suzaku painful relief.

He let himself go. There was nothing he could do about Nunnally, nothing he could do about Lelouch, and nothing he could do about Pendragon or Area 0. All he could do right now, was moan as Kallen's hands moved over him, making him feel good.

She hesitated, hovering over his upper back, and then bent down and pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. Suzaku immediately tensed as the friendly massage turned into something else. "Kallen…"

"It made you feel good," Kallen said, soft and uncertain. Apparently, she heard herself as clearly as Suzaku had, because her voice hardened, becoming the typical harsh bravado that she usually spoke with. "You liked it, even if it wasn't exactly who… _what_ you wanted. It's not a commitment, idiot, it's just… you liked it. It made you feel good. So let me do that again."

Suzaku considered it, he really did. Kisses, massages, sex… they weren't anything more than they were. They weren't promises or contracts or betrayals. But as much as his body was eager for Kallen's, as much as he ached for her, so close, his mind and heart couldn't shake what he had with Lelouch. They hadn't made any promises to each other, except for form's sake in front of Pendragon and Britannia, but Suzaku felt that continuing to fall into bed with Kallen, in any sense other than the literal one, would break _something_.

And at the same time, it wasn't fair to take her up on her offer, however well-intentioned, when his heart and mind were elsewhere. He knew that she was willing to allow that, but it seemed cruel somehow.

Lelouch didn't want him. Lelouch wanted C.C. Kallen wanted him, but he wanted Lelouch. What did C.C. want? Suzaku had no idea, and the very thought of her unnerved him. She wasn't what she seemed, and leaving Lelouch to her was unthinkable.

Which made Kallen an impossible choice, no matter how much he loved her. It was different with Lelouch. He was _in love with_ Lelouch, as well as loving him.

"Kallen, I can't. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

"I know. I knew that." Kallen sounded upset, almost angry, and Suzaku bet it was all directed at herself. "This isn't a surprise, Suzaku, I just thought I'd offer."

"Thanks. It… it means a lot. You're…" Suzaku winced. "…a good friend."

Those words would have burned, had they come from Lelouch, directed at him.

Kallen just sighed and nodded, accepting them. "We should get some sleep."

"Yeah." They crawled into bed together and fell asleep with their backs touching.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

For the next few days, Suzaku spent most of his waking time at the blast site, ready to work. When he asked after Nunnally, he was told they hadn't found her body, or that of Marianne, who had been (according to their bracelets) with her when the bombs hit. The lack of answers was unnerving, and Suzaku knew that their bodies might never be found, if it became too dangerous to keep digging, or if the searchers' efforts were needed elsewhere.

It had been long enough that there was no longer any real hope of finding survivors. Only bodies.

About halfway through the day, just as Suzaku was considering following orders and breaking for a meal, his bracelet rang, indicating he should find a terminal. The computer access to the bombing site had been rewired as of last night, so it was easy enough to follow that order, and Suzaku considered the possibility that seeing him 'leave' and 'return' would be enough for the retrieval commanders to assume he'd eaten and allow him to work.

He never found out, however, as the communiqué happened to be from Genbu via Kanon. "Zero, you are hereby ordered to present yourself to the Knightmare hanger bay for your deployment orders ASAP."

"I haven't eaten," Suzaku said, feeling contrary.

Kanon shrugged. "Do I look like I care? Get moving." He terminated the video and Suzaku was left with little to no choice in the matter. He did want to get to Pendragon, for his own personal vengeance, and this looked like the only opportunity to do so.

Kanon and Gino were already there when Suzaku arrived, greeting him with guarded happiness. Suzaku smiled back at them, hoping to stop any awkwardness before it could start. "Is anyone else coming?"

Kallen shrugged. "Knightmare squads are typically six to nine, infantry squads are closer to twenty. There should be at least three more people joining us if we're going as Knightmare pilots."

"I certainly hope we are," Gino said. "Having fought in the Hunger Games and in a Knightmare, I have to say I far prefer the second."

"I've seen the footage. You're better at it, too," Kallen said, in a rather left-handed compliment that was almost like a tease.

It was strange, seeing Kallen and Gino getting along so well. They'd gotten much closer since they'd started training Lelouch.

Before either Gino or Suzaku could respond to Kallen's taunt, three more men walked in, moving together like a trained squad, each taking a section of the room and scoping it out, keeping the others safe. Gino whistled, low and impressed. "I guess these are the other three."

The leader, a white-haired heavy-set man, approached Suzaku with his arm outstretched. "You must be Suzaku. I'm Senba, code-name Gekka, and this is Urabe, code-name Burai," he gestured towards the taller and leaner of the other two men, "and Asahina, code-name Zikisan." The youngest of the three adjusted his glasses and nodded formally to Suzaku.

Suzaku took Senba's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. This is Kallen, Q1," Kallen nodded, "and Gino, uh, Pretty Boy." Gino waved. "I'm Suzaku, Zero. I guess we'll be serving together?"

"Looks like," Senba said, seeming not at all displeased. "Is this the full compliment?"

Suzaku shrugged. "We have no idea."

"Not quite," Kanon said, addressing his clipboard more than anyone in the room. "You're missing two, but… well, it's not worth waiting for them." He handed Senba a small cube, about twice the size of a game die. "This is a three-dimensional map of Pendragon, with all the details we were able to gather during the battles for the Areas. Which are a lot." Senba turned the cube over and, with a deftness that surprised Suzaku, pressed a few buttons on the side, making a hologram appear in the air before them.

"Whoa, nice!" Gino said. "Do we all get one?"

Kanon shook his head. "One for each squad, tuned to the squad leader's fingerprints and voice." Suzaku blinked as he reset the dynamics of the group, with Senba as their leader, and likely Asahina and Urabe as his seconds. "There are several different views possible – population density, military usefulness, infrastructure. After this debriefing, Senba, you will need to spend the rest of the afternoon in a training session for this. The rest of you will practice group manoeuvres and run through a rescue op. If you do well, you may be sent out in the first wave. If your group needs more time to gel, you'll have to wait for the second. Understood?"

"Who judges our readiness?" Asahina asked, more than a little suspicious.

"Command will. One of eight high-ranking officials. You're not allowed to know which one to prevent any impropriety."

"Who're our other two members?" Kallen asked.

Kanon snorted. "If they ever show up, you'll find out. Don't worry, you're at full strength without them, and if they don't show you'll be judged on your own merits."

"Well, that's a relief," Gino said. "Thanks, Kanon."

"You're very welcome," Kanon said, as if unaware of the distrust and irritation radiating from most of the others. "Feel free to start your exercises when ready. Senba, I'll escort you to your session."

As soon as Kanon and Senba were out of the room, Kallen punched Gino's shoulder. Hard. "Suck-up."

"Ow!" Gino rubbed the injury, looking pitiful. "I have no idea why you don't try to make nice with Kanon. He's got connections and power. His influence means something."

"He's an ass."

"You're an – _ow_!"

Urabe laughed and Suzaku felt his face flare up. "S-sorry, they're usually more mature than…" He couldn't finish such a blatant lie.

"No worries. They have spirit, and they care for each other. That's the most important thing."

"Other than the ability to follow orders predictably," Asahina said. "We can't have a squad of super-special individuals doing whatever they want."

Suzaku felt that might have been directed mostly at him. Urabe just snorted. "C'mon, you're not one to turn off your brain either, Asahina. All I care about is that we have each other's backs. If you guys have a problem with us, or with Senba, air it out during the downtime, yeah? _Cohesiveness_ , that's the key."

Suzaku grinned. "Yeah, okay." They all shared the same goal, the same ideals. He could work with them, even if he couldn't trust them to the same extent he trusted Kallen and Gino. "Hey, I haven't had lunch, and I kinda walked out on the recovery efforts. Mind if I take a few?"

"Sure," Urabe said easily. "We all pretty much know about you, Zero, from all the vids you've done. While you're gone, we'll try to get to know your friends too."

"Thanks." Suzaku wasn't sure if the propaganda videos really represented him honestly, but he figured that Kallen and Gino would deal with disproving any myths about Suzaku Urabe and Asahina may have believed. They were more than skilled at cutting Suzaku down a few pegs when they felt he was getting above himself.

Lunch was the usual disappointing mash of protein and calories, and it would have been a total waste of time (apart from the needed nutrition) had it not been for C.C. taking two trays out of the mess just as Suzaku was finishing up.

Two trays and removing food from the mess. Suzaku sighed – Lelouch apparently didn't have to follow the rules. He wondered if Schneizel had okayed the exception due to Nunnally's death. If so, it was cold comfort, but possibly the only comfort Lelouch would accept. He'd rebuffed his friends and Suzaku time and time again, all but C.C., keeping to his room as if afraid of what was outside, with the only connections to the community he'd never quite fit into being C.C. and Suzaku's almost harassing attempts at talking to him.

Suzaku stood, filing his tray away for cleaning, and followed C.C., easily catching up to her and her two trays. "C.C.!"

She didn't turn around. "He still doesn't want to see you, Suzaku."

Suzaku jogged until he was in front of her, walking backwards to better see her face. "I figured, but I have to know; how's he doing?"

"He's…" C.C. stopped. "He's lost. He's asked me to remove his memories again, so that he can have Shirley and Rivalz back. He switches between destroying Nunnally's things because they remind him of her and caressing them because they remind him of her. He's very…" She sighed. "His psyche was broken as much as it could be before the memory rewriting. Getting his memories back put him back in that place, with no supports, pushing away people he cared for while he tried to fix himself. And then he lost his sister, someone he cared for, even without his memories of their childhood together, the one pure relationship he had."

"He has… us," Suzaku said weakly. "Me and Gino and Kallen and Milly, and even Rivalz and Shirley and Nina. Friends."

C.C. shrugged. "And you all demand things of him, use him for your own ends, punish him when he doesn't meet your expectations." Suzaku opened his mouth, affronted by that, but C.C. waved him down. "It's hypocritical, yes, but what Lelouch needed wasn't someone as good as him. He needed someone better. Someone almost perfect. That was his Nunnally."

"We haven't found her body yet," Suzaku said. "She might be…"

"You don't really believe that, do you Suzaku?" C.C. asked. "You know she's dead."

"Please let me see him."

"You'll do more harm than good."

" _Please_."

C.C. looked at him, then shrugged and handed him one of the trays. "At least make yourself useful."

Suzaku felt a giddy sort of victory. If C.C. allowed it – Lelouch's guardian and the only one who understood his mind – then it could only be for the best. He wished he had something tangible for him, some answer about his sister, his mother. But even if he didn't, he couldn't allow Lelouch's isolation to continue indefinitely.

C.C. keyed open the door, placing her tray on one of the two beds and gesturing Suzaku towards a side room. Suzaku gripped his food tray and moved into the darkened room. The light from the main room created shadows, outlining a chair, another bed, the hunched figure upon the bed. Suzaku took a deep breath.

"Leave me, C.C. Haven't I told you that I don't want food?"

Suzaku placed the food on the chair, and sat on the bed, beside Lelouch. "Not C.C."

Lelouch's head shot up, eyes wide and bloodshot, pupils large and black. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku reared back, shocked at the angry hiss. He hadn't expected open arms, but such strong hostility…

"Get out."

Well, if there had been any doubt before, that would have dispelled it. Still, Suzaku hadn't managed to get this far just to turn back.

"Lelouch, you…" As Suzaku's eyes adjusted to the dark, he could see more details, the dim light highlighting Lelouch's cheekbones, sharper than usual, his clavicles standing out more on his bare chest to Suzaku's sharp eyes, despite the lack of clear light. Suzaku knew that if he could see more clearly, if the light and Lelouch's posture had allowed, he would have seen even more signs of malnutrition.

Why hadn't C.C. told anyone? Had she been planning something, or had she simply not cared?

"Out!" Lelouch snarled, throwing his hand out. Suzaku caught him around the wrist, stunned at how prominent his bones were. It hadn't been that long since the bombing, how had he gotten this bad, this quickly? He'd never been anything but slim, but this was… near skeletal.

Suzaku pulled Lelouch towards him, soothing his struggles easily, pinning Lelouch's arms to his sides and feeling just how _cold_ he was. "What are you doing to yourself?"

"Let me go," Lelouch demanded, even as his struggles weakened. "Don't… let me go, Suzaku."

"I won't," Suzaku said, deliberately misunderstanding him. "I won't, Lelouch…"

Lelouch gave up and buried his head in Suzaku's neck, shuddering silently, tearlessly. Suzaku tried to rub some warmth into him, holding him close and running his hands up and down Lelouch's back. He was pleased that Lelouch was at least wearing pants, caring for himself at the very least in that minimal way.

"It's… it'll be okay," Suzaku said helplessly, desperate to comfort Lelouch even a little bit.

Lelouch laughed, harsh and pained. "No, it won't."

He was right. Suzaku wrapped his arms tighter around Lelouch and pressed his cheek against Lelouch's hair. "No. It won't."

Lelouch shook silently in his arms after that. Suzaku let him tremble for a few moments, let him wallow in his grief.

But Suzaku had let him wallow for far too long, indulged him for too long. "It doesn't change anything."

That made Lelouch look up, pulling away from Suzaku to peer into his face with red, damp eyes and dark pupils. "Wh-what?"

"It doesn't change anything," Suzaku insisted. "You're still the Zero who stood against Pendragon, I'm still the Zero who fought against them. We started something, Lelouch, something we can't just stop because Nunnally is… gone."

"I don't have anything to fight for," Lelouch said dully. "I stood up for Nunnally, fought to get back to her. Now there's nothing."

Suzaku shook his head. "There's me, and don't pretend you don't care about me, no matter how screwed up you are about showing it. There's Milly and Kallen, and your friends from Pendragon, and C.C. We're not connected to you by blood, but we _are_ through shared experiences, choices. Love. I love you, Lelouch. And because I love you, I'm going out to war, I'm going to risk my life to protect you. I promised… I will do everything I can to keep you safe."

"You promised to keep Nunnally safe."

"I promised to do whatever I could. And I will. I will continue to do whatever I can, and maybe I'll fail. Maybe I'll fall. But at least I'll have tried."

Lelouch nodded. "I tried. I didn't have to, but I tried. And Nunnally died. Mother died. _Because_ I tried. So I'm not trying anymore."

"Okay," Suzaku said. "Okay, that's your choice. You don't have to fight with us, you don't have to stand against your father or Pendragon. You can stay here if you want, Lelouch, I'll still be your sword. But I can't defend you from your own weaknesses."

Lelouch pulled away completely. "Weakness? That's what you think this is?"

"Mourn, Lelouch. The rest of us will mourn with you. But if you think that staying in this room, in the dark, and starving yourself is anything like _atonement_ , then you're wrong. All you're doing is letting everyone else down as well."

"I see." Lelouch looked down for a moment, thoughtful, and then he slapped Suzaku across the face.

Hard.

Lelouch really had been starving himself, and wasn't strong enough to make Suzaku's head rock back, but Suzaku knew the slap would leave a mark.

He smiled. At least this Lelouch was willing to fight.

"I owe you, and the others, _nothing_."

"I love you."

Lelouch slapped him again. Suzaku kissed him. "I love you."

"Stop it!" Lelouch started beating his fists against Suzaku's chest, a strangely soothing attack that Suzaku allowed, choosing instead to skim his hands up and down Lelouch's flanks. "Stop saying that!"

"Won't stop it from being true. And it won't take away the fact that other people care about you too."

"I don't care! I don't… I don't care…" Lelouch slowed and then stopped hitting Suzaku, and even let himself be drawn into Suzaku's arms. "I don't care."

"Liar." Suzaku kissed the top of Lelouch's head. "You care. You've always cared, sometimes too much. That's why you're here. That's why you're hiding."

Lelouch laughed against Suzaku's shoulder, less harshly that before, but more broken. "I'm not hiding, you idiot. I'm keeping myself away from everyone else."

"What happened wasn't your fault."

"It was…"

"It _wasn't_. It was whoever ordered that missile strike. It was someone in Pendragon. And I want to…" Suzaku closed his eyes. This wasn't about how _he_ wanted to punish those responsible for Nunnally's death. "It wasn't your fault. And you need to either move on or give up completely. But I know you, Lelouch. I know that you've never broken, no matter what happened to you, no matter how horrible it got."

Lelouch nodded, in agreement if not in acceptance. Suzaku took a deep breath. "If you choose to stay here, I think this _will_ break you. I think it's already come close." He cupped Lelouch's chin. "You're a fighter. You don't just let things happen. You bend when others would break and you come out on top. But you're not bending now, and that scares me."

Lelouch looked at Suzaku for a long moment before blinking slowly. " _You_ scare me."

"I… how?" Suzaku asked.

"I can't shake you, can I?" Lelouch asked. "No matter what I do, you'll come after me, like this unstoppable force."

Suzaku flushed. "I didn't mean…"

"No," Lelouch interrupted. "No, it's good. It's… it may be necessary. I'm not the most reliable, or the most trustworthy person. I'm fickle, changeable, and I do what I want, when I want, without regard to how it affects others. This is the way things have always been, Suzaku. I rejected my father, even though it hurt my mother. I spent most of my time away from my family, working odd jobs, even though Nunnally would have preferred to have me at her side. I'm proud and stubborn, and I'm selfish and occasionally cruel. And I'm not going to change."

"I don't care," Suzaku said. "I love you."

Lelouch nodded. "I know, and that's… that's what scares me. There's nothing I can do to change that is there? I can't get rid of you, even if people like Kallen are more than willing to take you off my hands for me."

"That was cruel, what you did," Suzaku said, softly. "To me and to Kallen."

"I know. And I don't regret it, and I doubt that's the part that _Kallen_ regrets, either. But you won't leave me alone, will you?" Lelouch sounded mystified, as if Suzaku's tenacity was beyond his understanding.

Suzaku smiled. "I promised you I'd do everything in my power to give you whatever you needed. This is in my power. I'll stay with you until you're ready to leave, and then I'll stay with you longer, or go out and fight in your name. Whatever you need, Lelouch. Anything."

Lelouch huffed and managed a weak smile. "It won't change anything."

"I can't bring them back. I can try to avenge them, and I can do everything I can to keep you with us, living the life they wanted for you. But I can't change what's happened."

"Then that's okay," Lelouch said. "I have the rest of my life to mourn them. This is the only opportunity I might have to fight back against their killers."

Suzaku felt a flood of relief. He'd thought it would take more – more time, more effort, more influence – to get Lelouch to change his mind. But Lelouch had always been, as Suzaku said, one to bend rather than break. All he'd needed was the opportunity, something to snap him out of whatever pit he'd dug for himself.

Whatever pit C.C. had allowed him to wallow in.

Suzaku felt his face settle into a mask, hiding the sudden wave of anger he felt towards C.C. She should have known better, should have protected Lelouch better. This was her world, and she should have controlled it better.

"Can we go now?" Lelouch asked.

Suzaku's attention returned to him. "You should probably eat something first. And maybe…" He smiled, trying to lighten up the mood. "Maybe a shirt?" He slid a hand up Lelouch's side, and was gratified to see a small shiver that wasn't due to the cold. "I don't mind it, but others…"

"Mmm," Lelouch agreed. "A shirt is probably a good idea. Wouldn't want to give anyone ideas." Suzaku's hand kept moving, smoothing over the soft skin of Lelouch's chest and shoulders, caressing instead of looking for lost weight. "Speaking of…"

Suzaku looked up at him, suddenly painfully aroused. "Finish your lunch and I'll fuck you."

Lelouch licked his lips and looked towards the tray of food, likely more than he'd had to eat for the past few days. "Deal."


	14. Kiss and Make Up

"Are you two just about done?"

Suzaku pulled out and rolled off of Lelouch. "Give us a minute."

"Give us several," Lelouch corrected, wincing as he sat up. He rolled his eyes at Suzaku's look of concern. "It's been a while and I'm hardly at my peak."

"Oh." Suzaku felt guilty about that. "I'm sorry, I should have been more careful…"

Lelouch kissed him, long and deep and almost enough to get him started again. "Don't apologize. I needed that, desperately. I needed everything you gave me today." It sounded like admitting that almost hurt him. Suzaku threaded his fingers through Lelouch's, and kissed him more gently, before brushing his lips over Lelouch's cheeks and forehead.

"I need _you_."

Lelouch sighed and relaxed, seemingly satisfied in the return of the balance in their relationship.

C.C., oddly courteous, gave them all the time they wanted. When they finally slinked out of the bedroom, Lelouch dressed in clothes that hung off him two sizes too large but at least dressed, she looked at them expectantly.

"Have you decided?"

"Decided what?" Suzaku asked.

C.C. clearly dismissed him and turned to Lelouch. "Have _you_ decided?"

Lelouch just shrugged. "I don't think I have a choice. Schneizel has made his position clear, and it has come to my understanding that without Suzaku, I'm rather prone to make poor decisions."

"Understatement," C.C. said. "But you're quite right. You never did have a choice."

Suzaku looked between the two of them. "What are you getting at?"

"I've been ordered into the field, despite my recent… instability," Lelouch said. "I told Schneizel he could imprison me for dereliction of duty if he wanted to, and I think he was tempted, but he gave me a few days to decide if I meant it."

"Also, you threw rotten food at him," C.C. added helpfully.

Lelouch didn't even look remotely guilty. "He shouldn't have overridden the locks."

"So you're going into battle?" Suzaku asked, focusing on the important part. "When? How? You can handle a Knightmare alright, but you're not exactly battle-tested or trained."

"Doesn't matter, I'm still better a better strategist than nearly anyone else on our side, and I have a better grasp of the bigger picture than anyone else they're sending out. Apart from, perhaps, Cornelia."

The matter-of-fact tone of Lelouch's voice, the way he clearly wasn't bragging, just stating facts, stopped most of Suzaku's protests before they could be made. He knew, he'd seen, how brilliant Lelouch could be, in so many different situations. He'd sworn to follow Lelouch's lead, not only out of love and loyalty, but because Lelouch was a great leader. Suzaku had believed in that, during the Hunger Games, afterwards, when they were thrust into the public eye, even during the attack on Area 0.

He believed in that now.

But that didn't mean he was just going to stand idly by while Lelouch was sent out to risk his life. If Schneizel was that hard up for strategic minds in the field, he could venture out there himself.

"Look, I'm glad you're okay," Suzaku said, faltering when both Lelouch and C.C. shot him withering looks. "I mean, not okay, but… functional." Lelouch shrugged, as if he couldn't argue that, and Suzaku continued. "But I don't want you dying just because you think you're needed. I promise you, Lelouch, I'll be your sword."

Lelouch nodded. "I accept, Suzaku. And you have no idea how heartening that is to hear, how grateful I am. But I still plan to join in on the battle against Pendragon, with you as my sword, and C.C. as my shield."

Suzaku frowned. "But Lelouch…"

"I'm not backing down from this, Suzaku. I'm not drowning myself in my grief anymore, but only because I can see the change for vengeance. I won't let that chance slip away."

"But you… I can't let you put yourself at risk like that!" Suzaku insisted. "How can you even trust the people at your back?" Lelouch was one of the least trusting people Suzaku knew.

Lelouch looked at him with a funny expression. "Because the people I have at my back have proven themselves, Suzaku." Suzaku opened his mouth to protest again, but Lelouch raised a hand for silence. "The people at my back are people who have earned my trust, even more than they should have had to. The people at my back are people I not only trust, but who trust me in return."

He smiled. "The people at my back, Suzaku, will be Kallen and Gino and you."

Suzaku stared. "You're…"

"I'm… _we're_ ," Lelouch corrected himself, including C.C. in his words, "joining your squad."

Suzaku breathed out. That… was going to make things interesting.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"No. No, no, no, no, no."

"Kallen…"

"No, Suzaku, we are not babysitting your boyfriend while simultaneously taking on Pendragon's armies."

Lelouch sighed. "Don't talk about me like I'm invisible. I'm standing right here, Kallen."

"You want a medal?" Kallen snapped. "Your ability to remain upright is only _relatively_ impressive, Lelouch."

Gino snorted and Suzaku, C.C., and Lelouch's glares turned to him. "Sorry. It's just… yeah. We didn't expect to see you up and about for a while. Ever, really. So. Congrats on that?"

"Your warm regards are all I ever wanted, Gino."

"He had all our backs when Area 0 was attacked," Suzaku said, feeling like a complete heel for bringing it up and make Lelouch flinch like that. "He guided us out of two Hunger Games, and he was the only one in the second game who knew something was off. He's one of the most brilliant strategic minds in Area 0 now, and all he needs is a team that can trust him and back him up. I think we can be that team."

Urabe and Asahina exchanged looks, while Senba just looked vaguely pitying. "You really have dunk the kool aid," Asahina said. "He's broken, untried, and an embarrassment. Schneizel's foisting him off on us because he knows you can't say no. I'm not happy with dragging his dead weight along, but I'll follow orders. But at least admit that he's dead weight."

Senba held up a hand to forestall Suzaku (and Kallen, which was weirdly nice) from saying anything to that. "You're right, Asahina, in that orders are orders. Lelouch is part of our team, and we'll adapt to that." He looked at Lelouch. "You're not getting any special favours, though. You keep to the chain of command, and no going off on your own initiative like in the games or with the attack. You can boast of as many close escapes as you like, but it only takes one failure to stop you from ever boasting about anything ever again."

"Understood," Lelouch said, dully. "I assume no one has a problem with C.C. copiloting with me?"

"Honestly, it's nice to know at least one of you isn't a total flake," Asahina said, flashing Lelouch a fake smile. "Teammate." Lelouch smiled back, seemingly more genuine, but Suzaku could tell it was just as fake. Kallen, and maybe Gino, would be able to tell as well.

But it was good enough to fool Urabe, who was also smiling, in relief, and Senba who just looked relieved.

Suzaku sighed. The promising team they'd set up was looking more and more unsettled.

"We'll have time to get used to this," Gino, ever the optimist, said. "And Lelouch really is a great… well, he's an okay guy." Kallen and Urabe laughed half-heartedly at the joke, but even that gave Suzaku some hope.

Until Senba shook his head. "Not so much. Orders came through just before Suzaku dragged Lelouch in here. Apparently, this was the only thing we were waiting on. We're being shipped out first thing tomorrow morning."

The suddenness shocked Suzaku. From no plans to finalized deployment so soon… and he could tell he wasn't the only one.

Lelouch just shrugged. "So we don't learn each other's favourite colours. What matters is who has what strengths, and that should be apparent within the first few moments of combat, if not during the transport. We'll adapt."

"The first few moments of combat could mean the difference between life and death," Urabe said.

Lelouch barely reacted. "This is war. People die. Try not to be the ones dead, and everything will evolve from there."

"You're such a prat," Kallen said, suddenly affectionate. Lelouch smiled at her, and it was like they were back in Area 10, sniping amiably over escape plans. Gino grinned at them, and Suzaku remembered Lelouch and Gino embracing in the forest, hiding from the horrors together. Lelouch was worming his way back into the group, and quickly, using his past alliances as launching points.

It would have made Suzaku feel better, if it wasn't so blatantly manipulative and condescending.

"Come on, you all," Senba announced. "We have one day left before we're sent out, so let's spend it getting in as much practice as we can."

Gino nodded. "Exhaust yourself before the night before the big day. Advice we give to all the kids heading out to the Hunger Games."

And on that rather ominous note, they climbed into their Knightmares and ran manoeuvres until lights out.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"That could have gone worse," Suzaku offered as he walked Lelouch back to his room.

"No one died," Lelouch said, almost in agreement. Suzaku winced.

The practice had been a disaster. No one could focus, with the deployment looming over them, and Lelouch's Knightmare had either been in the way or completely forgotten. It was only at the end, when Lelouch had hacked into Kallen and Gino and Suzaku's Knightmares and started giving supplementary orders, that things started working smoothly.

"Senba's great, isn't he?" Suzaku asked desperately, hoping Lelouch would back down as he'd been ordered.

"He's brilliant," Lelouch said. "He's got fantastic instincts and top-notch skills. He'd made a fantastic scout or support fighter."

Suzaku waited until the door closed behind them before continuing. "But not a great leader."

"He doesn't see the bigger picture, the full field. Asahina's actually better at that, but he doesn't know the group's strengths."

"You're going to take command, aren't you?"

Lelouch stripped his shirt off. "Inevitably. And you and Kallen and Gino and _probably_ Urabe will follow me. Asahina and Senba will take some convincing, but if they're not gunned down after our first fight, they'll come around."

"Why can't you just…"

Lelouch cut him off with a kiss, one that made Suzaku's knees wobble and his hands clutch at Lelouch's hips. Lelouch's lips turned up against Suzaku's. "Hmmm?"

"Never mind."

Suzaku had Lelouch naked and was struggling out of his own pants when C.C. walked in. And then past them, as if they were doing nothing more than sitting quietly together and not rutting desperately against each other, panting and whining.

"Night, Lelouch. Suzaku."

"Good night, C.C." Lelouch said, pulling Suzaku down for another kiss. Suzaku considered protesting for a split second before getting properly naked and intimate took precedence.

Apart from their time together before Lelouch had agreed to accompany them to Pendragon, Suzaku hadn't fucked Lelouch for months. He couldn't even remember what they'd done, although he did know it was before the island, in one of Pendragon's ridiculously large beds.

The beds in Area 0 were designed for one person only, and not a large person either. When Lelouch lay back on it, he had to bend his knees so that his feet didn't dangle off the end of the bed, and he couldn't lift his hands over his head.

Still, there was just enough room over his shoulders for Suzaku to pin his wrists down as he settled between Lelouch's legs, just feeling Lelouch's skin against his, Lelouch's cock, full and eager, pressing against his own.

"Mmm, missed this," Lelouch gasped out between kisses. "You… holding me down… so _strong_ …" He gasped as Suzaku moved from his lips to his neck, switching from kissing to biting. "Yes, Suzaku… mark me, I love it… ahha!" Suzaku bit down and felt Lelouch go slack and passive under him, opening instinctively to the man dominating him.

It always made Suzaku feel powerful, that Lelouch, brilliant, beautiful Lelouch, could be made so undone by his own instincts and the force of Suzaku's power over him. Watching Lelouch's eyes soften and go unfocused with docile lust turned Suzaku on more than anything in the world. He liked it when Lelouch played at dominating him, he did, but there was something about controlling him here, while letting Lelouch control him on the battlefield, that felt so right.

He'd missed this too, the way Lelouch felt under him, the point when Lelouch's words stopped and were replaced by soft, pleading sounds. It was entirely possible that Suzaku was being played, that Lelouch was using this as a distraction, but he didn't care. He needed this, he'd needed it for so long and now that he had the opportunity, he wasn't going to lose any of it to his own doubts.

When he let go of Lelouch's wrists, Lelouch's hands stayed where they'd been placed, only turning slightly to grasp at the bedsheets as Suzaku's hands slid down his body, holding his hips in place as he frotted against Lelouch, his suckling bites turning into light nibbles and nuzzles as he tried to gentle their passion.

"Love you."

Lelouch whined softly at Suzaku's confession, squirming against the bed, against Suzaku to get more friction, to get closer. But his hands didn't move and he made no demands, still passive despite his desperation. Suzaku moved down his body, tasting his skin, relearning the now even leaner planes of Lelouch's chest. Lelouch gasped and stilled as Suzaku latched onto his left nipple, suckling and gently biting, before resting his lips and flat of his tongue there, feeling Lelouch's rapid heartbeat through his chest wall.

After that, Suzaku lost himself in the exploration of Lelouch, in the sounds Lelouch made as he pressed light, tickling kisses just under Lelouch's ribs, as his tongue probed every nook and crevice of Lelouch's navel, as he nuzzled into Lelouch's pubic hair, breathing in his musk, and then bypassed his cock completely to mouth softly at his scrotum.

It wasn't until Suzaku lifted Lelouch's hips slightly, his mouth moving further down, his tongue lapping against Lelouch's perineum with wide, generous licks, that Lelouch's restraint was overcome by sensation, and one of his hands flew from where they'd been placed to bury itself in Suzaku's hair. Suzaku grinned and kept going, firmer and lower, until he was all but sucking at Lelouch's hole, which fluttered underneath Suzaku's tongue as if it was trying to kiss back.

"Suzaku…"

The hand in Suzaku's hair tightened in warning, but Suzaku was far too far gone to care. If anything, the small sharp pain spurred him on as he pressed his tongue against, and then into, Lelouch, drinking in the sound of Lelouch's desperate sobs as his muscles spasmed with his orgasm. Suzaku rode him through it, as Lelouch's thighs tightened around his ears, silently congratulating himself on his success, for keeping this Lelouch sated and happy.

When Lelouch came down, his muscles relaxing and loosening from around Suzaku's head and in his hair, Suzaku moved up Lelouch's body, his tongue following every white line Lelouch had painted over it. He'd completely forgotten about his own arousal until Lelouch's hand, slick with something, wrapped around his cock and guided it until it was pressing against his entrance.

"Please," Lelouch whispered, his voice hoarse and broken. "Please, Suzaku."

Now that Lelouch had drawn his attention to it, Suzaku realized he was harder than stone. "Alright, just let me…" Lelouch shook his head and arched impatiently against him, everything in his body language screaming _now_ to Suzaku's senses, despite his cock laying soft against his thigh, thoroughly spent.

Suzaku couldn't help it. His own body was in complete agreement, wanting to be buried in Lelouch's welcoming heat, wanting to thrust and thrust and thrust until he was just as sated, just as satisfied. His brain wanted to make sure Lelouch was ready, properly prepared, but it was fast being overruled by Suzaku's instincts and Lelouch's impatience.

"Lelouch, I," Suzaku tried one last time, but Lelouch ignored him, shifting under him to get into perfect position and tightening his grip on Suzaku's hips so that Suzaku pressed inside him, suddenly surrounded by heat and tightness. So much tightness…

Too much.

Lelouch was still beneath him, his eyes closed, and Suzaku felt his breath catch, and not in a good way. "Lelouch, you okay?"

"Hmm, m'fine." Lelouch's eyes opened, and Suzaku melted at the soft, affectionate look in them. "You feel…" He shifted and Suzaku had to dig his fingers into the mattress, clinging onto all his self-restraint to stop himself from pinning Lelouch to the bed and taking him hard and fast until one of them couldn't take it anymore. "Move."

Suzaku bit down on his cheek until he could taste blood. "You're too…"

" _Move_."

Even slicked with whatever lubricant Lelouch had grabbed for them, Suzaku found it hard to move at first. Lelouch's short, shallow breathing made it clear that he was feeling it too, the way they barely fit like this, as if Lelouch was smaller than usual, or just less stretched. Suzaku's stupid, sex-addled body loved it, wanted more, wanted to thrust into it, but he managed to keep just enough control to move carefully, trying to get Lelouch used to it.

Lelouch reached up and caressed Suzaku's cheek, leaving a sticky trail behind as he urged Suzaku closer. "Please, Suzaku, I want it. I want to feel it." His voice broke. "Don't make me beg…"

The shame that welled up in Suzaku at that made him paradoxically harder. "I'm sorry, I… I'm sorry, Lelouch." Because he couldn't hold back any longer, even though he knew this could hurt Lelouch, even though that was the last thing he wanted, because being given permission was one thing, but the thought of Lelouch _begging_ for it… "Love you." Suzaku grasped Lelouch's hip and thrust into him, deeper into the tight heat, that seemed to get even tighter and hotter as he moved.

Lelouch ached back, gasping, his breath catching at the apex of every thrust, but he didn't ask Suzaku to stop, or even slow down. Suzaku tried to keep everything controlled, but Lelouch's lack of resistance, always something of a turn-on, kept him pushing forwards, harder, taking as much as Lelouch would let him, until the bed started banging against the wall, his voice and Lelouch's grunting and sighing in counterpoint to each other, until he could feel the bruises forming on Lelouch's hip under his fingers.

Until the world faded away in a haze of lust and power and sex and Lelouch. Until nothing seemed to matter but his own pleasure, found only with, Lelouch, inside him. Suzaku let go of any kind of restraint and fucked into him, deeper and deeper, harder, faster, until he closed his eyes and ears against everything external, and came with the sound of his blood roaring in his ears, setting of red lights behind his eyelids.

The first thing that hit him, as his senses cleared, was the scent of Lelouch beneath him, warm and with the slight tang his scent always got after sex. Suzaku eased himself down until he was taking up the rest of the bed, lying half on and half beside Lelouch, and pulled out as slowly and carefully as he could. "Lelouch?"

"Hmmn." Lelouch shivered once and pulled Suzaku even closer to him, until Suzaku was basically draped over him. "Just give me a few minutes, an' I'll be good to go again."

Suzaku would be lying if he said that didn't interest him, even as his body was still feeling the aftershocks of his orgasm. "Again?"

"Yeah." Lelouch ran his hands up and down Suzaku's body, easing the trembling muscles, petting him like a skittish dog. "We're going to be together for the next little while, but without any privacy, like in the Hunger Games. I want to be able to feel you inside me, or at least the echo of you, for as long as possible. I want to be reminded of this, of us, every time I shift in my Knightmare. I want to snuggle you when we sleep, and be satisfied with the memory of his night, to keep me going through the rest of them. I want to make up for lost time, and to make up for lost opportunities in the future. I want everything you can give me tonight, Suzaku, and I want to give you everything I can."

Suzaku groaned and laughed at the same time. "I swear if I hadn't _just_ gotten off, your voice would be enough to get me started again." Lelouch laughed and Suzaku bent down to taste his laughter in his kiss. Lelouch melted under him again, this time out of affection rather than lust. "I can't wait until this is over and we can just get on with our lives." This just felt so right, and Suzaku was loath to let it go. "I just want to be yours, Lelouch. Forever."

"And I don't want to let you go," Lelouch admitted. "Not anymore. Suzaku, I'm sorry for–"

"Shh, it's okay," Suzaku said, not wanting to hear Lelouch's apology for forgetting about him or for trying to give him away to Kallen. "I'm here, and you're here, and that's all that matters."

Lelouch nodded and pressed a kiss to Suzaku's shoulders. "I never thought I could have this, but I wanted it, so badly." He gave a soft, almost embarrassed laugh. "Even when I was in Pendragon, watching you being Zero, I wanted you." Suzaku raised an interested eyebrow and Lelouch grinned. "I thought I was a complete virgin, and I used to have all these vivid, _dirty_ thoughts about you."

"Like…?" Suzaku asked, grinning back.

"I imagined you in chains," Lelouch said, his voice soft and low. "I didn't know it was you, but I imagined you brought back to Pendragon in chains and forced to kneel." Lelouch ran a hand up Suzaku's side. "I imagined them keeping the mask on you, and stripping everything else away, piece by piece, until you were bare and broken, skin rippling over muscles, trembling in the cool air." Suzaku kissed him and Lelouch moaned.

"I imaged being brought to you, sometimes, when the rebellion did better than I expected. I imagined you strolling through Pendragon, the glorious victor, choosing citizens for punishment or pleasure."

"And I chose you for pleasure, didn't I?" Suzaku asked, smugly.

Lelouch's body was getting interested again, laying to rest any worries Suzaku might have had about hurting him. "I dreamt about you holding me down… oh, Suzaku, I'd missed that so much, your strength…"

"You said that already," Suzaku growled, impatient for the rest of Lelouch's fantasy.

"It's still true," Lelouch insisted. "I'd be naked, struggling, blindfolded, and you'd pin me down and force my legs open… the cape brushing against my skin…" Lelouch whimpered. "You'd touch me and tease me until I begged, until not having you in me was worse than anything else you could do to me."

Suzaku swallowed hard. "I'd never do that, Lelouch. I'd never force you, never."

"I know," Lelouch said. "And it wasn't you, Suzaku, never you. It was Zero, and when I dreamed of him I never knew what it felt like to be… forced in real life. It wasn't rape, love. It was something else – strength and power and having the choice taken away, but in a safe and desirable way. It felt like Zero was in control, and everything was his doing, his fault if it went wrong, and I could just let it happen. It was freeing for me. As someone who was in love with someone without even knowing who…" Lelouch shook his head. "It was so confusing. I lusted after Zero, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for actual people around me. Because somewhere in my mind, I knew you were out there. And that I was yours."

"Lelouch…"

"When I came back. When Kallen rescued me and brought me back, and I met you and was told you were Zero…" Lelouch laughed, harsh and dark. "I was under surveillance every moment of every day, but I would still lie down on my stomach, with my hands safely pinned under my pillow, and close my eyes, pretending to be asleep, and fantasize about you. Only this time, it was about _you_ , Suzaku, about your mouth against my skin, your curly hair under my fingers, your body covering mine, pushing inside me until you were all I could feel…"

Suzaku captured Lelouch's lips, stopping his words, but replacing them with intent. He was more than half-hard by this point, and more than willing to try for a second round. "I thought about you too. I was too guilty to fantasize, and you hated me so it felt like a betrayal, but that doesn't matter. Because we're together again now and…" Lelouch slipped a hand between their bodies, wrapping his long fingers around Suzaku's cock, just tight enough to tease. Suzaku let out an appreciative moan. "And you don't hate me now."

"No," Lelouch said. "I don't hate you now, Suzaku. You're all I have left."

The simple matter-of-factness of that statement was more stunning than any self-pitying whine would have been. Suzaku gasped as Lelouch's grip tightened, caught between the heat of his body and the chill of Lelouch's words. "Lelouch."

"Just stay with me, Suzaku," Lelouch whispered. "Just let me please you, let me earn you, let me keep you." He drew Suzaku closer to him, spreading his legs. "You won't regret it, I promise."

"Never," Suzaku swore, letting Lelouch guide him again, pushing back into his tight not-quite ready body. He could go slowly, this time, ease into it. The desperation of their last time was missing, and Suzaku wanted to make this sweet. "I've never regretted loving you, and I never will."

Lelouch sighed and wound his hands around Suzaku's neck as Suzaku pressed into him, trying to draw out the pleasure for both of them, keeping their bodies connected for as long as possible. After a while, Suzaku tasted salt in their kisses, and his rhythm stuttered as he feared that he might have hurt Lelouch somehow.

But the tears were coming from his eyes, not Lelouch's. Lelouch unwound his hand and touched his cheek, gentle and caring. "You're such a sentimental fool." His voice had never been so warm with Suzaku, nor so loving.

Suzaku buried his face in Lelouch's neck and let the tears fall as he started moving again, Lelouch's hand nested in his hair, soothing and caressing as he cooed nonsense words into Suzaku's ear. It was more comforting than sex, even when their embraces tightened and they came within moments of each other, more a release than an explosion, but such a freeing and safe sensation that all Suzaku wanted to do was revel in it. He stayed inside Lelouch even after orgasm, simply not moving as a deep peace fell over him.

"I love you so much," he whispered into the pillow, hoping Lelouch understood it, muffled as it was.

Lelouch tugged a sheet over them, cocooning them together. "I love you too."

Suzaku smiled. Lelouch didn't say it often, but when he did say it, it always made Suzaku feel warm.


	15. Move Out

They ate breakfast before moving out the next morning and, if the way he was shifting during the meal was any indication, Lelouch's desire to feel the echo of Suzaku inside him was more than fulfilled.

Suzaku couldn't keep his eyes off him. It didn't go unnoticed.

Kallen pulled Suzaku aside, standing between him and Lelouch so that she could have his full attention. "Suzaku, we need to talk."

"Nothing good can come of a conversation that starts like that," Suzaku said.

"Don't be ridiculous." Kallen moved to the side as Suzaku's gaze flickered back towards Lelouch. "Suzaku, I'm serious. Gino and I spoke yesterday, after practice, and we've both decided…"

Suzaku's attention focused on her, sharp and direct. "Look, Kallen, if you're asking me to choose–"

"I'm not…" Kallen huffed an exasperated sigh and moved in closer. "You're not giving me a fair shot here."

"It's important to give people a fair shot," Lelouch said, popping up in both Kallen and Suzaku's peripheral vision, barely a handbreadth away from them. "That's a lesson that I've certainly learned." Suzaku smiled, soft and sentimental, and Lelouch leaned in to kiss him. "Listen to Kallen, Suzaku, even if she's telling you something you don't want to hear." Suzaku grunted and leaned in for another kiss, which Lelouch allowed before backing away.

"Stay. Whatever Kallen has to say to me, she can say in front of you."

Lelouch shook his head before Kallen could protest. "There's just enough time for me to hunt down Milly and the others and say goodbye. Also, I'm kinda hoping to swing past Weapons Development and see Lloyd. Any messages you want to give him?"

Suzaku and Kallen exchanged looks. Suzaku couldn't speak for Kallen, but he'd all but forgotten about Lloyd, about Cecile, about Milly and almost everyone else from Area 11. He'd let himself be isolated as Zero, and hadn't bothered retaining ties to his old life.

"Tell him to keep up the good work," Suzaku said lamely. "And thanks for everything."

"And Rakshata too, if she's there," Kallen added.

Lelouch nodded. "Alright. Have a good chat." He walked off as Gino approached them, shaking his head.

"Subtlety's not either of your things, is it?"

Suzaku's mood had not been improved by Lelouch's reminder of how easily he'd let his entire life before Area 0 slip away from him. "What do you two want?"

Kallen took over. "We're not comfortable with the way things went yesterday, with both Senba and Lelouch giving orders, without any clear leader. It was confusing, and distracting."

Ah. Suzaku should really have expected this. "I'm sorry about that. I tried to talk to Lelouch about it yesterday, but…" _but he fucked me into submission_ "…but we got distracted. He does have a lot of respect for Senba," _despite the fact that he's all but planning on taking over as commander, eventually_ "and I'll try to get him to back off." A small part of Suzaku, the part that had him rushing off after Lelouch no matter what, the part that shut off Suzaku's common sense in deference to Lelouch's plans, the part that followed Lelouch blindly and with abandon, made him add, " _but_ , we did work more smoothly when he was in charge, didn't we? As a group, I mean. You've got to give him that."

Gino and Kallen exchanged a look. "Yeah…" Gino said. "We know. Suzaku, we're not your enemies, you know. Or Lelouch's."

"Then what did you need to talk to me about behind his back?"

"We don't," Kallen said. "He left on his own. Look, this isn't easy for us to say…" Gino coughed. "Well, it isn't easy for _me_ to say, after everything he's pulled recently, but…"

"We'll follow him," Gino said, in a rush, as if confessing something. "If something happens, if there's a disagreement or anything…"

"But you don't have to tell him if you don't want to," Kallen interjected. "I mean, if you think it's for the best."

Gino nodded. "Yeah. Like, if you think it'll make him power crazy and likely to stage a coup. Or a mutiny. Or something."

Suzaku looked at them both. "…you're with us?"

Kallen looked like she'd eaten something sour, but she nodded. "We're with you. It's a Hunger Games mentality, and I don't like it, but the fact is we're more likely to get out alive under Lelouch's command than under Senba's."

"And more likely to be successful," Gino said, his normally bright tone low and dark. "You're not the only two with a vendetta against Pendragon."

The vitriol in his voice made Suzaku wonder what he'd gone through after being declared Victor in his games. Lelouch had only been to Pendragon three times, and he'd been forced to sleep with, Luciano aside, a total of five Pendragon citizens. Gino had been to Pendragon, throughout the few years he'd been a Victor, at least a dozen times, and his go-to coping mechanism was flirting.

For the first time, Suzaku wondered if he'd been visiting by choice, or by mandate. And what he'd been forced to do while there, how he'd learned to survive.

It kind of made Gino's pervasive cheerfulness and optimism seem incredibly brave. And yet, at the same time, like the worst kind of lie. Suzaku tamped down the urge to _do something_ about it, like offer Gino a hug or try to get him to talk or something. Gino had his reasons, be they pride or shame or an unwillingness to burden others with his problems, for keeping everything hidden under a veneer of idiotic joy. And maybe Suzaku was imagining things. Maybe Gino, generally lauded for being the most beautiful and desirable of all Victors, hadn't been abused as Lelouch had. Maybe he… maybe he'd been willing? It was unreasonable to expect that he'd be exempt from Pendragon's flesh trade, but maybe he'd enjoyed it.

Gino looked down at Suzaku, his bright blue eyes haunted and fierce. Maybe not. "Okay? We've got your back." He tried to smile, but it looked more like he was baring his teeth. Suzaku swallowed.

"I'll keep it to myself, for now, and I'll try to let you two know if I end up telling Lelouch." Suzaku hesitated, feeling weirdly like he was intruding, before continuing to Gino alone. "If you get the chance, you could talk with Lelouch. I think he might understand some… things."

Gino closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, before opening them again and shooting Suzaku a sunny smile. "Thanks! We've chatted about this already, and it doesn't really help. Just got us all mad and stuff." He shrugged. "What'cha gonna do, eh? We're both agreed that a good ol'fashioned shoot'em up is exactly what we need to help deal with those… things."

"Oh. Okay. Good." Suzaku wondered when they'd had that 'talk' – probably when Lelouch's memory had returned, but before Nunnally's death. It hurt a little that Lelouch hadn't come to him at all, but since Suzaku wasn't supposed to know about what had happened, and it had been an experience Gino somewhat shared, it did make some sense.

It still hurt. Stupidly, as Lelouch and Gino had undergone the horrible experiences themselves, it hurt to be left out.

Kallen, who likely had no idea what they were talking about, shifted uncomfortably. "Ah, we should probably head out to the hangars."

Suzaku had expected to run into Lelouch on the way, as Weapons Development was just down the hall from the Knightmare hangar. But he hadn't exactly expected to run into him chatting with Urabe, as if they were the best of friends.

Gino whistled low and soft. "Boy, he sure works fast." Kallen elbowed him in the ribs.

Suzaku was pretty sure Gino was right, if not exactly in the way he'd insinuated. When Lelouch had been listing off the people who might willingly follow him, Urabe had been at the end of the list. Kallen and Gino had just verified that Lelouch's instincts about them had been entirely correct, so it made sense that he'd work on Urabe next, leaving Senba and Asahina as the odd men out, the ones who would have to choose between following Lelouch or leaving the group.

The whole thing left a nasty taste in Suzaku's mouth. He hoped it didn't come to that.

Urabe noticed them first, offering a cheerful wave as he approached with Lelouch. "Hey. Lelouch was just telling me about the exodus from Area 11. Did you really hide a staggered retreat as an epidemic?"

"His idea," Suzaku said. "And Kallen really pulled it off." Lelouch looked at Kallen, his eyes rolling and Suzaku could feel Kallen's returning smirk. Great – they were doing that thing where they mocked Suzaku wordlessly behind/in front of his back, the only thing the two of them consistently agreed on.

"We basically keep Suzaku around as arm candy," Kallen said blandly.

Lelouch nodded in overly sincere agreement. "He's pretty, even if he's otherwise completely useless, so we let him tag along as we do amazing things."

"You guys aren't funny."

Kallen pressed a kiss to Suzaku's cheek and Lelouch leaned forward to capture his lips. "What makes you think we're joking?"

Urabe laughed at that. "Watching you guys together is a huge relief. I was worried about Lelouch's late addition, but he was right – you guys work naturally as a team. It's really great."

Suzaku looked away from Lelouch's innocent expression to Urabe's genuine appreciation. Probably genuine – Suzaku didn't know Urabe nearly well enough to know if he was hiding something. With that in mind, Suzaku was able to smile at him, without feeling guilty. "Yeah, we're… It's great to be working all together again."

Lelouch gave Suzaku another kiss. "Milly wished you both good luck, as did Shirley. Rivalz is still upset and Nina will barely talk to me." He shrugged. "They seem well enough, other than that."

Suzaku felt a pang of guilt at that. It hadn't been his choice to take Lelouch's classmates from Pendragon, but it had been the cost of getting him back, something Suzaku had pushed and pushed for. And now their lives were ruined.

"Don't look like that," Lelouch said. "Not everything is your fault, Suzaku. It would do you good to remember that."

"Damn straight," Kallen muttered, straightening up when everyone turned to look at her. "What? He was insufferable while you were missing, Lelouch. You don't even know what a proper guilt trip looks on this guy."

Lelouch looked oddly charmed. "Really. That's… interesting."

"Great, now Lelouch gets to be just as insufferably smug," Gino said, cheerfully dodging Kallen's lazy slap to the back of his head.

They were saved any further embarrassment when Senba and Asahina entered the hangar. "Good, you're all here," Senba said. Suzaku was about to say something about C.C. still being missing when she popped up beside Kallen. "We've been given our marching orders, so to speak, and the Kinghtmares have all been readied. We'll do the last checks in ten minutes, so if there's anything anyone wants to say, now's the time."

There was a moment of silence, into which Lelouch spoke, his voice low and quiet, but easily heard and understood. "The only ones who should kill, are those who are prepared to be killed. I'm more than willing to place my life on the line for the chance to bring justice to Pendragon."

He didn't look at anyone, but the challenge was clear in his tone of voice. Suzaku swallowed, but before he could answer, Kallen spoke up. "As am I."

"And I," Gino added.

"Me too," Urabe said, and even Asahina nodded. Senba looked pleased, and then looked at Suzaku and C.C., who just shrugged.

Suzaku couldn't say anything for a long moment. He had no problem with risking his own life, and he respected that Lelouch and Kallen were willing to risk theirs. But they weren't just asking for that – they were asking Suzaku to risk their lives as well, if it meant completing the mission. And Suzaku honestly wasn't willing to agree to that.

Still, he wasn't C.C. He had to say something. "My life is not entirely my own. It belongs to the people I love as much as it belongs to me. And it's for them that I do this, for them that I would sacrifice anything, even if it means dying."

That seemed to be enough, if Senba's proud nod was any indication. Lelouch's sharp glance was unreadable, and Suzaku told himself not to worry about it as he made his way to the Lancelot for the pre-launch check.

They had a tyrant to overthrow. Everything else could wait for later.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

It was late evening by the time they arrived on the outskirts of Pendragon. The mountain that Lelouch and Suzaku had driven through on their first train to their first Hunger Games had already been taken, the train lines secured and guarded, and numerous entry and exit points added to the sides of the mountain, turning Pendragon's first line of defence into streamlined supply and troop movement paths that were easy to watch over and maintain.

They'd travelled through several Areas on the way to Pendragon, the Knightmare transport moving faster than the trains Suzaku had ridden, but not quite as fast as the hovercrafts he'd been in. It had been the perfect speed to get a sense of the destruction the war had already wrecked on the land, without being able to dwell on any one particular desolated scene.

They stopped outside the mountain, in a large camp full of semi-permanent buildings and large temporary tents.

"Right," Senba said, shaking himself out of the nap he'd enjoyed for the last three hours of the trip. "We have to report in."

Suzaku hadn't known who was commanding the attack on Pendragon. He'd have expected someone like Cornelia or Schneizel, but he knew they were both on base, despite Cornelia chafing to see some 'real action'. What he hadn't expected was that the commander was someone he'd never even heard of.

"Who's this _Katase_ guy?" Suzaku whispered to Lelouch as they disembarked.

Lelouch shrugged. "Never met him. Toudou had good things to say about him, and he's one of Genbu's most trusted generals, obviously, but he kept away from the politics of war." He snorted. "Despite admiring his skill, Schneizel didn't think too much of him, which is as good an endorsement of his personality as we're going to get."

Suzaku found himself stifling a laugh at that, although it was mostly from nerves. Every other time he'd met someone important, it had been in the context of something horrible – meeting the Emperor after the Hunger Games, and then again at Lelouch's house, meeting Schneizel while Lelouch was being violated, meeting Genbu while drugged up and unable to care about anything except getting Lelouch back (a little). But this time, there was nothing but him and this big general guy, who probably didn't know who he was, except for knowing Zero, who he probably _hated_ , and…

"Calm down," Kallen said softly. "It's not that big a deal."

Senba stepped forward and said something to General Katase, handing him a piece of paper. Katase looked it over and nodded, seemingly pleased with what was written there, before handing it back and saying something else Suzaku couldn't hear. His heart pounded in his chest, as he waited for someone to look at him, ask him something, or, even worse, ask _Lelouch_.

But nothing happened. Katase dismissed Senba pleasantly enough, and Senba stepped back respectfully before returning to his squad. "We'll stay in camp for the night, and move out first thing tomorrow. We don't have to set watches, but I'll work on a schedule for when we're in the field. For now, we get a tent to ourselves, number 18. I suggest you all get some sleep tonight, but otherwise you're free to go."

Suzaku was about to ask where they could get some food when Lelouch took his hand and gently tugged him off to the side. When Suzaku looked at him, Lelouch's eyes were downcast, and he was biting his lower lip, and Suzaku felt his stomach flip despite how obviously manipulative and fake Lelouch was being.

"If you want something, you can use your words," Suzaku said, trying to cover up his aroused discomfort.

Lelouch let his lip go and smirked. "Are you sure you want me to? In front of all your friends? And, of course, the impressionable young Gino."

"No, please, my virgin ears," Gino deadpanned before giving Suzaku an encouraging wink. In fact, everyone was looking at Suzaku as if he was an idiot for doing anything but meekly following Lelouch's lead. Clearly, they didn't know him as well as Suzaku did.

With a sigh, Suzaku let Lelouch pull him into a dark, semi-private clearing. "What do you want?" Lelouch made a rude sound, so Suzaku rephrased himself. "I know you're way too sore to want _that_ , so what do you actually want?"

"Just because I'm raw from last night – and thank you for that, by the way – doesn't mean we can't have fun in other ways," Lelouch said. "But you're right, of course. I needed to talk to you alone." He pressed something into Suzaku's hand.

"What's this?"

It's something I outfitted the Shinkiro, the Lancelot, the Guren, and the Tristan with," Lelouch said. "A separate radio system for the five of us."

Suzaku sighed again, this time in exasperation. "Lelouch…"

"It's a precaution," Lelouch said. "One I feel completely justified in taking. Senba isn't the commander you want when your life is on the line, Suzaku. Or when the lives of your loves ones are."

"…you caught that, did you?"

"You're not a subtle person, Suzaku. Learn to live with that."

"This is treason, Lelouch. _Premeditated_ treason."

"That's why I'm telling you and not Kallen or Gino." Lelouch kissed him. "I'm the brains of the operation, and you've been very good adapting to that, love. But you're my heart. And I need you to help guide me, to pull me back from doing things that are truly wrong. If you really think this is the wrong thing to do, I won't do it. But be honest, Suzaku, because I'm trusting you."

It was on the tip of Suzaku's tongue to just call it off right then and there. Even if it was the 'right' thing to do, strategically, it undermined everything they stood for as a team.

But Lelouch was right. This wasn't just Suzaku's life he was risking, it was Lelouch's and Kallen's and even Gino's and C.C.'s. He had to think rationally about it as well. And, rationally speaking, just as a precaution, this was a good move.

"I want to say no, but you might be right," Suzaku said. "And if you're right, we're going to need these. But you can't just use it on a whim. Lives have to be at stake."

Lelouch nodded. "Promise." He took the radio back, placing it in his pocket again, and leaned in for another kiss. "Now that that's settled…" Suzaku nipped lightly and Lelouch's breath hitched. "How about that little bit of fun I mentioned?" His hands made quick work of Suzaku's pants, opening them and freeing Suzaku's cock. "After all, if anyone's looking, it'll seem strange if we don't come back a little… dishevelled."

Suzaku groaned as Lelouch worked him. "You don't have to justify it, Lelouch. If you want it, then just say so."

"I want your cock in my mouth," Lelouch said firmly, and Suzaku almost lost it right there. "Is that okay?"

"Um… yeah. Okay," Suzaku managed before Lelouch dropped to his knees and showed Suzaku just how much he'd wanted it. Suzaku threaded his fingers through Lelouch's hair and went along for the ride. He'd missed this; not as much as he'd missed sleeping beside Lelouch or their laughter or even just being able to touch and kiss him, but he had missed it.

Lelouch had apparently missed it as well, if the eager way he sucked Suzaku down was any indication. He grunted and hummed around Suzaku, clearly enjoying himself, and moaned appreciatively as Suzaku's hand tightened in his hair.

It didn't take long, with Suzaku keyed up and Lelouch giving everything he had in giving Suzaku head. He wasn't able to quite swallow everything, but even there he made a valiant effort, and Suzaku didn't have much to wipe away when he pulled Lelouch up for an appreciative kiss. Lelouch kissed back eagerly, only pulling away when Suzaku's wandering hands pressed against his erection, wanting to return the favour.

"It's okay. I don't…" Lelouch shrugged sheepishly, moving away. "I don't want to make a mess." He delicately pawed at his face, making sure it was clean. "Alright. We're good to go?"

Suzaku frowned. "If you are." Lelouch had never had a problem with Suzaku reciprocating before. "Lelouch…"

Lelouch shook his head. "We just don't have anywhere to clean up, and sticky fingers are just…" He shuddered. "In any case, you can make it up to me later, once we're back home."

That was a promise Suzaku was willing to keep.

They found the mess tent and, after a boring but freshly cooked meal, tent 18. It was probably a 10-man tent, more than big enough for eight people, and had cots and bedding already laid out. They were the first ones there, and hardly tired enough to try to sleep.

"There's a few fires with people milling about," Lelouch suggested. "We could join one."

"Mhmm," Suzaku said, wrapping his arms around Lelouch from behind and breathing in the scent from his hair. "When did you find the time to mess around with the Knightmares?"

"I didn't," Lelouch answered, letting Suzaku rock him back and forth. "C.C. did while I was saying goodbye to Milly and the others. Plausible deniability, you know."

Suzaku grinned. "Paranoid."

"Optimistic," Lelouch corrected. "I don't want to get in any trouble if we get back. But I'm definitely planning on getting back."

The alternative had occurred to Suzaku, but he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it. He still didn't like thinking about it. "We're all getting back."

"There's nearly a thirty percent mortality rate for individual missions," Lelouch said. "And it doesn't go down with experience. Even if we get back from this mission, there'll still be the next and the next. The best way to make sure we get back is to end the war as soon as possible."

"Lelouch…" Suzaku held Lelouch tighter. "We're all getting back. I don't care about the numbers. We're all getting back."

Lelouch shook his head. "Alright, Suzaku. If you say so. But let me keep my paranoid plans, if you will."

"You're the brains," Suzaku agreed. "But I'll keep my focus on getting everyone out in one piece."

"Suzaku Kururugi; hero," C.C. said from behind them. Suzaku didn't flinch, but Lelouch did, before melting further into Suzaku's arms. "Keep your eyes on the prize, loverboy."

Lelouch laughed silently, his shoulders shaking slightly against Suzaku's chest. "More than just your eyes, please."

"Oh, ew," Asahina said, approaching their tent from the dining tent, with Urabe and Senba beside him and Gino and Kallen trailing behind. "Didn't you go off into the woods to deal with that?"

Suzaku tightened his arms as Lelouch stiffened and started to pull away. "I had no idea you were allergic to hugs, Asahina."

"It's not that. I just don't want to be the audience for your exhibitionist fetish."

Lelouch managed to pull away from Suzaku, a dull flush on his cheeks, his eyes flashing, his lips parted for a retort. But he never got the chance. Gino came up beside Asahina and dealt a friendly slap to the back of his head. "Don't be an ass. Lelouch never had an exhibitionist fetish, it's just how the game is played. And when you're playing for your life, there aren't many things you won't do."

"It looked like…"

"It wasn't," Lelouch said, less furious and more calmly resentful. "I also, in case you were wondering, don't particularly enjoy crossdressing."

There was a stilted silence, and then Senba sighed. "Well, drat. There goes plan C."

Urabe snorted and Kallen bit her lip and then everyone was laughing, still a little awkwardly, but eager to release the uncomfortable tension.

"Please tell me Plan D is _Asahina_ crossdressing," Urabe said, and the laughter warmed, turning into gentle teasing. Asahina grumbled and adjusted his glasses, and for the first time they all felt like a team.

Gino clapped his hands. "I propose a rule – no sex in the tent unless everyone's invited."

"Including me," Senba said, grinning self-deprecatingly, inviting further teasing.

C.C. bit. "So, no sex, then."

Lelouch gave Suzaku's arm a gentle caress as he moved inside the tent. "I'm gonna grab beds for us."

"Hey, no," Kallen pushed past Suzaku to follow Lelouch in. "You're not getting the best spots!"

There was some friendly jostling, at one point Gino cheerfully offered to share with C.C. which ended up with the cot flipped over him and C.C. finding another place to sleep. Once they were settled in, however, sleep was elusive.

"Hey, Senba, did you make the watch schedule?"

"Yes. And before anyone asks, yes, I separated the lovers."

The snickering released some more pent up energy.

Suzaku reached out and found Lelouch's hand, threading their fingers together. Even if they weren't sharing a bed, at least this could count as a night 'together'.

Lelouch squeezed his hand back, either unaffected by the amiable mockery or as amused by it as Suzaku was.

"Sleep well," Suzaku whispered.

"You too," Lelouch whispered back.

Suzaku smiled and snuggled into the hard cot, as the humid evening quickly cooled to dampness. He was lying on his side, with his arm twisted awkwardly towards Lelouch's cot, and he should have been uncomfortable.

But he wasn't. Chilled and stiffening, he felt as contented as if he was nestled in the comfiest of Pendragon beds. Speaking of…

"Hey, Gino."

"Hmm?"

"Should we charge as tour guides once we get to Pendragon?"

Gino chuckled. "A smile and a kiss is all I ask."

"You overcharge," Urabe said, to more stifled giggles.

"It's the poor economy," C.C. said. "Drives up all the prices."

"Is it worth it?" Kallen asked. "Is Pendragon that great?"

"Yeah," Lelouch said, his voice soft and pensive, and Suzaku remembered that Lelouch had been a Pendragon citizen for months, months that would have likely been happy enough for him – comfortable and safe. "Pendragon can really be great. The people can be caring, and life can be easy and carefree. But only if you're willing to be ignorant, to turn away from all the suffering that's allowing you to live that carefree life. There's beauty and convenience and community, and it's all paid for by the lives and suffering of the Numbers in the Areas."

Gino laughed, a dark contrast to his usual laugh. "And they thought that a cheep price."

"Then let's take our own price from them," Senba intoned. "Let's ruin their beauty and comfort and have them pay us back in blood."

"Is it as red as ours?" Asahina wondered out loud.

"Oh yes." Gino laughed again. "Oh yes, they bleed red, Asahina. I can promise you that."

And on that perturbing note, the group fell to silence and then to sleep, one by one.


	16. Vive la Resistance!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick code-name recap:
> 
> Lelouch - Black Prince, Suzaku - Zero, Kallen - Q1, C.C. - C.C., Gino - Pretty Boy, Senba - Gekka, Asahina - Zikisan, Urabe - Burai

The city spread out before them, as impressive a sight as ever, albeit for several new and different reasons.

"Is it on _fire_?" Kallen asked, breathless.

"If not, that's a whole lotta smoke for no good reason," Gino answered.

The entire south quarter of Pendragon was a mixture of rubble and smoke. The Lancelot's sensors detected heat, but no flames, and Suzaku couldn't help but wonder if that was why they had been held back at base camp, waiting on whatever had happened here. He also wondered if the buildings had been occupied when they were attacked. If children had been in them.

He almost asked, but whether or not Senba knew, it wasn't for soldiers like Suzaku to question.

"Our target is the east side," Senba said, and Suzaku suppressed a sigh of relief. "Pretty Boy, Zikisan, right and left flanks; Burai, Q1, rear flanks; Black Prince, C.C., follow me; Zero, follow them."

Suzaku frowned, that formation…

There was a short burst of static, and another radio burst to life on Suzaku's right. "He's protecting me."

Suzaku switched off his main radio and turned towards the secondary one that Lelouch had stuck in his Knightmare. "Tell me you're only transmitting to me and not Kallen or the others."

"Don't worry, I promised not to try to start a mutiny without good reason. But you're missing the point; Senba is protecting _me_."

Suzaku hadn't missed that. This would have been, in fact, _his_ ideal formation had he been in command. Kallen and Urabe had the speed to catch up to the rest of the group if necessary, Gino and Asahina had sharp eyes and their first impulse was always to report in rather than flying off the handle like some of the more impulsive members, Senba needed to be near the front to assess any changes, and Lelouch was protected by Suzaku. It was perfect.

"You should be back there, protecting the rear where you can see everything that's happening and where the threat is coming from," Lelouch said. "And I should be up at the front where the Shinkiro's defences would be the most useful. But he's not letting me."

"You don't think he trusts you?" Suzaku asked incredulously.

"I don't think he wants me on my own," Lelouch answered. "Or out of his sight."

Suzaku hesitated. "Maybe… maybe he wants you safe because if he's gunned down…"

"There is no set command structure for a squad this small," Lelouch said. "If Senba falls, it's expected that we'll retreat, return to base camp, and join other groups."

"But that's not what's going to happen."

Lelouch paused, and Suzaku waited for him to answer. "No. No, if Senba falls, I'll take anyone who'll come with me and we'll head straight for the palace. At least we will until we're killed."

It sounded like the sort of risk only someone near suicidal would take. "I'm with you."

"Of course you are," Lelouch said, amused. "I just wanted you to know that Senba's being cautious with me."

"Kay. Stay safe," Suzaku said, turning his main radio back on.

They moved into the city itself, easily rolling through the deserted streets with no Pendragon soldiers challenging them. Suzaku wondered how far the rebels had already gotten if the south end was destroyed and the east end was deserted.

"Our task is to sweep the streets for lingerers," Senba said. "Heat signatures, movement, the like. If you find anything, any sign of life, human or otherwise, report it and we'll look into it."

Clean-up. Suzaku had to admit that it was a bit of a let-down, after expecting to be on the front lines, but it was also something of a relief, as it made it easier to protect his people.

"Mines?" Lelouch asked brusquely. Suzaku hadn't even thought of that.

"Already checked and cleared," Senba answered. "We're just looking for live bodies, those few people who haven't moved to central Pendragon for protection. We're to offer them amnesty if they want it, and taken them prisoner if they don't." And, if worse came to worst, there was the unspoken order to kill any immediate threats. To distract himself from that thought, Suzaku focused on his task.

For three blocks they found no one and nothing. The going was slow, as they scanned buildings and alleyways, staying in formation and pairs as they went. There were no sounds of battle, nothing more than the silence of an empty city, void of both natural and unnatural life and sounds.

The low risk of this job aside, Suzaku found it completely unnerving. He remembered Pendragon as it had been – full of bustling, bright people, almost obnoxiously loud and alive. It had been a superficial exercise in perfection; everyone happy, everyone fulfilled, everyone lying to themselves and each other.

This Pendragon was even worse. The empty buildings and deserted streets serving no purpose, doing nothing but simply standing there, pointless and abandoned. It was eerie, how much had changed, and yet the buildings all looked the same.

Not so, Suzaku suspected, in the south quarter. Even without the fire, the destruction there had been… impressive. It would be easier to tear what little was left down and rebuild from scratch. Suzaku wondered if the south end, razed to the ground with the potential to become anything, or the east end, this perfectly preserved and useful shell of a city with the taint of its previous owners along with its benefits, would be a better metaphor for the world after Pendragon's fall.

"I have one," Lelouch radioed in. "A child, looks like. Or maybe a large dog…"

Senba's Knightmare moved up beside Lelouch's, as Lelouch transmitted the data. The child-sized heat signature was huddled between two garbage bins, obviously terrified of the giant machines that had invaded his or her home. "I'll take it from here," Senba said, carefully moving the bins aside. He uncovered a huddled figure, too filthy to see what sex it was, but clearly human.

There was a soft buzz of static as Senba turned on his external radio. "Don't worry, kiddo. We've got you." His voice was soft and soothing, his age lending a natural gravity to his voice that would have been lacking in anyone else's. He really was the best choice for this.

He scooped up the small body, and Suzaku could see that it was a young girl, maybe eight or nine, dressed in nice clothing that she had clearly been wearing for more than a few days and curled up in the Knightmare's large hand. As Senba brought her to his Knightmare's chest, he turned to the others. "Lelouch and Urabe, you two take her back to the main camp, the rest of us will–"

Suzaku hadn't been facing Senba as the orders were given, instead focusing on his own heat scan of an abandoned building, so the loud bang and bright wave of heat and shrapnel from his left side were the only indications he had that something had gone horribly wrong.

And then the yelling.

Gino was yelling at Kallen to get back, while Kallen was yelling over him that she had to get to Lelouch. Lelouch, meanwhile, kept repeating that he was fine, but in a dazed, confused tone of voice that clearly indicated he was _not_ fine. He'd been the closest to Senba when the explosion had happened, and his Knightmare had been blown back into an abandoned car, wrecking both, and hadn't managed to get back up yet.

But it was still clearly functioning, and Lelouch was still talking.

Asahina was barking out orders to retreat while Urabe, at Suzaku's side, kept saying that they needed to get back in formation, they were vulnerable…

And then, before Suzaku could even get to Lelouch, they were attacked again, this time in three separate directions, and from the skies, clearly drawn in by the explosion.

Either Lelouch or C.C. or both were conscious and aware enough to get the Shinkiro's defence systems up, deflecting the first round of shots from the cockpit, letting the legs take the brunt of the attack. Gino and Kallen managed to return fire, taking down one of the three planes before the other two finished their flyover. As they turned back, coming in for another attack, Suzaku raced towards the Shinkiro, firing as he went. He was only sure he hit something when another plane crashed into the ground behind him, crushing Urabe and his Knightmare in a violent explosion that threw Suzaku off course, slamming the Lancelot into a dilapidated building that immediately collapsed onto him.

The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Lelouch screaming his name.

And then nothing but darkness and oblivion.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"-re's a weak spot here!"

"Hurry up, the rest of the building could come down at any moment."

Suzaku blinked, grimacing at the stickiness of his eyelids, but there didn't seem to be much difference between then blackness with his eyes closed and the blackness with his eyes open. One thing was certain, however, opening his eyes hadn't helped his headache.

He groaned and shifted, finding more aches and pains with every movement. There was a metallic taste in his mouth, and he realized that the stickiness was blood. His own blood. From his head.

A concussion, then. Suzaku's memories were somewhat fuzzy, but he had the impression that he should be grateful it was nothing more serious.

Although the sharp pain every time he tried to move his left arm worried him that perhaps it _was_ something more serious. Maybe he would have to go back to medical, be poked and prodded by doctors and nurses. The only consolation there was that at least Lelouch would have to be nice to him.

…Lelouch.

Suddenly, Suzaku's pain wasn't the most important thing. "Lelouch?"

"…did you here that?"

"No way. There's no chance the pilot survived _this_."

"Well, if you guys would help, maybe we could find out sooner rather than after we're all buried alive down here."

The faint whirring that Suzaku had assumed was from the concussion doubled, and he could see something like sparks flying from one specific point of vision. Again, he would have thought that part of the concussion, but hearing voices… that was something new. He swallowed against the dryness of his throat and started to call again, before the fuzzy idea occurred to him that maybe the people out there weren't people he _wanted_ to find him.

The sparks multiplied, and Suzaku realized that whether he wanted them to or not, they were going to find him. The whirring stopped, followed by the sound of metal bending and a dusty and dull grey light that hurt his eyes after being in the dark for so long. The light brightened as more of the Lancelot's hull was torn up, and Suzaku squinted as he tried to think through the fog in his head and decide what to do next.

"We're in. Someone get a light."

Suzaku gingerly flexed his legs, testing them to make sure they weren't broken or severely injured. They moved well and almost painlessly, and he braced them against the warped floor of the cockpit. A brighter, purer light cut through the greyish haze and the time for planning was over.

The only thing left was to act. And Suzaku acted best and most effectively when he acted on instinct.

"Found the pilot. He's–"

Suzaku launched himself at the source of the light, ignoring the searing pain shooting from his left shoulder, and let out a grunt as he slammed against another body.

"Inoue!" A rough hand pulled Suzaku away, and he felt something tear inside his shoulder.

He screamed in pain and fell back, immediately overcome by a wave of nausea and lightheadedness when he tried to struggle back up again. A sharp uppercut to his jaw wasn't quite enough to knock him out, but it was enough to knock him back down where he was pinned by two people, between them enough to hold him down.

"Wait!" Suzaku stopped struggling at the commanding tone of a surprisingly high-pitched female voice. "If he's the pilot of this Knightmare, I want him taken alive."

That didn't sound good.

"Conscious?" One of the bodies holding Suzaku down asked.

"Not necessary."

Suzaku tensed just before another sharp pain erupted from behind his eyelids and he lost consciousness again.

When he awoke this time, however, there was less pain and more… being strapped to a bed, with monitors beeping around him and the scent of antiseptic up his nose.

A hospital, or similar place.

He cracked open his eyes, somewhat leery of what, or who, he'd find when he opened them. There was the typical soft. muted colours on the walls, the drapes, the open door. This wasn't some field medic center, it looked like a real hospital, similar to Area 0's, and far more advanced than anything Area 11 had ever had.

"He's awake."

"I'll go get Kaguya and the others."

"Right. I'll just up his sedative a bit…"

Suzaku struggled weakly against the restraints as a young woman walked into his field of vision, carefully injecting something into a tube that probably went into Suzaku's arm or somewhere. She looked down at him and smiled thinly. "You're safe here, whether you believe it or not. We're not your enemies. In fact, Kaguya is very much looking forward to talking with you, once we're sure you're not going to attack us again."

As he opened his mouth to retort that not-enemies weren't often restrained and drugged against their will, Suzaku noticed just how dry and cracked his lips were. He swallowed hard, and the woman gave him a half-shrug. "Here. I can sit you up a little and get you some water for now. That should make you more comfortable."

She pressed a button, and the head of the bed started rising. The dizziness and mild nausea from Suzaku's head injury came back, but it was a lot more manageable than before. The woman placed a straw between Suzaku's lips and, after a few false starts, he managed to swallow down enough that his mouth didn't feel like a desert in the dry season, but his stomach protested even that.

The woman seemed to notice. "I can get you something for the nausea. Would you prefer a pill or a faster-acting injection?"

Suzaku wasn't sure he could keep a pill down. "Injection," he rasped out reluctantly, seeing as if she wanted to poison him through his IV, he couldn't really stop her in any case.

Besides, maybe it was just the sedative kicking in, and maybe it was how friendly and considerate the woman was being, but Suzaku couldn't stop himself from growing more and more comfortable with her. He'd been injured, and they'd mended his injuries. He was ill and they treated his illness. He'd attacked them, and they cared for him.

A voice in the back of his head, one that sounded like a disgruntled Lelouch, told him he was a naïve fool for being so trusting. Suzaku couldn't disagree with that voice, but he also couldn't help how he was feeling.

"Inoue."

The woman turned to him, startled. "Yes?"

"That was the name of the person I… attacked," Suzaku said, more than a little ashamed, even if it had been the most reasonable course of action at the time. "Can I maybe get the chance to apologize to her?"

The woman smiled. "I accept. Thank you."

"You're…"

"You were acting out of instinct, after being injured in a battle. Our voices weren't familiar to you. We do understand why you did what you did, and none of us will hold it against you."

A little shamed, Suzaku still couldn't help pushing, giving Inoue a small smile and straining against his restraints. "Then why am I tied up?"

Inoue laughed. "I said we understood, not that we wanted to go through it again. You're restrained for your own safety, and the safety of others. Once Kaguya gets here, she can decide what to do about that."

Kaguya. Suzaku had heard that name before. "Is this Kaguya your leader?"

Inoue shrugged. "Ask her that yourself. She should be here soon. Are you comfortable? Able to think clearly? She's going to have a lot of questions."

Suzaku nodded. "I'm good."

Kaguya didn't come in the next few minutes, however, and between the sedative and the exhaustion that usually followed a significant injury and concussion, Suzaku dozed off. He wasn't sure how long he'd been napping before he was woken by a small hand shaking his shoulder. Momentarily disoriented, forgetting where and when he was, he grunted and turned his head towards the hand's owner, making some assumptions before he opened his eyes. "Nunnally?"

"No, sorry." The voice that answered him was the same high-pitched voice that had taken command when Suzaku had been found in the Lancelot. Memories flooding back, Suzaku's eyes snapped open and he looked into the face of Kaguya for the first time.

She was cute. Small, and just as young-looking as she sounded. "You're Kaguya?"

"I am." Kaguya grinned. "And you're Zero! I'm so excited to finally meet you." She clasped her hands in front of her chest, like an excited child at the prospect of a new toy. "We've heard so much about you and everything you've done! You're such an inspiration to us all. Your words have touched even some of the hardened hearts in Pendragon, and we're standing with you."

She looked at him, expectantly, but Suzaku could barely understand what she meant. "You're from Pendragon?"

"Of course! Not everyone here is blind to your plight," Kaguya assured him. "We're here to help, in any way we can. We're the Pendragon resistance!"

It took all the control Suzaku had not to groan. A 'resistance' made up of privileged, pampered Britannians. It was a miracle that they hadn't been killed off, by one side or the other, already.

As if reading his mind, Kaguya stepped back, still in his field of sight, and gestured expansively at the room. "This is my family's hospital," she explained. "We're operating out of here, because it's not an acceptable target for anyone. We've got intel and connections and anything you might want. We were just waiting for the opportunity to use them." She reached out and clasped Suzaku's uninjured hand. "And now that you're here, we can. It's so wonderful that we found you."

Which reminded him… "Is the Lancelot functional?"

"Your Knightmare?" Kaguya asked. "No. It's basically scrap parts by now, but we managed to hide it from the Pendragon military, along with two of the others. Two others were completely destroyed, and we weren't able to get the other two out of sight before the military got them. We just managed with yours before they came."

That was good; it meant that Suzaku had likely been knocked out for hours, rather than days. "Fine, yeah. Thanks for that. Did you see any of the others?"

Kaguya shook her head. "Not at the scene, but we managed to track them down to an abandoned apartment block, and hide their tracks. There are six survivors, including you, and according to the reports, the other five are dealing with their own injuries. Nothing serious!" Kaguya clarified quickly, likely at Suzaku's horrified expression. "One concussion, several abrasions, a twisted ankle. It's nighttime right now, and they're asleep, except for whoever they have standing guard. Our people are setting up audio surveillance, which you can listen to once they start waking up."

Suzaku shook his head. "I need to get to them right away."

"You can't," Kaguya said, reluctantly. "Inoue says you need at least a few more hours for your shoulder to knit together properly before you can move safely. You'll be ready to go by mid-morning, and we'll keep tabs on them for you, but you're not going anywhere."

"You don't understand," Suzaku insisted. "They think I'm dead. Lelouch… he's already lost everything else, he can't lose me too. It'll kill him."

Kaguya frowned. "Lelouch…" She looked down at a note pad she's brought in with her, drawing Suzaku's attention to it for the first time. "He's the one who keeps insisting they push forward. He seems driven focused, according to the early surveillance from last night, very end-goal oriented. It's Asahina who wants to give up, go back. He seems much more shaken by what's happened."

That kinda fit. Lelouch had started out this mission with a taste for vengeance. Losing Suzaku would only have amplified that. But the point was that Suzaku didn't think Lelouch cared whether or not he walked away from his revenge alive anymore. Suzaku had done what he could to give Lelouch a reason to live past getting justice for Nunnally and Marianne's deaths. Without Suzaku, however, Lelouch was left with nothing.

And Asahina… surrounded by Lelouch and Lelouch's former allies, Asahina must have felt very uncomfortable. Lelouch had never really planned on bringing Asahina into his inner circle – that had been Urabe. Who was probably dead, along with Senba. Suzaku sighed. At least, according to the numbers, they hadn't lost anyone else.

"What about the others?" Suzaku asked. "Gino and Kallen and C.C.?"

Kaguya looked down at her notes. "Gino and Kallen want to push on. Kallen's the one with the twisted ankle, but she's managing quite well. C.C. apparently has a concussion, but the general consensus was that she wasn't the most useful member in any case." Suzaku couldn't argue with that. "They've found food and enough beds for four of them to sleep comfortably while the fifth stands watch. They're doing as well as could be expected, given their circumstances, and they have no immediate plans to move out. They'll wait for you, Zero, even if they don't know that's what they're doing."

That was the second time she'd called him Zero which, while not precisely untrue, wasn't the full truth. "Ah, about that…" Suzaku trailed off. It wasn't that he wanted to lie to Kaguya exactly, not even through omission, it was just that Suzaku knew that every piece of information could be used as a bargaining tool. And he had some things he wanted from her. "I'd still rather be with them."

"Sorry." Kaguya did look regretful, but not so much that she'd change her mind. "And before you ask, no, we're not going to release the restraints. You're a good man, Zero, and we do trust you not to bring harm to us in any way. But I can't trust you not to run off and get yourself hurt."

"Why not?" Suzaku asked. "I don't have a Knightmare, I don't have a team. What use could I possibly be for you?"

Kaguya frowned at him as if she didn't understand a single thing he'd said. "You're Zero. Your team isn't here, but you still have it. Why should you need a Knightmare? All they seem to be are moving targets."

"But…" Suzaku wasn't the leader of his 'team', Lelouch was, if anyone. And without Knightmares, they were just people. With grudges. And a couple of guns each, but nothing significant against an _army_.

Kaguya smiled. "You do more good just being active than by doing any amount of destruction. You're an _icon_ , a rallying point."

Suzaku snorted. "So, what? Are you going to film me like they did in Area 0?"

"No, although…" Kaguya shook her head. "No. I don't care about the optics. I care about getting you out there, so that it's known that you're out there. When we heard you were sent out and that your group had been attacked, we were considering spreading a rumour that you'd survived, that you were moving forward on your own."

Like Lelouch was. "You wouldn't even have been that wrong," Suzaku muttered. If she'd spread the rumour that 'Zero' was out there, working towards the collapse of Pendragon and the Emperor, Lelouch's actions would have made her words true. He was, after all, the first Zero, even if no one knew or remembered that.

Kaguya cocked her head curiously at Suzaku, inviting further explanation. Suzaku shook his head. "Sorry. I'm just not sure what you want with me if you already had the whole propaganda thing planned out."

"We want the real deal," Kallen said simply. "We want the hero and the hope. Can you give that to us, Suzaku?"

Suzaku felt his lips move into a wry smile, an expression more at home on Lelouch's face than his own. "Yeah. Get me back to my group, and I can give you the real deal, alright."

He was the real deal, in a way. He and Lelouch and Kallen and Gino and even Asahina and C.C. They were fighting against something they understood, something they'd seen actively hurt and kill the people they loved. Suzaku happened to have had the opportunity to wear a costume and do it publicly. Kallen happened to have been at his side when he did. And Lelouch happened to have sparked the entire rebellion – not by starting anything specific, but by providing the light of hope and defiance in the public eye.

Maybe propaganda was more powerful than Suzaku gave it credit for.

Between the three of them; Lelouch, Suzaku, and Kallen; Suzaku felt like they were as real a deal as one could get – both in appearance and in ability.

Kaguya looked please. "Excellent. Then you should get some rest, Zero. We'll head out tomorrow."

"Can you please call me Suzaku?" Suzaku asked. "My name's… important." He shared Zero with Lelouch, no matter that he'd allowed it to become transformed from an expression of hopeless defiance to a weapon for a war Lelouch had tried to avoid fighting.

It was uncomfortable to be reminded that he was seen as something that was a corruption of his lover's last, desperate stand. Kaguya, without knowing any of the details, seemed to understand that it was important to him. "Suzaku it is. I'll let the rest of them know."

"Thanks," Suzaku said, genuinely grateful. "I'd appreciate that."

Taking that as a dismissal, Kaguya gave Suzaku one last smile and a gentle pat on his arm before leaving. Suzaku lay back and let his mind drift off, back into the semi-drugged haze, when something occurred to him. "Kaguya, wait–"

"Yes, Suzaku?" Kaguya asked from the doorway.

" _We_ 'll head out tomorrow?" Suzaku asked.

Kaguya grinned. "This is everything I've been waiting for. You don't think I'll let you just leave me behind, do you?"

"But–" _it's dangerous, you don't know what you're doing, I'm not sure if I really trust you…_ "–are you sure that's the best decision?"

Kaguya turned to leave with a little shrug. "Maybe not. But it's my decision to make. Besides, you won't make it far without me, Suzaku. After all, you don't know where your team is any more than the Pendragon military does."

A fair point. "You could just tell me."

"I don't think I will," Kaguya said. "Now get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow."


	17. Reunited

The morning found Suzaku in less pain but still tied down to his bed.

His head was clearer, and he was able to notice all the wires and tubes that were attached to him, could make out all the steady beeps that indicated his heartbeat and breathing. He didn't like it at all and, without the sedatives, he couldn't ignore it.

"Um… hey. Anyone?" Suzaku shifted on the bed. "Inoue?"

The door opened. "Ze– Suzaku?" The voice was male. "Is there something you need?"

"Ah, is Inoue there? Or Kaguya?"

"Sorry, no. Kaguya should be up in a few hours, and Inoue has the evening shift. I'm Kento. Can I get you anything… do you need more painkillers?"

Suzaku shook his head. "I feel great actually, pain-wise. I was just hoping for fewer tubes in my arms and… elsewhere, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, the catheter?" Kento grinned. "Yeah, sorry about that. It sucks, but how else do you think you've been urinating for the past day or so?" Suzaku made a face. "Hey, don't look like that. I'll get it out as soon as the doc or Kaguya says you're good to go. Until then, enjoy not having to get up to go to the bathroom."

"You said a few hours…" Suzaku said trying not to whine. From Kento's sympathetic expression, he'd probably whined a little.

"Yeah. You sure you don't want anything to put you back to sleep 'till then?"

Suzaku seriously considered it. But in the end, he shook his head. "No, thank you. I'd prefer a clear mind for when Kaguya comes 'round."

"Smart boy," Kento said. "Call if you need anything."

Even without the drugs, it was too boring for Suzaku to stay completely awake. He dozed off and on over the next little while, shocked awake by Kaguya's energetic entrance. "Suzaku, Suzaku, Suzaku!" She dropped a hand-held radio on his stomach. "Listen to this!"

At first, Suzaku could only hear muffled sounds, but when Kaguya turned up the volume, the sounds turned into voices.

More specifically, C.C.'s voice.

" _I'm not at liberty to say,_ " C.C. said, her words defensive, even as her tone remained steady. " _But it's the truth._ "

" _Well, forgive me if I'm not willing to listen to a former citizen of Pendragon about_ truth," Asahina's voice came from the radio. " _This is getting ridiculous. Urabe and Senba and Suzaku are_ dead _, and we have no idea what to do next, except for the plans of a self-admitted insane kid who's lost everything already and the ramblings of his brainwasher._ "

" _You still think we should go back without over half our squad_?" Kallen asked sceptically. " _If Lelouch and C.C. continue and we return without any of our Knightmares and everyone else dead or deserted, they'll never let us back in the field._ "

" _Maybe they shouldn't have let us in the first place_ ," Gino muttered. Then his voice rose. " _But she's right. We're here and we have the chance to do_ something _. I'm not giving that up either. And I'm not comfortable with you going off on your own, Asahina. You're one of the few people left who hasn't actually been to Pendragon before._ "

" _Right_ ," Asahina said, sarcasm dripping from every word. _"And lest we all forget, according to C.C. there's some wacky cult sending kids out as bait for us–_ "

" _Not_ us," C.C. corrected, " _Lelouch and myself. They don't care about the rest of you._ "

" _Cause Lelouch is the Emperor's son, and you're one of his most trusted advisors, I forgot_." Asahina's voice sped up as it rose in volume and pitch. " _Gino, Kallen, are you_ hearing _this_? _It's so unbelievable it's barely keeping from being flat out crazy._ "

" _Cult or no cult, we should stick together,_ " Gino said firmly. " _And since everyone is in favour of moving on except you, Asahina, that means either you shut up and fall into rank, or desert the group entirely_."

It was a call to Asahina's pride, a good move. After a moment's hesitation, Asahina's voice returned, grudging but steady. " _I'm not going to stop saying we should go back, but I'll follow along until you guys take my advice._ "

" _Thank you_ ," Lelouch said, and Suzaku felt something inside him unclench at the sound of Lelouch's voice. He hadn't been completely certain, until that moment, that Lelouch had survived. He sounded tired. " _I, personally, trust C.C.'s threat assessment, but there doesn't seem to be much we can do about it now._ _I'd rather focus on further planning. We know central Pendragon is towards the west, and we know that there are still some aerial surveillance and defences in place. I think the best and safest paths would be sewers where we can, coming up to the streets every few hours to re-orient ourselves._ "

"Good plan," Kaguya said, approvingly. "Minimizes risk and tries to keep efficiency up. I have a better one, of course, but that'll have to wait."

Lelouch sent Asahina and Gino to gather what food and water they'd found while, ostensibly, going over Pendragon's general layout with C.C. for Kallen.

What he actually talked about was nothing of the sort.

" _I think this whole thing is a trap,_ " Lelouch started, his voice low and hard. " _We're politically… inconvenient, and the moment we set out on a relatively safe mission, we're ambushed_? _That can't be a coincidence._ "

" _Lelouch, you can't be… Who_?" Kallen asked, as if reading Suzaku's mind. " _Who would want us out of the way or even dead_?"

" _Schneizel, Genbu, any number of people who disagreed with the image of Zero as the image of the rebellion_."

" _Cornelia or Guilford could have influenced the decision, and they have reason to resent both you and Suzaku and, by extension, Kallen_ ," C.C. added.

" _What did I do_?"

Lelouch laughed, but it didn't sound happy. " _It doesn't matter. Yet. For now, our goal is as it ever was; to get to the Emperor and assassinate him_."

" _That wasn't our initial goal,_ " Kallen disagreed, but even before she'd finished her sentence, her voice dropped. " _Sorry. Go on_."

" _If we… when we make it out alive, we'll worry about the false allies in Area 0, if this really_ was _a trap and not just horrible luck_."

" _Should I tell Gino_?" Kallen asked.

There was a short pause. " _I'll leave that up to you. I'm fine with him knowing, but try not to let Asahina overhear._ "

" _You think he's_ –"

" _I don't know,_ " Lelouch interrupted. " _I don't know, but I don't want to take that chance. I'm willing to bet on you and Gino, but Asahina is…_ "

" _Got it_ ," Kallen said firmly. " _And if you wanted someone to talk to about…_ " She trailed off, much less firmly.

Suzaku's throat tightened as he realized she was talking about him. About his death.

" _We can't,_ " Lelouch said softly. " _Kallen, we can't let ourselves get distracted. There'll be time to mourn once we're done_."

There was the sound of someone moving away, and Lelouch sighed.

" _If we make it out at all._ "

Kaguya looked sympathetically at Suzaku. "How 'bout it? You ready to go?"

"More than," Suzaku assured her fervently. "When can we leave?"

Kaguya grinned. "Get dressed and we're gone!"

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

They left within the hour, just Suzaku, Kaguya, and two guards named Yoshida and Yoshitaka who were armed to the teeth, but didn't say anything. Apparently, there were two other guards, but they were up ahead, scouting and reporting back to Yoshida or Yoshitaka, and they'd left well before Suzaku was allowed out of his room.

If there had been any problems, Suzaku might have had the opportunity to meet them. But there was nothing. The sun was fully over the horizon and the sky was a bright blue with scattered clouds by the time Kaguya and Suzaku arrived at the apartment building Lelouch and the others had taken shelter in.

"Are you good to go?" Kaguya asked Suzaku softly once they were inside, at the top of the stairs that led to the floor where the others had hidden out.

Suzaku nodded, and managed not to jump as the door to another apartment opened and three people slid out, nodding to Kaguya as the moved past her and down the stairs. A fourth, a young man carrying audio equipment, stopped beside Kaguya.

"They're getting ready to move. They have no idea where they're going or how they're going to get there, but they have some good ideas." He looked at Suzaku and smiled. "I think they'll be happy to see _you_. They were… um… yeah. They'll be happy to see you."

Suzaku had no idea what he was talking about, but the assurance cheered him up. "Thanks." He hadn't been unsure of his welcome, exactly, he'd just been a little worried that maybe Lelouch would be angry that Suzaku had let him think he was dead, or that Suzaku's return wouldn't be enough. Lelouch had said himself that he couldn't allow himself to be distracted by the loss of Suzaku, that he'd mourn later. Kallen, too, seemed to have moved on. Suzaku didn't want them hurt by his loss, but maybe if they didn't miss him that much, his return wouldn't matter.

There was only one way to find out. Suzaku pushed open the door to the apartment, and immediately raised his hands as Gino, Asahina, and Kallen all pointed their guns at him.

Which reminded him… "Kaguya, I don't suppose you brought my gun? I know you took it off me before you fixed me up…"

"Later, Suzaku," Kaguya said, an amused lilt to her voice, despite the impatience of her words.

Kallen and Gino were already lowering their weapons, although Asahina kept his up. Kallen took a tentative step forward. "Suzaku?"

Suzaku's mouth opened to offer some kind of greeting, lowering his arms with a sheepish grin on his face. Asahina shouted something at him, but Suzaku didn't hear what because in the next moment, his arms were filled with Lelouch.

"You came back."

Suzaku breathed out and felt his entire being slot into place, muscles unwinding he hadn't even realized were wound, his heart matching Lelouch's pace, his hands clutching at Lelouch's shoulder and hair, finally feeling whole as he fit his body to Lelouch's.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to leave."

Lelouch's arms tightened around Suzaku's neck. His cheek was pressed against Suzaku's, his body pressed as close as it could get. For a long moment, Suzaku just let himself revel in the closeness, the scent and feel of Lelouch with him again. He hadn't thought Lelouch was dead for longer than it had taken for Kaguya to let him hear his voice. But Lelouch had watched him die, or thought he had. He'd had to turn his back on Suzaku, for the sake of his own life, for the friends and allies left alive.

All after he'd lost his sister and mother.

"I'm so sorry, Lelouch. I'll never… I'll try to never do anything like that again."

"You'd better." Lelouch didn't pull away, exactly, but he did relax a little, just enough that his tight grip turned into an embrace, that he was able to raise his head from Suzaku's shoulder and press a gentle kiss to his lips, that he could turn his head after the kiss was over, open his eyes, and frown. "Who's this?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Suzaku could see Kaguya wave. "Hi. I'm Kaguya. I have… maps."

"Oh, for goodness sakes, Asahina, put your damn gun down," Kallen snapped, sounding both irritated and excited at the same time. She stepped into the line of fire between him and Suzaku and Lelouch, grinning from ear to ear and reaching out to punch Suzaku soundly on his shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Never _ever_ again, Suzaku, understand?"

Suzaku couldn't help but smile. "Understood, Kallen."

"Great, that's… don't get me wrong, Suzaku, it's great to see you alive, but… there's a strange tiny girl waving a map beside you, and that deserves an explanation, I think," Gino said. He was also grinning.

"I'm Kaguya," Kaguya repeated. "And I have maps of the area, the sewers, intel on the troop movements fresh as of this morning. I'm not going to help you kill any Pendragon soldiers, but I can get you to the palace without running into them."

Asahina finally stopped pointing his gun at them. "Why should we trust you?"

"She and her group helped me," Suzaku said, still holding onto Lelouch. "All she wants is to help."

Lelouch chuckled and finally pulled away from Suzaku's embrace. "I doubt that's all she wants. But we could use the help." He looked critically at Kaguya, who smiled back at him, all innocence. "C.C.!"

C.C. poked her head around the corner. "What? Oh, hi, Suzaku."

"Hey, C.C."

Lelouch turned to C.C. "Have you heard of a resistance movement in Pendragon?"

C.C. looked at Kaguya, who looked back, equally suspicious. C.C. shrugged. "There's been ideological protests since the Areas were formed, but nothing solid enough to be deemed a resistance. They disappeared almost completely after the war seventy-five years ago, and started up again, even quieter, a couple of decades back, sometime after the fiftieth Hunger Games."

"We've been quiet, but that doesn't mean inactive," Kaguya said. "There are six major families who run the Pengradon resistance. I'm the last surviving member of the Sumeragi family." C.C. inclined her head in acknowledgement and recognition, but Kaguya ignored that and continued. "But you would already know that, wouldn't you, _C.C._?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kallen asked, bristling in defence of a woman she hadn't ever really liked. It was one of the things Suzaku loved about her, the way she would put aside personal feelings in favour of loyalty.

Kaguya, to her credit, faced Kallen down. "C.C. was one of the Emperor's councillors before she became Lelouch's 'stylist'. It's not common knowledge, but there were rumours about her running the _Geass_ Order."

"The what?" Asahina asked.

"Area 10," Kaguya said simply, and Lelouch's breath caught in his chest, hard enough that Suzaku could hear and even see it.

C.C., on the other hand, looked completely unperturbed. "And Area 2, which was more of a success."

"What did you do?" Gino asked, sounding guardedly horrified, even without any details.

Kaguya's expression darkened. "Child experimentation. You wonder why the Pendragon resistance started up again? It was stuff like that – they took children from Areas, even orphans from Pendragon who had behavioural issues, and ran experiments on them."

"What kind of experiments?" Lelouch asked, as if he already knew the answer.

C.C. shot him a look that clearly called him out of his bullshit, but answered all the same. "The ones we returned to Area 2 were hyperviolent. Their only flaw was that they didn't have the ability to strategize once they hit a certain level of adrenaline. The ones we returned to Area 10 were more broken, useless in all ways. The agreement we made was that they would be sent into the Hunger Games in place of their children."

"Rolo," Lelouch said. C.C. nodded.

Suzaku frowned. "Does that mean Luciano was one of the hyperviolent ones?"

"No. He was just… a product of his environment. We didn't start taking children until a few years after he was born, and we only took orphans. Even Numbers value their children."

Asahina made a small sound and grabbed C.C. by her hair, pushing her down to the ground. "Treacherous Pendragon bitch."

Neither Gino nor Kallen made any move to stop him. Suzaku hesitated as well, at once revolted by the calm tone C.C. used when describing the things she'd done to those children, and unable to forget the way she'd stood by Lelouch's side, especially when his memories were gone and after his family had died.

Lelouch didn't seem to have the same limitation. His reflexes weren't the best, but the moment he realized what had happened and what he could do about it, he'd drawn his gun and pointed it firmly at Asahina's head. "Get off her."

Asahina looked up, his eyes still clouded with rage. "You heard her! What she did, to kids, to innocent _kids_."

"I don't care," Lelouch said, his voice as steady as his arm. "Get off her."

After a tense moment, Kaguya cleared her throat, in a thoroughly lady-like manner. "If it helps, C.C. disappeared after the first experiments came to light, about five years ago. Then, when she reappeared as a stylist for the Hunger Games…"

"I was asked to keep an eye on Lelouch," C.C. said, her voice muffled by the floor, but otherwise unperturbed. "And I have been doing so ever since."

Asahina pressed her face harder into the floor. "No one asked you."

"And I'm not asking either," Lelouch said. "Get off her or I'll shoot you. And I can't afford to leave you behind, alive and wounded."

"Lelouch…" Gino looked uneasy. "Maybe Asahina has a point. I mean, what do you really know about C.C.?"

"She's my ally," Lelouch said, as if that was answer enough.

Kallen touched Lelouch's arm. "She brainwashed you, Lelouch. She admitted to that. Maybe this is just the brainwashing talking."

"I don't care." Lelouch gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I don't care about any of it. I just… I can't lose anyone else, Kallen. Not right now."

"Alright," Kallen said. "Okay. Asahina? Get off or I'll help Lelouch dump your body."

Asahina looked to Gino, who stepped back, his arms out helplessly in front of him. He never even looked towards Suzaku for support. Outnumbered and outgunned, he gave C.C. a final shake before standing up and holstering his gun.

"You'll regret this."

"I probably won't survive to," Lelouch countered, offering C.C. a hand up. She took it, dusted herself off, and faced Kaguya as if nothing had happened.

"The _Geass_ Order is still very active. The child who blew herself up to kill Senba was likely one of theirs. It's possible that they will be Pendragon's final defence." She waved at the map in Kaguya's hands. "And they won't be on any troop movement sheet you have."

"Then we'll just have to be careful," Kaguya said. "But I can still help."

Gino shrugged. "If we're letting a known royal servant accompany us, we might as well let a resistance member come."

"Yeah," Asahina said. "If C.C.'s coming, I want Kaguya as well."

Suzaku wanted to argue with him, just in principle, simply because he'd made Lelouch so upset. But Lelouch was nodding. "Of course. We're not so well situated that we can afford to reject offers of aid." He made a small bow to Kaguya. "You have my thanks."

"Great," Kallen breathed out, both relieved and a little exasperated. "Can we go now? It's practically mid-morning and we have half of the city to travel through before nightfall."

Kaguya nodded. "The _Geass_ Order aside, the Pendragon military is planning on two major sweeps of this area since your group was found." She unrolled her map. "Here and here," she said gesturing to the side streets on either side of their ambush point. "Our best bet would be to move from roof to roof, high enough to avoid the heat scanners and casual motion detectors, until they've passed. Then we can go down to street level, where we can move faster." She pointed to another position west and slightly north of where they were. "This is another rebel base, a small one. We have supplies and communications there. We'll be able to get another full situation report there, and then we can decide if we want to move on or stop for the night."

Suzaku estimated the distance between where they were and where the other base was. "That can't possibly take more than a few hours to get to."

"We'll have to move a lot slower over the roofs, and even on street level," Kaguya assured him. "This won't take the whole day, but it'll take most of it."

She was right.

For one thing, the roofs weren't all the same height, or even close. There was a full street between most of them, or at least a back lane, and they had to carry long planks to walk over the breaks between buildings.

Lelouch had a problem with heights, but he quickly learned how to deal with it. His baseline inability to maintain his balance, even over the wider planks, however, didn't improve, and there were more than a few harrowing moments as Suzaku thought he'd fall at any second.

He did fall, once. He was one, maybe two, steps away from the roof, and his foot slipped. Suzaku managed to get there in time, and grabbed his elbow. His grip slipped when Lelouch slammed into the side of the building, but his other hand caught Lelouch's wrist just before he slipped away. It took Lelouch a good half hour to recover from that, as Kaguya and Gino looked him over for sprains or broken ribs, and it took Suzaku just a little more than that to fully recover from the panic attack that drove him away from the group as soon as he knew Lelouch was as safe as he could make him.

"…Suzaku?"

"Don't, Kallen, not yet. I just… I just need to breathe for a second, okay?"

"It's okay. Kaguya said the sweep should be passing us soon, so we've brought up the boards and we're waiting now. We're a bit behind, but not much. Take your time."

Suzaku nodded, alternating between deep breaths and hyperventilation. "He… I almost lost him. To stupid _gravity_."

Kallen giggled, then slapped her hand over her mouth, looking horrified. Suzaku looked at her and she stared back at him helplessly. "I'm sorry, it's just… wouldn't that be something? He makes it through all these awful things, and then just a misstep, or zigging instead of zagging, or a bad cold…" She made another soft sound, and it didn't quite sound like laughter. "We could all die, at any second, from any one of a million things, and there's nothing we can do except go on. No matter how hopeless things get, or who we leave behind…"

"Kallen…" Suzaku pushed aside what was left of his panic and went to Kallen, wrapping his arms around her. "It's okay. I don't know how, but somehow it's going to be okay."

Kallen choked on a laugh. "How can you say that? Less than a minute ago, you couldn't breathe."

It wasn't funny. Which didn't stop Suzaku from shaking with barely suppressed laughter. "Yeah, I guess… I dunno, Kallen. I just don't know."

"Me neither," Kallen said, but she wrapped her arms around Suzaku, holding him in return, as they alternated between burst of laughter comingled with tears, and calm stillness.

Suzaku wasn't sure how long it was until they were interrupted, by Gino clearing his throat as politely as he could. "Guys?"

"Sorry," Kallen apologized, pulling out of Suzaku's embrace. "It just got a little too real."

"I get that," Gino said. "I just wanted you to know that the military's clearing out and we're getting ready to move out."

"How's Lelouch?" Suzaku asked.

Gino grinned. "Knew those would be the first words outta your mouth. He's fine – he took Kaguya and C.C. aside, and they're working on the plan." He shrugged. "I think he's pitting them against each other, ya know? Using their reactions to each other to gauge how much to trust them."

"He seems to trust C.C. just fine," Kallen groused. "He was quick enough to stand up for her."

Gino didn't look convinced. "I dunno. I think maybe he just hates Asahina that much. Speaking of, the poor guy's been fuming ever since Lelouch recovered enough to pull aside our two Pendragon-ettes. He really doesn't like being left out."

Kallen winced. "Oh, speaking of… Lelouch wanted me to tell you. He thinks maybe we were sent out here for a reason." She turned to Suzaku. "You should hear this too. He thinks you've made enemies in Area 0, you and him, high enough that they're willing to sacrifice the rest of the group to get to you."

Not exactly what Suzaku had overheard, but close enough.

Gino frowned, then nodded, slowly. "Schneizel or Cornelia?"

"Maybe. Or even Genbu or one of the other ranking officers. 'Zero' got so much credit and attention that both Suzaku and Lelouch are too powerful to leave alive, once the power struggles start."

Suzaku sighed. "And Lelouch doesn't want Asahina to know." It was almost, not quite, a question.

"I think he thinks Asahina might be in on it."

"What do you guys think?" Suzaku asked.

Gino shrugged. "I don't know. He could, I guess. I'm not used to being paranoid."

"It's not just simple paranoia," Kallen said. "He's been targeted from day one."

Gino rolled his eyes. "Is this about him being Pendragon's _lost prince_? Because I gotta tell you, as much as I like the guy, I'm having trouble swallowing that one."

"It's true," Suzaku said. "The Emperor himself came to Area 11 and confirmed it." Gino raised his eyebrows and even Kallen looked a little sceptical. "He did. He…" Suzaku shifted uncomfortably. "He warned me off a bit. I don't think he thought I was good enough for his son."

Kallen snorted and Gino smirked. From behind them, Asahina scowled. "You expect me to believe the Emperor would send his own son to the Hunger Games? Twice?"

Suzaku sighed. "If I hadn't been Reaped, if I hadn't met Lelouch, if I'd just stayed in Area 12 with everyone else, I'm not so sure I'd be a soldier in the rebellion. Sure, the problems with Pendragon and the Areas are awful, and the Hunger Games are horrible, but I don't know if I could commit to killing people over it.

"Meeting the Emperor changed my mind. He's an absolute monster. I can understand, in my head, if not in my heart, how someone can exploit other people, abuse them, and call it justice. But to do that to your own son… your children…"

Asahina looked unnerved. "There's more than one?"

"Cornelia, Euphemia, both Castor and Pollux from Area 8." Suzaku frowned as he tried to remember any of the others. Most of the Victors who'd been let into Schneizel's inner circle were his half-siblings, but not all of them. And then there was Carine who was too young to have participated in the Hunger Games.

Gino snorted. "That list is covers almost everyone you were – ow!" Kallen stomped hard on his foot before he could blurt out their suspicions in front of Asahina. "Okay, yeah, but seriously. If this is all true, it's not just the Emperor who's evil."

"Maybe not," Suzaku conceded. "But he's a good place to start."

"You can't make this a personal vendetta like Lelouch has," Asahina said, utterly reasonable. "I mean, I get that he lost his family and all, but he's not the only one who has."

"And why can't I?" Suzaku demanded. "They were my family too. And, by extension, Kallen's."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Kallen asked under her breath.

Gino shook his head. "And Lloyd's too? I swear, you Elevens are so insular. You'll die for each other but won't lift a hand for anyone else."

"That's not Elevens," Kallen protested, with Suzaku nodding in agreement. "That's just Suzaku and Lelouch."

"Hey!"

Kallen looked a little apologetic, but didn't take anything back.

"Guys we… ooh, am I interrupting something?" Kaguya asked, bouncing in more eagerly than timidly, despite the general aggressive atmosphere. "What's up?"

Asahina was the first to respond, shaking off his irritation. "Nothing. We were just finishing. Did you want something?"

"Yup," Kaguya chirped. "We got the all-clear. We're good to move down to street level and to the next safe house."

"Great." Asahina moved away, gathering up his weapons and equipment. "I can't wait to get this over with."

Kallen sighed and followed him. "If he keeps whining, it won't just be the Pendragon soldiers he has to worry about."

"Careful, Kallen," Gino chided playfully. "Your Eleven-ness is showing."

"Shut up."


	18. The Ends Justify The Means

The deserted street was easy to manoeuvre through, but even then they took as few risks as possible. Kallen and Gino led, in whichever direction Kaguya pointed them to, with Kaguya and C.C. and Lelouch following. Suzaku and Asahina took up the rear, as well as covering everyone who moved first.

Things moved smoothly, if slowly, until the sun started to set.

The sky wasn't even darkening, really. It was still bright blue and nearly free of clouds, but the sun was low enough that Suzaku found himself squinting as they moved westward. It was a bit easier when they turned north, but most of their quick dashes between the cover of the buildings were to the west.

Suzaku did see it… _him_ … but he didn't recognize him as a threat. Like the young girl who had blown up Urabe's Knightmare, he couldn't have been more than ten years old, and an underfed, scruffy ten years old at that. Lelouch and C.C. had just ducked into the building when Suzaku caught sight of the boy, and hesitated less than a second.

That was all the boy needed as Asahina moved passed Suzaku, oblivious to the threat, and into the street.

Suzaku grabbed Asahina's arm, intending to yank him back, explain the situation, and work out how to deal with it.

He never got the chance. There was just enough time for Asahina to turn towards Suzaku, his face screwed up in confusion, before the first bullet took out the side of his head.

The second ripped through his shoulder, doing enough damage that his arm came off in Suzaku's hand.

Suzaku held onto the surprisingly heavy limb, staring at the empty space beyond it where Asahina had once stood. He breathed in, and could smell and even taste the fresh blood in the air, mixed in with other scents; flesh burnt by the speed of the bullets that flew through it, dust unsettled by the body falling to the street, and a sharp, bitter fear that burned at the back of Suzaku's throat.

"Suzaku!" Lelouch's cry mixed in with the sharp exchange of fire between the boy and Kallen and Gino, and Suzaku felt like he'd been woken out of a particularly vivid nightmare. His head snapped towards the building the others had run to, and he took in the image of Gino and Kallen standing back-to-back, covering each other and the path to the building, with C.C. holding Lelouch back behind them.

Lelouch looked wrecked, horrified and desperate, his eyes wide and terrified and fixed unerringly on Suzaku. Suzaku focused on those eyes, using them to shut everything else out and give him a goal to work towards.

As far as Suzaku could see, there were no other traps or children lying in wait. The risk of one of the nearby buildings holding a sniper was small, considering that none of the children seemed to have been trained in any way, other than the damaging brainwashing the _Geass_ Order had done to them.

Not that it mattered. He was going to make it to Lelouch's side, no matter what.

He still felt painfully vulnerable and exposed as he dashed across the empty street. His first step was a little slick, more than stepping on blood could explain, but Suzaku steadfastly refused to think about what he'd stepped in. He quickly fell into his usual stalking run – silent, quick, with a variable weaving pattern that made him harder to track, harder to target. There were no sharp sounds of gunfire, no explosions from mines or bombs, nothing to indicate that there were any threats at all, other than the single lone boy, threadbare and hopeless, aiming a gun he had no idea how to fire with just enough accuracy and luck to take out someone he'd never met and had no reason to hate.

Suzaku dashed through the hole between Gino and Kallen, into Lelouch's arms and the building, and stayed there, breathing hard as Kallen pushed them further back and Gino closed the doors behind them.

There was a brief moment, less than a second, that Suzaku glimpsed the remains of Asahina, lying in a pool of deep red blood.

Suzaku had excellent vision, and the ability to evaluate what he saw quickly and efficiently. He took in the sight of the arm, lying by Asahina's leg rather than by his shoulder. He took in the strange half-face that was left behind after the first bullet had blown out the side of his head, leaving brain and tissue over the road. Suzaku felt his stomach turn; that was what he'd stepped in, he was sure.

Lelouch's arms were around him, his hand rubbing soothingly over Suzaku's back. "It's okay, I've got you, you're safe, we're safe…" He probably wasn't even aware of what he was murmuring, the words sounding less controlled and measured than usual in a shaky tone that seemed almost unsure, as if Lelouch couldn't believe they were really both together.

It helped, but it wasn't enough. Suzaku barely managed to turn his head away from Lelouch's chest before he vomited up everything he'd eaten in the past two days, until his stomach was empty even of liquid and bile, and all he could do was retch noisily without bringing anything else up.

Faintly, even through his heaving, he could hear the others talking.

"We need to move," Kallen insisted, her own voice thick as if she might join Suzaku any moment. Still, her tone was firm. "Remember how quick they followed after Senba's Knightmare exploded."

"They could have been following the explosion, not the kid," Gino argued. "Suzaku's not in any state to–"

"No, she's right," C.C. said. "Pendragon will be tracking their pawns. They'll know this one fell and they'll come to investigate, likely sooner rather than later."

There was a rustle of paper, then Kaguya's voice. "We can take the sewers to the hideout, if you prefer. They provide decent cover, but there's no manoeuvrability down there."

"No," Lelouch said, quietly but commandingly. "No, what's important now is time. I can get Suzaku functional, short-term, but then we'll need to rest."

There were mutterings of assent as everyone naturally deferred to Lelouch. Suzaku felt his throat close up as he realized that they'd lost the only person who wouldn't just follow Lelouch's lead. Even Kaguya just offered suggestions for Lelouch to take or put aside at his will, and she was one of the leaders of the rebellion. Or so Suzaku thought.

No wonder Lelouch was taking this so well. Everything had turned out for the best for him. Asahina was… gone, and Suzaku wasn't.

Suzaku spat, trying to clean his mouth out, and pushed away from Lelouch as gently as he could.

"I'm good to go," he said. "I'm sorry for…" He gestured helplessly, not entirely sure what exactly he was apologizing for, but sure that he owed them something for allowing Asahina to die like that.

Lelouch reached out and gently brushed Suzaku's hair behind his ears. Suzaku was surprised at how sticky and damp his hair was from sweat, considering how short the run had been. Unless it was from vomiting. It was probably from the vomiting.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Lelouch said, his voice just as gentle as his touch. "You came here for me. Everything you've done has been for me. And every life lost and hurt given and taken to and by you is for me." As Lelouch spoke, Suzaku could feel something in his chest unwind, something that had been knotted up ever since he'd been reunited with the group. Lelouch cupped Suzaku's face and, somehow, took away his guilt and added it to his own. "You're nothing but a tool, Suzaku. But you're _my_ tool, and you've pleased me greatly. Take pride in that and let everything else melt away."

"Suzaku?" Kallen asked, sounding uncertain.

"Nothing else matters," Lelouch continued steadily, and Suzaku breathed out, feeling the weight on his chest lighten even further. "I'll take on all the guilt and grief and blame. I'll do everything from here on out, Suzaku, everything. You don't have to be in charge of my morality, it was unfair of me to ask that from you. The only thing you have to do is what I tell you to. Trust in me and I'll trust in your actions. Is that understood?"

It clicked. From terror to horror to overwhelming guilt, to relief to love to this strange calm ease of utter selflessness. He didn't have to take responsibility for anything. He wasn't in control. He wasn't his own person – he was Lelouch's.

Lelouch smiled and kissed his cheek, letting his hands fall to his side away from Suzaku's face. "Alright. We're good to go now. Kallen, Gino, I'll have to ask you to each take point and rear, unfortunately. Suzaku's not going to be the most efficient look-out in this state."

"In what state?" Kallen asked, but C.C. was already shooing her to the front of the group, followed by Kaguya, while Gino took up the rear.

There were no more surprises on the way to the rebel base, and Lelouch got Suzaku quickly cleaned up and tucked into bed, kissing his cheek again before promising to return once he'd met with the others. Suzaku lay back and let the soft sound of their conversation wash over him, watching them under pleasantly heavy eyelids.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Kallen demanded.

C.C. shook her head. "Kallen, don't. This isn't as simple as it seems."

"It _seems_ like he just hypnotized Suzaku or something." Kallen reached out and grabbed Lelouch's hands. "Tell me you didn't. Tell me you didn't just fuck with Suzaku's mind."

"I can't," Lelouch said softly. "You're right, Kallen, that's exactly what I did. And I'd do it again to keep us safe. To keep Suzaku's mind intact."

Kallen dropped Lelouch's hands. "How the hell is that keeping his mind _intact_?"

"Suzaku has a highly developed sense of responsibility," Lelouch said evenly. "He feels as if things that happen around him are his fault, even things he has no power over. Asahina died in front of him, in a way that he could have possibly prevented, had he acted sooner. We'll never know, but Suzaku will live his entire life _certain_ that he could have saved him. He can't afford to dwell on that now, to indulge in that guilt and grief."

Kallen snorted. "You're one to talk about wallowing in grief."

"That's unfair," Gino protested, laying his hands on Kallen's shoulders. "There's a difference here. Suzaku is _needed_ , and badly. He has to be functioning, or else he's useless dead weight. And we can't afford that."

Lelouch turned to C.C. " _Will_ he be functioning? I mean, by tomorrow?"

C.C. shrugged. "Considering what you did, how far you pressed and how little he fought? He should be back to normal in a few days, and as functional as ever by the morning. He'll still be your _tool_ , as you called him, but he'll be able to use all his talents to succeed as your tool, unlike the fog he was in right after you… what was that lovely turn of phrase Kallen used? Ah, yes, after you fucked with his mind."

Suzaku had to stifle a giggle. It was funny, hearing C.C. swear like that.

"And, also, how the hell were you able to do that?" Hearing Kallen swear was less funny and more just… Kallen. Suzaku wished she sounded less angry.

Lelouch looked away. It was C.C. who answered.

"We had him for months, Kallen. He was the Emperor's son, retrieved from the Areas, memories wiped clean, and full of bright, sharp potential."

"You experimented on _him_." Gino sounded sick.

"It was less 'experimentation' and more 'implementation'," C.C. said calmly. "We were fairly certain it would work."

"What would?" Kallen asked.

" _Geass_ ," Lelouch said, the word sounding at once like a benediction and a curse. "The power of kings."

"How could–"

"Kallen, don't," Lelouch said sharply. "C.C. did what she felt she had to. Without her, I wouldn't have had any idea what was wrong with me, what I could do, what I could have become. I nearly went mad after the bombing, when I learned that mother and Nunnally had died. With this power, I could have…" Lelouch shook his head. "It could have been terrible. As if was, I only hurt myself, and her."

"It was the best possible scenario," C.C. deadpanned. Lelouch chuckled, dry and unamused.

"I can't believe… why didn't you tell anyone?" Kallen asked, sounding anguished.

Lelouch reached out and gently caressed Kallen's cheek with the back of his fingers. "You can't see your face right now, Kallen; the horror and the fear. If you could, you'd have your answer." He let his hand fall and made no other move towards anyone. "Now, if that's everything, I should return to Suzaku."

No one stopped him as he made his way to where Suzaku lay, or protested as he lifted up Suzaku's blanket and crawled in beside him. Suzaku squirmed happily and wrapped his arms around his Lelouch, his anchor. "Hey."

"Hey," Lelouch answered, letting Suzaku kiss him. "Go to sleep."

"Kay." And Suzaku closed his eyes and followed orders.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

The next morning, Suzaku's mind still felt fuzzy, but at least he noticed that his mind was fuzzy, and had enough self-awareness to question why.

At least until he looked upon Lelouch's slumbering face and relaxed again. He's always trusted Lelouch, always wanted to just follow his lead. Sure, maybe there was something more there now, something overriding his own critical thinking, but he'd never been as smart or clever or sly as Lelouch in any case. This was for the best.

Lelouch stirred, coming awake like a flower blooming, and Suzaku couldn't hide his smile. "Morning."

"Hmmph. Morning," Lelouch replied, sitting up. "Where's everyone else?"

"They stayed up later, strategizing after we went to sleep," Suzaku said. "It's still really early."

Lelouch blinked down at him. "How do you know that? You were asleep."

Suzaku shifted awkwardly, unsure if he was doing or saying the wrong thing. "I've always known what goes on around me when I sleep." It wasn't even a skill he'd acquired from hunting or surviving on his own. It was just something he'd always been able to do. "…sorry?"

"No." Lelouch was quick to reassure Suzaku, bending down to kiss him. "No, it's good, it's impressive." He kissed Suzaku again. "I'm very pleased with you, Suzaku."

As relief washed over him, Suzaku grinned. "Thanks."

Lelouch sighed. "Either you or Kallen are going to kill me when this is over."

"Why?" Suzaku asked, genuinely curious. He'd thought they were getting along brilliantly. And then the anxiety was back, the feeling that he'd disappointed Lelouch in some way. "I'd never hurt you, Lelouch."

"Not as you are," Lelouch… kind of agreed, bending down to kiss Suzaku again before getting up. "But you will not always be like this." He smiled and padded off towards one of the bathrooms, but Suzaku's acute hearing managed to pick up Lelouch's muttered, "And I can't wait for you to get back to normal."

That was a bit disappointing to Suzaku. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, even trying hard wouldn't really make Lelouch happy.

But there was nothing else to do but try. And Suzaku wasn't the sort of person who gave up.

He puttered around the safehouse, doing his best to stay out of the way of the few bleary-eyed resistance members who were coming up to the end of their night shift. By the time Lelouch made it out of the bathroom, Suzaku had secured a box of crackers and a can of sweetened condensed milk to break their fast.

"Thanks." Lelouch gave Suzaku a smile as he settled down to eat. Suzaku munched happily at the praise, rubbing his knee against Lelouch's leg.

"Hey, so… what's the next step?" Suzaku asked brightly. Lelouch looked up, his smile still in place, but strained, and Suzaku couldn't keep his concern down any longer. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Lelouch muttered. "Asahina died in front of you and you're focused on breakfast. I've lost what little trust the others placed in me, and in return I have this version of you. My original plan was always next to impossible, but now I don't even have the stomach to go through with it."

Suzaku nodded in understanding and placed his hand on Lelouch's knee. "Then you'll come up with another, better plan. Like you always do."

"Like I did in the Hunger Games, where I got captured and brainwashed?"

"I have faith in you."

Lelouch sighed. "Of course you do. I told you to."

"Then just tell the others," Suzaku said, unable to see why Lelouch was making this so complicated. "It's better if everyone trusts you. Then everyone will do everything you want and we'll all be the better for it!"

Lelouch laughed, and it sounded thick, like he was trying not to cry. "I love you, Suzaku. So much." He leaned over and kissed Suzaku's lips, gentle and chaste. "And I miss you."

"I'm right here. By your side."

"And here you'll stay," Lelouch said firmly, clearly getting over his crisis of confidence. He dug back into his breakfast, finishing up just as the rest of the group entered the room.

Kallen still looked half asleep as she plunked down next to Suzaku and absentmindedly started eating his food out of his hands. Suzaku seemed just as blasé about it, willingly handing it over once he determined Kallen was awake enough not to drop it. Gino watched them both closely before taking a seat beside Lelouch, and hiding his speculative expression behind a cheerful, puppyish pleading smile.

Lelouch sighed and handed over his food as Suzaku had done. C.C., meanwhile, was opening a can of refried beans while Kaguya planted herself in front of Lelouch.

"After a completely fruitless night, we decided you're still calling the shots, apparently. It's been explained to me that you're as much Zero as Suzaku, so I guess I can accept that. So." She placed her hands on her hips. "What now?"

"We're soon out of abandoned Pendragon and back into populated areas," Lelouch said easily, meeting Kaguya's challenge without hesitation. "It should be simple enough to pose as refugees as long as we're in small enough groups. Kaguya," Lelouch inclined his head, "your information has been invaluable, and will probably continue to mean the difference between life and death for us. But there's a chance that the entire rebellion will fail, in which case your organization will be the only way to fight back. We can't afford to risk your capture or death."

Kaguya frowned. "You're dumping me?"

"Not just you," Lelouch answered. "C.C.'s involvement should be kept secret, too. At least as much as it can. As far as Pendragon knows, she was executed as one of them once she arrived at Area 0."

"That leaves the four of us," Kallen said through a mouthful of cracker.

Lelouch shook his head. "You and Gino should find a way to get into contact with the Numbers. The more I think about it, the clearer it is that we were sent out here to get us out of the way. Suzaku and I are too well-known and obvious to start any kind of investigation. But you and Gino have friends, and between the two of you and your resources, I have every confidence that you'll root out the problem."

"Yeah, but we can get that done once we finish here."

"That may not be possible. And, again, it's not a risk I can take. What does it even matter if we take down Pendragon and the Emperor if someone just as awful takes their place?" Lelouch held Kallen's gaze, steady and cool. "Please, Kallen. Don't let everything and everyone who lost their lives mean nothing. All the sacrifices we made, all the sacrifices we have yet to make… Don't let them be in vain."

Suzaku could tell that only years of habits formed from rarely having enough food stopped Kallen from throwing her crackers and milk on the ground as she stood in fury. "How _dare_ you put that on me? You're such a bullshitter, Lelouch!"

"Hey, now, let's all just calm down," Gino said, standing up as well.

"Not a chance!" Kallen snapped. "He's taking Suzaku off on some suicide run–"

"I don't believe I said anything of the sort," Lelouch said calmly.

"–and he expects us to go on some wild snipe hunt for something that might not even exist."

Lelouch sighed. "Of course it exists, Kallen. I just don't know where. I know you've thought about it too, about how convenient it is that we all ended up nearly dead, probably _officially_ dead according to the records in Area 0. You know that Suzaku and I have made enemies by simply existing, and that those enemies want everyone associated with us dead as well. You know that it was irresponsible at best to let me out into the field after the way I reacted to Nunnally's death, after having been brainwashed by Pendragon. Someone thought it was a _good idea_ to stick me in a group that had already trained together, right before being deployed into the field. That isn't reasonable, and it isn't even desperation. It's sabotage, Kallen. Someone wanted me and Suzaku dead, and they were happy to see you and Gino and the others die too, to accomplish that."

Even though he had started off quiet and seated, by the time he was done, Lelouch was standing and shouting, and panting. Suzaku took his hand and stood with him. "It's okay, Lelouch. They didn't get either of us, and Kallen and Gino are still fine. It's okay."

It took a few moments, but Lelouch managed to gather himself enough to speak again. "I can't have your deaths on my conscience. You're only out here because I'm a target. And I've led enough people to their doom while pretending to have an exit strategy."

"But you can lead Suzaku?" Kallen asked incredulously.

Lelouch nodded. "I can. Suzaku and I… I have to confront the Emperor. And I won't die and leave Suzaku to live on without me."

"You selfish prat."

Gino stepped up. "No, he's right, Kallen. They're all they have, even without Lelouch's mind thingie. You and I, we're not enough for them. No one is. They've lost everything else. They can't lose you, and they can't lose each other, and this is the only way."

"Thank you," Lelouch said.

"Not that I agree with your plan," Gino clarified. "You're not wrong that pretending to be refugees is your best chance of getting close enough to the Emperor to do whatever you need to do, but you're going to need a better story than just that." Lelouch raised an inquisitive eyebrow, and Gino grinned. "You're stragglers, on the run from rebellion forces. Kallen and I have good enough aim to miss but make it look good. Once you're 'rescued', we'll slip back to base and make our way out of Pendragon."

"And how are _they_ supposed to get out?" Kallen demanded.

Gino shrugged. "As far as I can tell, Kallen, that's never really been part of the plan."

Lelouch looked at Gino with desperate gratitude, and Suzaku made a decision. "Kallen, I know it's a lot to ask. But please, just this once, trust us. Like Lelouch trusted you when he went off to the Quarter Quell. You kept your word and Area 12 survived. We'll do our best to keep our word, and do what we can. Okay?"

"You're going to die," Kallen said, her voice breaking.

"Maybe. But we should have died half a dozen times over already. At least this way we'll go down doing what's right, rather than as entertainment."

"If you won't do it, then I'll have to, or one of the others," Kaguya said. "And our aim isn't nearly as good."

"Alright, alright," Kallen snapped, even as a tear rolled down her cheek. "You don't all need to gang up on me. I'm in."

Lelouch stepped up to her, his arms twitching as if he'd wanted to reach out, but stopped himself at the last minute. "Thank you."

"I hate you so much."

"I'm sorry for that. Because I do love you, Kallen, in a way."

"Asshole."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Kallen pulled Suzaku aside to talk, as Lelouch and Gino said their goodbyes. Suzaku had expected tears; after all, one of them wasn't planning on coming back. But the desperate kiss was a surprise.

Kallen was warm and soft and her lips felt and tasted familiar and comforting. Suzaku briefly hesitated at the thought that this was a betrayal, but then he gave in at the thought that this was probably the last time he'd ever see Kallen.

And if Lelouch loved her, in a way, Suzaku loved her in so many more ways. They were family, friends, and even lovers. Even with the force of what he felt for Lelouch, Suzaku couldn't regret a single moment he'd spent with Kallen, in any capacity.

"You can refuse," Kallen whispered into Suzaku's mouth. "You can stop him from futilely throwing his life and yours away on an emotional stunt. You can save him…"

Suzaku shook his head. "No, Kallen. This is what must be." But he couldn't deny that the idea of refusal was tempting, which was more than it could have been last night. "Hey, d'you think you and Gino…"

Kallen hit his arm. "What the… he has _Anya_!" She frowned hesitantly. "…doesn't he?" Suzaku cheerfully shrugged. They'd never figured that out.

"Ask him."

"Not on your life," Kallen avowed. "I may not want in on whatever the heck you and Lelouch have, but I'm not settling for the first pretty face I see."

Suzaku grinned. "So you think he's pretty."

Kallen hit his arm again, but her expression softened. "Be careful out there, Suzaku. You – and Lelouch – have people waiting for you who care about you. No matter what anyone else says."

"You too," Suzaku said. "Get home safely and I'll do my best to return to you, I promise."

Lelouch and Gino were just finishing their conversation. As Suzaku and Kallen approached them, Suzaku could see Lelouch shaking his head and saying, "–not what _I_ wanted, what _he_ wanted.", and Gino smiling sympathetically before catching sight of Suzaku and Kallen and letting his smile widen into a grin.

"Hey, guys. We good to go?"

"Whenever you are," Kallen said, steadfastly ignoring Lelouch.

The plan was simple, but after they dressed in gaudy Pendragon outfits and got into position, even Lelouch had to admit it was better than just pretending to be refugees without any backstory. "This way, they won't ask any questions."

Suzaku nodded. "So we'll get in and then just move with the press of people, towards the palace."

"That's the plan." Lelouch looked up, at where Gino and Kallen were stationed, and took a deep breath. "Here we go."

There were three Pendragon soldiers less than a block away, just out of sight. Suzaku and Lelouch were to run towards them, while Kallen and Gino made their 'escape' look good without actually hitting them.

Despite how many things could go wrong – they could get hit, the guards could raise an alarm, Gino or Kallen could lead the Pendragon forces to Kaguya's resistance cell – it was the best plan they had. If they'd walked in, pretending to be refugees as Lelouch had originally planned, they would have been questioned and sequestered, possibly even herded towards some sort of safe area far from their target. By playing the role of holdouts chased out of their homes, they were more likely to be kept centrally, away from impressionable crowds, until they could be assured that neither Suzaku nor Lelouch were unstable for holding out after being told to evacuate from a war zone.

It would give them the chance to move.

"Now!" Kallen shouted from her hiding place, just loud enough to get the guards' attention. "There they are!"

"For Zero!" Gino cheered with rather too much enthusiasm. "For freedom."

"He's having way too much fun," Lelouch grunted as he and Suzaku started running. Suzaku had to lope at half-speed to let Lelouch keep up to him, despite his instincts telling him to race towards cover as gunshots pinged off the pavement and walls on either side of them as they ran.

Gino and Kallen were _good_. Some of the shots were close enough that Suzaku could feel the wind of their passage.

"Shit, we've got civvies… get down, you two!" One of the guards ran towards them, followed by three others, and pushed Suzaku and Lelouch aside as the other guards opened fire on Kallen and Gino's position.

Lelouch clutched at his saviour, covering for Suzaku, who couldn't help but peer anxiously after the guards who'd gone after Kallen and Gino. The escape routes were all planned out, but even so…

"Don't worry, we've got you," the guard said, looking down at Lelouch with gentle compassion. "Where did you two come from?"

Before Lelouch could answer, a sharp cry came from where Kallen and Gino had been hiding, then Kallen's voice rang out in angry fear.

" _Gino_."

Suzaku tensed, pulled between Lelouch's plan and his desire to go help Kallen and Gino. Lelouch's hand shot out and grabbed Suzaku's arm, in a grip that wasn't strong enough to hold him, but was firm enough to ground him.

"It's too late," Lelouch said. "We have to tell the truth."

"Lelouch…"

Lelouch looked up at the guard. "My name is Lelouch vi Britannia. My father is Charles zi Britannia. I'm the eleventh Prince of Britannia."


	19. The Ends Never Quite Work Out

The guard's compassionate expression turned disbelieving.

Suzaku didn't really blame him.

Lelouch didn't stop talking. "You can tell, can't you? It's the eyes – father's eyes always bred true. My sister was born blind, but even her eyes were a pale purple. It's been forbidden to modify eye colour to the royal violet of the royal family and, besides, you can tell that my eyes are completely natural. My father kept me hidden, with only this boy as my bodyguard, just in case this happened. I have news I must get to him immediately. You will help me, won't you? You seem very loyal, very steadfast."

It was, by far, the least convincing lie Lelouch had ever told. Which was kind of funny, because it was mostly the truth.

But, somehow, it worked. "Of course, Your Highness. Do you need to stay hidden?"

"I think so," Lelouch said. "Not everyone's as loyal as you." He bit his lip. "I would, however, feel much better if you called the others back. There's strength in numbers."

"At once, Your Highness." The guard took out his radio and called the others back. Suzaku took the opportunity to scoot closer to Lelouch.

Lelouch refused to look at him. Suzaku wasn't about to deviate from Lelouch's plan, whatever it was (if he even had one), but he _was_ hoping for some kind of comfort or reassurance. That clearly wasn't going to be forthcoming. Suzaku set his jaw and tried to look like the kind of guy who would be chosen as a bodyguard to a prince.

The three other guards came running, stopping only for a brisk salute before the one who had stayed back, who Suzaku was beginning to think of as 'their guard', nodded sharply.

"New orders. Escorting these two back is our new top priority."

Two of the guards exchanged curious looks. "Sir, we let those rebel scum get away for _that_?"

Suzaku let out a sigh of relief; Lelouch's plan had done that much at least.

"Orders are orders," their guard reminded the others. Lelouch placed a hand on his arm and whispered something into this ear. The guard nodded. "You three take this one, I'll take the other one."

Lelouch gave Suzaku a look, clearly expecting him to follow directions as well. Suzaku nodded and moved away from Lelouch, taking his position by _their_ guard, just behind where Lelouch was being escorted by the other three guards.

And speaking to them, in a low, steady voice.

"He trusts you," the guard murmured to Suzaku, similarly watching over Lelouch.

Suzaku just nodded. "It's mutual. If this is what he wants, this is what he'll get."

The line of the guards' backs relaxed as Lelouch spoke, as they subtly moved from guarding Lelouch to protecting him. Suzaku smiled – Lelouch's power was still working well.

"I won't be able to escort him to his father," the guard said. "We're not allowed in the palace proper. But I can take him to someone who can."

With Lelouch's ability to convince anyone of anything, given the time, that would probably work. "That's fine." He felt awkward. Should he have thanked or complimented the guard on his service? Or at least asked his name?

Apparently not. The guard looked more pleased at Suzaku's curt approval than he would likely have been at anything more gushy. Suzaku took the opportunity to gauge his surroundings more accurately, just in case Lelouch made a sudden and drastic change to their plans. Again.

It was crowded. There were makeshift barricades and fences cutting off streets and neighbourhoods, guarded by soldiers and full of people. There were no cars or vehicles, apart from the drab military trucks that drove slowly between the masses of people who moved aside with no change to their shocked, vacant expressions.

Suzaku felt an odd twinge of pity mixed with disgust. These were people who had always lived in the lap of luxury, who had wanted for nothing and had never suffered a moment in their lives. And now they were still clothed, still fed, still protected, and they could barely function. Put any of them in an Area,controlled by arbitrary and exacting rules, ruled over by whimsical outsiders whose only enjoyment in life seemed to be enacting punishments, where they would be expected to work from dawn to dusk and still have not quite enough to eat, and Suzaku wouldn't have bet on any of them lasting more than a month.

"People aren't created equal," Lelouch said suddenly, as if reading Suzaku's mind. The Emperor's words, from the opening of one of the Hunger Games, sounded odd coming from Lelouch, and yet somehow viciously appropriate. "Those who are stronger, who are smarter, who are better were made to rule over their weaker, stupider counterparts." When the Emperor had said it, it had been a justification of Pendragon's innate superiority. Now, from Lelouch, it sounded like an indictment of those same people, who couldn't even tolerate a change in routine. "Inequality is not wrong. It is false equality, the lies of the mediocre and desperate, that cause discord."

The three guards surrounding him looked at Lelouch with something approaching awe. "Yes, Your Highness."

Lelouch looked back at Suzaku and smiled. "And discord… well now, that's _far_ from what we want, isn't it, Suzaku?"

Suzaku swallowed hard, unreasonably nervous at Lelouch's new frame of mind. "Yes, Your Highness."

"Good boy."

They approached a small tent set up comically between two sweeping skyscrapers, just within view of the palace. Their guard, the first one, stopped to talk to someone while the other three took Suzaku and Lelouch into the tent and got them something to eat and drink.

The fresh water and sandwiches were most welcome, and they'd just barely finished them when their guard walked in with another, more decorated, soldier.

" _This_ is what you pulled me away from a logistics meeting for?"

Lelouch looked up with mild curiosity. "Do you have the authority to take me to the Emperor?"

"What? No one's taking anyone to the Emperor," the new soldier scoffed. "Even if I could, I wouldn't bring some riff-raff to the palace under any–"

"Then you don't." Lelouch sighed. "In that case, you're only good for one thing."

"Look you little snot-faced–"

Lelouch stepped up towards him and leaned in, murmuring urgently, lower than Suzaku could hear. The soldier's expression went from aggravated to confused to curious to that odd devotion that had decorated the guards' faces.

"I understand," the soldier said respectfully when Lelouch finally pulled away. "I will spread the word."

Lelouch nodded. "And I'll wait here. My bodyguard and I could use some rest before we meet with the Emperor."

"Of course, Your…" The soldier cut himself off. "Of course, sir." He saluted once, his hand over his heart, rather than at the level of his eyes, the Royal Salute. Lelouch inclined his head and the soldier turned and left as if formally dismissed.

As much as Suzaku wanted to know what had just happened, Lelouch's expression, dark and troubled, made him refrain. It wasn't as if Suzaku needed to know, after all. He could just as easily follow Lelouch's lead without any answers, as long as he paid attention to Lelouch's cues. And wanting to know wasn't enough to make Suzaku willing to make Lelouch even more troubled.

Besides, hadn't he decided to follow Lelouch no matter what? He wasn't about to make the same mistake he'd made on the island in the last Hunger Games, second-guessing Lelouch's decisions and reasoning. The last time he'd done that, Lelouch had been kidnapped and eventually brainwashed in Pendragon, turning him into a completely different person. That was the last thing Suzaku wanted.

Lelouch looked at him and sighed. "Suzaku, the expression on your face… If you can look at me like that and still stay quiet, I suppose my _geass_ is still active. But it's clearly wearing off."

"Sorry," Suzaku said, for lack of anything else.

Lelouch shook his head. "It's fine. It's not a permanent thing in any case. Besides, I'd hate for you to stay like this once we're done here."

That sounded encouraging. "So you still think we might make it out?" Suzaku asked hopefully.

"I can't afford to think anything else," Lelouch said wryly. Suzaku searched his brain for something to say to make Lelouch sound more optimistic rather than resigned, but before he could, Lelouch moved towards him and pressed a finger to Suzaku's lips. "Don't worry about it, Suzaku. Don't worry about anything. I've got it under control."

Another lie, but at least Suzaku wasn't being forced to believe it. At least Lelouch trusted him that far.

Lelouch sat down heavily beside Suzaku and licked his lips nervously, the way he never did before telling a lie to anyone else. "I do, Suzaku. I promise."

Suzaku could practically see the weight on Lelouch's shoulders, bearing down on him, almost crushing him. It was a weight that Suzaku had once been able to help him bear, but Lelouch carried it alone now, having taken Suzaku's part as well. And there was nothing Suzaku could do about it – every time he tried to think of some way to share that burden, something inside him reminded him that Lelouch had forbidden it. Suzaku needed to be free to act, to move without thought or hesitation, to make Lelouch's plans come true. He couldn't do that under the weight of regrets and responsibilities. Those were for Lelouch.

But now, seeing Lelouch like this, it didn't seem fair.

So Suzaku did the only thing he could do; he leaned over and kissed Lelouch, as softly and tenderly as he could. "I trust you, Lelouch. You don't have to lie to me, I have faith in you." Lelouch scoffed and Suzaku shook his head. "Not because of what you did after Asahina, or not just because of that. But because I should have trusted you before and I didn't, and I still regret that. So don't worry about me, or about lying to me or convincing me to trust you. Because the only thing you've ever done is to set me free, to do what I wanted to do, and what I couldn't manage before."

"Alright, I won't lie to you," Lelouch said. "But I really do have everything under control, Suzaku."

Just then, the door opened and Suzaku heard Lelouch's breath catch. "…or, at least, I did."

Suzaku turned to follow Lelouch's gaze, his eyes widening as he realized who'd just walked in, brazen and confident as ever, as if she belonged here.

"C.C.?"

"I understand there's an illegitimate prince looking for an escort to the Emperor in here," C.C. said. "And, seeing as I had nothing better to do, I figured what the heck."

"What the heck, indeed," Lelouch muttered.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

C.C. refused to answer any questions about where she had come from, why she had left Kaguya and the others, or even how Gino and Kallen were. After a while, Suzaku stopped asking.

Lelouch had never even bothered.

"Lelouch, I'm still your ally. Our contract still stands."

Lelouch didn't even look at her. "You should have stayed with Kaguya."

"And why? You act as though I have anything to fear here."

"You could be killed," Lelouch spat suddenly. "You're not immortal, C.C., no matter what you may think."

C.C. shrugged. "I don't have to be immortal. I don't _want_ to be immortal. We have a deal, Lelouch, and I intend to keep my end of it by helping you get your revenge."

"And what do you get in return?" Suzaku asked. He might not be able to be as suspicious of Lelouch as he once had been, but he certainly could still be suspicious of C.C.

Lelouch frowned at him. "That doesn't matter, Suzaku. For now, we have to get C.C. out of here…"

"Don't be silly. I'm your best bet for getting through the guards to the Emperor and you know it," C.C. said. "Your misplaced sense of responsibility has been amusing on occasion, but it's not doing you any favours here."

Ah, so Lelouch was trying to protect C.C. That was something Suzaku could appreciate – he'd have done the same for Gino or Kallen – but as much as Lelouch might have cared for C.C., she was close to nothing to Suzaku. "She's right. We need her for this. Kallen and Gino could have been hurt or captured or killed getting us to this point. Asahina and Urabe and Senba _have_ died. We can't stop here, Lelouch."

"Someone else…" Lelouch trailed off, looking irritated at himself. "No, you're right. But I…" He looked up at C.C., with a kind of helpless anger. "If things get dangerous, I won't have you throwing yourself in the line of fire."

Suzaku snorted. That hardly sounded like something C.C. would do. Lelouch shot him a quelling look before turning back to C.C. "Give me your word, or we're not going anywhere with you."

C.C. shrugged. "Fine. I suppose you'll want to verify everything's in place?"

Lelouch nodded, turning to Suzaku. "Keep an eye on her. I'll be back in a moment." He left before Suzaku could react, leaving Suzaku and C.C. alone.

There was an awkward moment before Suzaku turned to C.C., his mouth opening as he racked his brain for something to say.

C.C. beat him to it. "I've been using Lelouch. During the Hunger Games I was fully aware of the truth, and yet I prioritized my own security and needs above his. Even now, the only reason he's afraid I might die for him is because his survival is crucial for my end goals, whereas my survival isn't."

Suzaku felt his mouth dry up. "Any regrets?"

"Not really. I abandoned my humanity long ago, and using a boy to do the work I can't is hardly my greatest sin." C.C. smiled at him. "We're actually a lot alike, Suzaku, you and I. We both want Lelouch to live, for selfish reasons. Whereas his goals are much… greater."

"We're not really that much alike," Suzaku disagreed. Lelouch didn't see C.C. as a liability, one he had to fix, for one thing. "And you can do whatever you want, I don't really care, but I'm staying by Lelouch's side."

"Until you're more use to him elsewhere," C.C. corrected, her smile turning wry and crooked. "Say what you like about that boy; he doesn't go into situations unprepared if he can help it."

He'd gone into the Hunger Games on nothing more than a protective impulse. He'd raced back to Area 0 when the attack started with nothing more than a general idea of what he and the people around him could do. Even now he was planning on facing his father with nothing set up, no plots or traps or anything but the firm conviction in his beliefs.

…wasn't he?

Lelouch, true to his word, returned almost before Suzaku had the chance to properly miss him, holstering a gun to his hip. "Everything's set. C.C., if you would…"

C.C. led them through crowds of frightened and confused people, once the rich and privileged of Pendragon, now homeless and lost souls. Suzaku felt something close to pity for them, in their complete and total inability to cope with change, but not so much that it drowned out his anger and resentment – they had forced others in the Areas into worse situations for generations, just so they could have their shiny toys and lush banquets.

Lelouch lagged behind C.C. slightly, lightly touching Suzaku's arm. "Stop glaring. You're scaring people."

Suzaku turned his attention to the pitiful mob. "Fine, I just… C.C. knows something. About what you're planning."

"And?" Lelouch asked, shrugging.

"And I don't."

Lelouch sighed. "You know that thing I do when I talk to people?" _And make them believe whatever I want_? Suzaku nodded. "Well sometimes, if I do everything right, they can talk to other people and be equally persuasive."

"Like catching a virus," C.C. interrupted before turning back to a guard, negotiating their passage into a more controlled area.

Suzaku frowned. "That doesn't make sense."

Lelouch's lips curved up into half a smile, not quite a smirk. "It doesn't have to. It works, if only for a few hours." The guard opened a gate for them, waving them through. Lelouch grabbed Suzaku's left hand and pulled him along. "But we only need a few hours."

"The one you used on me…"

"Was longer lasting, because it just had the one target. You'll be free of it by tomorrow," Lelouch promised, "but yours is just for you."

Suzaku pulled Lelouch aside, down a blind alley, and pinned him to a wall before kissing him with a strange desperation. Lelouch froze under his hands for a long moment before kissing back just as fiercely, digging his fingers into Suzaku's shoulders and biting bruises onto Suzaku's lips.

"We're being watched, boys."

Suzaku turned to growl at C.C., and Lelouch took the opportunity to suck a hickey onto Suzaku's neck. The growl turned into a groan, and Suzaku could feel Lelouch's lips against his skin, soft and wet, turn up into a smile.

"Never think that you're not special to me, Suzaku. Never think that anything I offer anyone else diminishes what we share."

Suzaku sighed and nodded. He hadn't even realized it, but he'd been _jealous_ of the others Lelouch had used his _geass_ on. It wasn't the same as Luciano, or anyone else Lelouch had slept with for his own survival, but it was still Lelouch giving something away that had made Suzaku feel special, even if it had been 'special' in a less than positive way.

And it was just like Lelouch to notice that, to know what to say, and to soothe Suzaku's ruffled feathers.

Lelouch leaned forward and kissed Suzaku's forehead. "Let's keep moving. C.C.'s quite right; we're being watched."

It wasn't anything as obvious as spies or gawkers. There were cameras, some obvious and some hidden, at every intersection and corner, lining the streets. Pendragon may have been a comfortable paradise, but there wasn't even the privacy of the Areas here. At least in the destroyed parts of Pendragon, there was no one constantly watching.

Still, despite the surveillance, they made it to the palace without incident. The guards stationed at the looming doors took one look at them and snapped to attention, their hands flying up to thump against their chest in the Royal Salute.

Lelouch acknowledged each of them, striding between them like the prince he'd been born to be.

Suzaku and C.C. instinctively flanked him on either side, like an honour guard, both of them alert for threats, but also aware, awkwardly so on Suzaku's part, of the visual they were presenting. Lelouch wasn't coming to his father's seat of power as a supplicant or commoner even as a noble with every right to approach the Emperor.

He was coming to the Emperor as an equal; his empire entirely comprised of Suzaku on one side and C.C. on the other.

Even with the spell of Lelouch's _geass_ over Suzaku's mind, Suzaku couldn't help thinking that they were all going to die horrible, horrible deaths.

And yet every guard they passed, every soldier who saw them, every servant and maid and page who witnessed their approach to the throne room stood aside and bowed or curtsied or saluted Lelouch as he marched by, head up, eyes fixed straight ahead.

Cecile would have been proud of his bearing. In that moment, more than any other, Lelouch was a Victor.

It wasn't until they reached the doors of the throne room itself, guarded by the elite royal guard, that anyone challenged their approach.

Lelouch didn't hesitate or flinch. The moment the guards moved to intercept, he raised his hand and gestured languidly at them.

"Suzaku."

Before the last syllable passed Lelouch's lips, Suzaku broke away, taking out the one on the left ( _faster reflexes, sharper shooter_ ) with a spinning kick that landed him in the perfect position to sweep the feet from under the other guard ( _heavier build, stronger but slower_ ) and knock him out against the hard granite floor.

Lelouch hadn't even had to break stride as Suzaku fell back into place at his side. His eyes remained fixed on the door, but his voice was warm as he congratulated Suzaku. "Well done." Suzaku smiled and, at the same moment as C.C., pushed open the doors on either side for Lelouch to enter.

Pendragon was a wide, sweeping city, with looming skyscrapers and vast expanses of greenery for the citizenry to play in. The palace was equally expansive, with artificial streams and lakes on its grounds, and towering golden spirals above pristine, often mostly empty, rooms that echoed with unused space.

And yet the throne room, the heart and center of both, couldn't fit more than two dozen people comfortably standing.

The centerpiece was the throne, naturally, from which the Emperor made several of his speeches. Behind the throne were tapestries and lights, making the throne room seem both warm and huge on TV.

It wasn't. In front of the throne, there was perhaps thirty paces of empty floor, granite and clean, but unremarkable.

But Lelouch clearly wasn't interested in the décor. He had eyes only for the man seated on the throne, flanked by five guards on each side, the ten remaining royal guards.

"Lelouch…" The Emperor looked wholly unimpressed, as if Numbers burst into his throne room on a daily basis. "I expected something rather more subtle from you."

"You killed my mother and sister," Lelouch answered back, his calm voice only thinly keeping control over a suppressed rage Suzaku could practically feel radiating from him. "I'm not going for _subtle_."

The Emperor snorted, and suddenly he was 'Charles' to Suzaku – the man who surprised them all with a visit to warn Suzaku away from his son. "You started this war and you have the _audacity_ to blame me for the deaths caused by it? Just so you can feel justified in your revenge, boy? Well, I won't give you that satisfaction. Your sister's death isn't on my hands."

Lelouch opened his mouth to snap a retort, when a thin, blond, young man flew out of the tapestries behind the throne as if forcefully shoved.

"It's on his."

Suzaku felt his heart stop with a painful thud, and then restart somewhere in his throat. That voice…

Sure enough, rather more smoothly than the blond boy, Marianne slipped out from behind the tapestries, the naked blade of a sword drawn and pointing right at the boy. Her eyes, however, were locked with Lelouch's.

"It can't be… M-mother?" Lelouch stammered out.

"Hello, Lelouch. You're looking well."

"V.V.," C.C. said, the first words she'd spoken, the first thing she'd done, since entering the palace. "What did you do?"

The boy looked up, his face bloodied where it had hit the floor. "My duty. The rebellion needed to be put down. Charles was too soft, waiting for his 'children' to fall into line." Marianne made her opinion of that known, pressing the tip of her sword into the back of V.V.'s head. He flinched and turned gingerly towards her. "I sent warning to you." His voice took on a pleading tone. "I followed protocol. You had the chance–"

"To escape." Marianne nodded, never looking away from Lelouch. "As long as I left my daughter behind, as long as I left my son unguarded. Yes, V.V., you gave me that _chance_."

Charles stood from his throne and stood beside Marianne, covering her hand with his larger one on the sword's hilt. "This is the man responsible for your sister's death, Lelouch. And now your mother and I will have _our_ revenge. Will you join us?"

Lelouch stared at them, looking completely horrified. Charles just shrugged, while Marianne never looked away from her son. In a single, smooth movement, they ran the blade through V.V.'s back.

The only sound he made as he died was a shocked gurgle.

C.C.'s hand flew to her mouth and she turned away. Suzaku had never seen her so affected. Lelouch looked pale and just as shocked as V.V. had been. Suzaku found himself oddly unmoved. V.V. was no one to him. And, anyway, dealing with things like this was Lelouch's job. Suzaku's job was to clear Lelouch's obstacles.

Like the shock that seemed to have come over him. Suzaku stepped forward. "Why didn't you get Nunnally out too?"

Charles looked at him, clearly miffed. "Kururugi. You're here too." That was all the attention he seemed to feel Suzaku deserved.

"No. No, he's right," Lelouch said. "Mother, why didn't you tell Nunnally to get out as well?"

Marianne looked sad. "She had such a big heart. She would have told everyone to escape, and then our family's connection to Pendragon would have been discovered. If Schneizel ever found out that Nunnally and I were still important to your father…" She shrugged. "Also, she was in a wheelchair, Lelouch. I had to hide and sneak my way back to Pendragon. She never would have made it."

"And so you left her to _die_?"

"She was in one of the safer places in Area 0 before you and your heroics," Charles reminded him. "Apart from V.V., her blood is mostly on your hands."

"How dare–"

"She was our daughter!" Marianne said. "Of course we would have wanted to save her, Lelouch. And if there had been time… But we still have you. And each other." She dropped the sword and opened her arms. "And we can make a new family here, a new start."

Lelouch gaped at his mother. "You can just write her off like that? Replace her with a 'new family' that easily? _She's_ the reason…" Lelouch grabbed the gun from his holster and aimed it, his hands shaking, at his father. "Everything you touch turns to _poison_. Your family is comprised of sociopaths and villains, and everything good that was once in it is _dead_! You've failed in whatever sick experiment you were conducting and now you're done!"

The sound of the shot going off was loud, echoing in the almost empty room, but Suzaku could still hear the thud of Marianne's body hitting the floor, blood seeping in a pool around her from the bullrt she took by leaping in front of the Emperor.

"Mother," Lelouch breathed out, softer than a whisper.

"Marianne." Charles's voice sounded wrecked, heartbroken, and his eyes were red and furious as he lifted his head from his dying wife's body, and fixed his gaze on his son. " _You_ …"

Suzaku moved. In the same instant Lelouch dropped his gun, Suzaku swept the sword from where Marianne and Charles had dropped it, and pressed the edge of the blade against Charles's neck. "Don't move."

"I'm going to kill you, boy. You and that _whore_ son of mine…"

Just then, the doors of the throne room burst open, and a flood of soldiers – from the Areas – poured in, led by several Pendragon soldiers, including the ones Lelouch's _geass_ had warped.

"Prince Lelouch!" One of the _geassed_ guards said, sounding relieved despite the fact that his Emperor was pinned and held down by a Number with a sword. "You're safe."

"Prince Lelouch, hmm?" Schneizel asked as he strode in, barely sparing his father a glance. "I see you've beaten me to the punch, little brother."

Lelouch sank to his knees as everyone around him started dutifully and diligently following Schneizel's orders. Charles was taken away from Suzaku and he was able to get to Lelouch's side just as Schneizel ascended to the throne and trailed his fingers over the back, pausing contemplatively before choosing not to sit down.

"Pendragon," he declared, "is _ours_!"

The cheers drowned out Lelouch's first sobs.


	20. Epilogue

The next two weeks were chaotic, but Suzaku missed most of it.

He was beside Lelouch's bed, while Sayoko and C.C. tried to keep Lelouch from withdrawing into catatonia or lashing out and attempting to kill himself. Personally, Suzaku completely understood both reactions, but he was too selfish to let Lelouch go.

The _geass_ wore off, as promised, and Suzaku couldn't even feel resentful to Lelouch for doing that to him. It had been necessary, and it had worked, and it felt petty to resent someone in so much pain for something so small as taking away the choice to be overwhelmed.

Especially because, if Suzaku could do the same thing to Lelouch now, he wouldn't have hesitated.

Genbu immediately took over, organizing a government of his allies, relegating Schneizel to a minor role, and leaving Suzaku and Lelouch out completely. There was some resentment towards that, but Suzaku didn't care, even when people snuck past security and into Lelouch's sick room to ask him about how he felt. Lelouch, of course, didn't answer anyone's questions, not even Suzaku's. Suzaku found his mind clearing, as the last of the drugs he'd been on wore off, and Lelouch's wellbeing stopped him from wallowing in his own guilt and worry.

But two weeks into the transition, Schneizel made an official visit.

"Come. And bring him."

"He can't be moved," Suzaku recited by rote. Both C.C. and Sayoko had hammered into his head that the moment Lelouch caught an opening, he would do something drastic. If they wanted him to live, they would have to keep him here and constantly supervised.

"He'll behave himself for this," Schneizel said, with that aura of self-assurance, looking over Suzaku's shoulder at Lelouch. "It's his father's execution."

There was a long moment but, eventually, Lelouch raised his head "Who?"

"Suzaku. As much as I advocated for you, no one's letting you near a blade. Suzaku will execute the former Emperor the same way he executed the man who ordered the bombing of Area 0."

Lelouch blinked, slow. "Sword."

Schneizel snorted. "I can see why they're not trusting you with anything sharp. Come on, I'll hold your hand while your lover finishes what you started."

Suzaku hesitated. Sayoko stepped out from the shadows and moved beside Lelouch, carefully checking his arms for bites. "I'll stay with him as well, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Schneizel agreed easily. Suzaku swallowed and nodded; he trusted Sayoko.

But he didn't trust Schneizel. He had far too many reasons to want Lelouch dead or gone. In fact, Suzaku was just now remembering after the chaos and grief at the end of the war, Suzaku and Lelouch had both suspected Schneizel of being complicit in the attack on Area 0, hadn't they? And it made sense; it had been the last rallying point for the rebellion, it brought the forces out of Area 0 and into the field, it made those reluctant to leave their secure hideaway feel less safe and untouchable…

"–overall success."

Suzaku paused in the hallway at the sound of Genbu's voice. There was no one else around, as everyone was waiting in the palace courtyard for the execution and Genbu, used to the doors in Area 0 that closed automatically, had left the door to his room open a crack.

"But Schneizel's still popular, especially with the younger crowd. The last thing we need is _another_ rebellion."

That was Kusakabe, probably. Suzaku had only met the man once, at one of the 'Zero' debriefings, but he had quite a distinctive voice.

Genbu snorted. "If that's what it takes. But I think that, between his insane brother and his ties to the Emperor, we can defeat his 'popularity'." Genbu laughed. "And it worse comes to worst, I can get Suzaku on board, now that his pretty little companion is more… tractable."

"That's certainly one of the bonuses of the attack on Area 0," Kusakabe agreed. "I hadn't even thought of targeting the sister."

"She wasn't in any of the sections we targeted, that was the beauty of it," Genbu said. "It was fate! Fate has led us to victory, and fate will lead me to rule Britannia, as I was meant to!"

"All hail Britannia," Kusakabe said, his voice laden with sarcasm as he and Genbu laughed.

Suzaku crept away, not sure what to do. Without Lelouch's _geass_ , all he had to rely on were his own instincts, which were telling him to smash open those doors and beat Genbu and Kusakabe down with his bare hands. Maybe there were letter openers or bread knives he could use to finish the job.

But he couldn't do that. He couldn't just murder people in cold blood, no matter what they'd done.

He walked out onto the field, the blood-thirsty cheers of the Numbers, freed from the Areas and now simply Britannian citizens, filling his ears as his mind raced. He wasn't a killer. Lelouch could be, if needed, Marianne certainly could have been. But he wasn't. He could wait, just be patient and let someone know what Genbu had done.

_She wasn't in any of the sections we targeted_

Surely there would be justice then. Surely Suzaku's word would be enough.

_any of the sections we targeted_

Surely no one would decide that decisions made in wartime were exceptions, that Genbu had served loyally and steadfastly, and that a misjudgement wasn't anything balanced against all the good he had done. Surely the chaos that allowed looting and violence to run rampant, even now, while the victors were trying to build up an organized police force with oversight wouldn't stop the investigation into Genbu's wrongdoings.

_sections we targeted_

Surely no one would tell Suzaku he was imagining things. Or paranoid. Or being played as Schneizel's pawn. Or manipulating facts for his own ends.

_**we** _ _targeted_

"You know what to do," Schneizel said simply, offering a ceremonial sword to Suzaku as Genbu and Kusakabe took their seats. "Good luck."

Suzaku nodded, still numb. Charles was sitting in a mockery of his old throne, stripped down to rags, but wearing his impressive wig. It looked clownish on him without the other royal finery.

As Suzaku got closer, he could see that Charles was tied, his arms to the armrests, his ankles to the chair legs, his waist to the back of the chair. The chair itself was anchored to the rock it sat upon. The only part of his body he could move was his head, which he raised to look Suzaku in the eye.

Suzaku unsheathed the sword and approached the makeshift 'throne'. Charles had orchestrated all of this. He'd sent his children to their deaths, one after another. Nunnally, Lelouch, Cornelia, Euphy… they lived or died at his whim. He'd enslaved most of the people under his rule, and made their lives unbearable. His actions had led to everything that had happened, no matter how much he wanted to lay the blame at Lelouch's feet.

But he hadn't had anything to do with Nunnally's death.

Suzaku looked up, into the audience, at Lelouch. He was sitting beside Schneizel, just in front of and to the side of Genbu, and his eyes were dull. There was no hatred there, and no love. As Lelouch looked at Suzaku and his father, it was as if he was looking at strangers.

Watching his father die here, like this, wouldn't help him. And who was Suzaku doing this for, if not Lelouch?

"I do know what to do," Suzaku murmured.

Charles's lips lifted in a smirk that mirrored Lelouch's uncannily. In that moment, Suzaku had no doubt they were father and son. "Then do it," Charles challenged him.

Suzaku nodded, brandishing the sword, raising it for everyone to see.

The cheers were almost deafening, and still, Lelouch didn't react.

And then Suzaku flipped the sword around, quickly getting a feel for its balance and heft, and shot it like a dagger straight through Genbu's left eye.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

He had no idea what happened next. Kallen and Gino told him about it later, while also filling in how they'd escaped from the Pendragon soldiers (Gino had been shot and Kallen covered him as they tried to lead the guards away from Kaguya's hideout. Only Lelouch getting the other guard to call them back saved them from being captured or killed, something that Suzaku decided to use to get Lelouch out of his depression and self-blaming mental spirals if he fell deeper into them) and been caught up in the final surge, led by Schneizel, into Pendragon's heart.

After that, they had both been kept away from the power center, interrogated for their 'defection' after Senba's death but more investigated as if there were concerns that Lelouch had exerted undue influence over them. Until Charles's execution, they'd been kept out of the limelight, despite the stories of their heroics quickly turning into myths alongside Zero's legends.

They had been well placed, seated near Schneizel and Genbu, in a place of honour, but clearly below the ad-hoc leaders of Britannia. From where they were sitting, they had a very clear view of everything that happened from the point Suzaku killed Genbu to the aftermath.

After two of Genbu's men grabbed him and dragged him away, there was chaos and confusion. According to Kallen, Charles started laughing, and according to Gino, his booming voice rang out over the screams and shouts of the crowd.

Schneizel tried to calm everything down, distracted just enough so that Lelouch could get to his gun.

Or so _everyone_ claimed. Part of Suzaku wondered if Schneizel had let his brother have it, knowing that whatever Lelouch planned to do with it, whoever he planned to shoot, including himself, would work out well for Schneizel.

Sayoko saw it, just a second too late. Lelouch's aim wasn't brilliant, but even he could hit a stationary target the size of his father from the relatively close distance he sat from him.

In fact, he could apparently hit him nine times, emptying the gun into his father's head and chest and neck and left leg. Not a single bullet had gone stray.

By this time, Suzaku had been chained, and was in the middle of being beaten unconscious.

Again, everyone agreed that it was Kanon who had saved him, arriving in time with enough guards to stop the beating. Suzaku's pride had a little trouble believing that, but everyone else insisted.

By the time the crowds were calmed, Genbu was dead, Charles was dead, and Kusakabe had been taken in as a 'witness' for 'questioning'.

No one knew what 'questioning' entailed, only that at the end of it, both Genbu and Kusakabe's parts in the attack on Area 0 and the deaths of the civilians had been revealed.

After that, there was no one in the way between Schneizel and the seat of power.

Except Lelouch.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"We're going home."

Lelouch looked up, and Suzaku felt his heart start beating again. "Home?"

It was just one syllable, but it _sounded_ like Lelouch again. "Yeah, home."

"Area 11?"

Suzaku shook his head. "There's nothing there for us now." He sat on the bed beside Lelouch, threading his fingers through Lelouch's. "Our houses are gone, did I tell you?"

Lelouch didn't give a bitter laugh, like he would have before the war, but his hand tightened on Suzaku's. "You did not. But it seems… appropriate."

"Mhmm," Suzaku wordlessly agreed. "I've never really had a home, Lelouch. That year with you, it was the closest I've ever come. But you have."

"With Nunnally and mother," Lelouch said, and the fact that he could talk about them at all spoke to how much progress he'd made.

Suzaku nodded. "Yeah, but that's not all." He tipped Lelouch's head up, until he could look into Lelouch's eyes. "My home is wherever you are, Lelouch. And I want your home to be with me."

"Suzaku." Lelouch leaned in and kissed him, the first contact he'd initiated since the death of his mother. Suzaku kept it gentle, and tried not to rejoice in it too much.

"So let's go."

The high school Lelouch had gone to in Pendragon had been renamed the "Ashford Academy", with Milly's father running it. He'd had a small heart attack in Area 0 during the war, and no longer felt up to running an Area or the equivalent. A school, however, was more his pace.

The housing around the school had become student housing. Lelouch and Suzaku moved into the room Lelouch had lived in during the year he'd lost his memories, and both of them were surprised to find it unchanged after the war and subsequent looting.

"This is where you slept?" Suzaku asked, pleased with the double bed.

Lelouch nodded. "I'd think about you… about Zero… and…"

Suzaku wrapped his arms loosely around Lelouch, careful not to make him feel trapped. "You don't have to just think about it any more." He leaned in and Lelouch tilted his head, allowing Suzaku to kiss him. Suzaku was careful with him, gently laying Lelouch on his back, untucking his shirt and sliding a hand over Lelouch's abdomen as Suzaku settled between Lelouch's legs. The skin was smooth and soft, unmarked and unscarred from any of the battles he'd fought, from all of the losses he'd suffered.

Physically, Lelouch was just as perfect as he'd been on the day they'd met.

Lelouch slid back, accommodating Suzaku and hooking his legs over Suzaku's hips. It was a position they'd been in dozens, maybe even hundreds of times before, and it felt as natural as breathing for both of them. Almost instinctively, Suzaku slid into place, stopping just short of pressing Lelouch into the bed as he usually would, sensitive to Lelouch's delicacy. For his part, Lelouch didn't seem to mind, didn't even really seem to notice, as he kissed Suzaku with his eyes closed and his hands trembling lightly against the back of Suzaku's neck.

He seemed almost skittish, more so even than the first few times they'd been together. Maybe because this was his dorm, because when he'd been here, he'd thought himself a curious virgin, experiencing the blush of lust for the first time. Suzaku smiled; Lelouch had been his first. Maybe this was a chance to be Lelouch's, in a way.

At least he knew enough of what Lelouch liked to make this good for him. They could start out gentle, slow, and then… Suzaku broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against Lelouch's, taking a moment to just breathe with him as their noses brushed. "Lelouch."

Lelouch swallowed hard, and his tongue darted out, nervously tracing over his swollen lips before retreating back past his parted lips. Suzaku took the opportunity to kiss him again, lightly, before turning his attention to Lelouch's chin and jaw, kissing his way up his cheek until…

He paused as a new texture and flavour graced his tongue. Slick, salty, wet… Suzaku blinked and pulled back. "Lelouch?"

Beneath him, Lelouch gave a full body shiver and turned away. "It… it's okay, Suzaku. I don't even know why… I'm fine. Really. Keep going."

"I can't," Suzaku said, horrified that Lelouch would ever think that he _could_. "You're not fine, you're crying."

"I know, I can't stop, I just…" Lelouch arched up and kissed Suzaku, hard and emotionless. "I can do this for you, I promise, Suzaku. I can still be good, I can still–"

"Stop it, Lelouch!" Suzaku hadn't raised his voice to Lelouch since before Lelouch had used his _geass_ on him. Lelouch flinched away, hurt surprised flickering over his face before his expression melted into a mask of indifference. Suzaku sighed. "I love you. I'm not going to leave you, ever, no matter what. You don't _have_ to do this, and you certainly don't have to do this _now_." He moved until he was lying behind Lelouch, spooning him with one hand under Lelouch's shirt, resting on his stomach. "Is this okay?" Lelouch nodded. "Don't just say yes; tell me the truth. Is this okay?"

Lelouch hesitated, then stretched, pressing his back more firmly against Suzaku's, and hooked one leg over Suzaku's, entwining their legs in a position that Suzaku remembered as being comfortable at first, and then painful when the leg sandwiched between Lelouch's fell asleep. But then Lelouch placed his hand over Suzaku's hand on his stomach, lacing their fingers together, and Suzaku had no complaints whatsoever.

"This is okay," Lelouch said, his voice thick with an emotion Suzaku couldn't identify.

Suzaku just nodded. "Okay." He could smell Lelouch's hair and feel his warmth, and every time Lelouch breathed, Suzaku's hand moved with him. It was soothing, enough that Suzaku closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

"Wha'bout blankets?" Lelouch murmured, sounding more than half asleep himself a few minutes later. Suzaku just grunted and nestled closer to Lelouch, unwilling to move for anything more than a genuine threat to either of their lives.

Apparently, Lelouch agreed, because the next thing Suzaku knew he was blinking at the sunlight streaming in from the half-open window, in the same position he'd fallen asleep in the night before, Lelouch lying silent and peaceful, without a trace of a nightmare, nestled in his arms.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

It wasn't that straightforward.

Lelouch wasn't cured overnight by snuggling and Suzaku's restraint. As they slowly started to live their lives together again, Suzaku noticed that Lelouch would often drift off in the middle of a job, stopping whatever he was doing and staring at a random point as his mind went elsewhere. Escaping, ruminating, dwelling, torturing himself; Suzaku was never sure what he was doing, but it happened at least once a day at first, and often several times.

This wasn't a problem if Lelouch was in the middle of sweeping or dusting, but he had placed himself in charge of cooking as well, and Suzaku had twice had to save burning food from becoming a safety hazard rather than just a ruined meal. He was worried that an accident would do what the Hunger Games and civil war hadn't, but he couldn't just tell Lelouch that he wasn't allowed to cook anymore.

For one thing, when Lelouch actually managed to finish a meal, he was a much better cook than Suzaku. For another, the insult and injury to Lelouch's pride would doubtless set his progress back.

And he _was_ making progress. The nightmares were less frequent, although no less severe, and Lelouch was starting to initiate conversation and even intimacy. He'd actually kissed Suzaku's cheek as he served him breakfast that morning. He hadn't done that for… a very long time.

But then he'd gone to fetch his own plate, and Suzaku had to follow after him when he hadn't come back within five minutes, caught up in whatever his mind did when he stood and stared off into space.

"Maybe we need help," Suzaku admitted once Lelouch was eating.

Lelouch shrugged listlessly. "What good would it do? And who would help us?" He raised his eyes from his plate, and Suzaku could see how tired he was, how worn. "I'm trying, Suzaku. I promise I am."

"I know, love." Suzaku worried at his lower lip. "Maybe Schneizel could help us find someone. He's basically in charge since Genbu's fall, so he'd have quite a bit of pull."

Lelouch's eyes sharpened suddenly, and Suzaku was struck by how vivid the purple was when Lelouch actually managed to focus on him. "He is, is he?"

"Yeah, so maybe…" But Lelouch had turned away again, back to his meal, and Suzaku trailed off, feeling dismissed.

But Lelouch didn't drift off again for the rest of the day.

His nightmares, however, came back that night, just as violent as ever.

Still, that seemed to be a turning point. No matter how miserable Lelouch's sleep was, he seemed to have more energy after that, finishing his chores with the efficiency he used to have, then spending time scribbling down notes on pieces of paper.

Suzaku occasionally stole glances at whatever Lelouch was working on, unsurprised to see they were nothing but meaningless gibberish to him.

When it was important, Lelouch had always used mental codes.

Or he was still crazy, just more proactive about it.

Either way, Suzaku was willing to accept it. Their dorm room became a small but workable home, stocked with simple ingredients for wholesome meals. They had a small green space outside and Suzaku managed to gather seeds and seedlings and coax a small, late, garden from the ground, with flowers and vegetables and even some strawberry plants that likely wouldn't have any berries until next year.

It felt like an investment, a promise that he and Lelouch were making, to be together as long as they had a home and something to look forward to.

Which was why, with less than a week before school was supposed to begin for both of them, he was surprised by Lelouch turning to him after supper and demanding that they visit Schneizel the next day.

"Are you sure he'll see us?" Suzaku asked.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow in a saucy expression Suzaku had missed dearly. "It would be far too risky for him not to. We're unknown variables, possible players who have been off the field for so long that we're unpredictable. He'll see us."

He sounded certain, focused, which was a definite improvement from the usual listlessness. Even the way he moved as he cleared the table spoke of purpose and intent, rather than just going through the motions. He and Suzaku didn't talk as they washed dishes together, but once he'd dried the last plate, Suzaku knew that he'd do almost anything to keep this Lelouch, the one he remembered falling in love with, healthy and sane and in his life.

"Should we pack anything, or were you just planning on a day trip to see him and back?"

Lelouch looked at him and smiled, not a brightly surprised smile, but a smugly self-assured smile, the one he used to wear when Suzaku gave in to his demands, whether through logic or coercion.

Suzaku had missed that smile.

The dirty, soapy water from the dishes splashed against the floor and soaked into Suzaku's shirt as Lelouch grabbed him, holding him still and kissing him with an almost alarming sudden passion. Suzaku made a muffled sound of not-quite-protest as Lelouch pushed him against a kitchen counter and pressed against him, only releasing Suzaku's shirt once he was assured that his hips were pinning Suzaku in place.

It would have been the work of moments for Suzaku to escape. He really didn't want to.

Especially when Lelouch's hands, now free of their task of holding Suzaku still, moved immediately to the front of Suzaku's pants, deftly unzipping them and then sliding inside his underwear, searching for skin-on-skin contact. This wasn't abnormally fast for them, they'd managed quicker handjobs, even racing to see who could finish first and quietest when Marianne and Nunnally had been in the house with them, but considering how the only contact they'd shared in the past few months had been spooning and kisses, Suzaku felt that maybe slowing down wouldn't be a bad idea.

Unfortunately, his body had other opinions. The breath he took to tell Lelouch to cool things a bit was spent in a strangled moan as Lelouch's hand wrapped around his cock, moving exactly how Suzaku remembered it, exactly how Suzaku loved to be touched. He couldn't help but arch into Lelouch's hand, his head falling back to expose his neck as he tried desperately to fill his lungs through a throat tightened with lust and needs and utter pleasure. Lelouch latched onto that neck, sucking hard and vicious, and just short of painful as he jerked Suzaku off. Normally, it would have taken more to make Suzaku lose control, but it had been a long time, and Lelouch was never this aggressive sexually, and mostly Suzaku just _wanted_ to.

He did manage not to scream out his orgasm, maintaining what scraps of dignity he could by clenching his teeth and grunting instead of whining as he came over Lelouch's hand and both their shirts and pants. He could feel the puff of air against his throat as Lelouch laughed softly, either in mockery or satisfaction and Suzaku didn't care which. It felt so good to have this back, even if it was only for a little while, even if Suzaku might have to go months again without it.

But he didn't want to think about that. He reached for Lelouch, determined to return the favour, but Lelouch moved away, just fast enough that Suzaku's post-coital dulled senses weren't quite fast enough to catch him.

For a moment, Suzaku was afraid something had gone wrong, that he'd lost Lelouch already. But then Lelouch looked at him and held out his hand.

"Bed."

Suzaku grinned and took the hand. "As you wish."

Apparently, Lelouch wasn't done with being controlling. The moment they reached the bedside, he pushed Suzaku down, tugging off his pants until Suzaku was naked from the waist down and his shirt was wet and sticky from the dishwater and the remains of his own orgasm.

He must have looked a wreck, but Lelouch leaned back for a long moment and just stared, with a look of pure appreciative hunger, at Suzaku splayed out for him.

Having Lelouch look at him like that had been an unrealized fantasy of Suzaku's for a long time. He'd always had a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that Lelouch might have stayed with him out of convenience, or for safety's sake, or because Suzaku was the least awful thing that had happened to him. Lelouch had always insisted he'd wanted him, but it was nice to see proof of that, unveiled in Lelouch's open expression, too far gone for lies or deceit.

Suzaku basked in it a little, spreading his legs out and canting his hips as he bit his lower lip. Lelouch's eyes widened at the show and flew up to meet Suzaku's, searching frantically for something in Suzaku's expression.

Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it, because in the next moment he was throwing himself on Suzaku, hands everywhere, lips and teeth kissing and nipping and sucking at whatever skin they could find. Suzaku mirrored him as best he could, untucking Lelouch's shirt and getting at that soft skin, tugging up and up and eventually breaking a rather breathtaking kiss to yank the shirt over Lelouch's head and toss it aside. Lelouch's head turned to follow it, then snapped back to Suzaku, a determined expression on his face.

"I want you."

"You got me, Lelouch," Suzaku said, grinning like a fool. "I'm all yours."

"No, I…" Lelouch frowned, frustrated, and then turned away to fumble at the bedside drawer, taking out a bottle of lube and coating his fingers before sliding his hand between Suzaku's legs. "I _want_ you."

Oh. _Oh_. Suzaku was surprised, actually, at how unsurprised and unhesitant he was. "Then take me."

"Suzaku, I–"

"Fuck me, Lelouch." Suzaku wanted this. He wanted this without even knowing it since before their second Hunger Games, when Lelouch had been terrified and furious with him at the stunt he'd pulled with the gamemakers. For a moment, then, Suzaku had thought that maybe…

But no. Lelouch had just worked Suzaku up again and rode him, still in control, but that moment of uncertainty had clearly left its mark on Suzaku. The thought of Lelouch taking him, rather than being scary or new, was exciting and relieving, like scratching an itch and opening a present all at once. Suzaku wanted it and, even more, he wanted _Lelouch_ to want it.

And he _did_. He had hesitated, as if unsure, but at Suzaku's demand for Lelouch to fuck him Lelouch's eyes had gone hard and hungry, and his fingers pressed against Suzaku's ass, smearing lube over his butt-cheeks and making Suzaku clench at the strange pressure.

If there was one thing Suzaku regretted, it was not trying this himself, to make it easier on Lelouch.

Lelouch, however, was endlessly patient, despite having gotten Suzaku off while getting nothing for himself. "Just relax, Suzaku. It's weird at first, but I know how to make it good."

He did. He must; for all Suzaku's virgin fumblings when they'd first gotten together, Lelouch had always taken pleasure in their couplings. That couldn't have been just dumb luck and good instincts on Suzaku's part, surely.

Suzaku managed to relax, although the excitement was making that rather difficult. It was _work_ , bottoming! He laughed a little at the thought, and Lelouch's finger slid in to the second knuckle, smooth and easy.

It did feel weird. Suzaku wanted to ask if it had felt weird to Lelouch, but Lelouch cut him off with a kiss. "You're doing very well. Now, to keep my promise…" Suzaku felt the added stretch as Lelouch's finger curved, making a sweeping search inside him, pressing and…

" _Oh_ …"

Lelouch smirked. "I see." He looked so insufferably proud of himself that Suzaku didn't want to tell him that he'd been more surprised than anything else. It didn't feel bad, or at least no worse than anything else, but he'd teased Lelouch like this before and it made Lelouch _writhe_.

It just wasn't making that much of an impression on Suzaku. He shifted under Lelouch, trying to be encouraging. "More…"

Lelouch slid another finger in, and Suzaku bit his lower hip to muffle his moan. Of disappointment. This wasn't working.

It didn't hurt, but it was… uncomfortable was the kindest word Suzaku could use. He spread his legs wider, until he felt his thighs burn, and decided to get it over with. He reached down and gently pulled Lelouch's hand away, smiling up at Lelouch's suddenly hesitant expression. "I'm ready." As ready as he'd ever be.

At least Lelouch just took him at his word, lining himself up and pushing into Suzaku. Suzaku focused on breathing and relaxing and making everything as easy as possible. Lelouch slid home inside him with a soft squishing sound and stopped, his arms shaking as he waited for a sign from Suzaku to move.

For a brief moment, Suzaku just let himself feel Lelouch inside him, the burning stretch and pressure of Lelouch's cock sitting inside his body. It felt okay, tolerable, but the thought that he and Lelouch were connected like this, like the mirror image of all the times they'd been connected with Suzaku's cock inside Lelouch, was kind of nice.

This time, the smile Suzaku directed at Lelouch was genuine. "You can move."

And Lelouch did, thrusting awkwardly, unable to find a rhythm or regular depth, occasionally stimulating that strange place inside Suzaku that sent odd tingles throughout his body, more often not. It was clumsy and noisy and _weird_ , but Lelouch's mouth was open as he gasped, his eyes closed and tightening just a little at the apex of every thrust, his nostrils flaring as he pulled out to thrust again, as if to catch Suzaku's scent. A little drool escaped out of the corner of Lelouch's mouth, and his face flushed deeply with exertion, turning tomato red. He looked nothing like the lovely vision he presented when splayed out under Suzaku's ministrations, instead, he looked more real, and lost in the sensations of what he was experiencing, too far gone to control how he looked.

It happened sometimes when he was riding Suzaku, or when he was especially eager to arch into Suzaku's thrusts, losing himself in the moment and forgetting to put on a mask.

He always looked ridiculous and beautiful when he did that.

Suzaku felt his own body start to respond, unable to resist the appeal of a joyous Lelouch. He reached up and pulled Lelouch down to kiss him, groaning as that changed the angles of Lelouch's thrusts and put more pressure on his anus than before.

Lelouch moaned in return, redoubling he efforts and snapping his hips in fast little thrusts, getting the most out of the least work. Suzaku chuckled and wrapped his legs around Lelouch's back, urging him in deeper, loving that Lelouch couldn't resist him.

"Just finish," Suzaku murmured, as Lelouch started trembling. "Don't wait for me, love, just let go."

Lelouch whimpered and shook his head, but his body agreed wholeheartedly with Suzaku's suggestion, and he thrust one last time, quivering, before he collapsed on top of Suzaku, a sweaty, spent mess.

Suzaku was still hard, which was better than when they'd started, but that seemed so unimportant compared to what they'd done. "You okay?"

"Mhmm…" Lelouch nodded against Suzaku's neck, his mouth open over Suzaku's shoulder, leaving a wet spot as he lifted his head. "You?"

Suzaku shrugged. "I'm not the one confronting my brother tomorrow."

Lelouch sighed and rested his head on Suzaku's shoulder, shifting his cock out of Suzaku to lie beside him. "True. That'll be…" He trailed off as something caught his attention. "Would you like a hand with that?"

"Hmm? Oh." Suzaku grinned as Lelouch gestured at his erection. "Yes, please."

Lelouch pursed his lips thoughtfully, then slid down the bed, until his head was at the level of Suzaku's groin. Suzaku's grin faded as he breathed out in anticipation. " _So_ worth it."

Those were the last words either of them said that night.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"Lelouch, what an absolute pleasure!" Kanon's smile didn't reach his eyes. "And Suzaku, of course. What brings the two of you here today?"

"We're here to see Schneizel," Suzaku said firmly. They'd talked it over in the early hours of the morning, just before the sun rose when neither of them could sleep. Lelouch would save himself for Schneizel, Suzaku would deal with everything else.

Kanon's fake smile turned into fake pity. "I'm afraid that's impossible. He has a very full slate today, and can't–"

"He's refusing safe passage for Numbers who want to leave their Area," Lelouch said suddenly.

Suzaku frowned; when had Lelouch been paying that close attention to anything outside himself? Until a few days ago, Lelouch had barely noticed _him_.

Kanon looked taken aback too, although he instantly covered it up with another insincere smile. "Ruling such a vast and diverse land is complicated. Compromises must be made…"

" _Ruling_ ," Lelouch repeated, the word practically dripping with disdain. "Not 'administering'? Not 'governing'? Interesting choice of words, _Kanon_."

"You can't–" Kanon started saying, but Lelouch looked like he'd had enough.

"Suzaku."

There was no active _geass_ on Suzaku, but just hearing his name in that tone of voice was enough. Suzaku crossed the room in two steps, disarmed Kanon of the knife he'd just drawn, and pinned him to the desk in three quick, sharp moves.

Kanon tried to say something else, but his face was smushed into the desktop, and it came out muffled.

Lelouch moved past them, to Schneizel's office, and turned the handle. The door was unlocked.

He looked over at Suzaku who cocked his head questioningly. Lelouch looked thoughtful for a short moment, then gestured with his head for Suzaku to follow him with Kanon. Suzaku nodded and yanked Kanon up by his hair, shoving him into Schneizel's office behind Lelouch.

Schneizel looked unsurprised. "I told Kanon I was busy."

"He imparted that message," Lelouch said easily, placing himself in front of Schneizel's desk, looking down on his seated brother. "Suzaku and I decided to overrule it."

"Now, Lelouch, you must know that you can't just–"

"You're forcing the Pendragon citizens to spread out into randomly assigned Areas, to work the land."

Schneizel shrugged. "As they forced the Numbers to. What's the problem?"

"You're breaking up families and enslaving people in the name of justice. But it isn't. It's _fair_ , but it's not just."

Kanon snorted. "Semantics."

Lelouch turned to him. "I assure you, Kanon, the proper use of words is a weapon like any other." It was Suzaku's turn to snort; with Lelouch's _geass_ power, the proper use of words was a power _unlike_ any other.

"You've also forbidden most Tens from leaving their farms."

"We need food," Schneizel said, calmly.

"Badly enough to continue forcing people to provide it for you?" Lelouch asked.

Schneizel sighed. "And what's the alternative, Lelouch? Letting people starve?"

"People aren't idiots, Schneizel. Perhaps there will be a few lean years while we reallocate resources more fairly, more evenly, but needs will be met, eventually. We're changing an entire culture, it's meant to be rocky."

"It's my duty to smooth things as much as possible," Schneizel protested. "If I don't…"

"People aren't idiots, Schneizel," Lelouch repeated. "You might keep power for a year or even ten, wielding as heavy a hand over the people as our father did. But unless you're willing to go to the lengths he was, you will be overthrown in a matter of years, not decades, and remembered as a tyrant rather than a liberator."

"It's not that simple. You're being naïve."

Lelouch shook his head. "No. Having faith in the people I fought for, the people I killed for, the people for whom my sister died, is _not_ being naïve. You're not a god, Schneizel. You're not even a king." Lelouch leaned forward, palms on Schneizel's desk, maintaining firm eye contact. "You're a servant of the people, and you work for them, for their betterment. You need to give them choices, to advise them and let them make their own decisions. Tell the farmers of Area 10 that they won't be worked as they once were, that they own the land now and will profit from what they grow. Tell the people of Pendragon that they must be of use or they will be destitute. Tell the world of your vision and let those who follow you prosper, and those who turn away suffer the consequences of being short-sighted."

There was an energy in the room, a tenseness to the air. Two wills clashing; Schneizel in his seat of power, Lelouch backed by the power of _geass_.

"Be a leader, not a slave-master," Lelouch continued, his voice dropping seductively. "If you're right then you look wise and beneficent. If you're wrong, then at least you won't have forced others down the wrong path." He smiled. "With me at your side, with Zero backing you up, you'll win over hearts and minds, which is so much more useful than corralling bodies and breeding resentment."

Schneizel stood up, slowly, and held out his hand. "I always did want you by my side."

Lelouch smiled and took the hand offered him, shaking it firmly. "Schneizel, I promise that I won't let you out of my sight for more than a day."

Suzaku breathed out. It might be temporary, Lelouch might need to renew his _geass_ daily, they might have just trapped themselves here, but they were together, doing something useful.

Lelouch was alive and awake again. Suzaku was by his side and in his bed and his heart. Britannia was healing from civil war.

And the future looked nothing but promising.


End file.
